THE COZY den-like room had the unmistakable smell of male scrotum musk, female vaginal juices and stale Corvosier vsop cognac.

Surelick Homes looked deranged, his hair stood out porcupine-like. His eyes were glazed over as if he had coated them with the contents of the opened jar of Vaseline that now sat brazenly on the coffee table as if begging to be applied to someone's anal canal. Homes spoke, breaking the pregnant silence. Dr. Whatsin looked over at him.

"Quick, Whatsin! Light up my opium pipe, the old brier, but not the thorny twig model, so I can give this bawdy wench a good solid buggering!" Homes twiddled absentmindedly with his decidedly small and skinny, but quickly burgeoning member. He was working it with thumb and forefinger, unminful of the fact.

He looked at the bawdy wench, who was now pulling her skirt up and over her shoulders, pinning it there. She now removed her pink knickers, revealing a luscious, full-growth brown bush. Without a word she went over to the red Eames sofa and took her by now familiar position, bent over, face down, on one of the wide, plush arms, her naked buttocks visibly on display.

This particular bawdy wench was Mrs. Handson, Surelick's plumpish and matronly landlady, who now grinned lasciviously, but quite unlandlady-like at Dr. Whatsin while wiggling her buttocks seductively at him. Cheeky little devil, Whatsin mused, not missing the pun in the whimsical thought.

The plush-armed Eames sofa had been a gift from Colonel Mustard to Homes for solving the mystery of The Crown Jewels affair. By exposing himself to the guilty party, one Lady Winthrop, Surelick had cracked the case and revealing her as the miscreant she really was.

All it had taken was one peek by Lady Winthrop at the 18" x 3" black vibrating dildo Homes had cleverly hidden in his trousers to make her confess. That, and the words Homes had uttered sneeringly at her: "How'd you like this up your poop shoot, Lady Winthrop?" She had swooned, fainted really, and proved she was no match for the great detective.

Homes was now affectionately patting Mrs. Handson's glistening bare bottom as she squealed and cooed and sang with delight: "... Ooo eee, ooo ah ah, ting tang. Walla walla, bing bang! Ooo eee, ooo ah ah, ting tang, Walla walla, bing bang... " That song! thought Homes, If she sings it one more time, it's ground glass in the Vaseline for her next time!

"Coming, Homes!" Dr. Whatsin shouted as he swishingly, quite mincingly, crossed the room, the smouldering pipe firmly in hand. He eyed the delightful mounds of flesh Mrs. Handson so willingly presented to him.

Homes, thought Whatsin, won't last a minute buried between those sweet arse cheeks, Bob's your uncle. Then, by Jove, it will be my turn between those incredibly fleshy twin orbs. He salivated at the mere thought as a stirring in his loins created a noticeable tent in his hand-tailored Fleet Street pin-striped trousers. He rubbed the tent and felt a surge of sexual energy course through him.

Mrs. Handson, eyeing Dr. Watson's trousers, broke out into a new song, "Tenting tonight, tenting on the old camp grounds..." Homes quickly cut her off by applying a generous dab of Vaseline to her brown and puckering little anus entrance. She squealed from the sudden chilliness of the greasy goo. "Oowee! That's cold, Sir!"

"Please hush, my dear Mrs. Handson, as time's awasting. Whatsin and I have to take care of pressing matters this evening involving a most nefarious foe, one Dr. Phallus, so we must be quick here. Now, my dear, if you'll just reach back and part your sweet arse cheeks once more, we can get on with it. Tally ho, now, Mrs. Handson!"

"Harumph!" she said, taking unmistakable umbrage. "All you boys ever want is sex, sex, sex. No time for the little niceties in life. Ooooh, I say, you bugger, you, that feels good. Are you in my arse now, Mr. Homes, or is that still your finger?"

Homes winced at the snide implication, but offered no protest as he pushed his penis in another full inch. Here's your finger, you old crone, thought Homes, as if to drive his point home deep into her tight anal channel. Four inches deep anyway, but most assuredly to the max.

"I say, Homes," Watson said. "Wouldn't you be more comfortable in the given circumstances, if you were, uh, au naturel?" Homes was fully dressed, wearing a tweed suit, vest, shirt, sweater, coat, his deerslayer cap, and a heavy woolen scarf. With shoes and heavy galoshes putting the finishing touches on the sartorial picture he presented.

The only concession Homes had made to au naturel, as far as Dr. Whatsin could surmise, was that Homes had thoughtfully remembered to open his trouser's zipper. This time.

Unlike last Tuesday when, opium besotted, Homes had wondered why he had trouble finding the hole and had given the woman, a paid Fleet Street harlot, severe internal fabric burns. It had taken a pretty penny given to her to stave off her intended lawsuit and the slander that would surely have followed.

At the time, a "Screw the slovenly slut!" attitude had been Homes' answer to her implied legal threats, but the good doctor had convinced him that inflicting tweed fabric burns on a female vagina was not conducive to maintaining the great detective's good and decent image. And, like it or not, Fleet Street whores would be much harder for the good doctor to procure for Homes, the streetwalker's grape vine being what it is and all. Reluctantly, to be sure, Homes had agreed.

But that was then and this is now.

Homes started a fierce, full-depth, pumping action on his landlady's bottom. He would slam in all the way to the hilt, the 4" hilt, pull out, and slam again. Mrs. Handson started to yell, "Oooooh, oooooh! Ooo eee, ooo ah ah... walla... "

"Quick, Whatsin, occupy the lady's mouth before her infernal caterwauling drives me to distraction, if not total madness!" Dr. Whatsin knew full well that Homes was easily sidetracked when he was under the opium's unforgiving spell and could lose his erection quite easily.

In a trice, Dr. Whatsin had his trousers and knickers down and off and had positioned his naked lower half in front of the singing landlady, his tent maker fully extended its 7-13/16" length. "... walla walla... " she sang.

"Open wide, dearie," Dr. Whatsin said, "and take my big old birdie in." Mrs. Handson, in mid-note as it were, suddenly found her mouth filled to capacity by the dear doctor's fat penis head. "That's a good girl, now"

Home proceeded to do his level best on his end, so to speak, while Dr. Whatsin, in a marked showing of impatient sexual energy, tried to fairly choke the dear woman to death. "Hmmmph, garg, hmmph... " she snorted rapidly as the intruding and choking organ made its way slowly down her throat's hidden recesses.

"Hmmmph, gak, hmmph... gurgle..." she cried out as the dear doctor added a few inches to the matter, churling up her gag reflex. Dr. Watson tried to calm her unspoken, but heeded protestations.

"Now, now, my dear Mrs. Handson, we've been here before, many times, so do your part and just swallow, old girl." He pushed in a few more inches until he had bottomed out in her mouth. Her nose now touched his abdomen while his pubic hairs tenderly caressed her lips.

While Homes, heavily perspiring, no doubt from his overdressed state, pumped the dear woman's bottom for all it was worth, Dr. Whatsin excitedly intercoursed her mouth. His full-depth in and out machinations showed no mercy. Soon, the two men had a syncopated rhythym taking place to such a degree the sofa wobbled.

Homes inward. Watson outward. Homes outward. Watson inward. Again and again, the pitch getting feverish and increasing in intensity. Mrs. Handson wiggled her buttocks and breathed hoarsely through her nose. A loud "Aaaaarrrrgh!" from the lady told Homes and Whatsin she had orgasmed. More than once it seemed, judging from the many Aaaaarrrrghs now coming from her.

"Tally ho!" shouted Dr. Whatsin gleefully as he spewed his child-creating juice. "God save the Queen!" Homes yelled as he did likewise.

"Aaaaarrrrgh!" said Mrs. Handson, who looked absolutely impaled between the two joyously screaming and spurting men as she swallowed the copious liquid seed gushing forth into her hot, wet mouth.

Homes, drained dry, pulled out of her with a sploosh sound. Dr. Whatsin followed suit, making a distinctive splish sound as his rapidly deflating penis made its hasty exit.

Mrs. Handson rolled over and looked dazedly at the two now fully satiated men. A large creamy colored globule of Dr. Whatsin's sperm sat on her bottom lip. She quickly licked it away, a look of contentment on her face.

The two men, their penises still in evidence, with sticky sperm on each now unhardened head, took positions in front of her. "Clean up time, Mrs. Handson." Homes said. "Quickly now, my dear." She needed no further words, knowing from experience what was expected of her. I like this part, she thought as she took Homes' soft penis head fully into her mouth.

She sucked the flabby head, making lip tightening manoeuvers as she vacuumed away. Mmmn, tasty, she thought, and so fulfilling to know he's truly satisfied. Mrs. Handson was of a giving nature when it came to men.

While Homes zipped himself up and wiped the perspiration from his brow, Mrs. Handson did Dr. Whatsin next, with equally applied vigor. Dr. Whatsin moaned, cradling her gray haired head in both hands as she worked away. The two men heard her moan, quite audibly. "Mmmm mmm!"

"I say, Whatsin, she sure does delight in her clean up duties, now doesn't she?" Dr. Whatsin, a glazed look on his face, merely nodded in agreement.

Mrs. Handson, her clean up duties completed, fetched her knickers and got dressed. She turned toward Homes. "Gentlemen, I assume you'll not be needing supper sent in tonight seeing as how you're on a new case and all, but I'll make sure a light snack is left on your dining table for whenever you two scallawags decide to roll in." She smiled warmly at them and winked at Homes.

"Mrs. Handson," Homes said. "You're most kind. That would be splendid." He turned to Dr. Whatsin. "Whatsin, let me fill you in on this Dr. Phallus matter, shall I?" Whatsin nodded as Mrs. Handson made her way to the door. Homes rushed to her.

"Oh, Mrs. Handson, a word before you take your leave." She stopped, one hand on the doorknob. "I must say, old girl, you were quite remarkable tonight, quite remarkable. To think its only been three short weeks since I first taught you about the secret pleasures of sex. It's amazing how fast you've absorbed it all. You are, my dear, an apt pupil.

"You fairly breezed through the finer points of general intercourse and, I have to say, have shown to be quite adept in the art of fellatio, including the most difficult aspects of the Chinese technique of deep throat swallowing.

"Next time, my dear lady, I will guide you, step by step, and with Dr. Whatsin's keen assistance, in the complete understanding of the foolishly taboo cunnilingus, the fine art of vaginal licking. I assure you, madam, you will be astounded by the new intensity of your orgasms. Simply astounded!

"Of course, we still have a long way to go. There's those rape and gangbang fantasies of yours yet to be explored. And, as you have mentioned on numerous occasions, your fascination with spankings and light bondage. Those dreams of yours, as you have told me.

"Although I suspect you will balk at water sports at first, I will quickly take your mind off of it by fulfilling your exotic fantasy of coupling with a well-endowed male of the negroid race. I all ready have a fit prospect in mind." Homes reached into a desk drawer and extracted two items.

"Here, my dear Mrs. Handson, these are for you. Part of your further education." She took the two items and inspected them.

"The pamphlet is my latest monograph on masturbation. In it you will find an absorbing chapter on female self-pleasuring. I think you will find it both entertaining and enlightening. The other item is referred to as an arse-plug. Instructions for its use are on a separate sheet of paper which I have inserted in the back of the pamphlet." She flipped the pamphlet open and glanced at the loose sheet. "Uh huh, I see." she said.