Chapter 14

The night before I went to the library to meet Gary, I tried to make some sense out of my social and sexual life. At that point, it was like I was leading two separate lives: my everyday life as a student and member of my family, and my secret sexual life. I did not have a boyfriend and was not even casually dating. I occasionally went out with groups of my girlfriends, but I hadn't had a real date since I broke up with Bob. My sex life was centered on masturbation at home, and meeting Roger once or twice a week at the park or the library. I did not view Roger as a boyfriend, as he was way too young and immature. Roger was more like an obedient puppy, sort of a co-conspirator for masturbation and sexual play. Roger and I had one wonderfully pleasurable bedroom encounter at his house, but I knew the opportunities for real sexual satisfaction with Roger were going to be limited, at best.

Gary, on the other hand, had some boyfriend potential. He was kind of cute, he was my age, he was smart, and he was interested enough in me to spend two months tracking me down. I could understand why, as he knew that I was sex crazed, and that I got turned on by masturbating in public places. I was afraid that, if Gary were given the opportunity, he would become sexually aggressive, just like most other teenage boys. After my experiences with Bob, I was determined to maintain control of my own sexual satisfaction, not be dependent on somebody else to get off, and most of all, not risk rape. Gary was a big unknown. I knew almost nothing about him. In our only encounter, he had obeyed my instructions perfectly, except the last one. He had not followed me out of the library, but he had tracked me down to my home. In one sense, I was flattered, but it made me uneasy.

In bed that night, I tried to plan my rendezvous with Gary the next morning. I kept making up situations with Gary in my head. What to say, what to do, where to do it... I kept turning over the possibilities in my mind, as my fingers relentlessly worked on my clit. I thought about flashing Gary, showing off a little between the library bookshelves. I thought about the first time with him, being naked in ladies room, masturbating on the toilet, with Gary outside the door listening. That image made me very hot as my fingers dipped into my wet vagina and moved back to rapidly rub and flick my tender, swollen clit. When I finally came, it was with a vision in my head of Gary watching me at that moment, naked and masturbating.

I was awake before the alarm clock went off, anticipating the day, thinking about what to wear, or rather, what not to wear. When I had told my parents that I was going to spend Saturday at the downtown library (to study for finals, of course!) my father volunteered to drive me downtown and drop me off at the library, as he was going downtown anyway. That was helpful, since I wouldn't have to take the bus, but it also limited what I could wear. The weather was warm, and if I wore what I wanted to wear, Dad could tell in an instant that I wasn't wearing a bra. Instead, I decided that not only would I wear a bra, I would wear the prettiest one I had, along with matching panties. I chose a sleeveless blouse and a skirt that buttoned down the front, for easy access. It was conservative enough to pass my father's review, but if I took off the bra and panties when I got there, it would be a pretty sexy outfit, and easy to take on and off.

When I got out of Dad's car in front of the public library, I could see Gary waiting for me on a bench outside the entrance, just as I had asked him to do. Walking slowly to make sure my father had driven far enough away, I went over and sat down on the bench beside Gary. He was grinning and happy to see me. I was tense, and feeling unsure about myself, but I knew that I had to take control of the situation, and find out more about Gary and what I was getting myself into. Before he had a chance to say anything, I blurted out my carefully rehearsed speech:

"Look, Gary... you know a lot about me, including some things that I wish you didn't know. I don't know much of anything about you, but I want to get one thing straight right now. The only reason I came down here today was because you promised me on the phone that you would do exactly what I tell you to do, and would never tell anybody about anything. You had better mean that. If you try anything funny, or disobey me in any way, I'll scream RAPE so loud and long that you'll end up in jail for the rest of your life. Do we understand each other?"

His grin faded, but he looked directly at me. "I understand, and I'll do what you want. I think you've got a lot of guts to do this, and I respect you for that. I just want to get to know you better..." Gary said soberly.

"OK" I said. "You already know a lot of about what I like to do. Tell me everything about your own sex life. Describe your experiences for me."

I later realized that it was a big mistake to ask Gary to tell me everything about any topic, because he really would. Gary was a talker. Sitting there on the bench in the warm spring sun, Gary told me a lot more than I really wanted to know about his sex life, if you could call it that. He stared at the ground as he talked about his various girl friends and what they had done together. I'm not going to get into all the details, but the short version of his long story is that Gary had gone out with a lot of girls, had done some heavy petting and mutual masturbation with a few, but he had never gone all the way. He was a virgin, as I was, but not a very innocent one. I was a little reassured, in that he was less experienced than I was in some ways, and he seemed to be very honest. I had asked for very personal information and he seemed to be spilling his guts for me. Most importantly, if he was telling the truth, he didn't have a girlfriend now.