I rose my finger to the sky and screamed, “Yeah!”

The band hit the choreographed last notes, and the pyro explosions and flames heated the massive stage to an almost intolerable level, as I looked to the ground. I double checked that I stood on my mark as the flames shot up around me. The stage opened below me as the lift dropped me to the lower level, and a throng of people ran to my side.

“Great show, Jimmy,” my manager shouted. My ears would take a while to adjust back to normal.

I handed my earpiece and wireless microphone to someone, and they grabbed the wireless microphone pack off of the waist of my skin-tight pants.

It was chaos around me. I never understood who all of the people backstage were. I suppose some were actual fans of my music. Most had to be sponsors or leeches encouraged by someone to hang out so they could say they were backstage at that night’s Jimmy Mace show.

As usual there was a line of girls screaming to see me for my post-show meet and greet. I’m not sure why I let them talk me into doing post show meets. They were a drag because of how exhausted I could be after a show, but the fans loved them.

I was shocked the first time I watched mothers and daughters fall to their knees once they got into my dressing room. No one told me not to, and many others encouraged me to take advantage of it, so I did.

I succumbed to the temptation when I was an eighteen-year-old idiot. Fame hit me fast and hard. I banged everyone I could. I did all the drugs offered to me, I drank stupid amounts of alcohol, and worse I got caught up in a scandal being caught drunk in a club getting a blowjob from a pair of married sisters. I sued to get the video off the website that leaked it and any others that posted it, but it was still out there if one looked hard enough.

I spun out of control too early. If something hadn’t changed, I wouldn’t have made it to twenty-one.

I felt too empty after my first tour ended to continue that lifestyle. I wasn’t raised that way, and the sad eyes of my mother when I got home brought me back to a different reality.

She was ashamed.

I promised her I’d clean up my act and make her proud. Six months later, she died from a heart attack in Connecticut while I was on tour in Japan.

I resolved to get clean for her. No drinking. No drugs. I desperately wanted to be a boring twenty-something kid who just happened to be one of the biggest pop stars in the world. Wants and needs are drastically different.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t be normal.

After the show, the first group of fans were let into my dressing room. I hadn’t showered or changed, but they didn’t care.

There were five girls in that first group. All were cute, but one was breath-taking. She was also the meekest. She looked like she was afraid to be in the room as her friends screamed and tried to paw at me.

“Settle down, Ladies. How about we get some pictures?” I said trying to calm the room.

We took several photos, group shots, individual shots, and selfies. All the while, the shy red-headed goddess didn’t say a word.

“What’s the matter?” I asked her after her friend forced her to get a picture with me.

“I, uh, I don’t want to be here.”

She looked ready to cry.

“Everyone out, now!” I shouted.

Security burst into the room.

“Wait, guys,” I said when they tried to usher her out. “She’s the one who’s in trouble.”

She looked at me and gasped, “I’m not in trouble.”

I was confused. I thought she was there against her will.

“Huh?” I asked. “You said you didn’t want to be here. I thought you were forced or something.”

She looked at me as if I were an idiot. I guess my life was too sheltered. After thinking about it for a second, I realized I was an idiot and was embarrassed.

“You what?” she shouted. At last, there was some spark out of her. It was adorable. “Do you always assume people are held against their will at your concerts?”

“Guys, leave us for a minute, okay?”

The room cleared and I walked over to the concessions table.

“Want some water or something?” I asked.

“I just want to go.”

“I have to say, I’m not used to that. Why don’t you want to be here? You came to my show, right?”

“I’m not some slut groupie. My friends had it set in their minds that they were gonna reverse gangbang you, and I wanted nothing to do with that.”

I laughed.

“You think it’s funny?”

I handed her the unopened bottle of water and sat on the couch.

“Yeah, it is funny. I don’t have sex with my fans anymore.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Look, now that I know you’re safe, you can go. I was just worried about you.”

She still couldn’t care less about being in that room with me. I was enthralled with her though.

She handed back the bottle of water and said, “Thanks. It was nice to meet you.”

“Hey!” I said as she had her hand on the door. “Do you want to get a picture where you’re smiling before you go? You weren’t really into them before.”

She smiled, “Can I?”

“Of course.”

We took a couple more selfies, I watched her walk away, and then went about the rest of the pictures, groping, and autographs for those who were left in line.

Being a celebrity sucked. Sure, the money doesn’t suck, but the fame? It sucked and anyone saying different is a narcissist. I suppose you’d have to have one of the upper echelon of egos to do what we do, but sometimes I just want to see a movie with a group of friends.

My old friends. The ones who didn’t care about Jimmy Mace. The ones who loved and missed me being good old Jimmy Majewski.

I missed that guy too.

I woke to my cell ringing. I didn’t need to set an alarm; I had an assistant who called me to make sure I was awake. It was weird, but she gave me some lame excuse about making sure I didn’t need anything.

“Good Morning, Kim.”

“Good Morning, Boss. You’ve got a half-hour to get ready, and then it’s off to Good Morning America. Your breakfast will be there in a few minutes.”

As I showered, I thought of the red head from the night before. I blew it by letting her get out without getting her number. She probably would have given me a fake one anyway. She made it clear she didn’t want to be a groupie. I didn’t want a groupie though.

My breakfast was on a tray on the table when I emerged from the bathroom. Life on the road sucked, but that particular hotel had good food and I was starving.

I checked the time and frowned. I didn’t have time to eat, and sure enough, Kim knocked on my door before I could.

“Come in, Kim.”

I put the sausage and some of the eggs on the toast, wrapped a napkin around it and took a bite.

“Jimmy, we’re going to be late.”

“I’ll eat as we walk.”

My entourage of security waited and formed a circle around me. I wouldn’t be bothered up there, but the lobby would be a madhouse.

We pushed our way through the throngs of fans, then I saw my red-headed crush at the guest services desk. I shouted at Kim, pointed at her, and told her to get her number. She was the only one in that area, so I hoped she would get the right one.

Kim was shocked at my request, I’d never done that before, yet she tried to comply. I was whisked into the limo, and the doors were shut.

“Morning, Jimmy,” my manager, Carol, chirped.

She went on about what I needed to remember to say in the interview, but I noticed Kim didn’t come back.

“Wait, Carol. Where’s Kim?”

Seconds later, the door opened, and the red head climbed in with Kim following. The limo wasted no time driving away.

“I just wanted her number, Kim,” I said and chuckled.

“She wouldn’t give it to me, so I improvised.”

Red didn’t seem too upset, so I said, “What’s your name?”

“Lisa. Why do you want my number?”

“To call you sometime, Silly.” I laughed and Carol faked laughing with me. “Why did you get into my limo if you don’t want to give me your number? Seems strange?”

“I wanted to know what your deal was. I told you, I’m not some groupie for you to pump and dump.”

“If that’s what I wanted, I never would have let you leave last night. So, can I have your number? I’d like to...”

“No. Could you let me out please?”

I frowned and shouted, “Hey, Cliff? Could you pull over so we can let Lisa out?”

My driver, Cliff, pulled over, and Lisa slid over to leave.

“Lisa, wait. Kim, write my private number down for her please,” I asked.

Kim was shocked, “Are you sure?”

I nodded, and Lisa looked aggravated. She accepted the piece of paper and left the car without so much as a goodbye.

“Jimmy, what was that all about?” Carol asked.

“I like her, I don’t know what it is about her, but I like her a lot.”

The looks on Carol and Kim’s faces were priceless. I never expressed interest in a fan like that.

“Was she even a fan? She seemed like she didn’t care,” Kim added. I noticed she scowled at me.

“That’s probably why I’m so interested. I mean, she’s beautiful, but it was like she didn’t care she met me. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Just be careful,” Carol chided. “You don’t want to end up naked on the internet again.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I laughed. I hoped Lisa would reach out to me.

A month went by, and we were in Chicago for the last of three sold out nights at the United Center to end my tour. I sat in my hotel room reading responses to my social media posts when one caught my eye.

A girl named Lisa commented on a video clip we put out. She wasn’t the Lisa I liked, but it got me thinking about the woman who never called. For the next half-hour, I went through my followers looking for my Lisa.

I was shocked at the number of Lisa’s I had following me, but I ended up finding her.

I almost spit out my gum when I saw she was a student at the University of Illinois at Chicago. I wondered if she was back at school, but as I lurked on her page, I saw that she posted a selfie at some local restaurant that week.

“Kim!” I shouted. She was from Chicago, and I hoped she could help me.

“What’s wrong,” she asked after hurrying into my room.

“How far is UIC from here?”

“A couple of miles, I think, why?”

“Lisa goes there.”

She laughed. “You’re not over that crush yet?”

I smiled, “Nope. I also got her last name from her Instagram account.”

“You’re stalking her?” she gasped.

“No,” I shrugged. “It’s more like doing research.”

She shook her head.

“I suppose you want me to find her?”

I nodded and smiled.

She groaned and said, “Give me her name. Let me see what I can do.”

A few instructions later, and Kim was onto her task. I hoped she could find her. I’d walk the campus if I had to, but I’d rather do that as a last resort. I was sure she’d reject me if I sent her a DM.

“Ten minutes, Jimmy,” my road manager said.

“Okay, Steve.”

I checked myself in the mirror and put my earpieces in. After one last look at my hair, I walked into the crowded hall.

I kept my head down as I was led to the stage. No eye contact with anyone, just pure focus on the task at hand. That is until I was about to walk up to the lift below the stage.

Kim stood in my path and said, “Found her. I don’t know if she’s coming, but I left some tickets and all access passes at will call for her.”

I kissed her cheek and checked that I was on the spot marked with an X. I was about to be lifted onto the stage in a cloud of fog, and there was a chance I could get hurt if I stood in the wrong spot.

The house’s sound went off, the lights went down, and my intro music started. Then, the crowd went nuts.

The next thing I knew, I was thrust up on stage, and the curtain lifted. There’s a definite force from the crowd that you’re hit with from the sound of them screaming.

I sang my song, danced the dances, and looked in the front row for Lisa. I tried hard to get her out of my mind, but when I saw the empty seats, it affected my paying attention to where I was on the stage. I stood in the wrong spot at the wrong time, and a pyrotechnic flame shot up too close for comfort.

James Hetfield from Metallica caught one full force back in the nineties and got burned pretty badly. We were supposed to have a guy watching with a kill switch to make sure that couldn’t happen, but everything happened so fast, he couldn’t stop it in time.

The heat from the flame hurt and I fell back. I was sure I didn’t get hit with direct flame, but the next thing I knew was I was covered with a wet towel and carried off the stage.

It was chaos and pandemonium for what felt like hours but was only a few minutes. I tried to convince everyone that I was okay and not hurt, but that didn’t stop people from examining every inch of my body.

Once everyone around me settled down, I heard the crowd chanting, “Jimmy. Jimmy. Jimmy.”

The band had stopped, and my guitar player and background singers were looking at me as I stood.

“You good, Kid? That was scary as hell,” Al, my veteran guitar player asked.

“Yeah. I’m going back on.”

“No, you’re not!” Steve my road manager shouted. The rest of the group tending to me were split about it and argued.

“I’m going back out there. Al, play something to give me a couple of minutes,” I shouted over the cacophony.

He looked at Steve, and I shouted at him again, “Don’t look at him for approval. I’m your boss. Get out there and play a God damned song!”

He shrugged, walked onstage, and played the opening riff to a classic AC/DC song and gave the band a nod. They joined in and the crowd got into it.

Steve pleaded, “Jimmy, we need to get you checked out. You’ve got to go to the hospital.”

“I’m fine, Steve, really. Let me do my job.”

He threw his arms in the air and said, “I’m not taking responsibility for this.”

“Fine,” I said.

The on-site EMT told him I looked okay, so he just walked off pissed.

I took a deep breath and ran on stage.

The crowd’s cheers were deafening as I sang, “Yeah, you, shook me all night long.”

The crowd sang along, and we finished the song.

I looked at the front row and smiled when I saw Lisa and some others in the formerly empty seats. I said, “If you all didn’t think I was hot before, woo! I’m on fire now!”

The crowd cheered at my bad joke and Lisa smiled. I walked out to the front of the stage that separated the crowd in the front in half. I was safe from pyro there.

As I sang the next song, I knelt down and shook hands with all the people around Lisa. I was almost pulled into the crowd by one of her friends and Lisa got pissed. I laughed and only missed a few words of the verse as I backed away.

I wagged my finger at her in the universal sign for ‘no, no, no,’ winked at Lisa and went back to where I needed to be to dance the verse section of the song.

One of my biggest hits was a cover of the CJ Anthony song “Forever.” I sang that song directly to Lisa and was happy to see her embarrassed and smiling throughout.

When the show was over, I did the usual meet and greet for the fans who paid sick amounts of money. It was the last show of my long tour, so I spent some extra time with everyone.

Truth be told, I wanted to tell everyone to leave so I could see if Lisa had come back.

As the crowd dwindled to nothing, I saw a group of girls talking to Steve. The crew was just pulling out the last pieces of the stage and most of the folks were off to the hotel for the end of tour party.

“Steve,” I called out as I walked over to the group. They all had their back to me, so I didn’t recognize them as the ladies with Lisa. Sadly, Lisa wasn’t with them.

“Hey, Jimmy.”

The ladies almost got whiplash as their heads spun around and they rushed towards me.

Steve continued, “These ladies have passes but not post-show meet and greet tickets, so I let them stay around until you were finished.”

“Thanks, Steve.”

I turned my attention to the excited group and said, “You’re Lisa’s friends?”

One of them stepped forward and said, “I’m Julia, Lisa’s sister.”

She grabbed me into a hug, and I felt her body shaking.

“Relax, Julia,” I whispered into her strawberry scented hair.

She pulled away and was sobbing. The other two attacked each side of me, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Come on, how about we get something to drink in my dressing room.”

One of the girls screamed making Julia shake her head. “You heard what Lisa told us. He doesn’t have liquor in there.”

I laughed, “Nope. I’ve got all the soft drinks you could want though, and I’ve got some deep-dish pizza.”

“Ooh! Pepperoni?” the shorter of the other two asked and ran ahead.

“Where’s Lisa?” I asked. She just shrugged.

Julia said, “She left right after the show. She had homework, but she was thankful for the tickets. We all are.”

“No problem. To be honest, I was hoping to see her. I like her.”

The girls giggled.

“I’m Tina.”

“And I’m Shelly.”

“They’re sisters too,” Julia added. “We’re from New York, and they’re from Cleveland.”

The others nodded with mouths full of pizza.

“Jimmy, do you really like Lisa, or, um,” Julia fumbled.

“I like her. She doesn’t seem to like me though.”

“She thinks you just want in her panties.”

I laughed, “I told her that wasn’t it.”

“Right?” she answered. “You could have sex with any of the twenty thousand girls here tonight.”

She rubbed her hips against me and whispered, “Even me.”

I stepped back and shook my head.

“Well, that’s it for me tonight. I’ve got to get to the party we’re having.”

“Shoot, Jimmy, you don’t have to go. I’m sorry,” she begged.

“I do have to go. I’m sorry.”

The girls were disappointed and argued.

“Hey, John,” I shouted to the security guard waiting by the exit.

“What’s up, Jimmy?”

“Can you escort these ladies to their car and make sure they get out safely?”

“Sure thing. Have a good night, Jimmy. Let’s go, Girls.”

As they walked away, Julia looked back over her shoulder and said, “Thanks for everything.”

I waved and sighed.

“When do you leave town - Lisa”

I sat up in bed the next morning and looked at my phone.

I smiled and answered, “Tomorrow. I’m going to the aquarium today and then shopping downtown.”

She responded, “LOL.”

“I’m serious. They’re letting me and the band in for a private showing an hour before it opens.”

“That’s not much time.”

“I don’t want to turn the aquarium into a zoo. Wanna come?”

She didn’t respond. I couldn’t sit still. I paced, I tapped the screen to see if I missed a notification, and I looked out the window hoping to see her in the crowd of girls on the street below. I had to settle down.

I tossed my phone onto the bed and got into the shower.

I had no clue why I was so into her. I could date any starlet in Hollywood. I could have the housekeeper of any hotel I stayed in, or I could even have my assistant give me a blow job anytime or anywhere I wanted. Instead, I jerked off that morning watching Pornhub videos. I always circle back to the reason I had to be good—I couldn’t let my mother down. I knew Mom would’ve liked Lisa.

“Sure.”

I looked at my phone and was glad she accepted.

“I’ll pick you up. Text me the address.”

“I’ll meet you there,” she responded coldly.

Okay, so she was still staying on the safe side. I guess I couldn’t blame her. At least she was coming around and was willing to spend some time with me.

“Kim!” I yelled. Her adjoining door flung open. She was fully dressed and ready for the day. She’d probably been up since five o’clock.

“Lisa’s meeting us at the aquarium.”

“Really?”

I rolled my eyes, “No, I’m lying.” Jeez... “I want everything to be perfect. Everyone needs to know they have to be on their best behavior.”

She laughed, “Seriously? How do you want me to do that?”

I groaned, “Okay, you’re right. I’m just excited, okay? I think I have a real chance for a real relationship with this girl.”

“Good luck with that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jimmy, you’re a great guy, but I can’t see a normal person wanting to join the circus that is your life.”

As much as I wanted to argue, my life was the most circus-like of all circus-like lives.

It was a hard-fought battle with my manager, but I won by threatening to fire her, to let me stand outside of the entrance to the aquarium. Everyone else in my group went inside, but I wanted to wait for Lisa.

Ten minutes went by, then twenty, then people started gathering around to line up to get in when it opened for the general public. I was surprised no one recognized me. It seemed to them I was just a kid in sunglasses and a White Sox hat waiting for the museum to open.

I sighed and walked out towards the open area next to the main building. I sat on a bench looking out at Lake Michigan and wondered why I still put up with the life I chose for myself.

Lisa had blown me off, and I felt like crap. I watched the waves crash into the rocky shore and tried to talk myself into not quitting the music business. The only reason I could come up with to stay in it was the money.

If money was the only reason to continue to do it, it wasn’t a good one. I already had more money than I could ever spend, making more of it was just a byproduct of my work. My work wasn’t all that fulfilling anyway. If I quit, my fans would just latch onto the next good-looking teen idol.

I wanted to write my own songs, but my producers always told me they weren’t ready for prime time. I understood that, but I still wrote them anyway. I had about forty that sat in a notebook I carried with me.

In five years, I made six albums. Six albums of fluff that will be forgotten decades in the future. I sang songs about partying, falling in love, breaking up, and even had one song that was a four-minute metaphor for getting a blowjob. Nothing substantial. Nothing that meant anything to anyone that didn’t already love everything I sang anyway.

I was only twenty-three years old yet felt as if I were having a mid-life crisis.

My phone rang, and for a moment I brightened up thinking it was Lisa, but it was Kim looking for me.

I answered, “I’m on a bench outside. Lisa didn’t show.”

“Sorry, Jimmy. You’d better get inside, there’s a big crowd of people out there.”

“No, I’m just going to go back to the hotel. I’ll just chill there all day.”

She argued for a while, but I did pay her salary.

I decided to walk along the lake front and try to get out of my own head for a while. I only hoped it worked.

No one noticed me as I walked along the shoreline of Lake Michigan. It was a quiet Saturday morning, yet there was a scattering of joggers, bike riders, and dog walkers.

Each went about their business, moving through life one step or pedal turn at a time. Could they have been having similar thoughts as mine? Could they also have been feeling lost at such a young age? Were they happy with their life’s path? I still couldn’t get out of my head.

I crossed a busy street and found myself in the heart of the city. People rushed around everywhere, the homeless begged for help, cops stood around and watched as the activity whirled by, until I was finally recognized.

I’d taken my sunglasses off to look in a popcorn shop’s window. The smell made my mouth water when I approached it, and there was a line outside the door.

“Oh, my God! You’re Jimmy Mace,” a man quietly said from behind me in line.

I turned and smiled, “Shh, we wouldn’t want to get tackled in a mob rush, would we?”

He laughed as I slid my sunglasses back on.

“No, we wouldn’t. My wife and daughters will never believe this. Will you sign my bag?”

“Sure, just keep it quiet if you don’t mind.”

He nodded and made the zip of his lips motion.

“I’m Mike Davis. I just got into town this morning, and would you believe I was sent here first thing? My wife just can’t wait to get her Garrett’s. She had some business in Chicago, so I tagged along to visit my daughters. They go to school at UIC, and we surprised them this morning.

“That’s cool. I met some girls from UIC at my concert last night. In fact, I was supposed to meet one of them at the aquarium this morning, but she blew me off.”

“Wow! You got blown off by a girl? Has that ever happened before? I mean, from what I read, most girls would kill a puppy to be with you.”

I chuckled, “No canine sacrifices are necessary, but no it never happened before. She was hesitant to meet up with me because she thought I wanted a one-night stand or something. The problem is, I really liked her and her blowing me off is busting me up pretty hard.”

“Well, if it were one of my daughters, there’s no chance they’d have blown you off. Your posters are all over their rooms.”

I smiled and said, “Here, I tell you what, because you been so cool in letting me vent, I’m gonna start a live video of us on my Instagram. If your family are followers, it’ll make you a celebrity in your house for a while.”

He smiled and said, “That sounds great.”

I pulled out my phone and started a live stream, “Hey all! It’s your boy, Jimmy, standing in line for some fantastic smelling popcorn with my friend Mike. Say hi, Mike.”

He said, “Hi, Mike,” and I laughed. Then I almost lost it when he said, “Can I say hi to my girls? Hi, Diana, Hi, Julia, Hi, Lisa. Look who I found.”

It couldn’t be the same Lisa and Julia? There was no way.

I got it together and said, “Hi, Diana, Julia, and Lisa. Spoil my man, Mike, while he’s in town. Much love from your boy, Jimmy! Peace out!”

I ended the video, and he gushed, “Oh, Man! that was awesome.”

I looked around and no one had noticed what we had done, so I was relieved. I didn’t consider I was in public, but with people still wary after Covid, the line was pretty spread out and no one paid any attention.

I was starving and about to buy out the popcorn shop just to have a snack, when he started talking about good lunch restaurants. After a few minutes, his phone started pinging with notifications. He ignored them, figuring they were from his family about the live video, and we were talking about some of the better places in the city to eat.

I finally raised the courage to ask, “Hey, Mike. Your daughter Lisa, is she a redhead?”

“Yeah. How’d you know that?”

I sighed, “She’s the one who blew me off. She and Julia went to my concert last night. I met her at my concert in New York last month.”

“Oh, my God! What are the damned odds?”

“I have no idea, Mike.”

We walked into the popcorn shop unsure of what to say next.

“Look, Jimmy, my Lisa’s a good girl with a good head on her shoulders. I’m sure she’s just too busy to be pulled into your life, and well, with me popping in this morning unannounced, she probably forgot to let you know she wouldn’t be meeting you.”

“Don’t worry about it, Mike. As much as I wanted to get to know her, I figured she’d never think of me as anything other than a pop star. My life is a, oh shit!”

“Jimmy!” a girl shouted from the middle of the line. A dozen young girls all spun around and screamed.

“Nice to meet you, Mike. Gotta run.”

I opened the door and ran as fast as I could across the street. I dodged cars, cabs, and even a police horse, as I ran what felt like miles. I didn’t see anyone behind me any longer, so I stopped.

I leaned against a light post and tried to catch my breath. I pulled my phone out to figure out where I was, and saw I missed a bunch of calls and texts. Several were from Lisa.

With the revelation that her parents came into town and surprised her, I wondered if that changed anything. I would have understood if she had texted or called to let me know she couldn’t meet me.

I decided I wasn’t going to figure anything out standing in the middle of the sidewalk, so I looked around and saw a pizza place that Mike said he loved.

“Hi, can I get a seat somewhere private, please?” I asked after the hostess greeted me.

“Um, sure, Mister Mace.”

“Thanks. Please let the staff know I’m here so no one freaks out. You know how it can get.”

“I’m sure. Don’t worry about a thing. Bears and Hawks players eat here all the time, Sir.”

A few moments later, a manager came over and said, “Mister Mace, if there’s anything you need, let me know. Gina is our best server and will take your order shortly.”

“Thank you.”

Gina came over, I ordered what I wanted without looking at a menu, and I realized how much of an asshole that made me. What kind of arrogant dick head orders without reading the menu? What if they didn’t have what I wanted? I wondered why that was the first time I thought about that.