Chapter 3: World's Funniest Home Videos

Once the crying stopped the drinking started. I finished off the six beers in the refrigerator then started on the vodka that I kept in the freezer. I drank until I either passed out or fell asleep, I don't know which and I really don't think it mattered.

Sunday morning I woke up on the sofa hugging the empty vodka bottle to my chest. I had a major headache and my stomach didn't feel much better. After I showered and changed I felt a little better but I couldn't get rid of the feeling that I had a large hole in my life. I kept thinking about Lisa and the last night we spent together. I just couldn't believe that she could have stopped loving me that quickly. As I though about Lisa making love to me I started imagining Lisa making love to Bob the same way. That was a very painful thought.

I realized that I didn't like thinking about all this so I decide to get drunk again. Problem was I had already finished all there was to drink in the apartment so I had to go to the store to get some beer. It was Sunday so I couldn't get any vodka. When I got to the store I picked up two cases of beer and some food and took it to the check out line. I was going to pay for the beer and food using my bank ATM card. When I ran the card through it said I had 'insufficient funds' for this transaction. This worried me because I knew I had at least $5000 in my checking account. I paid for the beer and food with my credit card and headed for a full service ATM machine to check my balances. When I checked the balances I found that I had a five dollar balance in both the checking account and the savings account. Two weeks ago there had been $5000 in the checking and over $20,000 in the savings account. Had Lisa really cleaned out both accounts?

I was livid. When I got back to the apartment I called Lisa's parents to see if they would tell me how to get in touch with Lisa. They were totally shocked to find out Lisa had left me. All they could say was "There has to be something wrong here. Lisa loves you. We can't believe she would leave you and clean out your savings. It's just not like her. We will try to talk some sense into her when we talk to her."

It occurred to me that Lisa wouldn't have taken that money. Not on her own. She wrote checks in the grocery store but she never did any banking and I don't think she was even aware of how much money we had in our accounts. I figured that it must have been that piece of shit called Bob that got her to empty those accounts. This called for quick action from me. I was going to have to get a good lawyer first thing Monday morning and get my money back before that son-of-a-bitch Bob made it all disappear.

When I got back to the apartment I was still fuming about the money as I popped open a beer. I was too restless to sit down so I paced around the apartment as I drank and cursed out loud. As I was walking around in the bedroom I noticed a small leather gym bag on the floor next to my dresser. I had never seen it before so I knew that it wasn't mine or Lisa's. I picked the bag up, set it on the bed and opened it. Apparently the gym bag belonged to Bob. Inside he had some clean underwear, a tee shirt, a pair of shorts and a pair of running shoes. In the very bottom of the bag I found a video camera. When I pulled it out of the bag I discovered that there was still a tape in the camera.

I took the camera into the living room. Because the tape was an 8MM cassette I had to plug the camera into the inputs on the back of my VCR in order to play the tape. I got myself another beer then turned on the TV and VCR. I hit the play button on the camera and sat down to see what was on the tape. When the video started the screen was completely white except for the time and date in the corner which read Thursday 04/10/92 6:37 PM.

As I watched the screen I could see that although the picture was still all white there seemed to be some movement. Suddenly I could see other colors in the picture. Then I realized that I was looking at someone's white shirt as they adjusted the camera. Now I could see that I was looking at what looked like a living room but I didn't recognize it. The camera was pointed at a sofa. After a few seconds a man came into the picture and sat down on the sofa. It was that asshole Bob. He picked up a remote control and started playing with the focus on the camera. I could see the picture get fuzzy, then clear, then it got very sharp and I heard Bob say "Perfect."

Bob aimed the remote toward the camera and it appeared that he pushed a button then the picture disappeared. Immediately after that the picture reappeared and again someone was standing in front of the camera. The date on the video was the same only now the time was 11:22 PM. I heard a voice say "Just let me load up a couple of CDs and I'll be right with you. When the person in front of the camera moved out of the way I saw Lisa sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine in her hand. When the music started it I recognized it as the 'Greatest Hits of the Eagles" CD. I had the same one. For a second I wondered if I still did. Lisa look up at Bob as he came over and sat next to her. Lisa was wearing a black skirt and a white cotton short sleeved sweater. Bob looked like he was wearing something he bought at a Polo outlet. Obviously expensive. When he sat down he began talking to Lisa. He said, "I am really glad you decided to go out with me tonight. You can't believe the impact you had on me when I met you Tuesday night. I felt an actual physical pain in my chesty when I found out you were married. I never thought you would give a guy like me a second look but you're here with me now."