Chapter 10

Jan and I talked for over an hour until the interruption, the one I will never forget.

"So, you're over her, over the whole thing, you think?"

"Yes. I believe so."

Jan studied me. I hated it when she did that, because she was so damned smart, so incredibly intuitive, and well, had the most sensitive radar of anyone I knew.

"Why am I not buying this, completely?"

She wasn't? I was. Wasn't I?

"I uhh... I dunno. What are you talking about?"

She leaned back on the sofa, the same one, I realized just now, that Danielle and I had made out on that wild afternoon. Stop it, I told myself. Unauthorized memories, so just stop it.

Jan smiled. "Nina, you had this certain look in your eyes when you were with her. It's not there anymore."

"Yeah, so that's a good thing. That proves I'm over it, right?"

"No. Look I can't describe exactly what it was, but I'll tell you this, you look like you're back to your old self again."

"Hooray." I paused, watching her this time. She was chewing on her lip. "Right?"

She shook head. "Nope. Your old self was miserable."

"Shit, Jan. What are you trying to do to me?"

"Honey, I'm sorry. I'm just telling you what I see. I'm your friend and I'm just telling you exactly what I see and feel from you. I shouldn't be saying this at all. Just forget it, please."

But she was right. I was miserable. Giving the pool man a blow job wasn't going to make me happy. Horny and adventurous maybe, but not happy, not fulfilled. I was back with David, and David's loves were his bank accounts and investment portfolios.

That's when the doorbell rang. It was Officer Joy Clemens.

"Hi there," she said, spotting Jan and waving.

"Oh, Joy, this is Jan, a very dear friend."

"How are you, ma'am? Hey I'll come back, I don't want to interrupt nothin'—"

"No please," I told her, "come in, relax. Need to use the bathroom?"

"No, actually I need to talk to you about somethin'..." she glanced outside, as if to indicate there was something going on in the neighborhood I needed to know.

Jan jumped up just then. "I have to get going anyway. Please... Nina I'll talk to you later hon." She pecked my cheek and gave Joy a smile. "Good to meet you, Joy."

"Likewise, ma'am."

"It's Jan, please, not ma'am."

"Now where have I heard that before?" Joy said, smiling at me.

I waved once more at Jan as she pulled out, and then went to where Joy had already taken a seat at the table where she sat last time to fill out her report.

"Coffee or anything, Joy?"

"Oh, no thanks, Nina." She looked a little tense today. Who knows what police work can do to people, I thought.

"Actually," she said, slowly, looking around the room and swallowing. "I uh... I have a message for you."

I blinked at her. A message? "Yes? Who from?"

Joy shook her head and smiled the enigmatic smile of someone not knowing quite how to say something.

"Look," she said, fixing me suddenly with a deep, sincere, stare. "I don't like doing this, but I was asked to, so here goes."

I said nothing. But the tiny hairs on my neck and arms were standing up.

Joy sighed and began. Her voice was so different from that girlish, carefree drawl I knew her for. It was measured and resonant, calm but full of urgency. "The message is from someone who cares very much for you. She said... she said she misses you, and... she loves you..."

Omigod.

"... and she says she really needs to say a few things to you. She's just askin' you to... uh... listen to her. And then she's willin' to accept wherever ya'll are gonna go." She stopped, and watched me.

I took a breath, and realized that I had been holding it since she began.

"I'm sorry if this upsets you, Nina," Joy went on. "But I had to do it. People I care about are involved."

I looked at her, unable to speak, my mind a tornado of shredded thoughts and emotions.

"Everyone over there wonders what happened to you, where you went. And of course, they all see Danny in this terrible, dark mood for the longest..."

There it was. No more thinly veiled euphemisms. She said her name, and the sound of it from Joy's mouth made me shiver. It was as if the forbidden door I had tried so hard to close and chain up had just flown wide open.

I nodded to her daisy chain pendant. "So," I said, unable to say anything else intelligent, "you lied to me about that. You said your aunt gave it to you."

She looked down at the pendant and flashed a very quick smile. "Nope, I didn't lie." Her eyes locked on mine again. "Joan, the barmaid, is my aunt. She gave it to me."

"What a very... small... world..." I heard my voice say. Joy was becoming blurry now, and I sat very still, not knowing what to do or say next. Joy fished some Kleenex from her shirt pocket and handed it to me just before a fat teardrop snuck out and hit the table between us.

I looked at her, now such a different woman to me. The arcane, beautiful, forbidden world I had fallen into, and crawled out of, was around me again. But I was lost, just like I was the first time. "What do I do, Joy?"

"Nina... I ain't much for givin' advice. And I can't. Yer you and I'm me. But I do know this—Danielle is one special woman."

I nodded. Who could argue that?

"And from what I seen... you're a pretty special lady yourself."

"That's very sweet of you, Joy."

She shook her head. "No sweet about it. Y'all make a damn pretty couple. That's what everyone over there thinks."

I had to laugh. I thought of the gang at the Daisy Chain, and how I had become this instant news item in just an hour or so. All the memories of those sweet, wild first days with Danielle came rushing back then. All the defenses I had thrown up started to dissipate, and I fought hard to stay in control just then.

"Nina... ?"

The skies had been just fine, or at least so I had pretended. Now, a storm was blowing, it's winds powerful, exciting, and mysterious, and the hetero cheerleading squad was running for cover.

"Nina..."

I looked up out of my trance.

"What're you grinnin' about?" Joy asked.

I was grinning? I glanced at myself in the mirror just then, because there was one nearby, as usual. Damn those mirrors! I looked excited again. Jan was right, as usual.