Chapter 31

Carla and I headed back for the castle, but passed Sally Johnson’s home on the way. Seeing us, she ran out and asked us please to come in. We did, and Carla was introduced to Sally and her sister, Kathy Smith, who was visiting. Sally’s belly looked suspiciously convex. But another girl was there, a girl of about fifteen. Sally quickly introduced her to us as her youngest sister, Judy. Judy was visiting from Slobovia.

When she learned we hadn’t eaten lunch, she rushed to correct the situation.

Her sister, Kathy, was watching and cocked her head pensively. “I guess there’s probably enough time...” she murmured.

“Time for what?” Sally asked, walking right into Kathy’s line.

“Time to recover from food poisoning before the ball on Saturday,” her sister replied blithely.

“Kathy, I’m not that bad!” Sally retorted, although there were tears at the corners of her eyes.

Kathy’s demeanor changed totally. “My darling sister, I owe you my very life and the lives of my husband and children.” Looking at me she said, “Queen Mattie, you know the truth. You know that had it not been for Sally and what she told our queen, I would probably be dead right now. Am I not right?”

I agreed and the two sisters exchanged loving kisses. Then the subject changed to Judy and Slobovia. I learned to my shock and dismay that Gustav had done it again! He had raised the tax rate to 80 percent!

“My God!” I exclaimed, “what can that man possibly be thinking of?”

“I don’t understand,” Carla interjected. “It’s only an increase of a few percentage points, after all.”

“Carla,” I explained, “if you don’t take another thing away from Essex, learn this now: You’re looking at it from the viewpoint of the monarch. But think of it from the point of view of the taxpayer. That’s the way that counts. Going from a 70 percent rate to an 80 percent rate is only 10 percentage points. But it cuts the taxpayer’s income by one-third! That’s what really counts!” I shook my head and added, “My God! He’s strangling the goose that’s laying the golden eggs! And he — and his Kennedy School advisers — are too damned dumb to know it.”

Then to Judy Schmidt I said, “Why is it that I think this is more than a casual visit to see your sisters?”

“Because it’s true,” the girl admitted, “and because you are so perceptive, Your Majesty.”

I quickly went through the naming thing, pointing out that I was a mere guest in her sister’s home. If she really wanted to be polite, she could call me Mattie.

She told us she was hoping to be able to stay and attend school in Essex. There were no schools in Slobovia. I was dismayed to realize that what she had said was all too true. Then she told us that her parents were thinking about moving to Essex, too. They flatly refused to allow her to sell herself into slavery to pay another tax bill. “And Dad’s a very fine cabinetmaker,” she added. “I think he would do far better here in Essex than at home, anyway. Here, the people have the money to buy good joinery. They certainly don’t at home anymore.”

But then I learned something else that was dismaying ... to say the very least. Gus hadn’t been seen in public in months. She blushed, but told us that all he did was to have his agents buy in an occasional beautiful girl at the slave auction. “But the word from the castle is that he doesn’t even sleep with them,” Judy said. “The word is that he just orders the women to play with each other while he watches. Imagine! Sex with another woman? Disgusting!”

“Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it,” Carla interjected with a grin. “I will only say on the basis of months of experience that Mattie has the sweetest cunt in Christendom. And she’s the most loving, too.”

“That reminds me...” Sally began with her eyes sparkling. “Even after spending a whole night with my pussy against your diseased sex, Mattie, I haven’t been sick.” She tried to look thoughtful as she added, “I guess I dodged a bullet, didn’t I?”

Then she caused me to laugh and provoked wide-eyed shock in Judy as she showed us a locket with my golden pubic hair mixed with her lovely auburn ones in it. I just howled with laughter.

“I told you I was saving it to show to my children. And they’re all going to see it, too!” Sally added.