I was deep in contemplating my view of my life when I had that ‘Aha’ moment. Actually, I was on the crapper when I understood what had happened to cause the change. I was also aware that my married life was in that same bowl I was sitting over. Unfortunately, toilet paper wouldn’t clean that mess up.

I am Fredrick Andrew Burns 38, my friends call me Andy, professionally I am F. Andrew Burns B.A., M.A. Ph.D, Certified Financial Planner. I was married to Mary Burns (nee Smith) for three years. I am no longer married to her. That ended when I was 34. It has taken me this long to get over the hurt and anger.

I grew up in a medium sized mid Michigan city. The name is not important, because it was like any other city, it had problems, it had crimes, and it had many good points. I was unaware that there were poor people in our town because everyone around where I grew up was in the same boat. Most of our parents both worked outside the home. Some like my father work extra jobs to allow us to have the necessities of living in our society. I started doing odd jobs around the neighborhood when I was 14, and did after school wage paying jobs as soon as I turned 16.

I didn’t neglect school, and even took several summer school classes to speed my way through high school. I was an honor student that was ostracized from the cliques because I came from a poor neighborhood. Because of my social status in school, I did not have many dates until my senior year, and that is when I asked Mary Smith out to a football game and a snack after. I was totally flabbergasted when she said yes.

We had a great time, and dated through the rest of my senior and her sophomore year. We were only six months apart in age, because I skipped eight grade and my summer school and college classes.

When I graduated, Mary wanted to take a break. I knew I wouldn’t be around for the next few years. Still, I told her I was not happy. I didn’t tell her that I also was not surprised.

I planned on at least a couple of college years. I received several scholarship offers but they only covered tuition. My family, while not really poor anymore, could not, with three other children, afford to make up the difference.

In order to explore some options I visited a recruiter, and found out about ROTC scholarships. They covered everything, and provided a stipend for spending money. The recruiter checked and the only university that had an open slot was in Texas.

I visited the campus of the University of Texas, I liked what I saw, and signed-up and started college. As my goal was a degree in finance, I was somewhat surprised that the army wanted numbers geeks. I was told that a large part of the intelligence that was gathered and analyzed was about a country’s financial health. A country that is about bankrupt and needed resources was more likely to be aggressive to a nation that was healthy.

Well, I was doing my senior summer military field training when I had an accident, I was scaling a ridge when a rock shelf I stepped on gave way, and I skidded down almost 100 feet. I broke both legs and my right wrist. The legs both needed steel rods for stabilization, and I was medically retired with a 80% disability.

I graduated from college, and I was offered a graduate assistant teaching position and free schooling. I stayed and got my advanced degrees. With my doctorate, I was offered a full professorship with an accelerated tenure track. I took it. I was allowed to assist clients in private practice like M.D.’s and Lawyers. I even helped other professors.

I was asked by a young student, a senior, for advice on helping to increase her trust fund left her by her paternal grandmother. I found out, after helping her, that the girl’s father was one of Austin’s elite, and came from old money. Because of that help, many doors to the elite were opened.

I was considered an acceptable person with enough status to enter Austin society. I got ribbed for being a Yankee, but I was also giving every piece of financial Intelligence that the group had to offer. I started earning a great return on my investments.

As my finances improved, I found I was more in demand by the local ladies. I found dates coming my way with almost no rejections. I did not date any lady more than 3 or 4 times, and while I got lucky many times, I did not find my soulmate.

About two years after I took the professorship, I got word that my father was very ill. I took a leave of absence and returned to Michigan. Mom had left for greener pastures many years before. It turned out dad had terminal cancer. He died less than six weeks after I returned. When all of the funeral arrangements were finished, the lawyers took over.

At the reading of the final will, mom showed up. It didn’t matter, dad had divorced her years before for abandonment. I was surprised that dad had been running a side business and was very successful. He had received two competing offers for his business. As I was his designated sole heir and both offers were within a few thousand dollars of each other, I accept the one from the company that had the best reputation for serving their customers. Mom left and tried to contest the will. She lost.

Now, besides my investments, I had ‘Go To Hell’ money. I decided to resign from the university, and take a position in one of the local brokerage houses. I moved into my old house. It wasn’t fashionable or in a fancy neighborhood. It was comfortable, restored to modern standards, and paid for.

After settling in, one Wednesday I went to my favorite local Italian restaurant for dinner. As I was waiting for a table, I heard my name being called out. I turned to see who was calling, and saw Mary Smith. I hadn’t seen her since high school.

We reconnected, talked that night and many more away. We dated for about six months and were at our favorite restaurant when Mary asked me the ‘Question’ “Fred, where do you see our relationship going.”

I responded as honestly as I could, “I feel that we have something good here. I am ready to make a commitment. I am exclusively dating you, but I haven’t felt the same emotions from you to ask that of you. I almost feel you are holding back a little. In spite of that, I can see a very steady progression in our relationship. Does that answer your question?”

“Yes, it does, but I need to tell you I ran into an old boyfriend, and I want to explore the possibility that there might be some feelings there as we haven’t made any strong commitments yet.”

“Ok,” I said and added with some undisguised heat, “you need to be sure that I am the one for you, I won’t object, but I want you to know that I am disappointed. I think we should call an end to this.”

She looked down at the table before quietly saying, “All right, I didn’t want it, but I think I expected that decision. Bob Sanders told me he would not go out with me if you objected, and I told him I would talk to you. I am sorry I got the exact response I expect and dreaded, but you need to know my feelings.”