© 2002

I met my girlfriend Katie in college. We shared a class together. I remember seeing her the first day. She looked like some sort of angel with her long fine blonde-white hair and green eyes. I had to try very hard not to openly stare.

I quickly convinced myself that it was silly to stare or even think about her. After all, a girl like that was out of my league. But apparently my fellow male classmates didn't suffer from such thoughts. Some guy or other was always trying to hit on her. Although that didn't last for long.

If you aren't close to her, you get to see what everyone else sees. A very serious, self-possessed, highly intelligent woman. Firmly polite, but not terribly warm or friendly. After the first week, she was left alone.

I think I must have been the only guy in the class who didn't hit on her. If I saw her in the hall I made a point of saying hello and being friendly. But that's as far as I went. I sort of admired her from afar.

Katie was absent from class once for an entire week. When she returned the next week, something amazing happened. After class, she came to talk to me.

To say that I wasn't prepared for this is an understatement. One moment i'm picking up my books and getting read to leave. The next this vision of beauty is standing shyly next to my desk.

"Excuse me... David?", she said.

"Um... hi!", I said nervously

And then she smiled. I had never seen her smile before. All of the coolness was gone. Her smile was reflected in her eyes. She looked a bit like the angel I had first imagined her to be.

She introduced herself, and asked if she could borrow my notes from last week's class. The Professor told her that she had missed a lot and needed to quickly catch up. I happily obliged, giving her my notebook. She paused and seemed to be thinking things over. Then finally, Katie asked if I had some extra time to help her. She wanted to know if i'd study with her, and even offered to take me out to dinner as payment for my time. She flashed me another of those smiles. And then I realized something shocking. She was asking me out! I couldn't believe it.

"Sure", I said. "Sounds good to me. It's date.", I said half jokingly.

Katie looked at me very seriously, and I wondered if maybe I had made a mistake. Maybe she thought I was just like all of the crude guys who had hit on her probably her whole life.

"Do you want it to be a date?", she asked quietly.

I thought of some clever things to say in response. Then it occurred to me that honesty was probably the best policy.

"You're a smart, beautiful woman. Of course I want it to be a date. But if you don't, that's fine too. You can still borrow my notes. And i'll still help you study."

It was a date. And we had a lot of other ones after.

With Katie, it's all about trust. When she trusts you, she smiles. And laughs. And makes jokes. And acts like a little girl. She's also terribly loyal. She always wants to help. And when she loves, she loves with her whole heart. I remember her crying when she told me she loved me. She was afraid she'd scare me away, that I didn't love her too. In fact, i'd been careful not to reveal my feelings for the same reason. When I told her, she starting crying even more and rained little kisses all over my face. I don't think i've ever been so happy.

Several things happened after we finally shared out feelings with one another. The first thing was that Katie became even more affectionate. She loved to hold hands and give hugs. She was probably the most affectionate person i'd ever met, a tendency she said she'd learned from her mother. She said that her mother was always bestowing hugs and kisses and loved to hold hands when they went someplace, even when Katie had gotten older. It just seemed like the way you should behave with someone you loved to her. Her kisses changed too. Before we shared an occasional heartfelt kiss on the mouth. But it was all very 1950s. No tongue at all. Just a lot of passionate embraces and lip presses. But now, she was kissing me like she wanted to devour me whole! We even grinded a little. My hands would start roaming, and she'd start to softly moan. But it never went any farther. She'd stop, and push herself away a little, and just stare up in to my eyes. We'd stare in to each other's eyes, almost panting with desire, and she'd softly say, "I love you." And it would stop. The anxiousness. The desperate need. It just went away. Her voice and her look were all about love and tenderness and stopping. She wanted to stop. I could tell she didn't *really* want to stop, but she was stopping. And I loved her so much, it didn't occur to me to do anything else.

"I love you too.", I said after awhile, still looking in to her eyes. She smiled and kissed my cheek. "I know that. You prove it every day, especially on days like this when you stop when I need you to. I know it's hard. Oh! Bad choice of words!", she said laughing.

"Why do we need to stop?", I asked. "I'm not pushing. We can go as fast or as slow as you need to. I'd just like to know why."

She seemed suddenly sad. Or afraid. Or maybe both. I'd seen the look before, when we'd first started dating. There was something she always held back. Some secret she never shared, but I could tell desperately wanted to. We always confided in each other. We told each other everything. But whatever this was, it was something she was afraid to tell me. And it scared me that she was afraid. I wondered how awful a thing it could be.

She touched my face, and that sweet smile of hers returned. "How would you feel about coming home with me during summer break, and meeting my mother?"

I got the picture. She was serious about me. And god knows, I was serious about her. And apparently, before we made love, she wanted to make pretty sure that we were going to be together for the foreseeable future. And part of making sure was going home to meet mom.

Marriage wasn't something that i'd really thought about. I guess it just seemed like something we'd get to when we got to it. And apparently, we were getting to it! Or close to it, anyway. The idea sort of appealed to me. I wanted Katie with me forever. What sane man wouldn't?

I asked her if she'd become "marriage minded". She smiled and said "maybe". Okay, I thought. Message received.

I was a little nervous meeting Katie's mother Janet. Katie was the love of my life, after all. I didn't want to blow it. But I shouldn't have worried.

Janet was a lot younger than i'd thought she'd be. She was in her 40s, and where Katie was petite and blonde, Janet was statuesque and brunette. With pumps or heels, she's taller than me! It's easy to see where Kate gets her warm and loving manner from. When she met us at the airport, she ran up to me and swept me in to a bear hug that would impress a real live bear! She was so excited and happy to meet me, the man her daughter was always talking to her about. She and Katie were then hugging and laughing. I just sort of smiled, a little stunned by it all. My family wasn't anything like this. Very reserved and serious. No wonder I loved Katie. She freely gave to me all the things i'd always needed.

I was planning on staying at a hotel in town, but Janet insisted that I "come home where I belonged." Katie seemed very pleased by this pronouncement.

In the first month I stayed with Katie and her mother Janet, we did everything together. It seemed natural. Janet insisted I treat their home like my own, even encouraging me to make the guest room more "my room". When I told Katie it seemed as if Janet wanted or expected me to stay with them in the future, she smiled and sarcastically replied, "You think so?" She wanted to know what I thought of that. I told her I honestly wouldn't mind, that I thought she had a wonderful home, and that her mother was probably one of the sweetest people i'd ever met. Katie just jumped in to my arms and started raining happy kisses on to my face like a little girl. Apparently that was the right answer!

We went to the movies. We went swimming. We rented movies. We were always together, except of course when we went to bed. But that changed a few weeks in to the visit. One night as I was getting ready for bed, Katie came to the door. She shyly asked if she could sleep with me. I was sort of shocked. "Sleep", she said, emphasizing the word. Snuggling in bed with Katie was amazing. I told her so, and told her I loved the smell of her hair. She snuggled closer. And then, strangely, she started to cry.

"What's wrong?", I asked concerned. "Baby, what's wrong!?!"

Katie kissed me softly. I could taste her tears. "I love you so much. I wish I could somehow touch your mind with mine, so you'd know. So you'd know my love for you."

"I know you love me. And you know I love you, don't you?", I asked quietly.

"I know! I know... god, I know. But you *don't* know... and if I tell you... i'm so afraid! I'm so afraid you'll leave me. And i'd rather die than be without you." She wasn't joking. I knew that. She did love me that much. But it was all crazy. I'd never leave her! No matter what she told me. Had she been raped? Had something horrible happened to her in the past? If someone had hurt her, i'd probably track them down and beat them half to death. But i'd never leave her. Not for any reason. And I told her so. But she wouldn't share her secret.

We held each other for a long time. I told her she didn't have to tell me her secret now. But that some day, I hoped she would. And I promised her that no matter what it was, i'd always love her. She sniffled and hugged me tightly but didn't say anything. Eventually we fell asleep.

One day Katie was away at the store, buying some groceries. The night of Katie's tears and her concern about her secret hadn't left my thoughts. I was very concerned about her. I decided to talk to Janet about it.

I told Janet what had happened. Her usual smile disappeared, and a serious and deeply concerned look replaced it. I told her I was worried about Katie. That I could care less what the secret was. I just wanted her to stop being afraid.

Janet stared at me silently for a moment. She had the same sad and sort of fearful expression on her face that Katie had.

"There's nothing wrong with Katie, David. She's fine. Believe me, she really is fine. I appreciate why you're concerned. And it doesn't surprise me. I know how much you love her. But you have to trust me about this. Katie is okay, and she'll tell you... what she has to tell you when she's ready."

"I do trust you. It just hurts me to see her hurting."

Janet smiled. She walked over to me and slowly enfolded me in her arms. "I know it does. I know how much you love my baby. It's because I see how much you love her, and because of the man that you are, that I love you too."

I didn't know what to say. We'd all spent so much time together. I'd come to care for Janet a great deal. Truth be told,I think I had a tiny bit of a crush on her. But this outpouring of emotion from Katie's mother was a real surprise. I found that I felt the same way.

"I love you too, Janet", I said in to her hair, hugging her back. "Thank you so much for making me a part of your family."

Janet hugged me tighter. She pulled away from me, smirked, and gave me a quick kiss on the mouth! "You're very welcome!", she replied in a playful tone, and walked away. She might have been my girlfriend's mother, but she was too beautiful to take a kiss from without being a little breathless.

All good things must come to an end. Towards the end of the summer, my parents called me on my cell. My mother and father were a little upset that I hadn't been home to see them all summer. Somewhat reluctantly, I agreed to return home for the last month of break.

Katie was obviously upset at the prospect of us being separated. And Janet didn't look very thrilled either. But they both tried to hide their disappointment well. I just wondered how I was going to be able to sleep at night without Katie snuggling up next to me. And, I had to admit, i'd miss Janet's constant 'out of the blue' hugs.

After a tearful good-bye at the airport (which included more hugs from Janet and a *very* passionate kiss from Katie), I flew to my parent's home for the last month of summer vacation.

What's a good word for the month I spent back home with my parent's? Oh, I know! BORING. I hadn't fully realized how much fun Katie and her mother were until they weren't around. My parents are nice people. And I do love them. But they're very conservative and not terribly fun. Mom and Dad think a night at the opera is a fun evening. I'll take some rented DVDs, popcorn, and Katie over the opera any day of the week.

Finally I couldn't' take it any more. I needed to see Katie. I missed her terribly. I had told my parents all about her. So when I told them that I had decided to make a surprise trip back to her house before the first week of college started, they weren't overly offended. Mom did make me promise that we'd both come visit them soon, so she and Dad could both meet her. In a rare show of emotion, Mom hugged me and told me how happy she was that I had met someone special to share my life with.

I barely remember the flight back to Katie's. I was just so excited to see her again. And I figured it would be a fun surprise to just show up at the door.

I rented a car at the airport and arrived at the house late in the evening. At first I thought that maybe no one was home. I didn't see any lights on in the living room, but I did notice one on in Katie's bedroom. I used the key Janet had given me to let myself in, intent on surprising Katie. Instead, it was I who got the surprise.

No one was in the kitchen or the living room. I quietly made my way upstairs, figuring Katie was in her room reading or watching TV. I ever so quietly opened her bedroom door and looked inside. What I saw almost stopped my heart.

Katie was laying naked on her bed. Her legs were spread, and she was playing with her own nipples. Her eyes were closed, and occasionally she would let out a low moan of pleasure. Laying between Katie's legs, ardently licking at her own daughter's pussy, was Janet. Katie's mother.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Katie's moans became louder and more frequent. She arched her back, driving her pussy in to her mother's face. "Yes, mommy. Yes. YES YES. I'm... so... close..." Janet pulled Katie to her eager mouth, and began to more frantically lick and suck her pussy, eliciting more moans and more pleading for relief.

Ever so slowly, I closed the door to the bedroom. I made no sound. I had not been noticed. I preferred it that way.

I felt dead inside. As if the spark of life within me had simply been snuffed out. I wasn't angry. I wasn't sad. I felt like a robot. An emotionless robot.

I quietly went downstairs to the kitchen, found a piece of paper and a pencil, and wrote a short note.

"I came back from my parents early to surprise you. I was instead the one surprised. I would tell you how I feel right now, except that I don't feel anything. I wonder if I will anymore. How you could betray me like this I do not know. Maybe I never knew you at all. I'm sure of only one thing. I don't want to know you anymore. - David" I wrote the time down under my name, to make sure there would be no confusion as to what the note was about. I was here. I saw. And they would know. Quietly, I walked out the door, got in my car, and drove to the airport. I wanted to get as far away from there as possible.

Somehow lady luck was on my side. I managed to grab an immediate flight back to school, although it cost me an arm and a leg. The last sensible thing I did was to withdraw from my classes. I knew I had a snowball's chance in hell of being able to do another semester in the state I was going to be in. I was in shock. And eventually the shock would give way to grief. I didn't want to make more of a mess of things than they had to be. I withdrew from school, turned off my cell phone, unplugged my other phone and answering machine, and went to bed.

I woke up two days later. I guess that's what depression is. I made it through about twenty minutes of some stupid anime on the cartoon channel when I just started to sob. It couldn't stop, and after awhile I didn't want to. Katie was my whole world. My future. Her mother had been my friend. And they had both betrayed me. I realized what Katie's secret must have been. She and her mother were lovers. I wondered how long it had gone on. I wondered if it was why she wouldn't sleep with me. Maybe she was a lesbian. Maybe her mother had abused her as a child, and that was why she would never make love to me. Maybe her sick mother had turned her in to a little lesbian sex toy for her own amusement. However you looked at it, it was an abyss of sickness. And somehow they'd managed to suck me in to it. "Damn both of them", I thought to myself, "the deceitful whores!" But as much as I tried to be angry, I just felt sad. The more that I thought about it, the more I decided that neither one had probably wanted to hurt me. They probably even liked me on some level. The rest of it was all psychoville, and best not overly dwelt upon.

I didn't leave my apartment for a week. I watched a lot of soap operas and infomercials. I drank all the alcohol I had, and when I started running out of food ate pop tarts for meals. I think I showered once the whole time.

At the end of the week I decided to call my parents to let them know I wasn't going to be in classes that semester. Using my cell was a mistake. I had 47 voice mail messages. And I knew who they were from. Just for a little self torture, I decided to listen to the first one. It was left the day I left the note in Katie's mother's kitchen.

"David..." said the voice. Katie's voice. Oh god. "David... DAVID... i'm so so sorry. Baby, i'm so sorry." She kept sobbing and repeating herself over and over. At times what she was saying was unintelligible through the sobs. She was hyperventilating, desperately telling me that she loved me, begging for my forgiveness, pleading with me to call her. I looked at the phone thoughtfully, then threw it across the room in to a wall, smashing it. No more voice mail.

Later I discovered that checking my email was also a mistake. 20+ emails, all from Katie. I deleted them without reading them. What was the point? She was crazy. Her mother was crazy. The entire situation was crazy. And the only thing more crazy would be for me to involve myself in it further.

It was Tuesday night of the next week when I was awakened by a light in my room. I was confused. I had turned off all the lights! I sat up, looked around, and saw her. Katie's mother, Janet, was sitting on the edge of my bed.

We stared at each other. I started to shake. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Hit her? Physically throw her out? I tried to be calm.

"How did you get in here?", I asked as calmly as I could.

"I used the key you gave Katie", Janet said quietly. "I know I have no right to be here. I know you hate me. And you have every right to. I just ask that you please, please give me a chance to explain. If you want me to leave after that, I will. I'll never bother you again."

I was curious. What in the hell could she say? How could she *explain* what had happened? "I don't see the need for an explanation.", I said angrily. "It all seems crystal clear to me. You fuck your daughter. She played me for a sucker. I'm not terribly bright. What am I missing?"

Tears began to form in Janet's eyes. She shuddered and blinked, and it was obvious she was trying desperately to control her emotions. "It's important for you to understand one thing first. Katie is my daughter. But she isn't my biological daughter. Katie is adopted. I adopted her when she was 12."

That was a surprise. "Katie never told me she was adopted", I replied suspiciously.

"Katie had a very troubled childhood. Her parents didn't love her. Her mother was a drug addict. Her father was an alcoholic. He beat Katie. Often. I'm sure you've noticed how reserved she is around strangers. She doesn't trust anyone. And she's afraid of men. I can't tell you how shocked I was when she told me she was dating you, David. I didn't think she'd ever trust a man to any degree, let alone date one. Or fall in love with one. It brought me a lot of joy knowing that you had found each other. Now my baby is hurting, and I have to try to help her. And you. That's why I came to see you. To ask you to come back to her. To forgive her."

I was shocked and heart sick. The thought of anyone hitting Katie made me physically ill. Even after all that had happened, I wanted to find her father and kill him. The rage I felt surprised me. How could I feel this protective of the woman who had betrayed me?

"So it wasn't incest. I suppose that removes most of the sickness from it. Now we're down to simple deception and betrayal. I guess that isn't so bad", I said mockingly.

Janet took a deep breath and continued as if i'd said nothing. "Katie and I have been lovers since she was 16. She wouldn't go near men. And she could never trust any woman enough to be intimate with them. She knew I loved her unconditionally. It took a very long time, but she eventually came to trust and love me. And when she got older, she came to me and asked me to be with her. To make love to her. She told me that she was in love with me. She said she wanted to stay with me forever. I couldn't say no. She's so beautiful, David. You know that. On the inside as well as the outside. And I love her so much. I couldn't refuse her. And when I had been with her, I knew I loved her as much and in the same way that she loved me. When she went off to school, it never occurred to either of us that she'd meet someone. Then she met you. You were a surprise. She told me she had never met anyone like you. So gentle. So obviously full of love and kindness. She called me right away after your first date to tell me about you. I think she knew she loved you that first day."

The situation was taking on a strange shape. It wasn't incest at all. And at 16, she was no vulnerable little girl. If Janet had wanted to just use her, it made sense that she'd have initiated something much earlier. A lot of the anger was slipping away as an understanding of what was happening came to me. But I still hurt inside.

"When she realized how much she loved you, we talked about it. And I decided we should end our relationship. The Mom in me took control. I wanted my daughter to have a chance at a normal relationship. To be able to get married and have children. To have the joy in her life that she was denied as a child. Part of me didn't want to let go. I still love her desperately. But because I love her, I want what's best for her. And after you came to stay with us, I knew what was best for her was you."

"If all of this is true, then why did you end up in bed with her again?", I asked quietly. I wasn't angry at all anymore. I was just in pain.

"Katie missed you. And David, I missed you. And I had a moment of weakness. I love her so much. And just for a moment, I let myself want her. And she knew. She saw. And she couldn't stay away. She felt so guilty the first time. She cried, because she felt she was betraying you. She never slept with you, because she didn't want to betray me. I told her not to worry. To be with you. But she just couldn't. She cried because she had betrayed you by being with me. And I cried for the same reason. But we couldn't stay away from each other anymore. Katie loves you, David. But Katie and I love each other too. It doesn't mean she loves you any less. It just... is."

Finally Janet started to break down and cry. "I see you the way Katie does. I know why she loves you. And I love you the same way. I've loved you since the day we met. You'll never believe it. I know you won't. But I love you and want you so badly it hurts. And I just... if I could have one wish... I would wish that you could come home. Come home, and be with us. Come home and be with the women who love you."

Janet's eyes were closed. She was just quietly crying. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe any of it. It was insane. It was some sort of amazing, wonderful, beautiful, completely insane fantasy. All I could feel was this ache in my chest. All I wanted to do was hug Janet and comfort her. I wanted her to stop crying. To stop hurting. I knew what it was like to hurt like that. And I didn't wish it on anyone. I slid up to the edge of the bed and silently drew her in to my arms.

At first she was surprised. Her eyes snapped open, and she locked gazes with me. Then she just buried her head in my shoulder and held on for dear life. It felt good to hold her. It seemed like the right thing to do.

After awhile she quieted down. "My daughter is dying, David. She doesn't sleep. She doesn't eat. She sits in a chair and barely talks to me. She cried and screamed for days. She hates herself for hurting you. She feels as if she's done to you what her parents did to her... betray her love and trust. She doesn't want to live without you. I don't know if you can forgive her yet. But please, please see her. Talk to her. And if you still love her, I promise David. I promise i'll leave. I'll pack my things and go. I'll never see her again."

I was stunned. She would leave? Her home? Her daughter? She'd never see her again? But I knew she was telling the truth. She loved her daughter that much. And, if I could believe her, she loved me that much. That was still a hard concept to grasp. But thinking back to the months we'd all spent together, I was beginning to see that it was true. The looks. The hugs. The genuine warmth she showed. And that kiss in her kitchen. God, she did love me.

Something sort of clicked in my head. I don't know what. I tilted Janet's head back and looked at her tear streaked face. She has the most marvelous lips. Large and lucious. And she always wears these sexy red shades of lipstick to make them even more alluring. I looked in to her eyes. I saw the sadness and pain. And for some reason, I just kissed her.

At first she did nothing. Her eyes were still open, and they widened in shock. And then this dreamy look came over her. She closed her eyes, put her arms around my neck, and kissed me back. Really kissed me back. Her tongue went in to my mouth, and she let out a deep moan in the back of her throat. It was this amazing soul-kiss. The sort Katie would give me when she was especially happy and wanted to desperately show me how much she loved me. And that's when I knew. I was in love with Janet. It was insane, but it was true. I was in love with Katie. As much as I ever was. And I was in love with her mother.

We finally broke the kiss and pushed away from each other. We were both sort of frightened, I think. Janet looked shocked and lustful all at the same time. We were both panting slightly from the length of the kiss. I could still taste her in my mouth. Peppermint, my quirky mind calmly informed me. She'd been eating something peppermint earlier.

Slowly Janet recovered and reached in to her purse and produced an airline ticket. "Please come back. Please come back soon, David. Katie needs you."

"And what about you?", I asked quietly.

Janet stared at me and said nothing for a moment. "All that matters is that the people I love are happy. Nothing else matters."

Emotionally I was pretty freaked out. My universe had been turned upside down, then right side up and slightly sideways. I felt a little drunk, actually. Everything seemed a little surreal and sort of funny at the same time. I was in love with my girlfriend. I was in love with her mother. And both of them were in love with me. Her mother has just nearly sucked my tongue out of my mouth. And I was willing to bet she didn't really want to leave. Something inside of me wanted to play some more with the seemingly malleable boundaries of reality.

"What if I don't want you to go? What if I told you I wanted you. Right here. Right now, That I wanted to lay you on my bed and slide deep inside of you and fill you with my cum. What if I said that?"

That freaked her out. Finally. I was tired of always being the one who was shocked or freaked out. It was time someone else was floored by the seemingly endless string of insane events that had been hammering at me for almost two weeks.

Janet collected herself, stood up, and quietly said, "I'd tell you that under other circumstances, i'd be overcome with joy and happiness and would beg you to do it. But we shouldn't. You should go to Katie."

Oddly I wasn't surprised. It was hard to surprise me anymore. I sort of smirked. "What if I told you I wanted you to get on your knees and suck my cock and swallow my cum?"

Janet looked right at me. "I'd tell you i'd love to suck your cock, and swallow your cum. And on another day, i'd beg you to do it. But right now, you need to see Katie."

"Do you think Katie wants to do these things?", I asked. Maybe Katie was more in to her mother sexually than she was in to me. That was a depressing thought.

"Katie wants to be with you even more than I do. Which seems inconceivable to me at the moment. But it's true.", said Janet.