Chapter 9

David was already in bed, snoring. He didn't do that unless he had been drinking, so I was grateful that he would sleep, and not want to put "mister happy" through some kind of midnight, out-of-town decathalon. I was spent.

On wobby legs, I unzipped and took off everything. The hotel had put a nice

fluffy bathrobe in the closet, so I wrapped that around me and plopped onto the bed. I let the events of the night swirl slowly around the room, a cyclorama of fresh memories that were almost too out-of-bonds erotic to be believed.

I had asked Vicki earlier, over a dinner, how she had done that, the squirting. I couldn't get over how it had affected me, it was so sudden, unannounced, and somehow so beautiful, to see a woman's excitement surge to the point of gushing liquid, like a man.

And being the unexpecting recipient of her fountaining fluids turned me on wildly. She explained it, and I made mental notes to try it myself.

The cell phone rang.

"Nina... can you talk, please?"

I glanced at David, and headed for the bathroom. "Ok, yes, now I can."

"You said you would call me, and I got worried..." her voice wasn't possessive, but for the first time since I had known her, Danielle sounded scared. I felt a stab of guilt just then. I had hopped a plane, flown a thousand miles away, and had wild sex with a couple I barely knew in their sauna.

"I'm sorry, Danielle. I just needed time to think. I have to sort some things out in my life."

She was silent for a minute. "What does that mean?"

"I mean... I mean that I don't know whether I'm lesbian or bi or hetero or what the hell, and I care for you and I want to be with you, but there all these risks, and dangers that I never even thought about--"

"I told you Marisol is out of the picture, Nina, she and I--"

"It just has all gone so fast, Danielle. I fell into your world, you didn't fall into mine. I've got all this hiding I have to do... lying, sneaking around... it's... it's not... working."

"Do you want it to work?"

What a harsh question, I thought. "If you're asking me if I love you and want to be with you, of course I do. I'm just scared. I'm scared of losing David, even though he's just a dumbass some times, I... I'm scared of my own reflection in the mirror, I'm scared of Marisol, and I'm scared of losing... of losing..."

"Of losing beautiful Nina-land," she completed the sentence for me.

"I'm not that shallow," I shot back.

"I didn't call you shallow, I'm just saying you have a comfort zone, Nina. It would be hard for anyone to give that up. I'm saying I understand."

Tears had overtaken me by this point.

"Give me..." I hiccuped, "a little time, ok? I cannot see you right now. I can't."

"'Kay," she said quietly, and I could tell that her tears had claimed her as well. "If you need me, you know where I am... call, ok?"

"Yes," I said, sighing deeply into the phone.

Before I could hang up, a second call came in, flashing dutifully on the screen. "Gotta go," I whispered to Danielle.

"Bye, princess."

Don't call me that, damn you, I thought. God I loved it when she called me that.

"Bye." I punched the button to accept the second call, which said, "Jan"

"So, this is how you keep me posted daily?" She scolded. "I haven't heard from you since we talked two days ago."

"Ohhh, Jan, I'm sorry. David had to pick up and go to Minnesota last minute, and wanted me along as arm candy. You know."

"So you're in Minnesota?"

"Yeah. Fun, huh?"

"You've been crying."

Dammit, best friends could be a pain in the ass.

"Sniffly. It's cold up here at night."

"Liar," she muttered. "So have you talked to her at all?"

"I just got off the phone with her."

"It's cold up here at night," she mocked me, sniffling dramatically.

"Okay, okay."

"And?"

"I pretty much told her I needed time to think and sort things out. I told her I couldn't see her right now, Jan."

"I know that was hard to do," she said, her voice full of praise and approval.

"Yes, it was." Of course, having a wild, squirting threesome in my husband's partner's sauna kind of takes the edge off, I was tempted to say. Oh, god, I could not tell her about that. She would disown me forever.

"You actually sound like you're doing ok, though. Like you're going to be able to get through it, Nina."

My thoughts drifted to Vicki's sauna. Brad cumming on my back, her cumming on my face, the steam swirling around us, their wild "slutty lez wife" fantasy...

"You with me?" Jan said, bringing me back.

"Sorry, just tired."

"Listen," Jan said, "you make love to David before you leave the hotel. Then make love to him when you come back. And I want to come over tomorrow and we are going to take out your wedding pictures and look at them."

"Whatever for?"

"Girl, you need to immerse yourself in heterosexual life."

I laughed. "Sounds like some kind of three-day workshop, Doctor Jan."

"Don't make fun. You know what I mean. You need reminders of who you are, and how you got be Nina Cutler."

I sighed. My butt was falling asleep sitting on this toilet so long. Why was I? They had a nice little vanity seat in here with a cushion I got up and sat on it. Oh shit, there was a mirror in front of me. Not now, I thought, turning around and facing the shower.

"I suppose you're right."

"I know I am. Call me when you get back. We're gonna get together."

"Ok," I said compliantly.

"Don't forget this time, or I'll knock you around worse than that dyke did."

"Gee, what a friend."

We shared a giggle, and it felt good to laugh. She was right, I had to put Danielle, even Vicki, in my rear view mirror. If I could.

The next afternoon, I spent a half day at the spa. I seemed like ages since I'd been. After a nice workout at the gym, I showered, and let the experts wrap, polish, and buff. Then I got my hair done. A different hairdo, I thought. Yeah, that will help. I saw a cute one in a magazine the moment I walked in the door.

"What do you think?" I asked Cheryl, my stylist.

"Oh that'll work on you, yes. It's called, 'Holly, girl next door.'"

"Let's do it, Cher. Make me, Nina the girl next door."

Make me beautiful, I thought. I don't want to do any of the work. I don't even want to think. Do your magic, then open the cocoon and let me fly away. I did everything in the half day treatment except for the steam room. Let's not "do some steam" this time, I thought.

I felt beautiful, and new when I came out. I am a woman. Women should look beautiful, so they attract men. That's nature, that's the world. I repeated the mantra all the way home.

David was cinching up a tie, and throwing a jacket over his shoulder when I came in. "Dinner with a couple of city commissioners," he said, heading for the door. He kissed my cheek so fast he almost missed.

I held out my arms and gave him my most coquettish smile. "What do you think?" C'mon big guy, I'm your girl next door. Have an affair with me.

He stopped and squinted. "Izzat a new dress or somethin'?"

"Strike one."

"I'll figure it out. I gotta go." He swept past me, climbed into his leased Porsche, the one the firm gave him, and was gone.

Well fuck him, I thought darkly. This butterfly was pissed off.

I made popcorn, found a romantic movie-the kind where the guy gets the girl--

and fixed myself a vodka and tonic.

The cell phone didn't ring once all night.

The next morning, the transformation I was hoping for felt like it could be seeping into my veins. I felt good, like I was returning to my old self. Every time a thought of Danielle tried to burrow it's way in, I shut it out.

At about eleven o'clock am, I found myself alone in the house, again. I sat in my kitchen, leafing through a magazine, and thinking about how I could do some decorating. Nesting? That's a heterosexual thing to do, right? Maybe suggesting that we redo David's office would make him slow down enough to notice that his wife was doing various different things. Nothing drastic mind you David, just oh, changing her hairstyle, trying to end a torrid lesbian affair, just stuff like that. I was sitting there, in a short silk bathrobe, feeling rather sexy actually, having just put some lotion on my legs, and enjoying my solitude.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the pool service guy, hooking up the hose to the vacuum. I had forgotten that they come on Thursdays. I went back to the magazine, and saw a cologne ad that said, "Go young" and it showed a woman about my age, hanging off the neck of a young hunk with long hair, shirtless and paddling a boat down some sexy European canal. Geez.