Chapter 4

"I could just go to sleep like this" she sighed happily and reached for a cigarette.

"Light me one too mum will you please?"

"I didn't know you smoked" she said but lit me one anyway.

"I like a joint occasionally, but only when I'm with a girlfriend and I haven't got one of those at the moment"

She passed me the cigarette and watched as I inhaled the smoke,

"They say that's as good as a kiss" she said, smiling at me,

"What is?"

"Taking a cigarette that's been in someone else's mouth"

"No" I shook my head,

"No?"

"Definitely not mum" I smiled at her, "Not as nice as one of your kisses anyway"

I realised that it was the booze talking, even as I said it, but I didn't care

"Put the cigarette down Tommy" she said softly

I stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray and when I turned back again her mouth was on mine, her lips apart, her breath warm in my mouth.

"Mum!"

I was shocked, but her tongue was in my mouth, she was warm and soft and curvy.

Slowly and lovingly we kissed and tasted each other, I sucked the wetness from her tongue and savoured it, she whimpered and pressed herself against me, her nipples, hard little pebble like points of desire. I ran my hands over her naked back, beneath her armpits, down to her hips while her own hands caressed my back.

It didn't end suddenly, but gradually we seemed to regain our self control, God I wanted her so much, she had become more than my mother, much, much more, she'd become a beautiful, desirable woman who'd frightened us both with the sheer depth of the emotions she'd hidden for four years!

We touched lips again and looked at each other,

"Wow" I said softly and she laid her head against my chest.

"That shouldn't have happened Tommy" she said quietly, "I'm sorry"

"Sorry for what mum?" I stroked her back gently and she shivered, "Sorry for kissing me? I'm not, it was beautiful mum, the most beautiful experience of my life"

"I lost control Tommy, we nearly, well you know"

"No you didn't mum, you didn't lose control, you responded to your emotions, your feelings and so did I"

"Can I have a cigarette please?"

I lit one for her, using one hand, she was clinging to me and I didn't want it to end

"There you go, a kiss by way of a cigarette"

"The real thing's a lot nicer"

"The real thing's beautiful mum, just like the lady who showed me the real thing"

"Oh Tommy, I've not showed you the real thing" she looked up into my eyes, "Yet"

"Mum, if we'd have carried on we'd have both regretted it"

I felt the movement as she nodded in agreement, then she gasped as I continued,

"I'd have fucked you mum, I nearly did too, I wanted to"

"But?"

"But" I'm glad I didn't"

"Why Tommy?"

"Because really mum, I don't want to fuck you"

"Oh, I feel silly now"

"Well don't mum, I really don't want to fuck you" I took the cigarette away from her and stubbed it out, when I held her again there were tears in her eyes,

"I don't want to fuck you mum, because I want to make love to you, I want to be stone cold sober, you too when we do it"

I slipped a hand round to her breasts and cupped one in the palm of my hand,

"I want to feel every inch of me against you, inside you, I want to be in full control of my senses, I want to know that it's me you want and not a booze induced thrill that'll make us both ashamed the next morning"

I felt the nipple rising in my hand and I teased it gently between my fingers,

"He fucked you mum, he never made love to you, do you think I didn't hear you crying? He used you like he'd use his fucking hand when you weren't there, well I'm not him mum, I'm me, Tommy and I love you and I'm pissed now and tired and it's my turn to feel silly"

"Tommy, no-one, but no-one has ever said anything like that to me before, no-one has ever spoken like that to me before, but I'm pissed too and tired as well"

She hooked an arm around my neck and touched her lips to mine in the gentlest of kisses.

"Take me to bed Tommy and just hold me, just be there darling for me, be there next to me when I wake up!"

I think we were both asleep almost as soon as our heads hit the pillow, I know I was and I don't think we moved very much in the night either, I woke up in the morning, still with mum's face next to mine and our arms round each other.

"Hi" she said softly, "I thought you were never going to wake up"

"Hi" I kissed her nose and even that slightest of movements sent a spasm through my neck.