Chapter 12

Micheal lifts his t-shirt up and off his body, "Do you think that you need therapy?" Jarod smirks, laying his hands on her hips, squeezing them gently. He lets out a low moan feeling her lips and tongue on his neck and shoulder. He runs his hands down her hips around to the back of her thighs and back up to just below her ass. She stands up straight, her hand on the back of his head pressing his mouth against her breast. Micheal throws her head back softly moaning, his mouth making her blood rush and flush her skin. She takes his hand away from her other breast guiding it down to where she's so hot and needy.

His suction increases as his thumb strokes her clit and he slides his index finger inside her slowly. He feels her internal flesh clinching his finger as well as her hands in his hair as he strokes her timidly, afraid he might hurt her. He skims his lips over and teases the nipple with his scorching breath before he envelopes it in his wet mouth. Micheal moves her hands to where they're on his shoulders, trying to stay standing. She pushes him back on top of the comforter and attacks his open and empty mouth. Jarod removes both hands, lifting her and turning over to where he's on top of her naked body.

He moves his hand's position on her lower back down to her ass and to the back of her thigh, lifting her leg laying it on his hip. She moans breathlessly into his mouth, feeling his fingers stroking over her wet and ready center. Her clit trapped between two of his fingers as he drags his hand back and forth, spreading her wetness all over her as he strokes in long languid motions designed to drive her insane. Her chest begins to ache with the effort it takes to breathe, shallow short pants all she can manage at the moment. Jarod moves his pelvis against her leg that's in between his, stroking his jean-covered erection showing her how much she turns him on.

Micheal flicks the button-fly jeans open then slides her hands just inside the waistband of his boxers, keeping them only on his lower back, not moving their position just using her nails to scratch softly. Jarod tears his lips away from hers, breaking the long sensual kiss, looking down to her red swelling lips. "We need to stop." he breathes out, trying to act sensibly but willing to give anything to be inside her again. To have her surrounding him again, to feel her orgasm shudder threw his body. Just the memory of the feeling makes him tremble with anticipation. "I don't care what they said. I want, no, need you to make love to me Jarod. I need to feel you inside me Baby. Please make love to me." she pleads softly, stroking the back of his head to his neck and the other hand running up and down the tense muscles in his back.

"We'll have to go really slow. I don't want to hurt you." he acquiesces, screaming 'Yes' in his head. Micheal nods starting to push his jeans down around his hips, taking the shorts with them. Jarod rolls over on to his back and helps her pull his pants down and off. She tosses them somewhere off the side of the bed as she half-way lays on his nude stretched out body. He turns to where they are laying on their sides and takes her in his arms, kissing her lips softly but with a fair amount of urgency. His hands taking on a life of their own, trying to feel her whole body all at once. "Slow down," she pulls back from his lips looking in his eyes, "We have all night. I'm not going anywhere, believe me." she gasps out then softly kisses his lips, starting with the bottom one then moving to the top one.

He did what he told her earlier he wanted to do, kiss every square inch of her body. By the time he slowly pushes inside her he's so close he has to use all his willpower to keep from cumming inside her with just the third deliberately tedious thrust. He raises up on his elbows looking down at her and sees the pain flashing across her face. "Maybe we should stop." he murmurs, scared he's hurting her. "No," she takes a deep breath willing the twinge of pain to stop, "I just forgot how big you actually are."

"I don't want to hurt you, we should stop." he argues starting to move off her body. Micheal takes his face in her hands turning his head to look at her, "I'm fine. I want this." she assures him looking in his eyes. "So do I, but I don't want to be the cause of your pain."

"But I do. Don't stop, make love to me." He leans down kissing her soft swollen lips. She runs her hands down from his face around to his back and down to his ass. She moans in his mouth feeling him stretching her and his muscles clenching and unclenching as he delicately flows in and out. He leans up scared her moans are in pain not pleasure, but can tell from the look on her face it's not pain she's feeling.

Jarod leans his forehead against hers, closing his eyes at the sensation of her silent orgasm and her juices dripping down his skin, "God, you feel so good." he whispers raggedly trying to hold back his own. His thrusts become shorter and faster as he finally lets go. Letting his body take over ignoring the tiny voice in his heart begging him to slow down, to not lose control. Micheal grabs the back of his head with one hand as the other digs her nails into his ass cheek, kissing him so hard their teeth scrape. He moves his right hand down and takes the leg on his hip, moving it to the crook of his arm, bringing it forward as he grinds his hips against hers, not even coming out of her at all. Jarod throws his head back groaning her name with every fountain of sperm shooting out of his body and into hers. Micheal runs her hand from around his head to the front of his tensed neck, feeling his cock erupting inside her, filling her with his semen, coating and covering her inner walls like hot lava and ash from a erupting volcano.

Micheal sits on the floor, her back against the wall, watching Jarod sleeping in the bed. He looks so peaceful, so relaxed as he sleeps, she thinks, leaning her head back. She closes her eyes, sighing, so tired and desperately needing sleep. "Micheal come back to bed." She opens her eyes lifting her head to look at him. Jarod sits up on his elbow, laying on his side, looking at her sitting on the floor. He watches her standing up and walking over to their bed, standing over him. Micheal leans down and softly kisses his lips, "Go back to sleep. It's late." she whispers starting to walk away.

Jarod grabs her hand, stopping her from leaving, pulling her to him. Micheal lays down beside him, "Please tell me why you haven't been sleeping." he mumbles, their foreheads touching, looking in each others eyes. "Shhh... go back to sleep." she murmurs softly, stroking his cheek, trying to soothe him. "I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"No you're not Micheal. I know you haven't been sleeping hardly at all anymore. What's going on?" he asks beginning to get upset with her again. "Don't keep things from me." he adds fully awake now. "Just drop it." she gets up out of the bed, "Just don't." she fatefully snatches her arm out of his hand. He watches her walk out of their bedroom. He rolls over laying on his back looking up at the ceiling. What's the matter with her? Why the hell is she acting like such a bitch? He throws the covers off and jumps up walking out to find her.

He feels the wind blowing threw the open balcony doors. He leans against the sliding glass door, watching her from behind. I never knew she smoked, he thinks, watching as Micheal takes a long deep drag off her cigarette. Micheal leans against the railing, rubbing her forehead, trying to forget her nightmares. She sighs knowing he won't leave her alone until she tells him about them, feeling him standing behind her. "Dammit Jarod, drop it." She looks out at the dark night, all the lights of the buildings. "I've had it! Tell me what the fuck is going on!"

Micheal turns around, crossing her arms, "I don't want to fight. Just go back to bed." Jarod takes the cigarette out of her mouth, tossing it over the side. "Just stop this shit. Tell me." She walks over and lights up another cigarette, "I don't want to talk about it. Don't you get it? What do I have to say to make you understand? This is MY problem Not YOURS." "Yes it is! I love you and if something is bothering you then it is bothering me. It's that simple." he argues forcefully, swinging her around to face him again. He tilts her chin up to look at him and sees the tears falling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry but this is something I just can't share with you." she says walking away from him over to the other side of the balcony. "I thought that we could share everything. I thought that was what being married was all about. Obliviously I was wrong about That as well as YOU." Her silent tears fall faster hearing him walking back inside.

She sits down on his side of their bed, looking at his back to her. Micheal lays her hand on his shoulder and he shrugs it off. She lays her hands in her lap, "They take you away. They do... they do horrible things to you because of me." Jarod rolls over looking at her, "There is no more they or them. You know that." he says caressing her wet cheek. She looks up from her hands and into his eyes, "Do I? I..." she trails off looking back down at her hands, seeing his imaginary blood on them. "What Micheal?" he whispers, pushing her to tell him. "I've done something and I know you're not going to like it." Jarod sits up facing her, suddenly very scared at what she's about to tell him. "I've um... I've accepted an invitation to become a um... a member of the triumvirate."

"YOU WHAT!" he explodes. "Don't you see I had to,"

"No, you didn't have to. You don't have to do anything!" he jumps out the bed, pacing around the room, "What the fuck were you thinking?" he yells standing in front of her.

Micheal stands up giving him the coldest look he'd ever seen before, making him sit down. "Now listen to me and stop acting like a 5 year old. These little tantrums of yours are over. You are a grown man and it's time you started acting like one." she berates, her hands on her hips. "Now if you can stop screaming long enough I'll explain. The Triumvirate doesn't do much of anything IF you haven't noticed. It's just a little extra insurance to keep any problems that they might have with you at bay. It's purely a defensive position on my part. I know what Parker is planning on doing but they're are several people there who would love nothing more than to get you and Jamie back there, preferably together. Two Pretenders are better than one. And Jamie's lived there his whole life, that's all he knows. My father brought the contract for me to sign at the hospital after I was shot. I also used the new power I possessed to get Everyone re-instated there, including Parker be chosen as the new Director. I knew what she would do if she was ever given the power of the corporation." She starts pacing in front of him, tugging on her bottom lip, "The only thing I didn't count on was my freaking out and Jamie. There was no information about him in the mainframe at the time. Only after Parker took over could I get into that assholes files."

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" he asks angry beyond words. "When exactly? When I wasn't myself? Or right after I came back so you can think I was delusional too?" she answers sarcastically.

"No more secrets Micheal." he demands harshly, standing up in front of her. "No more" she agrees softly looking in his eyes, desperately wanting to see love and trust but all she finds is hurt and anger. Micheal lays her hand on his face, cupping his cheek, "I did this for us. Please forgive me?"

"I understand why but it's going to take time before I can trust you again." he declares looking away from her. He lays back down and tries to go back to sleep but can't.

Jarod looks at the back of her head laying beside his. He closes his eyes trying to will his hurt away at how she could have willing joined the higherarchy of the place that stole his life. How could she do this to me? She knows what they did to me for all those years and she still joined them, willingly. She's only trying to protect you, a voice in his soul informs him. He ignores the inner voice as he rolls over looking at the entertainment center, hugging the pillow under his head. He feels her sit up and get out of the bed and hears the bedroom door closing behind her as she leaves. You are punishing and hurting her for doing what she promised you. To keep you safe, his heart screams while his head yells that she deserves it for joining the monstrous people there.

He gets up to find and tell her how sorry he is. He finds her sitting at the dining room table talking on the phone, looking at his watch he sees it's 4:27 a.m. "It's over." her voice cracking as she cries into the phone, "Yes, I told him everything and he doesn't trust me anymore. I don't know what to do but I can't stay here."(Pause)"Yes, Of course I do."(Pause)"I don't know, how much sleep have you gotten?"(Pause)"I'm sorry. I don't know 4 hours in the past six days, probably less now that I think about it."(Pause)"There's no way I can get any now. I just want him safe but he doesn't see it that way."(Pause)"He most likely thinks I've betrayed him or something."(pause)"These are the people who stole everything from him and now I'm one of them. What the fuck was I thinking." He silently follows behind her into the living room and watches as she pours herself a drink and walks out to the balcony. He hides in the shadows of the dark living room watching her light up another cigarette still talking to, her father, he thinks, touching the glass door with his fingertips, feeling like shit. She didn't want to have anything to do with those people just as much as he did but she was doing it for him.

He watches them talking but can't make out what they're saying. Micheal cuts off the phone tossing it onto the chaise lounge chair behind her. She gulps down the last of her glass of Jack Daniels, it burning a trail down her throat to her churning stomach. She holds her arm out straight the crystal glass rolls down her palm to her fingertips then plummets off. Her eyes follow as far as she can. I guess that's a metaphor for my life, she thinks, as she watches the falling crystal tumbler. She takes another drag then tosses it off the side as well. She steps over and sits down on the chair, holding her head as she cries. Jarod sees her shoulders jumping from the force of her tears escaping her body, making him feel worse than he already did. He walks out to her and sits behind her on the lounge chair and pulls her trembling body against his chest as he lays back, sitting the phone on the ground. They lay there wrapped in each others arms and legs. Jarod looks down and sees she's asleep. Her tears leaving trails down her cheeks. He leans his head back, stroking her hair that's draped over his side.

Micheal wakes up in their bed, her head on Jarod's chest, her arm laying over his lower abdomen. She blinks trying to really wake up. "You awake?"

"I don't think so." She feels his laugh as well as hears it. "I'm sorry about what I said to you last night. I love and trust you more than anything." Micheal looks up at his face, closing her eyes when he touches her face. She opens them slowly, really hoping this isn't just some stupid dream she's having. "I know you don't want to have anything to do with them and that all you're doing is protecting me. But like you said last night, I'm a grown man and I can handle them ok?" She nods and he rolls her over laying on top of her and kisses her deeply. "I love you." he says after finally breaking the long breathtaking kiss, looking in her face.

He feels the tension in her body as she moves out of his arms. Micheal walks over and sits down in the over stuffed chair in the corner of their bedroom, bracing her foot up on the matching blue ottoman. "Last night I told you that I wouldn't keep anymore secrets," Jarod tenses at her words, thinking, Now what? "There's something I've never told you and I need to tell you now." Micheal looks up and sees his apprehension, "Lyle isn't dead." "Micheal you saw it. Paulie shot him. I saw it as well as you."

"Did you? Or did you just see what I wanted you to, what I wanted Mr. Parker to see?" she asks making him think about it. The scene flashes across his mind and he tries to analyze it in slow motion. But he can't seem to find a flaw in the shooting she had done. "He's dead." he concludes. "No, he isn't. At the moment Lyle is in Rome, alive and well from what my father says. Albeit a little worse for the wear but alive and kicking so to speak."

"Then why the ruse? I don't understand."

"I needed Mr. Parker to think I would not hesitate to kill him and my staged murder of his son right in front of him proved it to him. The bruises that he had were real and I had nothing to do with that. That was my father and Paulie but the shooting was my plan."

"Well it was very convincing."

"It had to be. Everyone's lives depended on it looking real." she concludes, looking down a her wedding rings, trying not to imagine what could've happened.

Micheal jumps at his touch, too into her images of what could have been, to notice that he had came over to her, "Sorry, I was..."

"I know" he says wrapping her up in his arms. "I just couldn't let anything happen to you." she weeps out against his bare shoulder. Jarod closes his eyes feeling her hot tears running down his shoulder on to his chest, "Sh... I'm here." he murmurs in her hair, stroking her head, soothing her. "I just can't imagine you not here. They would have killed you. I just couldn't let that happen if there was something I could've done to stop it. That's why I agreed to join those people." she gasps out between sobs.

He strokes her head and back as she cries for everything that has weighed on her for so long. Jarod couldn't believe she had that many tears in body after she had finally stopped crying, her body sagging against his. "I'm so tired Jarod, so tired." she murmurs against his neck, her arms holding him tighter, as her eyes start drooping. He picks her up in his arms and carriers her back to bed, laying down with her still holding her tightly, trying to mentally convey he's not going anywhere. Jarod leans his forehead against her's watching her fighting the sleep trying to claim her, "Just let go baby. I'll be here when you wake up." he swears softly and watches her eyes finally losing the war. "My love will always be with me." she mumbles succumbing to unconsciousness. "I will always be with you." he vows, kissing her forehead, laying back down to get some more sleep as well.

Micheal wakes up unable to open her eyes, move her arms. She hears a constant stream of beeps and blips and a something like water sloshing around. She tries to turn her head but her neck screams in protest at her movement. She feels someone holding her hands and something soft surrounding each wrists. She tries once again to open her eyes but finds she's still unable. "I love you Baby. Please come back to me." she hears Jarod whisper in her ear and feels a slight squeezing on her left hand. "Micheal Mary, It's time to wake up now." she recognizes her father's voice but something is preventing her from answering them. She felt like she suddenly weighed about a thousand pounds. Her arms and legs feeling like she couldn't move them. She tries to squeeze someone's hand back but not sure if she succeeded.

Jarod feels Micheal's hand move and squeezes back, "Micheal can you hear me?" he yells, jumping up from his chair, standing over her laying in the hospital bed. "Come on honey, squeeze my hand again." he instructs holding the hand in both of his, to feel any kind of movement. His smile drops when he doesn't feel any kind of response. "It was probably just a nerve twitching." Vincent assumes softly sitting back in his chair that he's occupied for the past three days with Jarod in the other. Jarod feels her fingers move in his palms again and knows it's not her nerves now, "Come on Baby, wake up. Open your eyes. Look at me." he says softly stroking her cheek, careful of the intubations tube that's pushing oxygen into her lungs.

Vincent jumps up out of his seat when he sees her eyes fluttering, trying to open them. "I'm going to get the doctor." he yells running out of the room into the hall. Jarod leans over and kisses her forehead softly, "Time to wake up." Micheal tries again to open her heavy lids, not quite understanding why it's so hard. It was as if they didn't want to open. She hears Jarod and Vincent talking to someone and then a bright light shinning in each of her eyes. "I think it might just have been an involuntary muscle reaction." the doctor, she assumes, informs them and hears Jarod and her father saying that it wasn't it. That she was waking up. Yeah, tell her! she screams in her head then suddenly begins to shake all over. She could feel herself, her body jerking, unable to stop it. All of a sudden her eyes were open and she's staring up at the ceiling. Her eyes jolted open by some unseen force as her body continues to jerk involuntarily.

Jarod and Vincent each hold down one of her shoulders as she has another ceasure and they notice her eyes open, staring up at the ceiling. "Her eyes are open. That's never happened before." Vincent says informing the doctor holding her ankles above the padded cuffs. They all hold their collective breaths when the ceasure passes and Dr. Green checks her eyes again. She closes them and Micheal opens them sluggishly, trying to focus on something but the blinding lights in the room are too much. She hears the doctor telling someone to cut off the lights and so she tries once again to open her eyes and focus.

Micheal slowly opens her eyes and looks over in the darkened room to her left and then her right and sees blurred images, not quite sure what they are as they wave and sway. She tries to move her arms and feels something restraining her wrists, all though it was soft it begins to frighten her and she closes her eyes, letting a scared tear fall down her cheek.

She could hear allot of commotion in the room now, different people talking to one another and to her but the words sounding jumbled together, making it hard to understand what any one person was trying to say. She turns her head slightly away from the larger group of people trying to escape the overwhelming noise invading her head. She feels a soft caress on her cheek and opens her eyes again slowly, trying to identify who is touching her with such gentleness. She sees Jarod looking at her with a smile on his face. She thinks of how she'd never seen him looking so bad before. He looks so tired, so worn out, she thinks, trying to lift her hand to touch him.

The room is utterly silent when they see Micheal's hand raise up off the bed only about two inches but enough for it to show she's actually awake. Jarod holds the raised hand, smiling down at her as a tear falls down his face. Micheal tries to figure out why he's crying and why she's even in the hospital. The last thing she remembered was talking to him in their bedroom telling him how tired she was and about Lyle not being really dead, but she knew he was dead. She coughs a little and it sends a shooting pain threw her chest and throat.

The tube which had been giving her breath for the past week is removed and Micheal coughs again more forcefully than before. She grits her teeth against the pain radiating from her upper abdomen, wishing she could hold it as she coughed. The doctor nods at Jarod and Vincent's silent pleas to release her hands from the cushioned manacles on her wrists. Micheal hands and wrists suddenly felt lighter than air, as if they could rise up off the bed by themselves. She moves her hand going to the source of the pain but lands on a small mound instead.

Micheal looks down at the mound her hand's resting on and her eyes widen in shock at her pregnant stomach. She didn't understand what was going on. She knew she had lost the baby, the doctor told her she had had a complete hysterectomy, but it wasn't the same doctor she sees now. Was it all a dream? she asks herself trying to rationalize what's happening to her and why everyone looks so relived at her waking up. It couldn't have been a dream, she argues with herself, it felt too real.

"The baby's fine." Jarod says soothingly, laying his hand on top of hers. His smile falters when he sees her confusion. "What is it? Talk to me." he asks sitting beside her on the bed. "I... (cough) I lost it." her voice scratchy and rough. "Lost what, I don't understand? Your fine and so is the baby, honey. You lost allot of blood but you're both fine, I promise." he tries to reassure her. Micheal shakes her head a little trying to tell him that she doesn't understand what's happening to her.

Micheal opens her eyes again and sees only Jarod, slumped in a chair asleep beside her bed. She struggles to sit up, looking around trying to figure out where everyone else went. She groans falling back on the bed, the pain in her abdomen making her wince. She lays her hand on the source finally and feels the small bandage taped to her skin threw the hospital gown she's wearing.

Jarod opens his eyes, waking from his short nap and rubs the back of his stiff neck. He sees Micheal's awake, her hand laying over their baby, looking down at her hand crying. His brow creases in confusion once again at why she doesn't understand that the baby is fine. He sits on the side of her bed, just staring into her confused eyes. "The doctor said I lost it." she whispers, trying to figure this out, just unable to believe she's still pregnant. Their child still growing inside her, alive.

"What are you talking about? You just met her today." He asks confused, totally not understanding her or what she's talking about. Micheal leans her head back, holding her forehead, sighing as she cries harder. Jarod holds her face in his hands, "Hey, calm down. You're fine and so is the baby, which by the way is a girl." he says softly, smiling at her.

"I just remember it so clearly." she begins, wiping her tears away, "He came in and told us that they couldn't save the baby and that I had too much damage and they had to do a hysterectomy. I remember it all Jarod. I just don't understand." she says looking down at her hands rubbing the small mound, their child twisting and turning under her hands. "What did I do, dream it all? Jamie? All the flowers you'd bring me? All the times you'd hold my hand and talk to me? I just don't understand." she cries out between sobs, trying to piece the last month together. None of it making much sense to her when it was happening. She was never a stripper or hooked on Coke. She never knew anyone named Mona when she'd go to Vegas with her father for business with Uncle Connie. Could it have all been in her subconscious?

"What do you know about Jamie? Where did you hear that name?" he asks trying to start at the beginning. "He's your son. Or at least I think he is. I just don't know anything anymore." she tries to explain, laying her head back down against her pillows, closing her eyes. They jolt open at the chuckle escaping his pursed lips. "Do you think this is funny? Me not remembering anything?" she asks sternly, getting upset again. Jarod stops immediately seeing she's starting to really get upset now, "No, Honey, It's just that was the name I was talking to Vincent about," he points to her belly, she's still rubbing absently, "Ya' know a baby name we might use. Why did you think I had a son?"

"Just forget I said anything. I don't know what's going on." she says softly, turning on her side away from him. She's sure he thinks she's insane now. Talking about him having a son, named Jamie. The name he was only talking about to her father for a possible baby name. Maybe it all was just a dream, she thinks, everything was just a dream.

Jarod strokes her hair trying to figure out what she's talking about. He didn't have a son but he had talked to her, brought her flowers everyday. Maybe it WAS some kind of dream her subconscious had pieced together while she was in the coma, he thinks, as he runs threw the questions she'd asked him. He lays down beside her, holding her in his arms, his chest pressed against her back. "I've missed holding you." he murmurs softly into her hair. "And to me, I just feel asleep last night with you doing exactly that. I'm so confused." she counters equally soft, wrapping her arms around his that are around her and their baby, holding them both.

"It was just a dream sweetie, I promise. You've been here ever since you were... you were shot." he vows as Micheal turns in his arms to face him. She lays her hand on his stubbly jaw, her thumb caressing his cheek. "It was all so vivid. I remember all my feelings and thoughts. The fights we had, when we made love. It all felt real, like it was really happening. And now I'm waking up to find that none of it was ever real, that it was all some kind of dream. I grieved for our child, Jarod." she finishes with her forehead resting on his chest, tears streaming down her cheeks. He rubs her back slowly, "Sh... everything's alright. She's fine, you can feel her so you know it's true. That's all it was. Just some kind of trick your mind was playing on you. Sh... I'm here and I won't let anything happen to you." he swears, holding her a little tighter. He drifts off after watching her fall back to sleep.

Dr. Mitchell walks into Micheal's room with her chart in her hands, she smiles at the two people laying in the single bed, both mouthing to be quiet that the other is sleeping. Dr. Mitchell laughs under her breath, "I hate to be the one to tell you this but, You both are awake." she announces making Micheal and Jarod raise their heads to look at the other. They all laugh at the situation for a second as Micheal uneasily sits up in the bed, her body screaming in protest over the use of muscles stiff from inactivity.