Chapter 15

The beginning of an Airline!

Another year and a half passed and I had purchased my own Lear Jet. I was finally going into business for myself. We had sold the house and used that money for collateral along with three contracts I had signed with companies that saw the benefits of using another company to fly their corporate people. The money was better and I spent less time flying. I hired Richard Withers to co-pilot and to take over flying when I bought another Jet, which was my plan, to expand.

Often on short trips, Richard flew by himself and I would remain home to spend time with Sue, Jay and Lin. Sue and I were shopping on Thursday afternoon and as we walked around looking at clothes for Lin I noticed Sue staring at me.

"What is it?" I asked looking puzzled.

"I can't remember the last time we went shopping together." I put my arm around her squeezing.

"It is nice. Isn't it?"

"How long will it last?" she asked.

"The more contracts I sign will mean more flying but nothing like it was in the past. I promise!"

"I hope not, I don't like you being away so often."

"Give me five years and we will retire to a life of togetherness. Maybe sooner than that if everything goes as planned. Just think, we will have our own airline."

"Jay, you know none of that means anything to me if it keeps us apart."

"I feel the same way but I don't want you and the kids to want for anything. If that means I have to be the bad person, go out, and make a living, then I am the bad person. That gives me an idea. Why don't you fly with me sometimes and help out."

"Doing what?"

"I can't think of a more beautiful stewardess than you. I would not want you to lower yourself, but we would be together more often. We could consider them honeymoons."

"I don't know. I wouldn't want to leave the kids."

"It would not be all the time. Just when we are lonely for each other."

"I am lonely all the time we are apart." She said.

"Me too. Think about it. Besides, I would not have to pay you." I said laughing.

"You stinker!" she replied.

"Seriously, I would pay you but it would be a tax write off.

"Maybe Genie or Joni would want to do it!" she said suggesting. I thought about the pros and cons of that idea as we walked. If I was to stray, I could not do it around Joni. I knew if Genie agreed she might not think too much of the idea of me going out on Sue either. However, I knew she would not say anything if I did. We said nothing else about it that day. We shopped awhile and were to meet Wes and Cynthia for dinner at a seafood restaurant in the mall at five thirty.

Seeing Christi!

We all arrived on time, greeted one another and sat down to dine. It had been over a year since we had seen them. Many things had changed during this time so we had plenty to talk of. After dinner, on the way out of the restaurant, Wes and I went to the restroom.

"We are going shopping and meet you here in an hour." Sue stated. She knew I did not have the patience to shop with she and Cynthia. I nodded OK. Wes and I walked around and talked of everything. We were standing in front of a sports store.

"Hi, guys!" I turned to look and Christi was standing with a smile.

"Hi." We both said.

"Are you two doing a little shopping?"

"No, we are waiting on the wives. They are spending the money today." Wes stated. I just stood looking at her not knowing what to say. She looked nice. She was looking at me as she spoke. I knew she wanted to say something to me but she didn't.

"I have got to go. You two take care." She said and walked away. She took a few steps and I called at her.

"Christi!" She stopped and turned to look. I walked to her.

"You wanted to say something just then. What were you wanting to say?"

"If you know I wanted to say something, then you know what I wanted to say." She replied being hesitant, not wanting to make a fool of herself again.

"Can I see you?" I asked.

"When?"

"Can I take you to lunch tomorrow?"

"I am at lunch from twelve to one. I am at Doctor Benson's office on Park Avenue. Wes can give you my number."

"I'll see you tomorrow." I said as we parted.

"What was that all about?" He asked.

"Give me her number and don't worry about it." I said. I memorized it as he told me.

"You are fucking up!" He stated while shaking his head.

Making A Big Mistake!

I got up earlier, excited about meeting Christi for lunch. I made coffee and drank two cups before Sue came into the kitchen. I fixed her toast and coffee as I had.

"You are up early this morning." She said with curiosity.

" I want to visit three prospective clients today. If I can sign them, I will need another plane."

"Good luck!" she responded.

I left the house at nine and drove to the airport to plan next weeks schedule with Richard. We met and discussed the agenda for the next week until eleven fifteen and I left to pick Christi up for lunch. I was a few minutes early and waited in the car. As she came out, I thought how pretty she was. I got out, greeted her with a hug and kiss, and opened the door for her. I drove not knowing where I wanted to go.

"I'm sorry, where would you like to eat? I had planned for us to eat at Griffin's but I am not that hungry."

"I'm not that hungry either. Where ever you want to go is fine with me." She replied.

"I want to go to your house so you can fix us a peanut butter sandwich." I said. We laughed remembering the past.

"There's not enough time and get back by one." She stated.

"Call in and take the afternoon off."

"I can't afford to take off and what about my car?" I looked at her smiling as I slowed down stopping along the curb.

"Don't worry, I will take care of that. Let's go back and get your car and I will follow you home. I've got a couple of appointments later this afternoon but we can spend some time together." I explained with an almost aggressive tone. She agreed and we drove to her house that was a twenty-minute drive from her work.

As I followed her, I began thinking of how I wanted to deal with this. I did not in any way during our time together want to seem weak at this point for a reason. I was, in a small way, hurting inside from what she had done to me in the past. That was the one situation in my life I had no control. I felt almost helpless thinking about it. This was going nowhere between us and I knew it in my heart. Maybe if I reenacted our relationship in a small way I could control it this time. I did not love her anymore but this time I will end it on my terms. I would leave all options open so she would never think it was over. I would let it drag on indefinitely throwing her a morsel of hope from time to time.

My stomach was in knots as we entered her house. I had questions that I needed answered and I was not sure if there were any. Suddenly I felt three years of mental anguish for what she had done but I maintained my composure.

"You can eat something but I am not hungry." I said sitting down at the table.

"Are you sure? I'm going to have a sandwich."

"I'm sure." I replied waiting for her to join me at the table. She called her office and then made her a sandwich. My mind flashed back to that first weekend we spent together and how shy I was. That person did not exist anymore. I felt nothing like that now. I was curious to know if she was going to answer questions or justify what she had done. I would use all of the abilities within me to assess her true feeling and come up with a solution that would clear her out of my mind forever. I watched her eat as we grinned at one another. We were possibly thinking some of the same thoughts of the past. I waited until she had finished her sandwich and was about to ask her a question when she asked.

"Why did you do me that way when I came by your mom's house?"

"I have a better question. Why did you tear my heart out?" I said staring into her eyes with a straight face. That question put an almost shocked expression on her face.

"Well, it didn't take you long to get over it."

"What makes you think I got over it?"

"I didn't hear or see anything of you for three years." She answered with an almost arrogant tone.

"Before we go any further I want you to know this. I loved you more than anyone could love another person and I thought you felt the same way. When you broke up with me, it literally destroyed my heart but I was not going to beg you. I would have been a bigger fool if I had." I explained feeling some anger.

"When you went into the army I thought you were trying to get away from me because I wanted us to get married. When you left, I felt empty and alone. I have no real reason for what I did. It just happened. I am sorry for what I did and I am paying for it now. Time has made me realized the mistakes I had made and that I still love you. I think Jake knew I still loved you. That is probably was why our marriage did not last. I tried several times to find out where you were so I could explain it to you but I couldn't locate you." She explained and began crying. I went over to her, knelt down and put my arms around her. "I love you Jay, is there any way for us to be together again?" I did not answer knowing that would never happen. However, I switched into my compassion mode.

I held her until she stopped crying. I kissed her wondering if I would feel anything but there was nothing left in my heart for her. As she kissed me, I felt her passion as she began unbuttoning my shirt. I could feel the desperation in her heart and decided not to hurt her in the swift way she hurt me. Things would never be the same between us. However, I would give her an opportunity to end it gracefully if she wanted to. With my shirt undone, she began pushing it over my shoulders. I stood up pulling her with me and then kissed her. She took my hand and led me to her bedroom. As we entered, she turned the light on and led me to the bed.

"You know it may never go any farther than this with us." I said giving her the final option to stop. She remained silent not giving any indication of wanting to. I unbuttoned her blouse, removed it along with her bra. I pulled her to me feeling the warmth of her skin next to mine, as I caressed her back. I sat on the bed removing the rest of my clothes as she did the same. She stood to pull the covers down and we laid on the sheet kissing. She positioned her upper body on top of me kissing my neck and chest caressing my body with her hand. She began kissing her way down my stomach.

"What is this?" she asked with her hand on my side feeling my scar then moving her head to look at it.

"That's where I got hit with shrapnel in Nam. It's the other one in a pair." I said pointing to my neck. She looked at them.

"You were wounded."

"Yes, I thought you knew. I assumed you knew." I replied.

"What happened?"

"A mortar exploded near me and a peace of it hit me. A bullet did this one."

"What were you doing?"

"Later, I'm busy right now." I said smiling at her.

I positioned myself on top of her as she spread her legs. I penetrated her taking my time making it last until I finally came in her. We lay beside each other for a few minutes as I thought what my plans would be for us. I knew whatever I wanted she would do. Still having a glimpse of hope there may be a chance for us. If not, I knew she was willing to except whatever terms I would lay down before her. I don't know why I could not see in her heart back then, when it is so clear to me now. Maybe I was not looking for any signs at that time. I just assumed we would be together forever. Now that I think of it, after she dumped me was when I finally realized the acuteness of my senses.

"Is this our last time together?" she asked. I turned to look at her as she stared into the ceiling not wanting to hear my answer.

"I will leave that for you to answer. I would like to see you again."

"Will this be the only way for us to be together, at my house, or some motel?"

"Did you know I have my own company, flying?"

"Yes, Wesley told me."

"So you are still checking on me."

"We talk of you from time to time. He said you are doing well."

"I would like you to fly with me sometime when I stay overnight. If you want to."

"I would love to but I can't during the week. Work you know!"

"We can work something out." I said throwing her a morsel.

"Can I ask you something about you and your wife?" she asked rolling over, putting her arm and leg over my body and looking in my eyes. I looked into hers.

"If you think you can handle the truth, ask away." I replied having an idea what she wanted to know.

"You said you loved her. Why are you here?"

"I'm here because I can't help myself and yes I love her."

"What do you mean you can't help yourself?"

"My old girlfriend dumped me when I went into the army and screwed my mind up with women."

"You're laying the blame on me, that's not fair!"

"If you only knew what you did to me. My head wasn't screwed on right for three years." I replied knowing it would confuse her and make her wonder often what may have been. I was applying a little mental torture.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. I wish I could take it back."

"Wes never said anything to you about it?"

"I would ask him questions about you but he wouldn't tell me anything like that. He was afraid you would find out and go crazy. He did tell me that you have had some girlfriends."