My family calls my van the Mom-Mobile because all I ever seemed to do is drive from one kid event to another. With two active boys, and lots of team events and practices, I used to live in my van. But now that the boys are in high school, they don't want to be seen having Mom drive them everywhere. Still, my van is a great car, especially if you want to have a nice quite drive in the country with your lover.

My marriage was having a problems. We had both had affairs; however, I had known all about his, but he never knew of mine. I think it would have killed him if he found out I had been seduced by a younger man. I hate to think what he would have done had he known my lover was black.

We agreed to take counseling and I committed myself to trying to make our marriage work. He swore was going to change jobs so that he would not be traveling all the time and, most importantly, we were talking about having another baby. I was very happy, and excited about trying to get back in touch with the man I loved and had married. I had gone off the pill and our sex life had exploded. We were acting like newlyweds again, hoping each time we made love that we would he would impregnate me.

But before we could start over, I knew I had to call my black lover, to tell him that I could not see him again. He wanted us to meet at his apartment, but I had made up my mind he was not going to seduce me again with his touch and kisses. I insisted we go for a drive in the country, away from everyone and, most importantly, away from the temptation of an afternoon in his apartment.

We parked at a hidden picnic area near a small stream and walked along the stream banks holding hands. I told him that I loved him but I had to stop seeing him. I told him why and how important it was for me, that I had decided that I wanted another baby, the baby I had wanted to have with him, but he had run from the commitment.

He didn't want to hear it and tried to kiss me. But I knew it had to be this way, pushing away I angrily walked back to the van. There was a slight drizzle and my clothes were wet by the time we got back. Sitting together in the back seat, we watched the rain pass by. Finally, we talked, talked about staying friends, about the fun things we had done. All the while, his hands were busy, finding the places I loved to be stroked and touched. I told him that I was not going to have sex with him. Of course I was enjoying what he was doing, but I kept insisting he was wasting his time. He laughed and asked if I remembered the time we had made loved out in the open, on a blanket at sunset and then under the stars? How could forget, it was the second time we had made love and his sexual prowess had held me captive ever since.