Chapter 25

After dinner, Alice and I sat in the living room while Lydia and Lizzie cleaned up the kitchen. As soon as they left the dining area, Alice hollered, “girls, why don’t you two grab an ice cream and talk.”

They came into the living room and plopped down next to us on the couch. Lydia was sitting between me and Alice, Lizzie sat on the other side of me.

Alice spoke first: “Okay girls, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Lizzie raised an eyebrow. “What is it?” I could tell by the look on her face that she knew what this conversation was going to be about.

But I don’t think she or Lizzie were going to be ready for what they were about to hear.

Alice took a breath. “Well, your father and I aren’t getting along very well lately. In fact, we haven’t gotten along for quite awhile now. So it looks like we won’t...”

The girls knew what she was about to say, but that still didn’t stop the shock. Lizzie interrupted her mother with a loud gasp: “Are you breaking up?!”

Alice looked at me and shrugged helplessly. “I suppose that depends on how you see it.”

I shook my head incredulously, “Depends on how...?” I rolled my eyes and addressed the girls directly. “Your mom is in love with another man. The one you found the text messages from. That’s him,” I volunteered.

They were silent. They of course knew this part.

I was just worried how they’d handle the next parts.

Alice sighed again. “It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. Things change. Life changes.”

“So, what...” Lizzie began, her anger in her voice building. “You’re gonna make Daddy live somewhere else, aren’t you?” Lizzie shook her head in disbelief at her assumption.

“Mom, please don’t make Daddy leave us! Please don’t break up our family!” Lydia cried out passionately.

Alice nodded sadly. “I’m not going to take you away from your daddy. I’m going to ask him to stay here and raise you both. And I hope you can forgive me someday.”

Instead of crying, Lizzie got angry and stood up. “You’re a fucking whore!” she screamed at her mother. “And I hate you!” Then she ran upstairs.

I jumped up and chased after her, but Alice told me to stay back. “Let her be upset, Drew. It’ll pass eventually.”

I slumped back onto the couch and felt completely defeated. My heart ached knowing my marriage was over. Even though I’d known for months that it was.

I looked to Lydia, who’d remained quiet throughout the entire conversation. She seemed sad, but she didn’t cry or scream. Instead, she stared straight ahead and kept her head down. Then I saw tears start rolling down her cheeks. She sniffled and wiped them away with the sleeve of her shirt.

A few moments passed before she finally spoke: “Mom, I love you no matter what.”

“Thank you, sweetheart,” Alice smiled.

Lydia continued, “but ‘love’? You love this other guy? How could you possibly love somebody besides Dad?”

“I just ... I’m, um, pregnant,” Alice said softly and suddenly.

“What?” Lydia gasped, picking her head up slowly, clearly shocked by this sudden news. “Seriously?”

Alice tried to smile through her sadness. “I guess it just happened. I didn’t mean...” she trailed off, unable to finish.

“Oh my God, Mom! Are you serious?!” Lydia asked angrily.

“Yes, I’m sorry honey,” Alice apologized. “This whole thing came totally unexpected.”

Lydia’s face contorted into rage. “What the FUCK!?” she howled, clearly not in the mood to watch her language.

I put my hand on hers gently and pulled it down. “Honey, let’s calm down for now okay?”

She glared at me, but then took a breath and calmed herself. “Okay. Sorry.”

“No need to apologize,” I reassured her. “You’re allowed to be upset.” We sat there quietly for a minute until I broke the silence.

“So...” I looked at Alice, frustrated, hoping my tone would prompt her to tell Lydia that she’s going to keep it.

“We’ve decided to separate,” Alice replied calmly. “It’s been a difficult decision for us, but we agree that this is for the best for everyone involved.”

That wasn’t exactly what I expected to hear. But she wasn’t addressing the elephant in the room, about her intention for her pregnancy.

And Lydia, being the sharp girl that she was, knew it. “Are you keeping it, Mom?” she blurted out.

Alice sighed heavily and stared straight ahead. I saw her mouth open a couple times as she tried to say it.

And I was tired of it.

“She’s going to keep it, Lydia,” I interrupted loudly. “We talked about it and she says she’s gonna have the baby.”

“What!?” Lydia yelled. “Are you serious right now!? No WAY!”

“Yes way,” Alice confirmed. “That’s what my heart is leading me to do. I love him and he loves me.”

Lydia sat quietly, staring into space. The anger had drained out of her. She seemed lost in thought and hurt.

“So you’ve been so absent lately. And that’s like ... whatever,” Lydia began, her blind anger building, “but then you tell us you’re leaving and starting a new family?! Are you crazy!? That’s insane! Do you know what that means for us? For ME?!”

“Of course I do,” Alice replied. “It means I’m doing what’s best for...”

“ ... You. What’s best for you, Mom. Not for US!! This is OUR life. Our FAMILY!!! So what happens next, huh?? You’ll probably just move out of state with...”

“I have no plans of moving,” Alice said. “My job is here, you’re here. I’m staying put.”

Lydia stayed combative. “Fine. Whatever. Just remember: it’s fucked up that...”

“Lydia, watch your language,” Alice interrupted.

“NO! Fuck you! FUCK YOU FOR DOING THIS TO US!!”

And then she started crying uncontrollably. Through tears, she continued, “You leaving dad is one thing, but this is totally different. Running off to start a new fucking family?! I feel betrayed. And abandoned.”

Lydia paused and exhaled. Staring straight ahead, she said plainly, “I hate you, mom.”

I hugged her tight against me.

“Hey, hey, shh, it’s ok,” I whispered in her ear. “Everything’s fine now. Everything’s gonna be alright.”

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” Lydia sobbed. “If only I hadn’t told you I found out mom was cheating, then...”

“She confessed, sweetheart,” I told Lydia, kissing the top of her head. “She confessed because she was pregnant. She didn’t know that I already knew she was cheating.”

I kissed my little girl’s forehead and held her close while stroking her hair. Alice let me talk to Lydia without interrupting. After a few moments of silence, I spoke softly. “Sweetie, listen to me carefully. Your mom and I love you very much and we wouldn’t ever intentionally do anything to hurt you. We love each other and ideally, we would like to continue our marriage together, but there are certain things that happen in life that force us to make difficult decisions.”

I paused, taking a deep breath. Then I continued, “Your mom decided that she wanted to cheat on me because it makes her happy and fulfilled. She wants to have another child with someone else for the same reason. It is what it is.”

I looked at Alice, silently begging her to interject, but she remained silent.

“Jesus Christ, Alice, are you going to say anything??”

No response. Alice sat stone faced, staring forward. She kept her mouth shut.

I sighed loudly before continuing again. “Holy fucking hell. Say SOMETHING to your daughter!”

Alice sighed before asking, “Is this going to change anything between us, Lydia?”

I couldn’t believe she’d ask such a stupid question. “It changes fucking everything, Alice,” I finally snapped. “Us is one thing. But these girls...” I squeezed Lydia’s hand tightly before continuing. “ ... These two young ladies ... Are ours. And they need stability. They NEED to see that their parents still care about each other and remain committed to being a family ... Even if you’re actually here or not!”

“I am here,” Alice assured me.

But she wasn’t looking at me. Instead, her eyes were fixed on the floor.

I added, “You need to promise these girls that you’ll never leave. Don’t pick up and leave Boulder I mean. Not until they graduate high school, anyway. I don’t care who you fuck but you need to assure them you’ll always be there for them. Whatever our new family dynamic is.”

Alice nodded silently. Her lips moved slightly as she mumbled something under her breath.

“What did you say?” I demanded.

Alice looked up at me and said, “I promise.”

I looked at Lydia and told her, “tell Lizzie if she wants to talk to me or your mom or both of us, that she can. If not, I think we understand. But you can tell her everything. Tell her mom is pregnant, the whole thing. And let her know mom is just moving across town. She’s not leaving.”

Then I hugged Lydia tight again and said quietly, “Tell Lizzie we love her.”

Later that night, I texted Jules asking her to call me. I needed to tell her what happened.

When she called, she immediately asked, “So why did you want me to call you so late? Won’t your wife...”

“ ... No,” I interrupted her quickly. “My marriage pretty much ended tonight.”

There was a pause on the other side of the line. “Oh ... I ... Um ... Wow...”

“Yeah, wow,” I agreed. “Want to ‘wow’ some more?”

“Uh, sure,” Jules answered reluctantly.

“She’s fucking one of her students,” I explained.

“WHAT?!” Jules gasped into the phone.

“Yup,” I said bitterly. “And guess what? That’s not even the worst thing.”

Jules didn’t answer right away. Then she whispered, “That’s not the worst thing?”

“Nope,” I confirmed. “She’s pregnant with his baby.”

Silence.

Finally, after a few seconds, Jules spoke softly and hesitantly, “How far along is she?”

“Like 8 weeks or something. It’s not mine, I already did the math. I haven’t had sex with her since Christmas time.”

Jules breathed out slowly. “Wow...”