Chapter 6

November 1989, Yellow Pines, Virginia

This year Thanksgiving was at my parents' house. I flew down from New York a few days before for a much needed vacation. Dennis was with me and my parents instantly liked him. Of course they did - he was successful and Harvard educated. My mother kept hinting around if 'he was the one.'

I wasn't sure if he was the one. I liked him - but the wanton side of me was still there. Our sex was just ok, and more than once I had to fantasize about Robert in order to get off. Dennis had no idea about it and I figured it was a good thing.

I was sitting leisurely on the couch, drink in hand when Robert arrived with a woman at his side. She looked very cultured and I immediately got jealous. I wondered how long they were together. I hadn't spoken to Robert in at least 3 months and he never said anything about it before.

He introduced her as Pamela and she nodded politely to my parents. I began to hate her.

Next in was Brett. I quickly avoided his eyes as he ushered in a trashy looking blond. It was the first time I had seen him since that night. Robert told me that he always asked for me, but our secret would be safe with him. I hoped it would be.

"Who are those guys?" Dennis asked.

"They're my cousins," I said, clenching my jaw. "I'll be right back, I have to use the bathroom."

I went down the hall to bathroom hoping that Robert had seen me. I waited for ten minutes, but he never came. I sighed and went back to join Dennis. He was talking with my father about some financial something or other. I pretended to listen while I spied on Robert and Pamela. At least he noticed me and his face lit up. He brought her over.

I stood up and gave him a brief hug. When I pulled back, he smiled that old smile at me. I half smiled back.

"Beth - I want you to meet Pamela, my fiancée."

That was the hardest dinner in my life to choke down. I sat next to dinner and willed a few pieces of turkey into me. I didn't have any problem with the wine, though. After my fourth class Dennis whispered something about me getting drunk. I ignored it and tried to hide my sullenness. I didn't want Robert to see how upset I was.

I'm not sure if anyone knew just how upset I really was, but people avoided me a little after dinner. My mother asked me if I felt ok, so I told her I really wasn't and I needed to lay down. Dennis, always the faithful one, offered to come upstairs and sit with me. I smiled wanly and told me it ok - he could watch football with the guys.

I was alone in my old room. Tears were rapidly welling up in my eyes. I couldn't believe they were getting married, but I had to accept the reality of the whole thing. He deserved to have a life with someone who could be committed to him. We couldn't do that - we would be the disgrace of the family and I could never do that to our parents. We had talked about it enough times.

I lay on my bed thinking about it for a long time and then at last I fell asleep.

A knock on the door woke me and I told whoever to come in. I figured Dennis was checking on me.

But then I smelled him. I knew his smell. It musky and sexy and it always drove me wild. I turned over to look at him with bleary eyes. Suddenly I wasn't rational anymore. I didn't want to lose him to that ice queen. With anger welling up inside of me, I beat his chest with my fists and he had to grip my arms hard to stop me. I shook my full head of hair and tried to get away from him.