Chapter 34

“Life can be so unfair, can’t it?”

While Amy slept soundly, safe in Will’s arms, he didn’t have such a restful night. His mind raced as he went over and over all that had happened to him since he’d attended the reunion just over a week ago. Before then, his life had been simple. He’d got up early and gone to work where he’d looked after his clients and supervised the smooth running of the office. He enjoyed spending time with his best friend and the occasional company of a beautiful woman. He’d spent every other weekend with his daughter doing all the things that weekend dads do. Life was simple.

Then Amy had bulldozed her way back into his life and he’d been on a runaway train ride ever since. He never would have guessed her life had been so traumatic. Never would have guessed that she’d needed him so much.

He wondered if it was his fault. If things would have turned out better for her if he’d understood that she’d wanted him to run to her and beg her to stay with him all those years ago. He wondered if things would have been different if he’d followed his instincts and studied at Westmouth with her instead of giving in to the lure of Oxford.

It was the early hours before he finally drifted off and even then his dreams troubled him. It seemed to him that he’d only been asleep for five minutes when the alarm clock switched on and he was woken by the current affairs discussion on Radio 4’s The Today Programme. He took his arm from around Amy to reach out and switch it off but in doing so, he woke her.

“Leave it on,” she said. “I like his voice. It’s soothing.”

Will did as she asked and returned his arm to where it had been. He hugged her tightly.

“I wish I could wake up with you every morning,” she said.

“You can. I told you that last night. You have a home here for as long as you want it.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“William, there’s something I haven’t told you.”

“You mean how you’re a director of John’s two companies and neither of them is strictly above board.”

“How did you ... Have you been investigating me?”

“No. I’ve been investigating John. Amy, this isn’t a problem. I can see to that.”

She shook her head. “I doubt it. But that’s not what I haven’t told you.” She shrugged his arm off and sat up. After a deep breath, she said, “Today is Liam’s birthday.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, Oh. I think that’s why...” Pointed to her black eye. “I think he wanted to remind me it was my fault.”

“Amy! It wasn’t your fault.”

“Who’s fault was it then? I was the one at home. I was the one sleeping while Liam was dying.”

“But that’s ... I mean ... Look, cot deaths happen. There’s nothing anyone could have done about it. What were you supposed to have done differently? Sat by his bedside every night? It’s ridiculous to say it was your fault.”

“Tell John that,” she sighed.

They sat without talking for a while. The presenter of The Today Programme interviewed a member of the government but Will wasn’t really listening.

“I’d like to go see him,” Amy said quietly.

“John?”

She shook her head. “Liam. I go every year.”

“Is that such a good idea? I mean, won’t John know you’ll want to go? What if he’s waiting for you?”

“He won’t be. He hasn’t been to Liam’s grave for a long time. He doesn’t know I still go. Or if he does, he doesn’t care.”

“I don’t think we should risk it.”

“We have to. I can’t miss it. We could go now. It’s too early for John. He’s probably still sleeping off last night’s session and will be most of the morning I’d guess.”

Will could see her determination visit her son’s grave in her eyes. And her need to. And he knew he couldn’t refuse her.

“Okay. Get dressed. We’ll go now.”

“We’ll have to stop at a florist.”

“I know just the place.”

The headstone was a slab of pure white marble. The front was edged in the same gold leaf as the inscription upon it.

Liam Jacob Nugent

Beloved son of John and Amy

Stolen from this life before he’d had a chance to live it

Our Wonderful Son, Taken Too Soon,

We See Your Face, Wherever Flowers Bloom

The Light of Our Life, Our Pride and Joy,

We’ll Miss You Liam, Our Beautiful Boy

“That’s a touching verse,” Will said as they stood in front of the grave. He’d rejoined her after visiting his Nana’s grave because she’d asked for some time alone with her son. “Did you write it?”

She nodded. “Inspired by a song I heard just after he was born.”

She knelt to replace the flowers in the urn at the foot of the headstone with the ones she’d bought on the way. Compared to some of the other graves, Liam’s was immaculately tended to. Will guessed that Amy was here a lot more often than once a year. She fussed over the arrangement of the flowers and he heard her talking quietly to her deceased son. He was sure he heard his name at least once. Presently, she rose and stood by Will’s side. She took his hand and squeezed it tightly.

“Life can be so unfair, can’t it?”

Will nodded.

“I wonder what he’d have turned out like.”

“With you as a mother, he’d have been fine.”

“Would he? Or would he have been like John when he was a kid? You know, like a bully.”

“I don’t think you would have let him.”

She took a deep breath.

“Amy,” Will said tentatively, “where did you get the name Liam from?”

She looked at him. “John thinks we named him after a rock star.”