Chapter 11

My sins catching up!

The next day while at work, I received a call from the Health and Human Services department.

"Mr. Lamour." she asked.

"Yes, this is he." I answered.

"This is Elaine Johnson, Your wife gave us this number to reach you. I discussed nothing with her. We have a letter from the Human Services Department in Los Angles saying they have a child of a Lin Chi in their care that you may be the father.

"Ms. Johnson, I have never been to Los Angles. I believe you have the wrong Lamour.

"It is a Vietnamese child, a six month old baby girl. Were you not in Vietnam last year? She asked.

"Yes but that doesn't make it mine." I replied.

"They are saying you may be the father, and would like a blood sample from you. You may come in at anytime and we will take the sample here."

"I have no intentions of coming down there Ms. Johnson. If you do not mind, I would rather you did not contact me anymore. That is all I have to say, good-bye!" I said hanging up on her.

"Damn! That is all I need now, Lin Chi blaming her kid on me!" I said to myself. The rest of the day I could not keep my mind on work. I was glad I did not have any students scheduled for this afternoon.

After work, I went directly home and took a shower. Sue asked me what they wanted but I told her nothing. After I had gotten out of the shower, I was in the bedroom dressing.

"Jay, what did they want?" she asked.

"I told you nothing, why do you ask me again."

"I feel it in my heart, I know there was something to that call."

"You feel it in your heart? You think you are getting pretty good at Mind Game, don't you?" I asked.

"Jay, What did they want with you?" she asked with a firm voice. I knew there was no way out of answering.

"A Ms. Johnson from Human Services said that the Human Services Department in LA say they have a six month old baby girl in their care, that I might be the father. I told her I have never been to LA and not to call me anymore that I am not the father." I explained.

"What else? I know that was not all to the conversation." She said.

"It's a Vietnamese baby, they want me to have a blood test and I told them no! Sue, we don't need that in our lives now or ever." I walked to the back door looking out into space as she followed and stood behind me. I could feel her eyes penetrating me. "Our sins follow us wherever we go don't they." I said.

"You mean like Jay!" she replied, with a sad voice. I looked at her with anger.

"Don't ever say that again! Not about him." I stated. "Jay is an exception. I love and want him.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it that way."

"We are not going to get involved!" I said as I walked into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee as she continued following me. I put my hands on the counter and leaned over holding my head down thinking of what I had done. "I'm sorry to have brought this on you. Please don't hate me." I said looking back at her. She walked over to me and put her arm around mine.

"Who is the mother?" she asked.

"A girl I knew, Lin Chi, she took care of my living area."

"Did you do it with her?" she asked.

"Of course I did, I won't deny that!" I stated.

"I didn't mean it that way. What was she to you is what I meant."

"My last few months, we sort of had a thing. I helped her out with a few things and she helped me out. She may have been seeing someone else too! She lived off post so I could not know what she was doing after five o'clock. I saw her early in the morning or at the most once every other week. I sort of promised her that I would marry her and bring her to the states." I explained.

"Why didn't you bring her?"

"Isn't that obvious, I used her while I was over there. I never had any intention to bring her home."

"Let us say that the baby is yours, wouldn't you want to know?" She asked.

"You mean like Jay."

"There may be a part of you out there. Don't you want to find it if there is?" She asked.

"I don't want to find out anything that is not part of you!" I stated.

"This is a part of me, because it is part of you! Does that make sense?" she asked.

"Yes, that makes sense but you act as though it would be all right with you if it turned out that I had another child."

"I'm saying that I will accept it if you will. Jay, I know your heart well enough to know that if you have a daughter out there that you would love her, no matter what the circumstances."

"Do you think I should have the blood test done?" I asked.

"I don't see it any other way."

"Do you promise me this, either way, it will not affect your love for me?" I asked putting my hand on her cheek.

"No! I cannot promise that. I believe I will love you more if you do the right thing." I looked at her discerning what she had just said to me. What I had thought her reaction might have been was not how she reacted. I decided to do what she was suggesting.

"I will call Mrs. Johnson tomorrow." I stood staring into space for a few moments trying to think this through.

Jay began crying and I went into the den to check on him. He was standing at the edge of the playpen as I picked him up and held him.

"What do you think about all of this son? Come on tell daddy. I will listen to what you say." I said playing with him. Sue came over saying she needed to change his diaper and feed him. I went out on the porch and sat thinking for a while until she called me in for supper.

The following morning at ten o'clock, I called Children services.

"Mrs. Johnson, I talked it over with my wife last night. I decided to take the blood test. Can I ask how is Lin, or do you know?" I asked.

"I'm sorry Mr. Lamour the letter stated the baby was brought over by Lin's brother. Lin Chi, the baby's mother had been killed in an explosion where she worked. A letter addressed from your mother was with the baby. Apparently, she obtained one of your letters to find your address. The brother left the child at the human services department along with the letter and disappeared. They have not heard from him sinse."

"How long will the blood test take Ms. Johnson?" I asked.

"We send it off, and with all the paper work involved it will be three to five weeks." She replied.

"Why so long? You mean I have to wait and worry for five weeks to find out if I am the real father. What if I decide not to have the blood test? Can I just go out there and get her?"

"I don't know. I would have to call them and ask what is their policy in this situation."

"Would you do that today and call me this afternoon?"

"I can try but I can't promise anything." She said.

"I would appreciate it very much if you could do that. I will be expecting your call today. Thank you very much, bye!"

While working that day, I could think of nothing else. I anticipated her call all afternoon. At four thirty, I became anxious and called her.

"This is Jay Lamour, have you heard anything from LA." I asked.

"I talked to a Mr. Keeton, he was trying to reach the Judge in charge of Child Custody. He anticipated no problems, but custody would have to be decided by the Judge. Our office will close at five and if I do not hear from him before then. It will be tomorrow at the earliest."

"Will you please call me as soon as you hear something Mrs. Johnson?" I asked.

"I sure will, but don't get your hopes too high!"

"I don't know if I have any hopes. I just want to do the right thing for the baby."

"That's a beginning, I am sure you will do the right thing! I gather your wife is supporting you in this matter?" She inquired.

"She is very supportive. We have a twenty-month-old son now. By the way, I apologize for my behavior yesterday. Your call had taken me by surprise and I was not prepared for anything like this." I explained.

"I'm sure everything will work out for you. I will call you as soon as I hear anything. Bye now!" she concluded.

I was still feeling anxious after talking with her. I was not sure how I felt but I was curious about the baby! I suddenly thought about Lin and wondered what actually happened to her. I felt bad about what I had said the last time I was with her. I should not have been so cruel. It has only been a year but seemed a million years.

Sue was waiting for me at the door, curious as to what I had to say. She had that "Well What Happened" look on her face as I entered the door.

"Hi Sweet heart!" I said, as I kissed her.

"Well! Tell me!"

"I spoke to her this morning. I told her I was willing to take the blood test. Then I asked her, if I could go to LA and get the baby without taking a blood test. She called the family services and spoke to the caseworker. He was trying to get in touch with the judge. No one can reach the judge today and he has to make that decision. She will call me as soon as she hears anything." I explained.

"When do you think that will be?" she asked.

"Maybe tomorrow, but that wasn't all! Lin died in an explosion and apparently she had taken a letter from my locker that mom had sent me that had our home address on it. Her brother brought the baby to the US and left her with Family Services along with my letter and they have not heard from him sinse. Sue, she is alone! Without her mother, what do I do? You know you were right! I feel in my heart that I need to go to Las Angeles regardless of what they say!" I explained.

"What ever you decide, I will be with you!"

"Are you sure? What if, after all this we end up with the baby and find out later that I am not the biological father. How do you think you will feel then?" I asked.

"I will have a free baby without having to endure the nine months. Can I ask you something? Did you know she was pregnant?"

"Before I answer you need to know the circumstances. Let's go sit down." I said as we went into the den and sat on the couch facing one another.

"First, you do remember how I was when I went over there. During a war, you do not worry about relationships. You are a thousand miles from home and away from real life. If you want sex, you go out and buy it. If you see, a girl and you want to be with her you lie and promise them anything. You think of them as prostitutes.

At the time, I thought myself to be lucky because I had a girl nearby that I did not have to give ten dollars every time I had sex with her. I gave her a few things and money occasionally and I also told her that we would get married and I would bring her to the US. I knew there was no way I was going to do that, but I said it anyway just to get what I wanted.

When it came time for me to leave, I just told her to get the hell out of my life. She said then that she was pregnant, but I thought she was saying that to get me to marry her. I left not giving it another thought. You don't understand how it was over there, so I don't expect you to understand what I just explained to you." I said trying to get her to understand.

"I don't understand everything you are saying, but I will accept, that it was like that because you said it was. Also, by what you just told me I would have been suspicious when she said she was pregnant!"

"Sue, I am sorry for the things I have done to hurt other people during those three years. Yet, I feel now these things will be catching up to me for the rest of my life, occasionally sneaking up on me as it did yesterday. I am afraid you are in for some disappointments. I have done some sorry things in my life but you know some of them first hand don't you?"

"We will just have to work them out together each time they come. But I don't know how many more children I can take in!" she said smiling.

"None I hope!" I responded.

"Are you hungry? I need to work on supper." She said.

"Very hungry! I'm going to shower then play with Jay." I replied.

"I have some questions I want to ask you later!" she stated.

"What kind of questions?"

"I just want to talk with you in the form of questions. You know, what is your favorite color and so on." She joked.

"You are going to ask me some embarrassing questions, aren't you? Like how many times I have cheated on you, or how many whores have I been with in the past month, that kind of thing."

"No, there are things I am curious about and I would like to know the answers so go take a shower and we can talk later."

After supper, we watched television for a couple of hours and fell asleep lying next to each other. Jay woke Sue up and she woke me up to get in the bed at one thirty.

The next day after lunch, I received a call from Mrs. Johnson.

"This is Jay speaking!

"Mr. Lamour, I have some good and bad news.

"Give me the bad first." I stated.

"You and your wife are going to have to go before the Judge and plead your case before he will make a decision." She said.

"Is that all the bad news?" I asked.

"Without the blood test you will have to convince him that you are fit and that you can support another child." She continued.

"The good news?"

"He is very susceptible to being lenient in these situations, if he is persuaded." She answered.

"That is very good news Mrs. Johnson. Thank you!" I replied.

"Mister Lamour, I have never met you but I am going to send a letter of recommendation to Mr. Keeton." She stated.

"That is very nice of you, I can't thank you enough!"

"Tomorrow, I will have the date and time you need to be in LA. Call me at two o'clock for that information, will that be all right with you?" She asked.

"That will be fine with me, I will call at two o'clock." I confirmed.

I called Sue immediately. I wanted her to know what I had discussed with Ms. Johnson. I gave her all the details of our conversation and waited for a response. I knew she had her own thoughts about this. I felt she was being honest with me but I was not 100 percent positive. I needed to know for sure that she would accept the baby as a part of her life.

"What do you think? Do you believe I am doing the right thing? If not, you need to let me know now!"

"I believe you are doing the right thing." She said.

"I need to talk to you about this, but I need to be face-to-face. I need to see what is in your heart. I can't do it over the phone and be 100 percent sure!"

"I am being 100 percent honest with you!"

"I'm sure you are, but I need to be with you. I am going to come home early today."

"Do you want to have supper early tonight?"

"That will be fine. I will see you when I get home." After hanging up the telephone, I began thinking. She would tell me not to abandon the baby, because in her heart that would be the right thing for me to do. Even so, in her heart does she want the baby?

After supper, we sat down to drink coffee together and talk.

"How does this situation affect your feelings for me or our marriage?" I asked bluntly.

"I love you! Nothing can change that!" she replied.

"Damn it Sue! Do you want the baby or not! I am not asking you if it is the right thing to do! If your not going to love the baby, then we do not need to pursue this any further!" I said losing my temper. She began crying. I knelt down next to her chair and pulled her head to my shoulder.

"Are you crying because I yelled at you or because you do not know how to answer me?" I asked. I did not push her for an answer. "I am sorry. I did not mean to hurt you. I do not even know if she is mine, but I already feel a certain amount of love for her. Maybe, I feel sorry for her, for being abandoned." I explained.

"I can not say at this moment that I love her. I can say that if we get her, I will treat her as my own. I may fall in love with her the second I see her. I do not know. But, you know in your heart I will try." She explained.

"I know you will. I think I just wanted you to say plainly that you want her unconditionally. Maybe you have already bought her a baby bed or you have opened her a checking account or something like that." I said being facetious.

"I will accept her unconditionally! The same way I accepted you!" she said with a grin.

"I can live with that!"

"Can I ask you a silly question?" she asked.

"OK! Here it comes, what is it."

"I know you didn't with me, but have you ever use a condom?" she asked.

"What for! I can't get pregnant!" I said being facetious.

"What I mean to ask is, do you expect any more surprises like this?" she asked.

"You want to know how many women I have slept with! Is that it? Why don't you just ask me how many women have you slept with." I said.

"How many?" she asked with a curious look on her face.

"Am I to include all the sluts and prostitutes?" I asked while smiling.

"Yes! I am just curious!"

"I haven't thought about it, I really don't know!" I answered.

"Twenty, thirty. Fifty, I'm sure you can count them!" She stated.

"No! What do you think I am? I hesitated momentarily, thinking. "Maybe twenty or thirty." I answered.

"I'm just curious! She stated.

"Curiosity killed the cat, you know!" I replied laughing.

"Don't make fun of me, please." She said with a serious expression on her face.

"How am I supposed to take this serious? It's embarrassing talking to you about these things" I replied defending myself.

"Don't be! It is kind of like the kids asking you about your medals. They want to here about those things because they are curious. I'm curious about your private life." She explained.

"Do you promise you won't throw it back in my face later?" I asked.

"I promise I won't!"

"What do you want to know then?"

"How many girls had you been with, when you were stationed at Knox, before you met me?" I thought for a minute counting in my head.

"A couple! But I was not serious with any of them."

"How many women have you loved in your life?" she asked.

"Two! You and Christi! But I don't love her anymore." I said, as I leaned over and kissed her. We went into the den, played with Jay for a while, watched television until ten o'clock, and then went to bed. We lay silently for fifteen minutes or so.

"Jay?"

"Yes."

"Why are you careless when it comes to women?"

"I think it goes back to being hurt. I suppose it is my way of getting revenge. However, I am not like that anymore. You have taken that away from me. I mean that in a wonderful way."

"I'm glad to be of service to you." She said and smiled.

The next afternoon I called Mrs. Johnson.

"Hello! Mrs., Johnson, have you found out anything?" I asked.

"Good news! Can you be in Los Angeles Monday at ten o'clock?" she asked.

"That is short notice, but we will be there!" I answered.

"OK then! Come by the office tomorrow morning and I will give you the forms to fill out and you need to fill in all the information they ask, before you give them to the judge. He might ask you questions about anything you put on these forms, so make sure they are correct. Do you understand?" she explained.

"Yes Ma'am, I understand. I will come by tomorrow and pick them up. I appreciate everything you are doing for us." I said.

"Your welcome! I hope everything works out for you. I will see you tomorrow!" She said as we hung up.

I knew Sue would want to know the results of our conversation but I had gotten behind on my work. I also had two students this afternoon that I scheduled for lessons. I thought I would tell her when I got home but I knew she would want to know sooner than later. I worked until five fifteen and decided to call her before my first student arrived at five thirty.

"Hi sweetie!" I said as she answered the phone.

"Hi! You haven't left work yet!' she asked.

"I just got off but I'm waiting for one of my students. I have "two" today. I forgot to let you know this morning." I explained.

"Well! What happened?" she asked.

"We have to be in Los Angeles Monday at ten o'clock. Do you think we can make it?" I asked because of the finances.

"We'll have to use some of our savings." She said.

"I can probably get us a flight there and back for a little or nothing. I have a few friends who might could pull some strings." I suggested.

"That would be a big help with the money situation." she replied.

"I know! It is tuff right now, but give me a year and you will not have to worry about those things. I will get my instrument rating in the next two months and my commercial license won't be that much longer." I stated.

"Don't over extend yourself, we are doing all right." She replied.

"I'll talk to you tonight, my student is here." I said as we hung up.

After the lessons, I called Mac to see if he could help me

Going to LA

"Mac! I need your help with something. I explained the situation to him, not knowing what his reaction would be about the baby. "Do you know anyone flying to LA this weekend?" I asked.

"Damn Jay! You got yourself in a mess! You couldn't keep it in your pants could you?" he asked laughing.

"Come on Mac! This is serious. I need your help!"

"And Sue is OK with this? I wouldn't be surprised if she left you!"

"Do you know anyone going out their Mac?" I said firmly.

"Where are you?"

"I'm in the hanger, but I am leaving to go home when I get off the telephone."

"Let me call around and I will call you in an hour or so at home." He replied.

"I'll be waiting."

Awhile after I had been home, he called.

"Your in luck Jay! I spoke to two people. Raymond Davenport with Cox Construction is flying down Sunday morning and will be there until Thursday. John Whitely with Houston Oil Co. is flying to LA Monday morning at eight but is returning Wednesday. Both of them said they would be glad to give you a ride." He gave me their numbers as I wrote them down. "Figure out your best plan and call them tomorrow. They will be waiting to hear from you. I hope you two are making the right decision!" he said.

"We are Mac, and you know we appreciate your help." I replied.

"Are you still on for next weekend? You need to mix with these people. Most of these guys own airplanes." He explained.

"Unless something else comes up about this situation, we will be going!" I said.

"Let me know if you need anything else, OK!"

"I will thanks again! I'll talk to you later." We hung up.

Sue was sitting with me reading the numbers I had written on the pad.

"Those are the flights to LA that I need to call tomorrow." I said.