Chapter 4

It was a nightmare. As much as I tried to stay away from her, I kept seeing her face in the crowds around me. Most of the time, I managed to avoid being seen myself. She called my name a couple of times, but I affected not to hear her and carried on walking.

It had been over a week since our first meeting; I'd closed the account from which I'd been making the payments and set in motion the process for opening another account, this one would be offshore and truly untraceable. I had a month or so before my self-imposed schedule of payments had to continue.

For only the second time in my life, I had been trapped by events, and each time Jenny was the epicentre from which the shocks and aftershocks emanated. The problem was that I already knew who was making the payments. I realised that I'd stymied myself by closing the account. Had I left it open, I would have hit the first of several cut-offs. Now that I had closed the account, it showed that someone, i.e. me, must have known that an investigation was happening, though that was known by only three people, one of which was Jenny. Shit!

I was deep in thought as I tried to fathom a way out of the mire into which I'd put myself when I almost walked into Jenny. I turned to walk away, congratulating myself on a narrow escape, when I heard running footsteps.

"No you don't. Andy."

I turned at the sound of my name, caught out by this simple trick, because my mind was elsewhere.

"You're not avoiding me this time. I asked Kate why you were avoiding me, but she wouldn't tell me. She said I had to ask you. Of course, you kept running away from me so I couldn't. And you never come to the coffee shop any more and you used to come in most days. Why, Andy?"

I could see that I was trapped. Again. I debated whether to feed her the story that I told Kate. I had nothing else to tell her that would make the slightest sense but standing on a street corner was not the place to do it. There was a café nearby that had booths inside. I decided that I would take her there and see if I could mollify her a little.

"I can't tell you here. Can I take you for a coffee or something? There's a little place called Gino's just around the corner."

"I know it. Come on."

She stuck her arm through mine and dragged me off towards the café. Reluctantly I allowed myself to be pulled along. She seemed completely different from the last time I'd seen her. I remarked on this.

"Oh, it's just you. I'm not normally like this, but you make me feel safe. That's why I'm not going to let you go without a fight."

"Oh." What else could I say? Things were going from bad to worse. When she found out what I'd done to her, the let down would be catastrophic. I had to nip this in the bud.

"Jenny there's something you should know about me."

"No, there isn't. Kate told me that you would try to make out that you're gay, but you aren't."

Thank you Kate! My standard 'brush off line' having been negated, that left me in a quandary. I was still thinking in ever decreasing circles when we arrived at the café. I waved in absent recognition of the greeting that Alfred shouted at me over the hiss of the steam from the coffee machine. At this time of the day, the place was virtually empty and we had our pick of booths. I chose the one that had the most legroom. It was a standing joke amongst the regular patrons that you had to be a midget to sit in the booths. But no one minded really, as the coffee was good and the food excellent.

Before I could say anything Alfred - Alfredo really - came over with my usual coffee and enquired what Jenny would like.

"You'll have to make sure you give her your best, Alfredo. Not the slop that you give me, she works at Starbucks!"

Jenny looked horrified at my words, then she relaxed as she realised that I was joking. Alfred puffed up his chest, gave me his best glare and extravagantly kissed Jenny's hand.

"Ignore this, this... Englishman who has no taste in coffee and let me surprise you with the very best Espresso in the city."

Jenny giggled at the choice of epithet and thanked him. Alfred walked away muttering imprecations in Italian. My Italian is virtually non-existent, but I gathered that he thought that it was unfair that an uptight Englishman got all the pretty girls, while a virile Italian stallion like him was left alone and unloved. I decided to prick his bubble a little bit.

"Give Maria my love when you see her, Alfred."

Alfred turned and grinned at me, "okay you make your point well, Englishman. I will tell her you said 'Hello' and then we will discuss your latest conquest. Let's hope this one lasts longer than the last one hey?"

"She's not..." My words were drowned out by a particularly noisy burst of steam. I shrugged defeated. I apologised to Jenny. "Sorry about that, he assumes that every woman I bring here is a liaison. He's just a romantic at heart."

"That's okay, I rather like the thought myself."

Shit. This couldn't carry on. I couldn't see her devastated again. The memory of her lifeless body came to me unbidden and I felt tears brimming in my eyes. I dashed them away angrily.

"What's wrong?"

"You remind me of a girl I tried to help and failed. I just remembered the way she was when I found her."

"What happened?"

"I was so pleased with myself. I'd pulled her out of a truly rotten situation with an abusive boyfriend, made sure she was safe. Got her friends around her, all the physical things. I was sure that she was going to be all right. And then I found her after she'd taken a massive overdose." I slumped back and let the tears flow. Christ I was shameless. Oh well, set against the truly awful things that I'd done to her more than a decade ago it was just a pinprick, but it seemed like I'd wronged her again. I wiped my face and tried not to meet her eyes.

"Sorry, it's just that you look like her and she was called Jenny too."

"Shit, Andy, I'm so sorry. If it hurts you too much to see me, I'll quit bugging you. But it must have been a long time ago, you should have started to get over it by now."

"It still seems like yesterday, but you're right I ought to be getting past it."

"Perhaps if you can help me, it'll make you feel better?"

"Maybe. Look I have to go. I'll pay Alfred on the way out. Stay and drink the coffee it really is good. Can I arrange to meet you next week? I'll have something concrete by then I'm sure. I'll call Kate and tell her when and where and she'll tell you."

Before she could respond I slid out of the booth. I left money on the counter for our coffees and almost ran out of the café, I was safe for another week or so.

.oOo.

The sun was shining and the day was unseasonably warm. Cotton wool clouds dotted the sky and, all in all, it was a beautiful day. I wondered why I felt like shit. Okay, I knew why I felt like shit, I wondered why me, why now? I knew the answer to that one too: my karma was still recovering from the awful dent that it had taken one fateful night over a decade ago. I slipped through the pedestrians ambling along with a skill born of long practise as I made my way to a meeting with Jenny and Kate. Somehow I had to convince them that, for once, I wasn't going to be able to perform a miracle.