Chapter 39

Things were starting to get interesting. I had just seen my love, King Michael of Sussex, and was about to assault him when I heard a scream, “Stop!”

It was Julia. Spinning around, I saw her confronting a group of troops who were preparing to behead three women. My eyes widened when I realized they were the same three who had been branded and thrown out with the Western diplomatic delegation. Although I was not close, I was close enough to see that the three were gaunt and haggard. Clearly, they hadn’t been eating well, either.

“What are you doing?” Julia demanded.

“We’re executing these sluts who’ve been consorting with the enemy all these weeks,” the leader of the group replied.

“Stop this instant and bring them to me!” Julia imperiously demanded.

Thoroughly cowed, the men did as they had been ordered.

By this time, I had moved closer to join my daughter with Michael following in my wake.

“You fools!” Julia continued. “Without these incredibly brave women, we would have had no chance. As I’m sure you know, it was close enough even with their help. Without it, we would have had no chance at all!”

“Help? What help?” the leader of the group asked, looking bewildered.

“On four separate occasions, the enemy sent our foraging parties. All they obtained in return were the bodies of the foragers piled in a single wagon. The wagons were placed where the foraging parties were supposed to reenter their lines.

“Now how in hell do you suppose we knew the parties were going out, let alone where they were expected to return?”

The man just slowly shook his head.

“Well, I’ll tell you how,” Julia continued. “After submitting to horrible torture — without making a sound, I might add — we threw them to the departing delegates. And, apparently as an afterthought, we threw three cloaks to them ‘to cover their nakedness.’ Well, guess what? Inside the lining of the cloaks were satellite cellphones. These women used them to alert us to the schedule of the foragers, and — even more importantly — to the fact that a supply column was expected.

“Why do you think my husband took his whole battalion and all of Henderson’s scouts? Because we knew it was coming, turkeys!”

To say the least, the troopers appeared embarrassed.

“There’s one more thing: The leader of this little group is Kathy Henderson ... the widow of Ken Henderson, the commander of the scouts who gave his life to save his men. When Kathy learned of her husband’s death, she secretly came to me and offered to do anything — and she meant anything — to help us.

“The rest of it, you know.”

By this time Kate and Bill had joined us and they were whispering together. But the surprises weren’t over. A gaunt bearded man pushed through the throng and said, “Kathy’s not a widow. At least, not yet.”

The girl had been standing there naked along with her two friends. Hearing the words, she spun around and screamed, “Ken!”

Incredibly, it was Kenneth Henderson. Obviously he had not been killed after all. However what had happened was that he had received a glancing blow on his head that stunned him. He made his way into the woods, but then didn’t really know what had happened for a number of days. The problem was that, when he came to his senses, he didn’t know where he was other than in the forest.

We all then learned what the problem had been. While both he and his men could find their way through the forest maze, it required them to know where they were when they entered. Henderson’s problem was that when he regained his senses, all he knew was that he was in the forest but he had no idea where. The result was that he spent the next weeks just wandering around in it, truly a lost soul.

“But what did you eat?” Kathy asked.

Her husband just slowly shook his head. “Sweetie, you really don’t want to know.”

Suddenly Kathy’s eyes widened and she started to cry. “Oh my God! I’m disfigured for life. You won’t even want to look at me ever again...” Her voice tailed off into hopeless-sounding weeping.

“You’re the most beautiful woman in the world!” Ken Henderson declared. “And I simply adore your piercings. Will you let me play with them sometime?”

“Any time!” she exclaimed emphatically.

At that point King Bill — or in this instance, Emperor William (It had been decided that when he was acting in his imperial capacity, he should be William.) — joined the dialogue. “Kenneth and Katherine Henderson! Kneel before me,” he ordered imperiously. (After all, how else should an emperor give an order?)

With their eyes wide, both did.

“It is with great pride I award you both Gold Crosses of the Empire. This is the highest award for gallantry our empire can ever award.

“You, Kenneth Henderson, single-handedly held off a large attacking force to permit your troops to escape what was otherwise certain annihilation. Had they not escaped, we would have been defeated. There is no question about that.

“My daughter, Julia, explained how Katherine informed her of the attempts at foraging and the attempted resupply. Had it not been for your troops and their knowledge of the hidden forest trails, the information would have done us no good. Their survival was due to your personal heroism.

“Katherine Henderson, my daughter has explained how, because of the information you supplied, we were able to prevent the invaders from receiving any supplies.

“You two — essentially by yourselves — enabled us to be victorious.

“Finally, it is with great pleasure that I promote you, Kenneth Henderson, to the rank of colonel. You will command the new regiment of Imperial Scouts...” Bill sort of ran down because Kate was tugging at his sleeve. When he turned toward her, she whispered in his ear. Obviously, she was pleading for something.

With a grin, Bill turned back to the kneeling Hendersons and continued, “Finally, in recognition of your service to the nation and the empire, you each will receive a cart-full of gold!”

While the Hendersons were stunned, my darling daughter, Kate, heaved a great sigh of relief. She had managed to unload a little more money.

Returning toward our pavilion, I saw Sandy and Susan impaling themselves on the cocks of the two young officers they had previously been nursing. “What are you doing?” I asked. (Actually I screamed, but “asked” sounds so much more refined.)

“I’m ... being... raped!” Sandy replied. Her scream was not the result of the rape, but of the monumental orgasm she had just reached.

“Raped?” I yelped. (Yep. I really have to admit that I yelped.) “How can you be being raped when you’re on top?”

“Gil ... has ... a bad... leg!” she screamed as yet another orgasm swept through her.

“And... ?”

“So ... I ... had to be... on top!” (Yep. You got it. She got off again.)

And would you believe it? Susan was just as bad with her Ed. Good grief!

We returned to our pavilion, and you’ll never guess what we found. Would you believe it? There were Steve with his two squires and Charlie with her two... playing Categories! While drinking Coca-Cola, yet!

Even Mike cracked up at that one. “What in hell are you all doing?” he demanded.

“We’re playing Categories,” Steven replied. “And we’re getting killed.”

“Steven, I have news for you. It’s a drinking game played with beer or whiskey! You don’t play it with Coke!”

“Why not?” Charlie replied. “I mean ... Good grief! If we played with beer or whiskey, someone could get ... drunk!”

“That’s the point, turkeys!” I exclaimed. (What’s a turkey?)

At that point we were interrupted by a messenger looking for Mike. After handing him a dispatch, he stood at attention while obviously waiting for a reply. Standing beside Mike I glanced over at the dispatch in his hand. Suddenly I realized that, even though he appeared to be reading, the dispatch was upside down!