Chapter 22: Janet

The floorboards felt rough and dirty against Sarah’s buttocks, thighs and calves; the pillar pressed coarsely into her spine. She flexed her toes and glanced around the building.

Rebecca sat with her legs outstretched, mirroring Sarah’s position. They were separated enough that they couldn’t touch, even with outstretched legs; their toes rested perhaps a metre apart. Rebecca’s breathing seemed ragged and uneven, as if rage suffused her spirit.

Around them, shelves rose from floor to ceiling, overfilled with various wooden crates. Some of the equipment was clearly farming related: hoes, shovels, seed spreaders. A few shelves held uncrated large rifles. On her right, shelves held bulky bags labelled NH4NO3. On her left, other shelves held jerry cans. The air in the structure scented of fuel and chemicals.

She returned her attention to Rebecca.

“Are you all right, Rebecca?”

“Not really,” she replied. Sarah was simply glad that Rebecca had answered her at all. Rebecca pulled at her wrists and winced as the metal dug into her flesh.

“Can I ask what all that was about? Why you attacked Brady?”

Rebecca laughed bitterly.

“He’s not who you think he is,” she said. “I know you love him. So did Janet. He saved you. He saved Janet, too. I guess he saved all of us, one way or another.”

For a brief moment, Sarah thought that Rebecca might simply be jealous, but it didn’t fit her composure or body language. Rebecca seemed angry or betrayed, not jealous.

“Who is Janet?” And why is she so important that you’d rake your nails down Brady’s face?

Rebecca was silent so long Sarah thought that she hadn’t registered the question. Sarah nearly repeated the question when Rebecca sighed. The fight seemed to melt from her body.

“Janet was everything, Sarah. I loved her. I loved her from the moment I saw her step from that Focus on a rainy day in October, maybe a year before you arrived. I loved her purely, completely, utterly. Mind, body and soul. I know we’re supposed to love everyone here, and I do, except maybe Ivan, but Janet was always my ray of sunshine when it was storming. She, of course, loved Brady like that. I know what you’re thinking: I’m jealous. Brady says that jealousy is a wasted emotion, and he’s right. I didn’t mind sharing Janet with Brady, I really didn’t. Janet was a true free spirit, she could love me and Brady equally, and that was more than fine with me. I didn’t lie with Brady, but neither did I begrudge her lying with him. It made her happy. I think she was truly happy with me, too. And she was happy in this place. She loved harvest time and the lazy winters, and the physical love.”

“You loved her more than we all love each other?”

“Yes. She was that special someone you draw pictures of in your sketchbook.”

Rebecca. Brady.

“She loved you?”

“It was different than the way she loved Brady, but yes.”

“You were together at the campfire?”

Her face softened as she relived a memory. She sighed nearly inaudibly.

“Yes,” she breathed. “I loved being with her at the campfire, working, even in the bunkhouse. She loved me back, as much as she was able.”

“Were you ever with Brady together?” Rebecca had never joined Sarah when she was loving Brady. In fact, Rebecca might be the only woman with whom Sarah hadn’t had sex during her stay here.

Rebecca shook her head. “Other than when I accepted the mark, I have never been with Brady, and even that night, I asked Janet not to join us.”

“What happened, then?”

Rebecca bit her lip and stared at the ceiling.

“I really don’t know, Sarah. One night, Janet woke up, had a dream about being stabbed by a dwarf, she kissed me and disappeared into the night.” Sarah glanced sharply at Rebecca, her mind fixating on her own dreams of murderous small clowns. “Of course, in the morning, when they discovered she was gone, they thought I knew where she was, or at least knew her plans. Janet never shared her plans with me; I was as surprised as everyone else. They didn’t believe me. I was in The Box for three days, nearly died. On the second night, Brady told me that Janet was dead, that they’d found her body lost in the woods. I grieved alone in that Box, Sarah. When they let me out, I tried to overdose on S. Lawrence helped me get the extra pills, but he didn’t know what I was doing with them. Ivan caught on and that was another trip to The Box for me and Lawrence. I didn’t try suicide again.” Tears spilled down Rebecca’s cheeks as she talked.

Sarah only wanted to hold Rebecca, wipe her tears, but the handcuffs easily prevented that.