Chapter 9

The Russell Apartment
7:28 p.m.

"Micheal?" She looks over at him, chewing the popcorn she'd made to go with the movie she'd picked up this morning for them to watch tonight. "I don't want you to get rid of the house." "Alright" she says shrugging looking back to the TV watching the movie. "Just like that? Now you're not going to do whatever?" he asks in disbelief at how nonchalant she's acting. "Yeah." she answers shrugging again shoving a fist-full of popcorn in her mouth, her eyes never leaving the screen. "How much is that house worth?"

"I don't know. 10... 20 million maybe." she answers him chewing, still not really paying attention to him. "Micheal look at me." he says sternly. She sighs and hits 'pause' turning to look at him, "What?"

"Just because I asked you to you're not going to get rid of the house?"

"I thought you just asked me that?"

"Humor me."

"Yes Jarod because you asked me to I'm not getting rid of the house." she answers slowly as if she's speaking to a learning impaired person. "Now you're just being a smart-ass."

"Fine, the only reason I was getting rid of it is because I didn't think you'd want me to own it. But since, you're the one telling me you want me to keep it, I will. How's that?" she explains again hoping she can finish watching this movie. "I can't believe you were going to destroy a 20 million dollar house."

"It's not like we're ever going to use it. And I know you'll never sleep in THAT bed again." She picks up the remote from the coffee table beginning to press 'play', he snatches the remote out of her hand stopping the movie and she turns back to face him. "Now what?"

"I think we should talk about this."

"About what? There's nothing to talk about. You don't want me to get rid of it so I'm not. End of conversation." she finishes snatching the remote back, starting the movie up again.

Micheal hears him huffing beside her so she hits 'pause' stopping the movie again and turns to face him, "What!?"

"Nothing" he sighs out slightly shaking his head. "Don't give me that 'nothing' bullshit, what is it?"

"Nothing" he repeats just looking at the frozen screen. "Jarod I'm warning you, speak now or forever hold your peace. I hear you sighing and huffing over here and it's really getting on my nerves so if you have something to say, spit... it... out."

"I just still can't believe you were going to destroy that beautiful house that's all."

"Why? Do you want to live there?"

"No"

"Then why should I really keep it? Would you like me to give it to your parents?"

"NO!"

"Then what is it you can't believe?"

"I don't know. It was just so beautiful I can't imagine it not being there anymore that's all. And who knows, maybe we WILL use it some times."

"Oh yeah? Like when? I can just picture us taking our kids there. 'Oh little Jaden this is where your mommy got fucked tied to a bed'" she comments sarcastically, frowning at him.

Jarod looks at her stunned by her words, "I can't believe you just said that."

"Why? It's the truth, you saw it yourself."

"No, I mean the part about little Jaden. You'd never saying anything like that to them and we both know it. And yes, I COULD see us taking our children there." he answers matter-a-factly. "I think this is the stupidest conversation we've ever had." she says starting to laugh and he starts to laugh with her, knowing she's right. He leans over and gives her a quick kiss. "So, are you over your huffing now?"

"Yes, just as long as you're not getting rid of the house."

"I already told you I'm not. And by the way, it's name is 'Pacifica' in case I didn't mention it."

"It has a name? I didn't know houses had name's?"

"Some do, some don't. It just depends on the owners" she answers shrugging starting the movie up again.

"I don't want you to get it pierced again." she comments chewing her popcorn watching the screen totally missing his head snapping over to look at her. "Excuse me?" asking cause he's not sure he heard her right. Micheal waves her hand at him, almost as if she was shooing him away, "It was just a joke." she says still watching 'The whole nine yards', "This is soo fake, but he just gets better looking!" she laughs out watching the movie about the mafia. "Who?" he asks looking at the screen and his eyes about pop out at the naked girl standing in a room holding a 9mm. "Bruce Willis. God he's just too gorgeous for his own good." she answers as she imagines him naked and under her. Jarod sees the smile on her face getting wider and wider as she keeps watching the screen with glazed eyes. "I can't believe you." he comments frowning at her and turns back to the screen, crossing his arms. "What? Like you haven't pictured that naked girl sucking you? Besides, it's not like he's going to come knocking on our door wanting to throw me down on the floor to fuck me or something." she defends laughing at him, knowing his was simming things about that girl.

Jarod looks over to her with a flabbergasted look on his face at her even thinking that he would be thinking of some woman like that, that he's never even met before. "Oh drop that 'What do you mean? I'm in angel' look. You've probably already fucked her three times in your head. So, was she any good?"

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Know what I'm thinking?"

"I was right? Really?" she asks in awe considering she was only guessing and only got threw one very long scenario with Bruce. "Well... four actually." he answers honestly. "FOUR! I only got threw one! She must not be very good."

"You never answered my question."

They both turn to face each other and Micheal sits Indian style on the couch. She takes his hands in hers and closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. In an accented voice she says, "Hello... I'm Sydney I'll be taking care of you for a while... Out of all of the others he's shown more talent in 36 hours. He's the one we've been waiting for." Jarod sits there stunned to his very soul as Micheal becomes Sydney right in front of him, saying things that only the two of them would know about. His mouth drops open as she instantly becomes him, her voice dropping down in tone as she says, "Well... I only need it to last 296" she sucks in her breath deeply as she feels his experience then just as quickly is back to normal but still him, "I seem to have trouble holding down a steady job. I get bored pretty easily."

Micheal shakes her head to clear it of him and his personality. She takes a deep breath trying to rid herself of the adrenaline rush from him bungee jumping off of a bridge. "But, how... why didn't you"

"Tell you that I'm a pretender as well?" she finishes for him. Jarod just nods 'yes' thinking. "I still would have told you everything even if you kept talking." she comments smiling. "Stop getting in my head." he says playfully slapping her thigh, smiling at her. "Sorry, it's a habit. It some times happens when I really don't want it to. If I concentrate on a person or get to know them it's easier to just slip away. I've been doing it a lot more lately with out even meaning to. That's why I got so hot in the grocery store. The girl ringing us up was sick and I became her not meaning to and I just couldn't shake her. MY skills are allot different than yours. I can only pretend things from the past and present, nothing from events that has yet to occur, like you. Well... that's not completely true. If I have enough information about each individual and time to prepare I can run a complete simulation. My rate of success is not very high in those type of scenario's though. It's only about 80 to 90% accurate."

"That's pretty high considering you're not trained. Is your blood type AB as well?" Micheal just nods, "I was trained, for awhile anyway. But my grandfather took me out of the training program. He said that he didn't want me doing it anymore because of how upset I'd get. There were a few instances when it would take me too long to shake the other people I became and then one time I became someone, a young man, he had nothing to do with the simulation I was performing and I'd never met him or anything. I was so distraught by his experience that I became catatonic for about five or six hours. I felt..." She stops as a tear falls down her face remembering his feelings.

"What happened? What did you feel?" he asks softly, wiping away her tear from her cheek. Micheal takes his hand and kisses the palm trying hard to change the subject, not wanting to burden him with a horrible experience they both don't need. She knows if she gives him too much information about it he'll be able to relive it as if it were his own and not someone else's. "I don't want to talk about it. Just hold me." she says leaning into his chest wrapping her arms around his neck, crying silent tears as she relives it herself.

"Please tell me. What I'm imagining is probably ten times worse than the actual experience." he pleads softly, stroking her hair. She leans up wiping her tears away and looks in Jarod's eyes trying to tell how bad he really wants to find out. She could almost hear the wheels in his head turning at a rapid pace trying to figure it out for himself. "Alright, but only if you promise that you won't simulate the experience. It's bad enough that I have to carry this around I don't want you too either, OK? Promise?"

"I cross my heart and hope to die and stick a needle in my eye." he says smiling at her, repeating the oath she'd once given him. She smiles at him then leans over and takes a sip of her water, trying to relax.

Micheal moves to the far end of the couch away from him, not wanting to keep contact, afraid he'd slip into her memories of it. Jarod watches as she closes her eyes for a second taking a deep breath, twisting her neck trying to relax. Micheal just looks down at her hands folded in her lap as she relives the man's experience for the millionth time. "There are a few things I should tell you first" she begins looking up to his beautiful face and eyes, "One-I don't know who he is. I mean, I was never able to find out, they'd never tell me even though I could sense they instantly knew who'd I become. Two-If I pass out it's alright. It's normal for me when I become to much like the other person," she takes a deep breath letting it out slowly, "And Three-Afterwards I don't want you to touch me. I just don't like anyone to touch me for a little while after. It's not you, really. I just can't be touched until I can totally shake this particular person. I'm just going to tell you his feelings and emotions because I don't want to lose myself in him. I can't get that upset because of the baby. OK?"

"Can I give you a kiss before you start?" he asks smiling.

She smiles back, "I'd love one." she answers leaning over meeting him halfway. They slowly kiss each other's lips tenderly. He pulls back looking at her smiling at him, "Are you sure you want to hear this because your lips are telling me you don't?" she asks slyly, smiling out the corner of her mouth. "Sorry, I just get carried away sometimes when we kiss."

"Don't ever apologize about kissing me." She reaches over stroking his cheek for a second gathering strength. She sits back down in her spot on the opposite end and tries not to lose herself completely, jumping up from the couch she paces in front of the coffee table, walking the length of their living room fidgeting, pulling at her clothes as if they were strangling her. Like she couldn't breathe, like she was trapped by something unseen to him.

He just sits there quietly, his hands clasped together hanging between his slightly parted legs watching her pacing around the living room. Her eyes wildly searching for some kind of escape. Micheal keeps looking at her hands wiping them on her pants, the cotton gray pants that she has to wear every single day. She looks around her room, waiting for him to come to take her to the lab. He watches as she spins around facing the solid wall directly behind him. Micheal spins around as he opens her door, trying to hide her excitement of being and doing anything where other people are. He watches as she pulls at her neck again and her breaking out into a sweat, wiping her forehead, fidgeting, clenching her hands.

Jarod jumps when she swings around looking at someone only she can see, "I can't do this! Don't you understand? I'll do anything else you want. But this. this could kill millions, don't you get it. Once it's done it can never be undone." She rubs her forehead listening to him argue with her, "I said no. This type of vir" the arguing man interrupts her trying to explain their point, trying to make her understand they only want a cure or antidote, if and only if it was ever used. "Is it true what he said? Please, you have to tell me. Is it possible?" she rubs the back of her neck listening to him saying that it must be true. "I just don't know if I can do this." she says defeated hanging her head down still rubbing her neck trying to relieve some of her tension, listening to him asking her questions. "How can you ask me that? I want what everyone else wants. I want to be out of here!", she yells waving her arms around the room, gesturing at everything, "I want my..." she stops herself from saying it out loud and listens to his stupid question she knew was coming. "I want my freedom." she whispers with her head still down not wanting to see his eyes at her words, his ever present emotionless face, the constant control he has over his emotions and me, she thinks.

He gets up off the couch deciding he doesn't want to hear anymore, afraid she's too into this person, grabbing her arms from behind going to try to pull her out. Micheal starts struggling against his grip, "What are you doing?" almost screaming at the man in front of her as she watches him pulling out a gun from inside his jacket. He aims and fires killing her friend right in front of her, "NO! No!" She screams as tears stream down her face looking at her dead friend lying in front of her. Jarod lets go of her as she falls to the floor on her knees, crying over something. "No... Oh god, I did this... I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I'm sorry Kenny... I'm so sorry" she whispers laying her hand on friends still chest. Jarod sucks in his breath at her soft pleas knowing what she's reliving. Him. What happened to him at the hands of Damon. His lies and his betrayal, proving without a shadow of a doubt that they would never allow him to leave unless in death.

"Micheal? Micheal? Come out of it... come back now." he says sitting across from her on the floor, not touching her like she'd instructed eariler, afraid he might set her off again. Micheal hears someone talking but from a distance as she cries over his body, unable to believe it was all lies. She was never going to gain her freedom from this place. The center of hell is what this place should be called, she thinks, wiping away her tears. She looks around the empty lab hearing the voice again but, louder this time. She watches the dark colored walls dissolving around her into white walls with artwork hanging on them, looking over she sees one wall completely disappear revealing a skyline with the sun setting, the sky in so many different colors she can't count them all. Slowly a form appears in front of her, sitting there looking at her. For a few seconds she's not sure who it is looking at her frightened. She looks down at her hands clinching the creamy white carpet and his hands only an inch or so from hers.

"Jarod?" she mumbles finally registering who she is and who is sitting in front of her, looking up at him. "Welcome back. I was beginning to get worried that you were stuck there."

"I did it again, dammit. What is going on? Why can't I control this like I usually do?" she asks frustrated, starting to stand up. She sways, a little dizzy from the ordeal. Jarod jumps up and helps her sit down on the couch and hands her a glass of water. "I think it's the baby." he sees her face and her not understanding what he's referring to, "The reason why you're falling into the subject so easily. I think it's because of your hormones surging being pregnant."

"Christ, some genius I am. I can't believe I never even considered the baby." she comments shaking her head.

She gets up and heads to their bedroom, suddenly extremely exhausted. Jarod gets up from his seat giving her a few minutes alone and walks into their bedroom and finds her standing in front of the closet in only her panties, reaching for something inside. Micheal finally finds the silk negligee' she wants to wear for bed and slips it's thin straps from the velvet hanger, draping it over one arm. She turns and sees Jarod sitting on the side of the bed just watching her, "Is something wrong? You just have a funny look." He looks away at her words not wanting her to see his pain of her feeling his emotions. How his soul, hopes and dreams were ripped away in a split second when he saw Damon pull the trigger. His words sealing his fate or so he thought. "You did it, didn't you?" she accuses. He looks up confused for a second then remembers her making him promise not to sim the experience. "Micheal, it's not what you think, I know,"

"Dammit Jarod, you promised!" she cuts him off yelling, tears running down her cheeks at him having to carry this brand new pain with everything else he already carries.

He jumps up stopping her before she retreats into the bathroom, grabbing her upper arm and jerking her against his body to look in her eyes, "I didn't sim it!" releasing his grip he slides his hand down and grasps her's, lacing their fingers together. His eyes travel the path back from their hands to her face and eyes, that always take his breath away, "I didn't have to." he murmurs squeezing her hand gently. "What do you mean you didn't have to? The only person who wouldn't have to sim this would have to be the man him..." her ranting ends instantly realizing that all this time she'd been him. He was the one should could never really shake off, to drop as quickly as everyone else she'd ever become. She lets go of his hand and wraps her arms around his neck murmuring how sorry she is into his neck, trying to offer some kind of comfort for the pain and guilt she knew he must still carry for the death of his friend. Even she carried some guilt from the experience.

They both just stand there holding each other trying to soothe one another for something that wasn't either of their fault. "Why are you letting me hold you?" he whispers against her neck, holding her against him. Micheal pulls away a little bit just to see his face, "I don't know really, usually I can't stand for someone to touch me afterwards. I guess you're the exception to that rule, just like you're the exception to all my rules." she answers slightly smiling. "What rules would that be?" he pushes smiling back, wiping away the last of her tears. "You mean besides falling madly in love with you at first sight which I never do." she teases beginning to laugh at how he changed the subject so fast. "Yeah" he shrugs stoking her bare back, loving the feel of her soft skin. "Would you mind if I got ready for bed first? I really need to lie down."