Chapter 9

It was early evening on Christmas eve. You, my luscious wench, along with our daughter, had spent a quiet afternoon with me as we prepared each other's bodies for the evening's festivities. While I knew the gift I was giving you, my darling Katherine, I had no idea what you might be giving me. Finally, although it was only four in the afternoon, it was so close to the winter solstice that it was already starting to get dark.

Going out on the balcony overlooking the courtyard where the giant Christmas tree was standing, I could not have been more proud. You standing at my right so proudly wearing your hunter-green velvet gown with its matching sable-lined cloak. With the hood down on your shoulders, your auburn hair gleamed in the lights above us. Then our daughter, wearing a duplicate outfit in Christmas-red standing to my left, a precise one-half pace behind us. As we stood waiting, a wave of cheering erupted from the crowd gathered in the courtyard below awaiting the tree lighting. I am certain, my darling, that it was your appearance that caused it, too.

This was confirmed when I stepped up to the microphone and began to speak. "My people: welcome, and merry Christmas! We are gathered here, late this afternoon, for what has now become a tradition: the lighting of the palace tree. While normally, as your sovereign, I would perform the task, today I will not.

"Rather, I am going to ask my companion, Crown Princess Katherine of the Kingdom of Texass, to light it for us. But first," I continued, now turning to face you, "I am asking you, dearest Katherine, to marry me and serve all of these people as their queen! Darling, will you marry me?"

At that there was pandemonium in the courtyard with the cheering continuing unabated for minutes. It was so loud I worried about the old stone walls being undermined by the sonic waves!

Does my darling give me a simple answer? You? Hah! Instead you moved the microphone stand in front of you and adjusted its height, effortlessly, as usual. Then with your arms out, palms down, it was as if you turned down the volume. Now what? I wondered.

"Fellow citizens," you said softly, "thank you for your very warm welcome. Although a stranger in this kingdom, I cannot tell you how warmly I have been treated by you all. My Lord has just proposed marriage to me. I suppose I must accept."

At your words the cheering exploded again while you turned toward me. Reaching into my pocket I retrieved a perfect three-carat diamond solitaire and slipped it on the third finger of your left hand. While the crowd continued to cheer, I took you in my arms and again melted my lips to yours. Darling, I could feel the warmth of your glorious body as you tried to mold it to mine. In spite of the bells from our kiss ringing in my ears, I could hear the cheering reach thunderous levels as the people seem to rejoice in our kiss.

Easing out of our embrace, you very cutely kissed the tip of my nose, momentarily sticking out the tiniest tip of your tongue, and then turned back to the mike. After quiet is almost instantaneously restored — the people are hanging on your every word — you continue, "I suppose an explanation is in order. I said a moment ago that I must accept my lord's proposal of marriage. Why? Because, as his body slave, I have no choice. I may only do what he allows me to do and since I am and have for months been his personal slave, there is no other choice.

"How did this come to be? How did I become his slave? The answer to that question is easy. I came into his possession having been swapped for a pair of dog licenses. That, my dear friends, is an approximation of my value to my liège lord: about twelve bucks."

At that revelation there was a hushed silence. Clearly the crowd didn't know if you are serious or not, and, if serious, how they should react.

But you continue, "I have come to know many of you over the last weeks, as has our daughter, Princess Julia." I stepped back as you reached for Julia's hand, drawing her to the mike. "As most of you know, I'm sure, this is our daughter, Crown Princess Julia, heir presumptive to the throne. In addition, we have recently learned that she is heir apparent to the throne of the Kingdom of Scandahoovia, as well." Grinning out at the crowd you ask rhetorically, "Sounds impressive, doesn't it?" Hearing sounds of agreement from the crowd you nod and say, "Sure does!"

But then you shook your head and said, "But what garbage! Let's look at it this way: I have already established that I am worth about twelve bucks. Julia is my body slave. As my property, of course, her value is incorporated into mine. Now if the two of us together are worth only twelve dollars, what do you suppose she's worth alone? A buck and a half? That makes the throne of Scandahoovia worth about a buck." At this the crowd broke up into howls of laughter as you, my darling slave, became a very skilled comedienne with a perfect sense of comic timing.

Continuing, you say, "I said before that many of you have gotten to know Julia and me. It's no wonder... ! When we are forced to go around naked all the time, particularly in the fall, and now in winter, it's cold! Since we feel we must force ourselves on you — purely in the interests of warming our feet, our tits, and our buns, I assure you — we needed some excuse. Our excuse? We're doing good!"

Again a pregnant pause. Then, "Doing good? Garbage! We're just trying to thaw out!" This time there was an even louder burst of laughter.

"But there was a side effect," you added. "Because I was doing the Lady Godiva bit, I thought about the story and used it. You see, Lady Godiva was the wife of the Earl of Coventry. She pleaded with her husband to lower the taxes on his people. After thinking about it for a while, the Earl agreed on the condition that Lady Godiva ride naked through the town. She did and he did. Coventry's taxes were reduced."

Now the crowd was silent. Clearly they had no idea where your story was taking you. But you continued, "This is a very expensive castle to maintain, as I'm sure you know. Moreover, I am not the least expensive queen to maintain, either. But I have finally explained to my lord and master that there is a difference between tax collections and tax rates. Our rates have been too high. Now they are being cut — effective today — by 75 percent! This is our Christmas present to our people."

There was a stunned silence for a moment and then a stentorian voice shouts, "Three cheers for Queen Katherine! Three cheers for our gracious queen! Hip, hip..." The shouted, "Hooray!" almost took off the corner of the castle.

So help me, I would swear I could feel our balcony rock. Does my darling just bask in her adulation? Hah! Instead she takes the opportunity to light the tree. It was utterly gorgeous! The most magnificent looking tree we have ever had at the castle. The same voice in the crowd then asks for a cheer for Princess Julia. In light of all of the people she has helped, the cheers for her are every bit as heartfelt as those for you had been.

Finally, things quiet down and you continue, "You see, our kingdom has been losing badly because our tax rates have been so high. The only way to raise money to pay taxes has been to sell many of our young women into slavery. This created a problem, however, by creating a terrible shortage of women of marriageable age. As a result we maintain an army far larger than what we need, purely to maintain discipline over the large numbers of young men who no longer have beautiful girls to marry and civilize them. And, of course, our army is expensive, requiring a great deal of tax money to support them, and... So it goes."

Now the crowd was standing in stunned silence. Just then there was the unmistakable sound of the castle gates being opened. We could hear the clatter and creak of the drawbridge being lowered and the portcullis being raised. Then six burly soldiers manhandled the castle gates open. Moments later a detachment of mounted infantry ride in, followed by two horse-drawn carts and finally by the balance of the troops. As the carts were drawn up in the courtyard we can see that there were about a dozen women who looked tired and filthy standing in them.

Shouting into the mike you say, "Please welcome the first group of our women who are being restored to us. I have prevailed on my lord and master to buy the freedom of as many of our girls as we can and bring them back home. These are the first. Please welcome them back and wish them a merry Christmas!"

There are cheers from everyone as the troopers dismount and gently help the women down from the carts. From my vantage point I can feel tears gathering in my eyes as the young men treat the girls as ladies for the first time in years. One girl just breaks down and begins to cry with her face buried in the chest of a tall trooper. The trooper, in turn, is nonplused.

Turning, I find that you and Julia have disappeared. That, my darling, comes as no surprise at all. Turning back toward the courtyard I see the young women being whisked away through one of the palace's side doors. Meanwhile the musicians had begun to play their concert of Christmas music as jugglers, tumblers, and clowns appear to entertain the crowd.

Making my way down to the courtyard I find, to no surprise at all, that the people were in the happiest, most joyful mood I have ever seen. To my surprise and great pleasure people came up with hands extended to congratulate me on my good fortune in gaining your hand in marriage and to thank me for the tax reduction.

Darling, again you were right and I was wrong. Darling Katherine, I have only one question: What am I doing for a living? Between you and our daughter, you're doing it all! Never have I had so much fun as I did on Christmas Eve. The joy being felt by everyone was both wondrous and contagious, and the liberation of the young women from their slavery and their return home seems to be the icing on the cake.

Just then the trumpeters — undoubtedly responding to your orders, my love — blew a fanfare. Troopers cleared a pathway from a side door of the palace to a low rostrum set up near the orchestra. Going to the microphone you began to introduce the young women and the young troopers with whom you had paired them. While just minutes earlier they had looked bedraggled and half-dead, now they are vibrant and beautiful. Katherine, Julia, and the handmaidens strike again! One after the other, you introduce the young women and give a brief description of the conditions of their slavery. Finally there are only two left.