Story 1: Yana and the Neutron Bomb

Once upon a time, in the days of the now-dissolved Evil Empire, there lived in Moscow a very pretty blonde girl named Yana. She was an exceptionally bright girl and graduated at the top of her class from the People's Collective School #1369. The Government decided she wanted to become an nuclear engineer and sent her to study for the next seven years at the Josef Stalin Institute for Blowing Things Up in T'blisi, Georgia.

In her final year Yana was working on a neutron bomb as her assigned graduation project from the Government, which, as was the case with all institutions and businesses in the Soviet Union, was the true identity of the Josef Stalin Institute for Blowing Things Up in T'blisi, Georgia. One day Yana accidentally dropped her container of neutrons. The lid popped off when the container hit the floor and all the neutrons escaped, leaving her in a panic. She was afraid that she would be brought before the school assembly, stripped naked, skinned alive, burned at the stake, and given an "F" as an example to the other students in the Josef Stalin Institute for Blowing Things Up in T'blisi, Georgia.

But the accident was witnessed only by Batschka, a resident researcher who had graduated the prior year. Batschka quickly took her aside. "Is lucky nobody else saw what happen, Comrade Yana," he said in a quiet, furtive voice. "Fortunately I am knowing solution to problem facing you. I cover for you for week if you uncover for me, tonight, my room. We got deal, da?"

Yana saw no other choice. "Da," she agreed. Besides, she could do a lot worse than Batschka. He was the handsomest young man in the Josef Stalin Institute for Blowing Things Up in T'blisi, Georgia, and his trousers displayed a most interesting bulge of impressive proportions.

That night she lay sweating and moaning under Batschka while he squeezed her medium-sized but exquisitely-proportioned breasts and repeatedly inserted his strategic-sized guided missile into her wet, welcoming missile silo. He whispered in her ear, "Moan louder. Is microphone in ceiling light and in table lamp."

The same places they were hidden her bedroom. She began wailing, "Oh, Comrade Batschka!" and "Please to be fucking me harder!!" and "Oh, Comrade Lenin!!!" while he told her of a famous elderly German physicist with a fondness for beautiful young blonde women with medium- sized but exquisitely-proportioned breasts. "You will be crossing border into Turkey, taking airplane to Frankfurt where everybody knows his name."

She had a question, so he began calling out "Please to keep fucking me, Comrade Yana!" and "Pussy is almost as glorious as October Revolution!!" and "Oh, Comrade Lenin!!!" in a loud voice as she whispered in his ear, "I have money enough for plane fare, but how I get across border with no permits?"