Chapter 15: You Grab a Piece of Something You Think Is Gonna Last

The rest of Wednesday was a bit of an effort. I felt quite tired physically, and found my mind replaying my quasi tantric bliss experiences with Pauline. A couple of times I caught myself starting to worry about our rather flat goodbye that morning, but I put that aside until we could talk about it in person. I had meat for lunch and meat for dinner, and was pleased that Pauline had taken all the snapper.

Leslie rang that night. She was warm, bright, and keen to ‘catch up’. I remembered that I had an issue about ‘gossip’ or at the very least about who had told how much to whom, so I was perhaps a little guarded on the subject of Pauline. She picked up my discomfort immediately.

“What’s wrong? You aren’t right with me. Is it because I’m seeing someone?”

“No no. We were both clear that it was friends first and benefits second, and while I’m sorry we’re no longer sexual partners, I’m really pleased you have found someone serious. I’m also grateful you sent Pauline my way.”

“So what is it then?”

I guess I have a problem with both you and Pauline ‘kissing and telling’. I didn’t wait for an answer, but hurried on. “It’s not really about big secrets, but I wouldn’t tell anyone what I had done with anyone else without their explicit permission. I was a bit taken aback when Pauline seemed to know all about what you and I had done, and it seemed like you had been giving her a blow by blow account after each date we had.”

“Shit! You are right on the money! That’s exactly what I did.” Leslie paused and I waited. “I gave you amazing reviews though.” Another pause, and more waiting. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think about how that would be for you.”

“It isn’t a hanging offence – but I would feel more comfortable if I knew what the rules were between you two. At least as far as what you can talk about with me and each other.”

“Typical man – wants to know the rules.” That was half joking, but then Leslie got thoughtful. “You are serious about Pauline, aren’t you?”

“And there we are! I would love to talk to you about where I am and what I have with Pauline, but I haven’t got an ok from her to talk to you about her.”

“Haven’t you got a mate you discuss things with?”

“Yup I’ve known Ryan for more than twenty years, but I don’t discuss specific women in any detail without their express permission.”

“He doesn’t know about my carrot then?”

“Shit no! Not something I would ever discuss with anyone without your okay.”

“About your thing for young teenagers with tight hot slippery little cunts?”

“Yup - and about my guilt about that – but nothing about any specific woman.”

“We do need to talk – the three of us together. Are you up for that?”

“For sure. Wanna arrange a meal together next week?”

“How about a Potluck at your place? Tuesday?”

“Sounds good. Seven? You can come out earlier if you like. I have no plans for the afternoon”

I took a quick mental inventory of my freezer as we said goodbye, and decided a shoulder of mutton would casserole nicely, so put questions about the menu out of my mind. The rest of the evening was cruisy, and I laughed at myself (just a little) over my earlier angst. I was getting to do “friend” stuff with the only two women I had been intimate with in nearly twenty years, and we were at least going to try to sort out what (if anything) was going on between the three of us.

The rest of the week was very much domestic focussed. My house had once been a holiday bach and like my body, it was now reaching the age when an increasing amount of maintenance was required. I did both willingly On Saturday, Ryan rang for an update, and was impressed. “You seem to have it together. You have a couple of new friends who are very close to each other, you had very good sex that dealt with at least some of your guilt with one, and you are now having very good sex on an ongoing basis with the other” I laughed and Ryan went on. “Successful spiritual sex after seventeen years of celibate spiritual striving.”

“Stupid celibate spiritual striving - Shit!” We both laughed.

“Are you exclusive?”

“No way! Actually, Pauline asked if you would be available after she had worn my dick down to a nub!” Ryan laughed, but his next comment sounded thoughtful.

“We were both fucking Alison Patterson before she hooked up with that missionary guy and found Jesus. That was a long time ago.”

“Twenty years! They went off to New Guinea or somewhere.”

“And you found Rishi and went off up your arse or somewhere!”

“I was seeking enlightenment in my higher chakras, you lowly evolved person! But what I’ve just had with Pauline was closer than anywhere I got with Rishi, and I want more!”

“Sounds like you have a fair chance of getting it”

“I think Pauline is probably exploring her new found sexual freedom with one of her other friends this week, but I reckon she would still be keen to meet you. Of course you may not find her attractive. As I remember, you go for tits and arse. Not really my thing.”

We said goodbye with an implicit agreement that I would check out Pauline’s interest in meeting Ryan, and I went back to painting a window sill.

I had barely got the tin open when Pauline rang. She was distraught, and came hurriedly to the point.

“Tuesday is off. Ivan had a car crash. He arrested in the ambulance.” She gave a half sob. “He was DOA.” She must have mentioned her ex’s name at some stage because I didn’t have to ask ‘who’.

“Where?”

“Auckland. I’ll have to go down and deal with the situation. I’m still next of kin.” That was a total surprise. We had obviously missed that bit out during our ‘getting to know you’ session at MacDonalds. Pauline went on.

“His mother is in a rest home, and I have Power of Attorney for her, so it’s all on me.” That was more new information, but we had moved from first meeting to what was perhaps a developing relationship very quickly indeed, and surprises went with that territory.

“Are you alright?” She sure didn’t sound it.

“Not really. It’s a real shock. On some level I still love him.”

“Of course – is there anything I can do”?

“Not really.” Pauline was unconvincing. “Leslie has arranged to look after her grandkids overnight and tomorrow.” For a moment it wasn’t clear to me how Leslie’s commitments were relevant, but I had been told I was a ‘stupid man’ often enough not to say so, so I just “Mmmed”. Then I got it. Leslie would normally have supported Pauline, but wasn’t available.

“Leslie would have gone with you but she can’t. I’m available if that would help.”

“Would you?” Pauline brightened immediately.

“Yup. What will I need? When will we go?”

“I’d like to drive down early tomorrow. Can you come to my place by half eight in the morning? I can make some of the arrangements by phone today, but I’ll be busy. Bring some clothes for a funeral.”

“I don’t have a suit any more.”

“That’s ok. Just bring your best. No Hawaiian shirts. I have to get on with it now.” She was all business and we said goodbye.

I had no commitments that needed changing, and packing was easy and quick. I had no idea how long we would be in Auckland or where we would be staying, but Pauline’s phone was solidly engaged so I ate all the leftovers in the fridge for tea, and had an early night.

Our drive down was slightly tense. Pauline is a much better driver than I am, and her BMW handled the road much better than anything I have ever owned, but I found it somewhat disconcerting to be going into familiar corners a lot faster than my guts told me was safe. Pauline was concentrating on her driving, and in any case seemed too busy in her head to fill me in on her internal ‘task list’. I generally perform a ‘helpful supporter’ role very well, but in this new situation I was acutely aware that I didn’t know what Pauline needed.