Chapter 4

Mostly in a dream, I heard a man talking to somebody. “ ... didn’t pay for two days, so I opened the door and found him like that.”

I felt something squeezing my left arm and another male voice said, “BP is only 70 over 40, with pulse of 16. Only four breaths a minute, and temp is 93.”

I was annoyed they had pulled me out of my nice dream of chasing a goat up a mountain. I found the energy to say, “Lemme sleep.”

A blazing light blasted me in the right eye as a finger lifted my eyelid. “Sir, did you take any drugs? Are you high on something?” The damn laser-like flashlight moved to my other eye for a moment, then mercifully disappeared.

I felt a needle poke my right wrist. “Are you allergic to anything? Did you eat anything unusual recently?”

I felt myself chuckle as I remembered eating a weeks’ worth in only 24 hours.

“This is serious, sir. Do you have any health conditions we should know about? Diabetes? Heart problems?”

I returned to my dream, but the goat had escaped. DAMMIT!

I woke up later hearing a siren and felt somebody tapping my shoulder. “ ... adrenaline is working. He’s coming around. Can you hear me, Ronald? Ronald Junior is your name, right?”

I groggily mumbled, “Ron. Call me Ron.”

“Everything will be okay, Ron. We’re almost to the hospital.”

I opened my eyes and saw a lot of medical equipment, then realized I was in an ambulance.

“BP is back to 110 over 70, pulse of 64...”

I started to sit up, but the paramedic pushed on my chest. “Just lay down and take it easy, sir. A doctor will help you in only a few minutes.”

I saw snow falling out the window! It was WINTER! I needed to get HOME! I had to get home before I FROZE!

I pulled some wires off my chest and arm, pushed the man aside, and yanked the door handle. I saw we were speeding down the highway, going at least 80 miles an hour. I jumped out the back of the ambulance, rolled onto the pavement, and saw an 18-wheeler about to turn me into road pizza. I leaped from the roadway to the top of the cab, denting it in a little. I took several deep breaths, then jumped from the speeding truck to an overhead sign. I waited until there was a gap in the traffic, then gracefully dropped the 20 or so feet to the pavement.

I had to get HOME! I instinctively knew which way was west, toward my house in Utah. I started running through the ankle-deep snow in my bare feet. After a minute I realized I’d never make it there from Philadelphia in only jeans and a t-shirt. It was over 2,000 miles, so I had to get back to my truck.

My feet were extremely cold by the time I ran the 4 miles to the closest big box store. I went in and got some socks and a pair of boots, along with a winter jacket. As I walked to the cash register one of the employees said, “Sir, no shoes...” I glared into his eyes. “Na ... no problem, sir.” He gulped.

By the time I made it the 20 miles back to my pickup truck, I was quite tired. I drove toward Utah, but after only an hour I realized I was too sleepy to go any further. I parked at a hotel and got a room. It was only 3pm, but I was dead tired. I also felt hungry enough to eat a horse, maybe two. I called room service and ordered two steaks and a whole fried chicken. By the time I finished eating it, I fell asleep on the bed.