Chapter 29: Four get Frisky

The discussion planned for our Friday potluck started early. Ryan arrived in the mid-afternoon, keen to check out the progress of the mushies in the dehydrator. He had been doing his own research on dose rates, and was slightly disappointed to find Pauline had already weighed out individual doses. We settled for a bit of THC, some snacks, and coffee on the deck.

I had been wondering what to say to Ryan and Leslie about the Vaughans, mushrooms, and possible intimate connections. When we saw Sarah and Stan walking with Butch on the beach, I saw an opening, and nodded to indicate the couple.

“Do you fancy her?” Ryan looked slightly puzzled, so I went on. “More tits and arse than Pauline!” His puzzlement increased.

“What?” I kept on

“Do you find her attractive?” He sussed that my question was less than innocent, and eyed me shrewdly.

“What’s this about? I’ve known you for twenty years, and this is the first time you have ever asked that sort of question about a stranger. Are you slipping into sexist objectification of random females in your old age?”

“I’m practising for the dementia ward!” Ryan snorted. “But suppose she was not a random stranger? What if she was a randy stranger? Or even a randy neighbour? Would it still be sexist objectification to consider slipping into her?” Ryan snorted again and turned his back on the seaward vista. I waited. His curiosity eventually overcame his irritation.

“All right, you win. There’s obviously a story here, so what the fuck is going on? Stop pissing around and tell me!”

“They’re neighbours. They’re into mushies and potentially into sex. We had a trip on Sunday but no sex – although we turned on. They’re interested in expanding their circle of friends and sussed out that you and Pauline and me had a ‘different’ relationship.”

“Wow! You lucky bastard! When do I meet them?”

“Maybe the weekend. They’ve already met Pauline - and speaking of Pauline – did you know she was taking a dive course?”

“Shit no! Sneaky bitch!”

“Exactly what I said. That was the ‘secret’ when she had those ‘appointments’ the other week.”

“I remember she was very interested when we were gearing up out at the Motuheiheis.”

“She appeared with a Certification card and some very nice gear on Tuesday. We went for a dive off the beach.”

“Not very exciting.”

“She really liked it. We spooked a big ray in the gut out at the point, and that raised our heart rates a bit.”

“If she got off on diving in the bay here, wait until she dives at the Moturangis.”

“She already did. They had their qualifying sea dive out there. She got circled by a big shoal of kingies. She was raving.”

“She was supposed to be boat handler while we dived some drop-offs. Seems like she’ll be wanting to be into the diving.”

“Yup – but I reckon the side benefits will be worth it.”

We dropped the discussion and busied ourselves with our individual contributions to the potluck. Pauline and Leslie had promised to “do” vegetables and dessert, and Ryan had scored a smoked mullet from another mate who regularly sets a net up in the harbour. He was intending to flake it into a quiche as an entrée. My sweet chili pork was doing its thing in the oven. All good.

Pauline and Leslie arrived in the early evening with a very fine chardonnay, some fairly ripe brie and perfectly ripe pears. Leslie didn’t look good, and Pauline somewhat shamefacedly confessed that they hadn’t quite got around to vegetables, but hoped I had broccoli in my garden. I did, and we dined very well indeed, finishing with coffee on the deck with the sky still orange above the hills to the west. The talk was superficial. Pleasant enough, but going nowhere in particular. I made a couple of attempts to turn the conversation towards where we were at with each other, but Leslie deflected them without apparent effort.

Eventually it got a bit chilly, and we came back into the lounge and I tried to get down to business. My agenda was firstly to sort out where Leslie was up to with ‘Weasel Tom’, in the hope that she might be available for ‘benefits’ with me at least. Secondly, to let her know about our stash of mushies and explore whether she might be interested in some more psychedelic and sexual adventuring with me and Pauline and perhaps Ryan. And thirdly to let her know about the Vaughans and the possibilities for expanding our potential psychedelic fuckery to include them.

All eminently rational and reasonable, but as Rishi, my erstwhile guru sometimes used to say - ‘Good luck with that!’

Leslie wasn’t interested in my agenda. She didn’t want to talk about mushrooms or benefits. She wanted to get a ‘man’s perspective’ on Tom’s behavior. Two men. Us. Ryan grabbed the reins.

“So tell us what he did.”

“He did what he always fucken does! – He lies!”

“What was the last big one?”

“Well, he’s separated, sort of, and he wasn’t available for a weekend, and he said he had a ‘Family Do’ and that was fine. I found out later that he went as his wife’s partner to a dinner at her work. And that would have been alright too, if the bastard had been straight up about it.

“And the one before?”

“There was all sorts of bullshit before he told me he was married, and all sorts more before he eventually told me he goes back to the family home to mow the lawns and help his wife in the garden, and that their finances are still joined.” Ryan and I ‘Hmmed’ pretty much simultaneously, and Pauline chipped in.

“What about the ‘exclusive’ bit, and the ‘exceptions’?”

“More bullshit!” Leslie got quite agitated. “Started out as ‘Friends with benefits’, became serious lovers, and then he dicked me around and dicked me around before he eventually told me he wanted an exclusive arrangement, and then I found that he wanted ‘exceptions’ – but I didn’t find that out until after he’d had one!” I got the picture.

“So he’s not straight up about things he thinks you’ll be upset about?” Leslie wasn’t interested in fine distinctions.

“Not straight is not straight!” Ryan disagreed.

“Trust is always situational. Many years ago, I was married. I could trust Jeanette absolutely and completely with my wallet and our kids, but as it turned out I couldn’t trust her to keep her knickers on if she had the hots for someone. It was just how she was. Leslie was less than impressed.

“Humpf! Bullshit!” I wanted to get back to Tom.

“You wanted a man’s perspective. Listen to it!” I paused and eyeballed her. “All men were once little boys, almost all of us were dependent on Mother for everything – sustenance, survival, love. The works! Almost all men grow up learning to behave in ways that will get us approval from women we are close to. Even as adults we still crave it and find it really hard to disappoint or anger them.”

Leslie continued unimpressed, but also, on some level intrigued. “What about little girls?” I didn’t know – and said so.

“Dunno. Never claimed to understand women on that level. They’re certainly more complicated than men are.” Ryan came in with his two cents worth – usefully!

“Men have to be taught to be straight up with women – and even then most men find it hard when the topic is an edgy one.” Pauline and I both nodded vigorously, and Leslie seemed to give grudging assent. Ryan went on. “I suppose the question is – Is Tom worth persevering with?”

Leslie sighed. “The sex is very very good. But the lies and the bullshit are doing my head in.” Pauline jumped in.

“You haven’t fucked anyone else yet – have you?” Leslie shook her head. “It might be just as good.” She grinned at Ryan. “These guys are both pretty good.” Leslie looked thoughtful and Pauline went on. “And Henry has got a lot better since ‘Magic Grandad’ here helped me deal with the fucking nuns in my head.” Leslie continued to look doubtful, and I saw an opening to move the discussion forward.

“There’s one other consideration. Has Pauline told you about what we’re into?”

You mean the diving and boating and sex?”

“More! – all that and Mushrooms too! - Well potentially anyway.” I grinned. “David Erickson’s Nautical School and Psychedelic Fuckery!” Ryan and Pauline snorted in unison. Leslie looked interested.

“I’ve never done mushrooms.” She turned to Pauline with an expression bordering on reproach. “You’ve been holding out on me!” Pauline hastened to reassure her.

“Nah! This has all happened really fast. I saw my first mushroom less than a fortnight ago, and tonight’s dinner was to have you meet Ryan and update you. We hoped you might be willing to have another go at tripping and perhaps sex. And you’ve been tied up with your stuff with ‘Weasel Tom’. The corners of Leslie’s mouth turned down as she half frowned.

“Jesus! I hate it when you call him that!” She paused, and her expression gradually became thoughtful. “Fits though.” I decided to get everything out on the table.

“There’s even more.”

“What?”

“My neighbours are into mushrooms and sex and want to expand their circle of ‘friends’. I tripped with them on Sunday.” Leslie looked even more thoughtful.