“Mr. Emory will see you now,” the receptionist told me. “He’s in the second office on the left.”

I nodded to the young woman and proceeded down the hall to the door she had indicated. I knocked once and opened the door. A rather plain looking man in his early forties sat behind what appeared to be a mahogany desk.

“Mr. Jackson? I’m Mark Emory, the attorney you so recently hired. Please take a seat and we’ll go over your rather unusual situation.”

I pulled the indicated chair away from the desk, sat down and waited for him to continue.

“I’ve been studying the information you gave us. I’ll need to go over it and ask some questions to make certain that I have everything I need to successfully pursue your case.”

I nodded and he continued. “You were awarded $3.6 million from Ajax International on March 10 of this year. That sum was a result of negotiations between Ajax International and your attorney, Belinda Beckwith, Esquire. Miss Beckwith is employed by Logan and Logan, the largest personal injury law firm in the country. Is that all correct so far?”

“I can’t state unequivocally that Logan and Logan is the largest bunch of shysters in the country, but they do make that claim,” I replied.

“Understood,” Emory replied. “Of that amount, Logan and Logan received $1.2 million, which is their standard fee of 33%. That left you with $2.4 million to alleviate the pain and suffering you endured because of the irresponsible actions of Ajax International. Were you satisfied with the settlement Miss Beckwith negotiated as your representative at the time?”

“Actually, I was pissed about my wife of six years cheating on me with a coworker, but the money did help soothe my ruffled feathers,” I admitted. “Maybe Ajax will learn to enforce their rules.”

“Mr. Jackson, did you have a contract with Ajax International? Were you in their employ at the time of your wife’s affair, or at the time you were awarded the settlement?”

“No, I work at the Ford dealership on Main Street. I’m one of their top techs. I do okay,” I added quickly in case the guy thought I was some kind of loser.

“You’re telling me that you had no written, or verbal, understanding with Ajax International, yet you and your rather buxom lawyer insisted that they should pay you in excess of three and a half million dollars because two of their employees enjoyed carnal relations one weekend while you were fishing at Silver Lake?” Emory asked bluntly.

“I’m not willing to agree that my wife actually enjoyed having sex with that asshole, although she did walk around with a big smile for the next week,” I admitted reluctantly.

“You’re a lawyer! You know Ajax had to settle with me for not enforcing their company policy, which clearly stated there was to be no fraternization between managers and subordinates. End of story.”

“Did the company policy state that spouses of cheating employees would receive large cash settlements?” Emory asked in a rather annoying fashion.

“Of course not,” I replied in exasperation. “That would be quite stupid to put in writing, wouldn’t it? Everyone knows that it’s an unwritten part of every employment contract.”

“I understand,” Emory replied as I began to realize that he clearly didn’t. “According to my information, you told Miss Beckwith that you absolutely believed that you didn’t have to be a part of the agreement between two parties to have an interest in said agreement.

“In fact, you told her that as an interested and affected third party, you had the right to demand compensation from the company with whom you had no agreement. Is that correct?”

“Yes, you know it’s correct. It’s the key unwritten section in every company’s employment policy. I didn’t have to have a copy of the policy, know exactly what the policy stated or be a part and party to the agreement. They had a policy and they didn’t enforce it properly. As the injured interested third party, I was entitled to compensation,” I insisted. “Every lawyer must learn that the first fucking day of law school!”

“To be honest, that’s never an actual part of the curriculum at law school. It is more of an aside law students discuss between classes and at keg parties,” Emory informed me.

“It’s become common knowledge that companies large and small always pay injured third parties for something that never involved said third party,” Emory finally agreed. “Do you think these huge multinational companies intentionally hire lawyers who draw up policies which will make them liable for unfaithful spouses in their employ? Wouldn’t that be incredibly, unbelievably stupid?”

“Yes, it’s dumber than hell,” I conceded. “You would think they’d figure out how to keep from paying for this very situation. If they can’t find a lawyer who could write a policy that eliminates paying third parties, they should simply not have a policy. It would save companies tons of money.”

“Bingo!” proclaimed my less than bright barrister. “You just opened up the real can of worms. Did you ever watch the movie called The Matrix?”

“I think you’re getting sidetracked here,” I suggested. “That movie presented an interesting concept, but it has nothing to do with my situation.”

“Don’t you wonder why a company would award you, and thousands of other pissed off husbands, million and millions of dollars every year because of an “unwritten section” of the employment policy?”

“Because they must!” I shouted. “It’s the way it is. That’s all we need to know. Don’t try to confuse me with logic or facts. I know my rights.”

“Your mindless insistence that third parties are actually part of the contract is why you’re having this problem today,” Emory revealed calmly.

“Miss Beckwith is a very attractive woman, isn’t she? She dresses to maximize her allure, doesn’t she?” Emory asked.

I was beginning to question the abilities of my new legal beagle. “Yes, she’s hot as hell, but that doesn’t give her company any further claim to my part of the settlement. We were consenting adults.”

“Please humor me on this,” Emory insisted more than requested. “According to my information, the second time you met with her to discuss your case, her left breast accidently fell out of her dress. You stared at it in amazement for 23 seconds before she placed it back in her rather low top. Is that correct?”

“Are you asking me if it is correct that you were given that information, or is it correct that is what actually happened?” I countered cleverly.

“Touché!” Emory replied with a big grin. “Is that what actually happened?”

“I didn’t time the tit bit, but I would guess that it’s pretty accurate,” I answered.

“We received a copy of the video and that’s exactly what happened,” countered Emory. “I can understand why you were speechless. It’s a fine looking breast.

“Did you know that Logan and Logan now has a company policy which states that if a female employee’s breast should inadvertently fall out of its confines and into plain sight, that employee has thirty seconds to get it covered back up?”

“That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard. How many employees could possibly have had that problem to make it necessary to create policy covering that rare occurrence?” I questioned.

“Exactly! You’re starting to catch on, if somewhat belatedly. Oddly, it has become a rather common issue for the females in that firm, all of whom are well endowed. They often have wardrobe malfunctions while meeting with clients, especially since that new policy went into effect.”

“Well that just seems weird as hell to me. Do you think it’s a coincidence or some sort of conspiracy?” I wondered out loud.

“Let me ask you this,” Emory said. “Did both of her boobs fall out on your next visit? Did you reach out and manhandle those lovely orbs before she could tuck them back in? Were they as amazing as they appear to be?”

“Nicer than any video you could ever watch!” I answered with enthusiasm. “She was a handful and then some. They were natural, full and firm as hell. I wanted to...”

“I get the picture. In fact, I have the video,” Emory informed me. “The problem is simply this. It is against Logan and Logan’s new policy for clients to feel the breasts of their employees when and if they accidently pop out of their tops for less than thirty seconds.”

“That’s another odd bit of information,” I conceded. “I didn’t know that, but why would that give them the right to sue me? I didn’t know the rule and certainly never agreed to anything even remotely close to that. I assumed that since they were making so much money off my case, and I knew her tits didn’t fall out by accident the second time, I’d be within my rights as a client to fondle those puppies a little bit.”

“Don’t you see? You gave them written statements and were even videoed stating that you firmly believed that company policies definitely affect third parties. In fact you received a $3.6 million settlement for that very belief. Logan and Logan is now insisting that you are a third party who violated their rules. Sauce for the goose and all of that. They want compensation for your actions which violated their policy.”