Chapter 24

“Can I ask you something?” I asked Alice quietly while we lay side-by-side in bed.

She opened her eyes sleepily and cocked her head curiously. “Sure,” she answered.

“Did you always feel this way about me?” I clarified.

Alice frowned slightly and stared off into space for a moment.

Then she shook her head negatively.

“No, I never felt that way until recently,” she explained.

“Why?” I pressed.

“Because I’ve been unhappy for quite awhile,” Alice admitted reluctantly. “And because I couldn’t understand how you could be happy with somebody like me. I know that sounds horrible, but it’s true.”

“I am happy with you, Alice,” I assured her.

“Not enough to stop fucking around behind my back,” she shot back.

“You fucked around first!” I complained. “That’s why I went outside our marriage.”

“Well, I’m sorry I tried to fuck someone else, but it made sense at the time,” Alice countered angrily.

“You act as if it was a one time thing,” I complained, “but you’ve been messing around with this student of yours for months now. That means your infidelity has lasted longer than mine!”

“It’s different!” Alice insisted.

“Oh yeah?” I challenged. “How’s it different? You’re cheating on me with him and I’m cheating on you with her. At the very least, are we not equally bad people for doing that?!”

“Stop being such a baby!” Alice snapped at me.

“Stop being a baby that you’re fucking cheating on me?!” I retorted.

Alice glared at me coldly. “Do you honestly think I’d leave you after 12 years of marriage and two children together? Do you really believe I’d walk out on you when we have a mortgage and bills to pay and a house to maintain? After everything we’ve shared?”

I didn’t answer. The way she seemed so disinterested in both me and the girls was starting to hurt my feelings.

Alice sighed heavily. “I don’t care if you hate me right now. But let me finish before you decide to call me a hypocrite.”

“Fine,” I grumbled.

“I’m going to tell you exactly how I feel,” she declared firmly. “I’m angry, betrayed and devastated by what you did.”

“Well I feel the same way. So I got my implicit permission to stray at that point,” I reminded her.

“You bastard!” Alice exclaimed heatedly.

I chuckled bitterly. “Yeah, well that’s kind of how I feel right now.”

“Don’t you dare laugh at me!” Alice shouted. “What you did was unforgivable! If you wanted to cheat on me then go ahead. But don’t do it without warning me first!”

I shook my head. “Ok, Alice. You’re being belligerent right now. I’ll say it plainly: We. Both. Cheated. But you did it first. So quit trying to take any moral high ground, ok?”

“I didn’t mean to start this fight,” Alice replied quietly. “This is hard on me. This whole situation is difficult for all of us.”

“Listen, I could care less right now. I don’t care about ‘winning a fight’ especially since we’ve both been assholes. Just, please, let me talk,” I pleaded. “Just listen to what I have to say, alright?”

I waited patiently for Alice to nod in agreement.

“Alright, here goes,” I began. “I’ve been thinking about this for weeks. I thought about confronting you about your infidelity. Maybe I should have done that instead of ... you know...”

Alice rolled her eyes. “Yes, you were supposed to confront me about it.”

“Really though?” I asked. “If I confronted you, you would’ve just denied it outright anyway. Right? You would’ve said ‘no, no, NO!’ and stormed off to work.”

Alice shrugged indifferently. “Probably,” she agreed.

“So put yourself in my shoes. You find out your spouse is cheating on you. Then somebody attractive throws themselves at you. What would you do?” I questioned.

Alice frowned uncertainly. “Honestly? Probably nothing,” she admitted.

“Bullshit. You’d have been angry anyway, feeling rejected and all that, and then someone comes along and says ‘hey, I’ll give you lots of sex!’ Of course you wouldn’t ignore that opportunity!”

“But still, I probably would have talked things through with you afterwards,” Alice continued. “Maybe even gone to counseling.”

“Yet you didn’t even admit you were cheating on me until today,” I pointed out. “And you only did that because the fucking guy knocked you up. Now you’re pregnant with his child!”

“Drew, I’m getting really tired of this conversation,” Alice growled impatiently. “Can we just move past it already?”

“No, I can’t,” I answered bluntly. “You cheated on me first, you got pregnant, and what, I guess needed my permission to get an abortion?! It’s that why you told me in the first place?!”

I saw Alice’s face flush red with anger. “Jesus Christ, Drew!” she snarled at me. “Would you stop acting like a little baby about this?!”

I felt myself bristling defensively. “I am NOT acting like a little baby! And you know why? Because you are the one being a child about this. You are somehow trying to act like you’re the only person hurt here. But it’s mutual. You cheated on me so I cheated on you. That’s called karma. Deal with it.”

I paused briefly while Alice stared silently at me. Finally she spoke again. “Okay, fine. Let’s agree that neither one of us is perfect. I cheated on you. You cheated on me. But you need to understand something.”

I looked at her cautiously. “What is that?”

Alice hesitated before continuing. “It’s not like this happened overnight,” she explained softly. “The signs were there for years. Years! But you refused to see them, which is understandable considering your own issues and insecurities.”

“Okay?” I said, curious where are was taking this.

Alice nodded. “After Lydia and Lizzie started puberty, I noticed you becoming increasingly uncomfortable around them.”

I frowned. “Yeah, they grew fast and became ... uh...”

“They developed quickly physically,” Alice finished for me. “Their bodies changed and matured far faster than normal children. They had bigger breasts, longer legs and wider hips. You couldn’t hide how uneasy you were seeing them develop into such stunning young women.”

I sighed heavily, “you’re not wrong. But what does that have to do with anything?”

“Everything, actually,” Alice replied calmly. “Because after they hit puberty, you stopped being attracted to me as much anymore.”

I scoffed incredulously, “that’s ridiculous! I’m still attracted to you. It’s just that, well, I quit trying to go after sex because you’ve turned me down so many times...”

Alice rolled her eyes. “That’s exactly right. After the twins reached puberty, you suddenly lost interest in sex altogether.*

I shook my head. Jesus Christ, she was treading super close to accusing me of screwing around with the girls. And while she would’ve been 100% correct, she obviously has no true idea what’s going on with me and the girls ... So that means she’s accusing me out of thin air. So I had to come off as incredulous.

“Are you listening to yourself? Number one, don’t bring the girls up because that’s a straw man argument if I ever heard of one. It’s sick. And second, you know ... you know my sex drive, so I’ve never stopped wanting you to...”

Alice shrugged. “Maybe you used to have that sex drive. Maybe you haven’t lately. Either way, you’ve completely shut me out sexually since Lydia and Lizzie started developing. There’s nothing...”

“LEAVE THEM OUT OF THIS!” I stood up, walking to our bedroom door. “THEY ARE MY DAUGHTERS. Are you blaming our issues on their fucking tits? Seriously? You don’t think that maybe, even a little bit, our issues are coming from just growing apart physically? You never really liked sex with me in the first place, and now that we aren’t really having sex at all anyway, I guess you figure you’d blame it on the kids, huh?”

I shook my head and grabbed my scalp. “What the fuck!?” I yelled angrily. “You’re treating me like a complete asshole here. How could you possibly say something so stupid!? What kind of parent blames their child’s physical development for problems in their marriage!?”

Alice sat quietly on the bed for several moments before speaking again, “ ... I’m sorry.”

I exhaled loudly and slumped against our front doorframe. My mind went blank. I felt dizzy. I wanted to scream and yell at her but knew that wasn’t going to fix anything between us. And then there was the guilt that she actually was 100% correct.

So I deflected again. “The girls are hurt too. You know that?? When they found out you were cheating and told me about it, they got upset and confused. They didn’t understand why you did it.”

Alice nodded sadly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lied to you about it. But I thought telling you would cause more trouble than letting things continue as they were.”

“Well, me and the girls are already used to the fact that you’ve had a secret boyfriend this whole time. We’ve made peace with it,” I said. “Now that you finally admitted it, I think we should move past it. For all intents and purposes, I’ve known about him for quite some time anyways. If you hadn’t confessed tonight, I still would’ve known and been distant and be okay that I was getting my needs met sexually somewhere else. Because I am.”

“And emotionally,” Alice added. “I could tell. I know you’ve been feeling neglected. I’m sorry for that too.”

I sighed again. This conversation was spiraling downward fast.

“I’m really tight with the girls,” I added. “They’ve been my domestic partners around here. Just being honest. You’re gone every night working late and weekends too. The girls miss you terribly when you’re away and they get lonely without you. Me too. So the three of us hang out a lot together. We watch movies, play video games, cook dinner, eat meals, go shopping, etc...”

‘Fuck like rabbits,’ I thought to myself before continuing.

“ ... They’re what keeps me sane when I’m alone at home,” I added.

Alice looked thoughtful for a moment. “Do you think they’d feel comfortable talking to me about their feelings?”

“Probably. But know I’ve made sure to not say anything bad about you. But they feel betrayed on my behalf for some reason,” I explained. “They love you dearly. But they think I hate you, which couldn’t be further from the truth.”

Alice smiled slightly. “It must be nice to be loved so fiercely.”

“Sorry,” I said sheepishly. “I don’t know Alice, you have a lot to repair. But I also get you’re probably not going to break things off with this Fergus guy. And to be honest, I don’t want to break things off with Jules. For all intents and purposes, we’ve been having an open relationship for some time now. Is that what we’re doing right now? An open relationship?”

Alice nodded slowly. “Yeah, I suppose.”

“Okay, then let’s call it that,” I agreed. “So what does that mean for us at home every day? Are you gonna start coming home early more often?”

“No ... not unless you need me to,” Alice replied softly.

I shrugged. “Go ahead and have your fun. And I’ll have mine. Just make time for your girls, okay?”

Alice nodded. “Of course.” Then she paused and looked into my eyes. “But there’s something else...”

I waited patiently.

“ ... that I’m worried about.” She continued hesitantly.

“What is it?” I asked curiously.

She exhaled deeply and closed her eyes. “The girls are developing very quickly physically. Their bodies are changing so rapidly and dramatically these last several months. And it scares the shit out of me.”

I sighed, the image of both girls sucking my cock flashed on my mind. “I know. But why is it scaring you?”

“Because they’re becoming women,” she answered. “And their boobs are frickin’ massive! They’re built like porn stars!”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah. That’s pretty accurate.”

Alice chuckled. “Seriously though. Do you remember how you first noticed their boobs getting bigger?”

“When they were in like 2nd grade,” I laughed, “and they both came up behind me while I was watching TV one evening and hugged me from either side.”

Alice giggled. “And you felt little boobs squeeze into your side. You freaked out and told me about it.”

“Oh yeah,” I remembered fondly. “It was weird at the time.”

Alice nodded. “I can’t believe they got bigger than me by the time they started 3rd grade.”

“Jesus,” I mumbled. “Yeah, it was crazy.”

Alice continued, getting a serious look. “You’re worried about the girls and their development, right?”

“Yes, I guess,” I said. “I’m more worried about how you’re dealing with it.”

“Me? What do you mean?” Alice frowned suspiciously.

“Look, I understand how you’re feeling. The girls are going through puberty like ridiculously hard, but there’s nothing wrong with them, okay?” I tried to assure her.

Alice shook her head angrily. “There is something wrong! Something seriously fucking wrong with them!”

I put my hands on her shoulders. “Listen, Alice! They’re normal kids with raging hormones. They’re just going through changes and it’s scary for everyone involved.”

Alice sniffled quietly. “I know they’re healthy. But they’re still growing way faster than most people. How am I supposed to handle this?!”

“We just handle it,” I shrugged. “Why, are you insecure or something? Why do you care if they grow up fast?”

“Well, they’re already taller than me,” Alice admitted. “They’ve had bigger boobs than me since they were 8 years old. And now they’re the size of volleyballs. This is all happening WAY too damn fast!”

I stared blankly at my wife for a moment. “Are you jealous of their boobs?”

“WHAT?! NO!!” Alice shouted defensively. “That’s insane! I’m NOT jealous of their breasts! I’m terrified!”

“Terrified?” I repeated incredulously. “How could anyone possibly be afraid of their own daughters’ breasts?”

“Just listen,” Alice pleaded. “This is really important.”

“Fine,” I grudgingly conceded. “Tell me.”

“Okay,” Alice began cautiously, taking a breath before continuing. “Remember when me and the girls went shopping at Victoria’s Secret together for bras recently?”

“Yeah, I vaguely remember that,” I lied.

“I think it was right before their 14th birthday. They sized them like they normally do, but the salesgirl insisted on bringing them the biggest bras they had. So I thought ‘well, maybe she knows best’. Well...”

Alice hesitated again. “ ... the girls didn’t like the way those bras fit.”

“Why?”

“Because they were too tight,” Alice explained. “Their breasts kept falling out.”

“Huh?” I blinked in surprise.

“Yeah,” Alice nodded. “The biggest bras in the store weren’t enough support for them anymore. My 13-year-old daughters were too big for all the Victoria’s Secret bras!”

“Wow,” I muttered. “Really?” The thought turned me the fuck on.

“Right?” Alice shook her head, dismayed. “So then the girl suggested we go to Frederick’s instead.”

“Frederick’s?” I echoed in confusion.

“It’s a lingerie shop,” Alice clarified. “A specialty place.”

“Like where they sell sex toys and stuff?” My eyes widened.

“No,” Alice shook her head. “Not quite. More like ... Victoria’s Secret plus sexy underwear.”

“Oohhh,” I smiled knowingly. “Sounds nice.”

Alice rolled her eyes. “Anyway, so we get home and I start thinking about the experience and how uncomfortable it made us all feel. Then suddenly I realized that it wasn’t just the girls being too big for the Victoria’s Secret bras. I was starting to see their chests differently.”

I looked at her curiously. “What do you mean?”

“I started seeing their breasts as things that needed to be protected,” Alice explained. “Things that need extra attention and special handling. Things that should be handled carefully and gently.”