Chapter 10

Vincent sits a dazed Jarod down in one of the chairs in the waiting area of the Emergency Room. Jarod just looks down at his hands and her blood on them, replaying it over and over in his mind. The man bursting threw the door and raising his gun to shoot him and Micheal jumping in front of the bullet firing at him. She did the same thing Kyle did, he thinks, trying to wipe her, and Kyle's imaginary, blood off his hands, as tears run down his face.

He looks up at someone talking to him. He sees their mouth moving but no sound coming out, only Micheal's voice repeating over and over, ' Well I don't like the idea of me being pregnant and a widow at 25', her predication sending chills over his already shaking frame. He finally registers that it's Sydney talking to him. He looks around and sees his family as well as Parker, I and Broots with Debbie. When did they all get here? How long have I been sitting here? he thinks, as he looks around the waiting room at everyone milling around and speaking softly, sipping cups. Probably coffee he thinks absently, his mind wandering aimlessly. He finally catches the end of what Sydney's saying, "Coffee, I'm sure it'll be awhile."

He just nods 'yes' realizing someone could ask him if he wanted to go back to the Center right now and he'd probably just nod at them since he's not really paying attention at the moment. Jarod looks up at Vincent as he lifts him up out of his seat, leading him toward a man in what he thinks is a strange outfit, a blue-green v-neck shirt and matching pants. Jarod snaps out of he daze as he realizes this is Micheal's Doctor.

Emily grabs Margaret's hand squeezing it as they all silently watch the Doctor talking to Jarod and Vincent. "Mom, I'm scared. What if she's going to die or something?" she whispers laying her head on her mother's shoulder. "I'm sure she'll be just fine. Just think positive." she answers in that mother's-reassuring-tone of her's. The one that always makes her feel better. Margaret sucks in her breath, jerking towards Jarod as Vincent grabs his arm to keep him on his feet. Emily grips her mother's arm holding her back from going to Jarod as Vincent and the Doctor lead him over to a chair against the wall away from everyone, giving him some space to breathe. Vincent talks to the Doctor for a few more seconds and then the Doctor walks away as he kneels down laying his hand on Jarod's shoulder telling him something, him holding his head.

Jarod doesn't even feel the needle piercing his skin, injecting him with the sedatives as he hears her voice in his head, 'Nothing's going to happen. I promised, remember?' He thinks of her smiling at him just hours ago as they felt the baby move for the first time. 'I think I felt that more than you did' her eyes shining at him, the most amazing smile on her face. Why did you jump in front of it! he mentally screams as tears run rivers down his cheeks. Why did sacrifice yourself? God why are you doing this to us! he screams silently.

Recovery Room #4

Margaret walks into Micheal's room and hears the whooshing of the respirator and the beeps of the heart monitor. She stands at the foot of her bed looking at how still Micheal is, peaceful. She looks over at Jarod asleep beside her, his head resting on his arms, holding her limp hand in his. She looks back to her lying there, recovering from the emergency surgery. Margaret sees her eyelids fluttering as she begins to wake up, coming out of the anesthesia. She walks over and gently wakes Jarod, "I think she's coming around." she whispers to her groggy son, who's still fighting the effects of the sedatives he was given hours ago.

Jarod presses the button of the side of the bed as Micheal fully opens her eyes, focusing on him, blinking sluggishly. "You're OK Baby." he could kick himself for reminding her about the baby. Micheal goes to move her hands to her stomach and he stops her, raising them to his lips trying to distract her by kissing them. She sees a graying man around his 40's walking in smiling, wearing surgical scrubs, coming towards her. "Well, I'm glad to see you're awake." he announces cheerfully, shining a bright light in her eyes. Micheal grunts turning her head, "We'll take that out in just a second. When I tell you I want you to take a deep breath and blow it out as I remove the tube, alright?" She nods' yes' as he removes the tape securing the tube to it's position. "Deep breath" her chest rises as she follows his instructions and blows out as he pulls the tube from her windpipe and down her throat. She starts coughing and Jarod presses a pillow over her stomach to help with any pain she might have, not wanting her to bust any stitches. "Water" she croaks out and Margaret holds the cup of water tilting the straw toward her mouth.

She takes a few sips and her head falls back against the pillows, worn out just from the effort of holding her head up that long. "So, how are we feeling?" Dr. Simpson asks, his arms crossed, looking down at her. "I don't know, how are 'We'?" she asks grouchy, still trying to wake up. "Well I'd say 'We're' doing great considering all the damage that was done to 'Us'." Micheal laughs under her breath thinking she just might like him since he's not taking any of her shit. "Sorry, not a morning person. If it is morning." she apologizes hoarsely, her throat still a little raw from the intubations tube. "Your forgiven and it's 4 in the morning. I know I'd be upset if I woke up in a strange place too. So don't worry about it. Are you any pain?"

"A little. What happened?"

"Would you like something for it?"

"What I would like is for someone to tell me what happened."

"You were shot Mrs. Russell. Do you remember it?"

Micheal slowly blinks trying to remember, but only catching glimpses of things. A delivery boy, their front door banging open, lying on the floor with Jarod looking down at her. "Not really, just flashes."

"You were very fortunate the bullet didn't hit any major organs. However, I'm sorry to say we couldn't save the fetus. You had internal bleeding from the path the bullet took. You had severe damage to your uterus and we had to perform a complete hysterectomy. I took the liberty of harvesting some of your eggs before the removal of your ovaries. So you'll be able to use a surrogate mother if you would like." Dr. Simpson concludes trying to end on an upbeat possibility. "I'd like to alone." Micheal mumbles turning over, her back to them, wrapping her arms around her sore body. "Mrs. Russell if you"

"Just leave." Her voice cracking.

She hears the door opening and closing as she tries to detach herself from what has happened. 'A complete hysterectomy' the words running on a constant loop in her brain, trapping her from slipping away completely. She shrugs the hand off her shoulder, "Get out!" she screams not looking at who it was. She starts to tremble trying not to cry, feeling like her life is over. Their dreams smashed. All she wanted with him was a house full of children, laughing and playing with them. Watching them grow up and having families of their own and now that was never going to happen. She moves her hand down over her flat bandaged belly feeling empty. She shakes as sobs rack her body as she remembers having felt their baby move just today.

Jarod leans his forehead against the door to her room unable to believe what has happened to them. Vincent walks up and is about to open the door when Jarod stops him, "Where are you going? She wants to be left alone."

"I have something she wants." he says as he opens the door and walks in. Jarod steps over and leans back on the wall, running his fingers threw his hair, thinking about everything they have lost in just a split second. His head snaps over as Vincent walks out a few minutes later, stopping in front of him. "She's falling back asleep, you can go back in now. I'm sure she won't mind." he comments slipping an envelope in the inside pocket of his coat. "You should try to get some sleep as well. I'll take care of the apartment, have it cleaned." he offers trying to help him deal with all this.

3 Weeks Later
St. Luke's Hospital

He walks down the hallway heading toward her room and sees Dr. Wallace walking towards him with a chart in his hands. "How is she? Any change?" Jarod asks fiddling with the flowers he brought with him. "I'm afraid not. Have a nice visit." he answers frowning slightly.

Jarod opens the door to Micheal's room and sees her sitting in a chair, her back to the door, looking out the window. He walks in and sits her flowers down on the table by her bed, "Hey Micheal. I brought you some more flowers, your favorite, sterling roses." He says walking over to where she's seated. He kisses her cheek as she stares straight ahead, unmoving. He squats down in front of her, taking one of her hands in his as he strokes her cheek. "Come back now, please. I love you baby, please come back to me, to us. I miss you."

She slowly gets up from her seat and walks over to the flowers he brought. She lightly touches the petals gently, leaning down to smell them. Micheal closes her eyes as the soft fragrance invades her senses, suddenly filled with rage she throws the vase across the room. He ducks covering his head, protecting himself from the shattering glass. He gets up and tentatively steps over to where she's fallen to the floor, rocking back and forth, crying uncontrollably.

He sits down behind her and wraps his arms around her trying to calm her down. She screams as she struggles to get away from his arms restraining her. Dr. Wallace runs in after hearing the glass breaking, fearing for her and Jarod's safety. He sees her fighting him as he tries to comfort her. "I'm sorry Jarod but I think it's time we move her."

"No, please."

"She's becoming too much of a danger to herself and to others. I was afraid that something like this would happen in her cationic state."

"Please don't do this to her. She'll be all alone." he begs looking at Micheal backed against the wall, her arms wrapped around her drawn up knees, her head down and her long hair covering her face from view. "I promise you will still be able to visit her but we are going to have to move her to a more secure room and ward."

He wraps his arms around his waist, trying to keep himself from reaching out to her as Dr. Wallace and a nurse strap Micheal into a straight-jacket. Micheal allows them to manipulate her arms, looking straight ahead with a blank look on her face, her cheeks streaked from where her tears left paths down her dirty face. She sways as her body starts reacting to the sedatives the nurse injected her with. The two sit her down into a wheelchair and the nurse bends down and removes her tennis shoes and socks. She sits them on the bed then comes back over tenderly wiping away some of her hair out of her face, pushing it behind her ear before wiping her face with a warm wet washcloth.

Jarod walks up and leans down in front of her and she just looks down not meeting his eyes. "Micheal I'll be back tomorrow OK? I promise I'll be here tomorrow." He lifts her chin to look in her beautiful eyes and sees how gone she really is. She just blinks her eyes looking at the stranger looking at her. Open. Close. Open. Close. "I love you" he whispers on her cheek before he kisses it. He leans back up and she just looks right threw him as if he weren't even there. "We need to get her settled. If anything happens I'll call you immediately." Dr. Wallace swears as the nurse wheels her away heading towards her new room. The one place he never wanted her to have to go. A padded cell in the psychiatric ward. "Her Uncle Sydney offered to treat her once. Would you like me to have him instated here?" He just nods looking at her empty bed, his brow creases as he studies it, "Did she make up the bed?" he asks looking up at his friend. "Yes she did. I have been following everything she's been doing for the last week. At first I thought she'd had a break-through but I realized it's some kind of routine she's following." "What? She doesn't have a routine."

"Well, she might not have had one then but she does now. She gets up-makes the bed then brushes her teeth, twice, then brushes her hair 50 strokes with each hand then gets dressed and sits in her chair waiting for breakfast. After she eats she lays down and the second her head hits the pillow she's out for EXACTLY one hour. I'm talking to the second, like she has a stop watch or something. And the same goes for lunch and after dinner she lays in the bed looking up at the ceiling until it's exactly 9:30 and then rolls over and goes straight to sleep. I'm telling you Jarod, this is the strangest thing I've ever seen. It's almost as if she's been programmed her whole life to work on this particular" "Schedule" he finishes for him in a far away voice as he searches his memory.

Jarod turns looking back to the perfectly made bed, "I'd like to see her before I leave. Ya'know just to make sure she's alright" he says running his fingertips over the blanket. "Sure Jarod, I'd never be able to repay what you did for me so, if you ever need anything just let me know, OK?" Steve says wrapping his arm around his shoulders leading him out of the room.

The two pass threw a series of locked doors and stop in front of one that's like a chain linked fence with a guard on the other side. Jarod watches as the guard gets up moving unhurriedly toward the door, unlocking it for them to pass threw. The hairs on the back of his neck stand on end when he hears the slamming of the door behind them as Steve leads him down a white hallway stopping in front of a door with a sliding window. Dr. Wallace goes to slide the cover away for him to see her and Jarod stops him, laying his hand over his, "I'd like to go in if that's OK?"

"Sure thing." he agrees, quickly taking out a set of keys from his white coat. He opens the door and all they find is the straight jacket in the room, laying in the middle of the floor.

They walk into the room and Jarod bends down picking up the jacket, snickering at how all the buckles are still fastened in place. He looks up and around the ceiling and sees the air vent. He stands up dropping the discarded jacket and runs his fingers along the cushioned walls for any cracks she might have used to help her climb up to the vent. "Where is she! I swear she was put in here Jarod." Steve defends flustered, starting to leave to call the guard to start a search for her. "I know exactly where she is." he says removing his shoes after finding to small cracks in the cushion. Steve stands stuck in his place as he watches Jarod scaling the cushioned wall like he's done this before.

Jarod hooks his fingers in the grate and jerks it off with out much effort. He drops it down to the ground and lifts his head up to look inside. He smiles when he sees her sitting just inside the large vent, "It's okay, I won't hurt you. Come on, no one will hurt you." he coaxes soothingly, with a small smile. She backs away a little curling into a tighter ball, trying to become part of the ventilation system.

"I cross my heart and hope to die and stick a needle in my eye." he murmurs holding out his hand to her. Micheal looks at him like she doesn't understand what he meant. "It just means I swear." he assures softly. She slowly lays her shaking hand in his and then jerks it back feeling his strong grip, wrapping her arms back around her knees pulled up into her chest. "Alright, it's OK. Can I come in here instead?"

Micheal looks at him a second, his eyes, and feels safe looking in them so she nods 'yes' and lays her head down on her knees watching him climbing up into the vent. Jarod turns around back to Steve, "It's alright. We'll be alright, please don't call anyone and PLEASE don't tell anyone about this." he pleads to his friend. "I'll tell you what. Why don't I just close the door when I leave and you just knock on it when you're ready to go." he proposes smiling starting to walk out. "Steve?" He looks back up at his friend who's head is sticking out the air vent. "Thanks" He nods, smiling at him and closes, locking the door behind him.

After about 20 minutes of a starring contest, she creeps closer to him. She starts pushing him out of the vent. Micheal could feel how uncomfortable he was, being in this small space and decided to go out with him if he would go. Jarod's not sure what she's doing as she keeps pushing his bent legs towards the open vent. He lays his hands on her's and she jumps back from him like he'd just punched her. "I'm sorry. I won't touch you, I promise." he hopes this will soothe her and is surprised as she starts to reach out to him again.

Micheal starts pushing him again, wanting him out of there. Jarod jumps down out of the vent thinking she wants him to leave her alone. He spins around from the door when he hears her grunt in pain. She wraps her arm around her stomach, the pain almost making her drop to her knees. She leans against the wall as she bends over taking deep breaths to relieve some of the pain. He walks over to the other side of the room and sits on the cushioned floor just watching her as she does the same. They resume their contest, neither one of them saying anything.

Their heads snap over to the door at the same time, both thinking that it was time for him to leave. They're both relieved when it's just the guard bringing her her dinner. "Dr. Wallace said you can stay as long as you want. He's gone home for the night so just knock on the door when you want to leave and I'll come and let you out." he informs smiling at Jarod as Micheal stands up and walks over to him. She trips and falls against him. He catches her, smiling, "The food's not that good. Slow down OK?" But Micheal just looks down at the floor, sliding her hands inside her blue Jean's pockets.

She sits down on the floor in front of the tray and picks up a little white paper cup holding 2 capsules. She automatically downs them and sips the water in it's twin cup. Then pushes the tray towards Jarod for him to eat her dinner. She crawls back over to her designated spot and watches as he starts to eat the chocolate pudding cup. She looks over at the tray again and decides she wants the can of coke and he can have the plastic glass of juice. She crawls back over and reaches for the can as he looks over to the door where the guard just left. She drops something into the juice as she grabs the can and scurries back over to her spot across the room.

She casually sips her coke as she stealthily watches him sitting across from her, his eyes beginning to droop. She stands up and silently steps over to him once he's fallen asleep and lays him down on his back. She looks back to the door then back to him asleep and reaches for his belt buckle. She pulls back a couple of times, scared at what she's about to do, touch him. She slowly reaches for it again and this time actually touches it. She removes his belt slowly so not to wake him up as she keeps checking the door over her shoulder.

Jarod wakes up feeling warm and groggy almost as if he'd been drugged. He turns his head and sees Micheal asleep, laying on her stomach facing him, her hand laying in a fist against the cushioned floor, only about a foot away from him, her long hair spread out around her head on the creme fabric. He sits up and the blanket covering him falls to his waist and he looks back to the pillow he was laying on while she slept without both. He leans over and feels the bare skin of her shoulder that's around her white tank-top. She groans a little in her sleep, stroking her cheek against the floor, getting comfortable but not waking. Jarod drapes the soft cotton blanket over her, even though she didn't feel cold to him and sits up against the wall.

He looks over to where the tray of dinner was earlier and sees it's gone and in it's place is his black leather belt curled into a perfect circle and a single sterling rose laying over it. He looks back to her asleep, then back to the flower. He picks it up and sees a large ring of keys in the center of the circle of leather. As he smells the bud he replays the night over in his mind. He smiles smugly remembering her tripping and falling into the guard and when after she'd gave over her dinner to him she changed her mind about the unopened can of cola leaving him the unsupervised cup of juice. That's how she drugged me, he thinks, remembering her taking the pills first to not draw suspicion. But why did she do this? Is she trying to apologize? Was she afraid she had hurt me? He stretches his legs out straight, looking over at her still asleep.

Jarod sees her starting to wake up and checks his watch,6:59 a.m. Micheal sits up completely awake at exactly 7 a.m., looking at the rose he's holding. She crawls on her hands and knees back over to her designated spot. Once in her seat she wraps her arms around her drawn up knees, laying her chin on her kneecaps, just looking at him. Her eyes never waver from his face as Dr. Wallace walks in and over to where she is. She drops her arms and leans back on the wall for him to have access to her for the exam she's expecting. She closes her eyes taking deep breaths as he listens to her heart and lungs. "Hello Micheal. How are we today? Did you sleep any with your guest here all night?" he asks and the final question looking over at Jarod, giving him a stern look. She clears her throat and they both look at her thinking she's going to say something.

Micheal looks at both of them and picks up her can of coke and sips it, not saying anything but they notice her eyes somehow looking at the them differently. Not so blank and lifeless anymore, almost as if in just a few hours she had come back from where ever she'd retreated to. Jarod's gaze wanders down from her face traveling down her legs and is shocked to find her wearing her running shoes and socks. Steve takes a hold of her upper arm, lifting her up off the floor, "Come on Micheal. We're going back to your room so you can take a shower and change your clothes. Doesn't a hot shower sound good?" Jarod stops his rising hearing her barely audible answer, "Bath"

Steve looks back to Jarod making sure he just didn't imagine her speaking. Jarod nods, letting him know he'd heard her as well. "You want to take a bath Micheal?" Dr. Wallace asks softly, stopping her forward movements, dropping his hold on her arm. "bath" she repeats softly and turns looking at Jarod's eyes and him smiling widely. Just seeing him smile makes her smile a little but it fades quickly feeling suddenly scared for voicing her wants. She breaks her eye contact and just looks at the floor and her feet, turning back around. Micheal rubs her chest, feeling pain, not physical but emotional when she thinks of him smiling at her like that. She knew something horrible had happened between them. To us, a voice corrects whispering in her aching heart. Us? You mean, Me and Him? We're together? she silently asks the voice, begging it to tell her. He loves you, just look in his eyes, you'll see, answering her silent pleas.

As Micheal turns the corner of the doorframe she quickly looks at him, in his eyes and sees what the voice is telling her. As Dr. Wallace leads her to the chained gate she slips the ring of keys back on the desk, sliding a folder over it to hide them like they were lost. Jarod smiles out the corner of his mouth, catching her little covert maneuver, following behind the two of them.

The three of them walk into her room and Micheal just stands in the doorframe of the bathroom, looking at the yellow marble counter, the old white ceramic toilet and the green tiled shower. Her gaze ends on the old white tub up against the wallpapered wall. She wraps her arms around her waist, shaking her head 'no' at the tub, repeating bath over and over. The tub she was looking at wasn't the same one she had pictured. The one she'd remembered had black carpet around it and a white tiled edge. It was deep, like a small pool, dark and swirling, bubbling water that tickled your skin when you laid down in it. Fountains of water pounding your back and sides under the effervescence surface. The one she'd wanted took all your pain and stress out with the last few drops of water down the drain when you finally pulled the plug, drowning the dry plumbing pipes with soapy water and worries.

Jarod shakes Sydney's hand when he walks threw the door of her room, "How is she today?" he murmurs, trying to keep his voice low so she doesn't hear them discussing her condition. "She spoke." he whispers excitedly, a huge grin gracing his usually solemn face. Jarod thought for sure that Sydney just broke his neck with how fast he turned to look at her.

Sydney walks up behind her and lays his hands on her shoulders as she just keeps shaking her head in the negative. "What's wrong Micheal?"

"Bath" Her voice scratchy and hoarse sounding from inactivity. "OK, let's get you in a bath if that's what you want." he accommodates as he walks past her into the bathroom and sits on the edge of the tub starting the water running. He looks back to where she's still standing and sees her shaking her head no adamantly. He sighs thinking he must have misunderstood her so he gets back up and steps over to where she's just staring at the water flowing into the claw-footed tub, "Didn't you say you wanted a bath?" "bath" the tone of her voice firm as she continually shakes her head no at the tub. "I don't understand Micheal. You said you wanted a bath but you keep shaking your head no at the tub." A light bulb goes on over his head, "This is the wrong tub, isn't it?" more of a statement than a question so he was caught off-guard by her answering him. "yes" she whispers as a tear falls down her cheek. "Do you know where the tub you want is? The one you want to take a bath in?" he asks softly so not to make it seem like an inquisition.

Micheal walks away from him and the door over to the window looking out at the city's skyline wanting to go home, but scared to ask if she can. Afraid they'll tell her nobody wants her anymore since... Since what? Why can't I remember? Did someone hurt me? Maybe the man who keeps bringing me flowers everyday hurt me? But she pushes that thought away, back into the paranoid place where it came from. He's never hurt me, never would, she silently assures herself. She remembers places and things with him. For three weeks she'd listened to him talk to her, bring her flowers, just sitting with her holding her hand never understanding who he was or how he knew her or her him.

The words she heard from the tiny little voice inside her heart had awoken something inside her and she began to remember things about him, like how he really loves pizza with anchovies and pineapple. How he loves to cook weird food, almost as if he was making it up as he went along. How he'd play Beethoven on the piano, saying how it helped him relax his constantly moving mind. Micheal turns back around to face the men still in the room, she notices that Dr. Wallace had left. She had been so lost in her thoughts she didn't even hear the door open and close. She looks up into his beautiful brown eyes, so filled with love and security looking back at her, hoping it will jog something else back from the depths she had drug herself down into.

"Micheal?" She looks up to the older, slightly balding man who addressed her. "Can you tell me where the tub is?" Micheal just looks back down to the ground, still afraid they won't let her go home. Home? Where is home? Where do I live? What's wrong with me! she mentally screams and flops down in her chair frustrated at her lack of knowledge of her life. Knowing that wasn't true. She remembered her whole childhood and a Blonde-Harried man named 'Tristin' who loved her and her him but he left her all alone, died. Micheal slowly opens her eyes, looking at the pair of strong but gentle hands holding her's reassuringly. "Baby? Will you tell me where the tub is that you want? I promise you can have it if you just tell me where it is."

Jarod's injured heart instantly heals at her answer, "Home"

"You want to go home?" he asks trying to contain his elation. "Can I please go home?" she timidly asks strongly gripping his hands back, eyes quietly pleading that it's alright with him. "Of course you"

"Jarod? Can I speak with you for a second?" Sydney cuts in before he promises anything he may not be able to follow through with. Jarod leans up and kisser her forehead before walking out into the hall with Sydney. "I'm not sure her going home is such a good thing for her right now." He raises his hand stopping him before he can say anything, reading his expression, "Jarod, I admit this is a major breakthrough for her but I don't think her returning to 'the scene of the crime' so to speak is a good thing just yet. I'm afraid she might slip back into her self again."

"It must have taken a major act of courage on her part just to let us know what she wanted as well as where it is. I just can't go in there and tell her that she can't go home Sydney. I'm afraid it'll devastate her. Like we're telling her she'll never be able to leave here, that nobody wants her." he defends, fidgeting, trying to calm down. "Jarod I want you to do something for me as well as her. I didn't bring up this possibility before because she was too far gone but now she's, I don't know it's like over night she's crawling back from the inner depths."