I was standing in my back yard as I had done every year at about this time. It was the early evening of the party celebrating my twentieth wedding anniversary. The difference this year was that I was alone.

Last year, same time, same place, I was with my wife Emily. We talked about changing the tried-and-true formula for our twentieth. Instead of a family party on the Saturday closest to the big day, we could treat ourselves to a cruise or a romantic visit to Paris or Vienna.

Good intentions lost in the clamor of everyday life. Last year our twins, Amanda and Eric, were at a peak of excitement ready to make the leap from school to university. This year they are longing to be back on campus but with none of the anxiety of stepping into the unknown.

Last year Emily asked if she could invite her new boss, Blair Jeffrey. He had arrived two weeks before after a vicious divorce. His old friends had sided with his ex-wife, and he had not made new friends in our area. This year, Jeffrey is here again but now Emily is all over him like a rash. Their affair has been going on for some time but today was the first time they had made it impossible for me to ignore the signs.

As usual, the party had started at two, moving indoors about eight. September weather was often pleasant, but the day cooled quickly as the sun settled in the west. It was my custom to do a last check on the back yard before I joined the kids watching tv or the adults drinking in the lounge.

I could hear the rumble of voices, occasionally punctuated by laughter. The noise level increased for a moment as the back door opened and then I heard high heels crossing the patio. I recognized my daughter even before she spoke.

“All alone, Pops,” she began.

“Your mum is too busy with her new love to find time for the old man.”

“You noticed. You’re going to have to up your game, daddy. Anyway, I just came to say that us young uns are heading out clubbing.” She pulled my head down and kissed my cheek. “I’ll leave you to cry in your beer, old man.”

With that she was gone. She and Eric welcomed change, eagerly wondering what was round the next corner. I was afraid of change. I hated what my wife was doing to us, but my instinct was to cling to the hope that if I left things alone, she would come back to me. I certainly saw no reason to be as hasty as she has been in dealing with the future.

I had a sudden memory of me at about seven, returning home after a group of older boys wouldn’t let me play soccer with them. I was crying when I got home, blurting out the whole sorry tale to mum. She changed into her tennis clothes and took me to her club. That was my first experience on court, and I still play once or twice a week. I haven’t kicked a football in twenty-five years. Good coming out of evil.

Another increase in background noise heralded the arrival of another visitor, breaking my train of thought.

“Not much of a host, are you Billy?” It was the voice of my father-in-law. It’s close to twenty-two years since Emily took me home to meet her parents. He told me then that I wasn’t good enough for his daughter and he is still of the same opinion.

I was christened William Henderson though everyone calls me Bill, except for father-in-law who persists in calling me Billy – or Billy Boy if I’ve especially offended him. “I just wanted to give your daughter space to wrap herself around her new lover,” I told him, keeping my voice quiet and controlled.

“I only wanted to say that Angela and I are leaving now,” he replied, ignoring my comment on my wife’s behavior. He stumped off, leaving me to return to introspection.

When I was sixteen, Molly Maguire laughed at me when I asked her to be my partner at the junior prom. The next day, in the canteen, she and all her pals began sniggering when I walked in. I was mortified until Sinead Kelly, a senior, called me over to her table. (Our neighborhood was known locally as Little Ireland.)

“Don’t worry about these nasty bitches,” Sinead told me as I sat down. “My brother went through it, so I know how you feel.” She told me that he dealt with the humiliation by joining the Boy Scouts. I saw the light, so on the eve of the junior prom I was camped at the foot of a Welsh mountain with the rest of the troop.

I had to leave the scouts, of course, but I still enjoy camping out after long hikes through the countryside. Once again, good came out of evil. It was particularly satisfying when Molly approached me two years later to ask me to her birthday party. I told her that I had to attend a scout meeting. It helped that her voluptuousness of two years before had edged towards obesity.

I walked further down the yard onto the grass. As a kid, I had embraced change just as the twins were doing now. When had I become afraid of change? In those days I owned nothing, of course, so I had very little to lose by taking a step into the dark. Now I had possessions that could be taken from me.

Emily’s affair brought it home to me that possessions can be illusions. I thought that she and I were married for life only to find that her views on matrimony were radically different. Was there anything in life that was worth saving? I certainly did not plan to pay anything extra to recover my wife.

I couldn’t even say that she was behaving totally out of character. She has always craved admiration and was prepared to flirt to attract the attention of men encountered at parties or nightclubs. For her it must be a dream come true to be lusted after by a younger man, especially one holding an important post at her work.

I didn’t hear any extra noise this time since the party was clearly running down.

“Are you there, Bill?” Emily’s voice was clear if a little slurred. “Blair’s just going, and he wanted to say goodbye.” I stayed silent.

There was some scuffling and then Emily whispered: “Stop it, Blair! Bill is nearby.” The night was very still so the sibilant tones reached me clearly.

“What’s the cuck going to do about it?” Jeffrey asked, in a normal speaking voice.

I was sitting on a bench at the bottom of the yard where I remained until I was sure they had gone. Lover boy’s question was a good one: what, indeed was the cuckold going to do about it, whatever ‘it’ was. Amanda seemed to think it was a force of nature, like rain that fell on her mum whether she wanted it or not. My daughter implied that it was somehow my fault that her mother dropped her panties for another man.

Thinking about Emily was painful, so I thought about my kids instead. If you had asked, I would have described my son as athletic and my daughter as beautiful. The truth is that I have not looked at them objectively in years and, now I do, I find that I love them both but don’t like them very much.

I quickly realized that Amanda looks very like her mum at the same age. Of course, I love Amanda but there are things about her I don’t like. Would I offer to marry her if I was twenty? My answer was a resounding NO. The next thought followed in an instant: would I propose to Emily if we were both twenty again?

Ignoring the fact for the moment that she is making it clear that she would reject my offer, it was still a valid question. I concluded that I could have chosen better if I had all the facts twenty years go. That’s not to say that I would be better off without her now, but it is a sobering realization.

I shivered, not from emotional shock, but because the night was becoming decidedly chilly. I eased into a silent house and had reached the foot of the stairs when I heard Emily pottering about getting ready for bed. The last thing I wanted was to talk to her tonight, so I stretched out on the couch in the lounge to give her a few more minutes alone.

It was the sound of shushing and suppressed giggles that woke me. The twins had arrived home and were trying their drunken best to avoid disturbing their parents. They crossed the lounge to the kitchen doing a good job of remaining undetected. I sat up when they put the light on, yawning loudly enough to attract their attention.

“Your mum was having a shower and I just sat for a minute to let her finish. What time is it?” Eric told me it was ‘late’ without going into detail. He had been urging his sister to drink a pint of water to avoid a hangover when they discovered my presence. I joined them at the kitchen table.

“Are you and mum going to be alright,” Eric asked with a concerned look.

“Perfectly fine as individuals but not so good as a couple,” I replied.

Amanda told me that I was overacting. Mum was flattered by the attention of a handsome, younger man but she would soon come to her senses. “You watch, dad! She’ll be back in your arms in no time once she sees through the charm.”

“After nine or ten months and however much longer it takes, do you think she’ll be unchanged?” Amanda laughed.

“She’ll be even better. Just think of all the tricks she’ll have learned in the bedroom.” Eric groaned when she said that, and Amanda blushed as she realized what she was suggesting.

“I proposed to your mum more than twenty years ago and I was happy enough with the outcome. If I had wanted a new, improved model, I would have asked for it. What you are suggesting is that, after a year of neglect, I’ll get back a different model from the one I chose. How do I benefit from that?”

It was silent for several minutes before Amanda asked another question: “What about us, daddy, Eric and me. We want our mum and dad to be together.”

“The jury’s out about you two. For nineteen years I’ve been one of the major influences in your life. You’re adults now and my influence has been reduced to almost nothing in the last few years. Your mum gave no thought to you when she went off with another man. Is it reasonable to expect me to give a damn about any of you?”

Amanda was weeping silently, and Eric was looking stone-cold sober. “Will you throw mum out?” Eric asked.

“You two, the house and your mum are a package. Why would I even want to throw anyone out to stay here alone. I will leave, do my own thing and the rest you should arrange with your mother and her toy-boy.”

“You’re not going to do something ridiculous, daddy, like climbing Everest. Is this a mid-life crisis? I don’t want to have to explain to my friends why my father has been arrested in Thailand or somewhere.” Amanda gets straight to the point.

“The jury just returned. Are you ready to hear their verdict?” I smiled for the first time since Blair Jeffrey entered my home twelve hours or so ago.

“You’re seriously considering walking away from all of us, aren’t you,” Eric sounded close to tears.

“Your mum has made a decision without consulting anyone. Amanda’s only concern is how it will affect her – God forbid that she should be embarrassed by dad. What she and your mum expect is that I will accept her cliché and respond in the same cliched manner. What I intend to do is choose my own path. It will probably be as cliched as hers, but it will be my cliché.

“I won’t be like your Uncle Bob who has had a hair transplant and wears a corset to look younger, but I dare say I’ll do something just as stupid. If it bothers you that much, Amanda, change your name and deny that you know me.”

She dashed upstairs weeping loudly, followed by her brother. I turned out the light and went back to the couch. I never did find the hour they returned home.

Since no one had closed the lounge curtains I woke up early. I judged that I could sneak into my bedroom and get fresh clothes if I was quiet. I had removed my trousers before I returned to the couch after chatting to the twins so there would be no rattle of keys as I walked. At the foot of the stairs, I remembered my phone was in my shirt pocket, so I left it on the kitchen table.

I could have walked into the room behind a brass band – Emily was snoring loudly enough to drown them out. Nevertheless, I took only a shirt and underwear from my chest of drawers not risking the squeaky wardrobe door to get fresh trousers. Downstairs, I put on my pants and went to the gym to shower and change.

As I slept, a plan had formed, and I knew just the man to help me implement it. Tom Lander had retired as managing director about six months before after a heart scare. He has since taken a part-time job in the local garden center. Sunday morning is one of their busiest times, so I expected him to be there.

He was delighted to see me, assuring me that he had time to listen to my tale of woe. We sat together over a coffee while I told him the whole tale. When I asked for help with my plan, he told his boss that he was taking the rest of the morning off. “If I remember right, we have just the very job you’re looking for.”

He ordered me a full English breakfast and, once I was settled before the cholesterol-laden plate, he left me ‘to make a few calls’. For the next hour, he strode up and down amongst the flower beds talking rapidly.

He came back with a huge grin on his face. “Can you be in Katmandu a week from today?” were his first words. I went home on cloud nine sure that my cliché would trump all the other cliches Emily could throw at me.

Of course, I had forgotten I had left my phone on the kitchen table, so I returned to a badly shaken family. Since it takes surgery to part the three of them from their phones, they had jumped to the conclusion that I had already headed for the hills.

They were all sitting at the table in tears although Eric quickly recovered – grown men don’t cry – not when they’re sober, at least. “We thought you had left us, dad.” He had showered and dressed but the two girls were huddled in dressing gowns. Emily was mumbling about not meaning to hurt me, while Amanda was looking dazed.

“Uni has a counselling service, dad, Eric said as I joined them at the table. “So, I called a mate in the student council and he gave me some names.” Amanda perked up. “It’s not that she’s any smarter than you, dad, but she will have a better perspective being further from the problem.”

“It sounds like a good idea, kids, and I’m very grateful to you for taking the trouble. I think, however, before we go down that route, we should talk about just what the problem is.”

“The problem is all down to me, Bill. Please believe that I never set out to hurt you. I know I should have stopped Blair, but I had fallen for him before I realized the danger.” There was no polite response to that load of crap, so I said nothing. “It’s not that I’ve stopped loving you,” Emily blundered on. “It’s just that I find that I love Blair too.”

“You can understand that dad,” Amanda interjected. “You love mummy and Eric and me, so what’s the difference?” I didn’t like to point out that I was not fucking either her or her brother, but it hardly seemed worth the bother. In my mind, I was already on my way to Nepal

Emily was beginning to wind up another avalanche of stupid remarks, so I suggested that Eric and I make lunch while the girls had their showers. “Afterward, we can talk more, “I conceded.

Amanda came down first, obviously furiously angry. “She’s on the phone to darling Blair apologizing for cancelling her date with him for this afternoon. Can you believe the woman?” Emily must have heard the rant, entering the kitchen quietly and sitting huddled at the table.

The afternoon was devoted to the future. Emily made it clear that she was not prepared to give up Jeffrey although she admitted that the affair was likely to reach a natural conclusion sooner or later. I said as little as possible, but I lost the plot when Emily insisted that she never intended to hurt me.

“Publicly wrapping yourself round him yesterday in front of our family and friends was bound to be hurtful, don’t you think?” That’s when Emily shot herself in the foot. “I’ve been so unhappy at deceiving you, Bill, so Blair suggested that it was time to make our love public. I only did it that way to avoid a scene.”

I walked out into the back yard. Eric grasped his mother round the waist to prevent her following me. An hour later, he came out to tell me the girls were making dinner. High emotion certainly stimulates the appetite.

After dinner, the topic turned to the immediate future of the twins. Emily and I formed an uneasy alliance to convince them that they should stick to the plan of going back to classes on Wednesday. They finally accepted that Emily and I needed time alone to resolve our differences. They left us in no doubt that their preferred outcome was reconciliation.