Chapter 18: The things you think are precious

The ‘potluck’ on Thursday went well, at least at first. Pauline and Leslie arrived in time to go for a walk on the beach together, and came back eager to research the mating behavior of the pair of Oystercatchers they had seen. They dived onto the net while I steamed some vegetables to go with the mutton, then they produced salad and crème caramel and we fed our faces. There was no substantive discussion about anything at all during the meal, we were all relaxed and having fun. I was conscious of a small elephant in the room, but neither Pauline nor Leslie seemed aware of any problem.

We polished off the custard, and stood on the deck enjoying the sunset over the bay. Leslie produced a pipe and lit up. She didn’t offer Pauline a toke, but offered it to me. I was confused, but took a hit anyway before passing it back.

“I didn’t know you smoked?”

I had other things on my mind when we were together. Besides, at that time I wasn’t using much at all, but Tom is a bit of a stoner, so I’ve slipped back into the habit.”

Is Tom the guy you’ve met and got serious with?”

“Yes.” Leslie’s voice was a little flat, and Pauline added her own ‘sotto voce’ commentary.

“Pity he turned out to be an arsehole!” Leslie blanched slightly, and I knew there was some story there and was acutely aware that I had no idea what it was. But I also knew that I had had enough.

“I can’t cope with this!” I didn’t raise my voice, but there must have been something in my tone that communicated my distress and dissatisfaction. Both Leslie and Pauline paid me close attention. “I need to be clear with both of you about what I want.” That was all very well, but since I didn’t actually know what I wanted, and didn’t know what they wanted, and what they had said to each other, and what I was permitted to say to Ryan, and...

“Good! What do you want?” Leslie interrupted my tangled chain of thoughts by cutting to the chase and suddenly I knew very clearly.

“I want to be friends with both of you with as many benefits as we both want to share. From my end that’s as many as possible. I want to know that I can talk about our friendship and benefits with either of you without having to wonder what I can or can’t share and what is “confidential” unless I have specifically agreed with one or the other of you that there is a specific confidence that I will keep.” I stopped and drew breath. Pauline and Leslie were attentive, so I went on. “I want to be able to talk to Ryan about both of you and where I am with you on the same basis, with the proviso that he doesn’t share it with anyone else.” Pauline just looked thoughtful, but Leslie was quite animated.

“Jesus – so you want to have it all hanging out between the four of us? And we haven’t even met Ryan.”

“I’ll settle for the three of us until you have.” They both looked thoughtful, Pauline more so than Leslie. The silence lasted for what seemed a very long while. “This is positively pachydermatous!” It was a crappy joke anyway and under the somewhat tense circumstances, it went over like a lead balloon

“Ya what?” Pauline was clearly irritated.

“Sorry – elephant joke!”

“Sometimes you’re weird!” I took a risk.

“Yeah – but Leslie says you love me anyway!” Both of them had the good grace to look slightly embarrassed. I went on. “Look, we have to sort this out. I have no idea whether you were teasing me or Pauline, whether you were giving me information you thought I should have – or what.” I directed the last comment to Leslie, who blushed faintly.

“Can’t we joke around with you?” Her question was at least partly defensive and rhetorical, but I was slightly miffed, and it probably showed in my tone.

“Of course you can. And if all of us have no secrets, there won’t be any ongoing misunderstandings.” Pauline had remained silent, and the hag was in control. After what seemed like a long silence, she seemed to gather herself.

“No holds barred?” She looked at Leslie, who looked doubtful for a few seconds, then nodded. “Right. Let’s go in and sit down.” She led the way to the couch, and they snuggled on either side of me. Pauline took a deep breath.

“I met Leslie when we were training at Auckland Hospital. In those days all the training was Hospital based. No Polytechnics or Community Colleges. Leslie was a star. I was a titless nobody.”

“Bullshit! You were smart and conscientious. You worked well with patients and other nurses. The one place where you were out of your depth was dealing with men in social situations.” Leslie was quite emphatic, but Pauline was equally insistent.

“You don’t know what it was like for me. I was out of my depth with all the men pretty much all the time.” Pauline paused, and Leslie and I listened. “You wrapped every man around your fingers. The doctors, the other male staff, the patients, anyone with a dick – even the gay ones.” Leslie snorted, but Pauline went on. “I froze inside and I couldn’t function if I didn’t use the ‘nurse’ role as a shield. Your friendship was a lifeline for me.”

Leslie reached across me to take Pauline’s hand. “You were the best friend I had ever had. You still are. You’re right on the money – I have always been able to manage men, but you are the woman I have been closest to. Our lives have been intertwined for more than forty years.” They were eyeballing each other across my chest, and both of them were ‘tearing up’. I had the good sense to keep my mouth firmly shut and wait. Eventually, Pauline spoke through her sniffles.

“When Tom knocked you up and you decided to marry him, I was worried about the age difference, but I supported you. Remember that bridesmaid’s dress?” Leslie snorted again.

“That was just bloody stupid.” She heaved another sigh. “You should have worn the fucking thing to the funeral!” At this point I was completely lost.

“Hang on – what funeral?” Leslie disengaged herself from my arm and sat up.

“Thomas Turner was my first husband. He was fifty seven. He died of an MI a month before Alice was born.” Pauline chimed in.

“She was a widow and a solo mum at the same time!” I got it, and wondered idly whether Ryan was psychic with his story about widows.

“So Alice is your first child. She’s the one in Invercargill, the vet?”

“Yup. Married to a Stock agent. Coupla kids. Never knew her biological dad. She always thought of Tom Robinson as her father, and she still calls him ‘Dad’.” I tallied two husbands called Tom and the latest ‘serious’ attachment.

“You seem to have a weakness for Toms.” Pauline couldn’t resist.

“And Dicks!” They both cracked up, but I pressed on.

“So you also had a child with Tom Robinson. That would be Alec – electric fences in Hamilton?”

“Yup. He has no kids. Always seems to hook up with totally unsuitable women.” Leslie frowned. “But I can’t really talk. Tom and I split as soon as the kids left. Just grew apart.” Pauline reached out for Leslie’s hand again.

“Neither of us has an unblemished record. Ivan didn’t work out too well in the end.” Leslie laughed.