Short Story #22 - © Copyright 1997

IMPORTANT! This program is being narrated. Pick the speaker of your choice - the guy that did The Perils Of Penelope Pureheart, the guy that did the Batman t.v. series, or the guy that did Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous - and have him read it to you. I've got all three under contract, so there's no problem getting one of them to your place. Just let me know what address they should be at and when they should be there. Failing that, you'll just have to make do with the inexperienced Mr. Yobvious.

Welcome back boys and girls. This is your friendly neighbourhood narrator, Patten T. L. Yobvious, with another episode of our favourite damsel in distress, Angelica Ahsmacker, along with her faithful sidekick, Tiny Silvertongue.

In episode 68, we left Angelica and Tiny way up near the top of Peaceful Valley, in an old, abandoned sawmill. Only, they found out the hard way that it wasn't so abandoned anymore. It was, in fact, the secret headquarters of that arch-villainess Venoma Tart. Taken unawares by her band of thugs, they were still making a good accounting of themselves - well, Tiny was making a good accounting of himself and Angelica was screaming quite musically - when Venoma herself threw a serpent's kiss knockout grenade into the middle of the fray.

Poor Angelica woke up to find herself tied hand and foot, face up on top of a log, with her legs secured on either side of it. The log was sitting on top of a conveyor belt. The conveyor belt ran through the middle of a weird mechanical contraption which had lots of weird jointed arms on its sides, then ran under a large circular saw, and then disappeared through a large hole in the far wall. Angelica only had to lift her head to have a perfect view of both the contraption and the saw, framed between her upthrust breasts.

Tiny woke to find his six-foot-four-inch body tied hand and foot and leg and arm and everything else. He was just in time to hear Venoma gloating to Angelica about how she was going to one-up that miserable excuse for an evil scientist Dr. Froiderich Von Dammen, and to see her push a button which started the sawblade turning, the weird contraption vibrating, the weird jointed arms flailing, and the conveyor belt moving.

Then, just as we were cutting away, Venoma pulled up the brief hem of her black dress, plopped down into a chair, spread her legs wide, and started playing with her poisonous pudenda as she laughed villainously at the plight of our poor heroine.

So now, without further delay, I bring to you the next episode, titled "How Sweet It Is", or, "How To Become Twins"!

"Eeeek!" trilled Angelica rather daintily. "Save me!" Her pink print sun dress, ripped and shredded as it was, still managed to cover her modesty. Despite the wriggling, jiggling, bumping, and jostling, the barely recognizable garment stayed firmly in place over her ample breasts and hips. Not once, despite the fact that her legs were revealed right to the buttocks, did even a hint of her white panties show. Not the least bit of coral-coloured areole could be glimpsed through the gashes in her dress.

Incredible, but true.

"Why are you doing this?" cried Tiny, as he looked up into the folds of Venoma's liquid core. Up past that, their fronts barely covered by her sexy black villainess dress, two magnificent, monstrous, mouth-watering milk-makers mocked his helplessness. Even farther up, an evil, yet strangely beautiful face, with a knife-like nose, intense brown eyes, and long, raven-black hair, stared back at him. Even her lips - blood-red, full, and moist - were attractive, despite the evil sneer they displayed.

"Hvy?" she shouted. "You hvant to khnow hvy I'm doink thees?"

"No!" he yelled back. "I want to know why you're doing this!"

"Eeeek! Help me, Tiny!" cried a pretty voice in the background.

"Hvell, I'll chust tell you hanyhvay! Chu see, hmany yearss hago, hven I vas chust a..."

"In English, please," said Tiny. "Remember our viewers."

"Oh, sorry. As I was saying, many years ago when I was just a young lady, Froiderich and I had a very special relationship. He looked so cute in his little leather shorts, with that bald little head of his and those thick glasses that make his beady little eyes seem so big and dreamy, I couldn't help myself. I fell in love with him. Of course, even back then he had this thing about a certain little blonde girl. I tried to get him to notice me. Even after school, in detention, he was always looking out the window to see if that silly little girl was out there. He never paid any attention to me. Never! Nothing I did made any difference!"

"Eeeek! I'm in so much trouble!" yelled Angelica, annoyed that she wasn't the centre of attention.

"I didn't know what to do! You see, back then I wasn't the arch villainess I am today. In fact, I was so cute and lovable, everyone always referred to me as a sweet little thing."

"Oh, no," begged Tiny, "please don't tell me that you..."

"That's right," she gloated. "I was known as Little Miss Sweet Tart."

"Aaaaugh!" cried Tiny, wounded to the core.

"Eeeek" cried Angelica, showing little sympathy for his pain.

"It took me years to lose that reputation. I had to transfer to another school and everything. For the longest time, I remembered how Froiderich spurned me for that other silly girl, and how she never even noticed either of us. And the worst thing is, not once did either of them bring me an apple."

"You don't mean..."

"Correct!" shouted Venoma. "I vass Froiderich's third grade teacher!"

"Eeeek!" shouted Angelica, still annoyed that she wasn't the centre of attention.

"Egad!" shouted Tiny, suddenly realizing that he had a J.I.F.F.* on his hands.

"And khnow," sneered the evil villainess, "eet's time for hrevenge. That seely leetle blonde ghirl vill soon be two seely leetle blonde ghirls. And Dhocktor Froiderich Von Dammen vill khnow vhat I hvent through!"

"But Venoma, Doctor Freaky -- uh, sorry, Doctor Von Dammen has been trying to kill Angelica for years. Why would this get him upset?"

"Hvy? Hyou ask hvy? It's bhecause he vill khnot..."

"In English."

"Sorry. It's because he will not get the pleasure of disposing of that annoying blonde creature himself! He will feel the disappointment! The abandonment! He will know what it's like to be alone! Then, when he's at the lowest point in his life, when he's at his most vulnerable, I, Venoma Tart, will be there. He'll turn to me for comfort. And with my beauty and intelligence, he'll be mine... FOREVER! Ah-hahahahahehehahahohohoohohehehahahaha!"

"Eeeek!" squeaked Angelica, followed a few seconds later by a much shriller and louder "Eeeyikes!"

Tiny took a kvick hlook... uh, sorry. Tiny took a quick look, and saw that Angelica had finally come within the reach of those funny looking mechanical arm things. Somehow, they had managed to remove her pink shoes and pink socks without untying her feet, and they were already prodding, poking, and tickling her all the way from her toes to her knees. And, he saw, the saw blade was still spinning ominously, only a few feet from the end of the log. He also noticed that the conveyor belt seemed to be moving a little slower than it was the last time he glanced over. He shook his head in disgust at the stupidity of all arch-fiends everywhere.

"Now, hyou may hvatch as my hrevenge is consummated! Ah-hahahohohohehaaaaaah... ah... ah... ah... ," gasped Venoma, as her flying fingers finally found her fountain of fun. Drops of thick, red liquid dripped from her portal onto the floor, where they started smoking.

Tiny, trussed like a Thanksgiving turkey, could do little, so he looked around, trying to find the frantically frigging fiend's fatal flaw. He knew there had to be one. There always was.

"OH! MY! GOD!" yelled our heroine at the top of her lungs. With a sudden shrill whine, the saw started cutting into the end of the log. That, however, wasn't what was worrying the wee woman. Those ominous arms were finally removing the last scraps of her scant covering, and were poking and prodding everywhere. Her magnificent mammaries were being dented and deformed. Her perfect, inch-long nipples were being tweaked and twiddled. And worst of all, just below her prim and proper heart-shaped blonde bush, they were trying to penetrate the privacy of her pure pink portal. It was a race between the awful arms of that molestation machine and the terrible teeth of that spinning saw to see which would be the first to delve deep into the defenseless damsel's dampening divinity.

Tiny finally found their foe's folly. On the control panel, right beside Miss Tart, mixed in with lots of little black buttons and dials and blinking lights, were two big red buttons. One was labelled emergency stop, and the other was labelled self-destruct. He groaned in near-mortal pain when he saw them. He also came up with a desperate plan.

With a mighty heave, Tiny managed to rise to his knees, much to Venoma's surprise. She was far more surprised when he, with a series of knee-jumps, managed to plant his face in the junction of her thighs.

The sidekick started licking.

Venoma's eyes popped wide open, along with her mouth.

"Eeeek!" Angelica warbled, rather arousedly.

"OH! MEIN! GOTT!" the evil would-be executionrix cried. "You're tickling my tonsils! I thought you were tiny, Silvertongue!"

"I'm not called Tiny because of my tongue," he mumbled with his mouth full.

Venoma grabbed the arms of her chair with white-knuckled intensity as she tried to resist his skilled torture. Her head rolled back and forth and her legs rose up into a trembling vee. Nothing but panting breaths came out of her mouth.

Despite the pain his mouth and lips were enduring from the caustic cream pouring from that polluted pudenda, Tiny continued with his oral onslaught, wiggling the wild woman's corrupt clitoris with the tip of his titillating tongue before delving deep into the disgusting depths of her drooling duct once again.