Chapter 22

It’s a cliché, but Emma was like a cat on hot coals for the whole journey home. She clutched the USB drive in both hands like it was made of gold. Her legs were clamped shut, but from the few glances I was able to steal in her direction as I drove, I could see that she was shuffling in her seat and rubbing her thighs together.

“You okay?” I asked.

She nodded. “Just hurry up and get us home.”

I shrugged and kept my eyes on the road. “It’s not that good, really.”

“Huh?” I don’t think she was listening. I think she was in a little world of her own making.

“The video on that stick. It’s not that good. I mean, I’m no professional. It’s not nearly as good as some of the things we’ve watched over the years. It’s not as good as Dom’s video that I saw on Friday.”

She was quiet for a few seconds. I stole a glance in her direction to find her staring at me. When I focused back on the road, she said, “Typical bloody man. Utterly clueless.”

Now it was my turn to eloquently express my confusion with a simple, “Huh?”

“First of all, I couldn’t give a stuff if the video is any good or not. The point is that you’re in it. I love you and I love fucking you, but for years I’ve had fantasies of seeing you with another woman—particularly a young woman who most likely has never been fucked the way you fuck before. So, yeah, I’m kind of excited about seeing this video. Nearly as excited as I am about seeing you fuck one of those beauties back at the house in the flesh, so to speak.”

“Huh? How come you never—”

“Because you’d have thought I was weird, that’s why. Be honest, you already thought it was weird the first time I suggested we watch porn together.”

“Well ... I’ll admit, you’re the first partner I’ve had that suggested it, but not the first I’ve watched it with.”

“A porn movie playing in the background at a drink and drug-fuelled orgy in The City doesn’t count,” she said with amusement. “But it’s not just that. Mel and Dom watched you make this video and they’ve both seen it since. And Mel tells me it’s very, very good. Best début video I’ve ever seen is what she said to me.”

“When? When did she say this? The only time you’ve spent alone together is when you made that cup of tea in the kitchen. You can’t have had time for a long conversation.”

“When the girls were doing my hair before we came out. What? Did you think I just sat there and none of us said anything? Look, Honey, the truth is that you are really quite good at sex, you know.” She grinned, knowing full well how corny that sounded. “And I know you’d put as much effort into making a porno as you do for everything else you ever do—so this has to be at least half-decent.”

I shook my head. Not for the first time this week, I couldn’t believe I was having such a bizarre conversation.

“By the way,” she added, casually. “The girls and I all agree that if you are going to wait to make your proper porn début with me, then we have at least a month to get your physique sorted out.”

“My physique? What’s wrong with my physique?”

“Nothing major, but you have to admit that you’ve softened at the edges since we got married.”

“But that’s because you’re such a wonderful cook,” I said. I know, I know. But it doesn’t hurt to flatter your wife’s culinary skills now and then. And besides, it was true.

“Oh, no, I’m not taking the blame for it. I think I give you more than enough exercise to make up for any damage my cooking has done.” She reached out a hand and rubbed my dick through my jeans. “Oh no, this—” She moved her hand up to rub my belly, which wasn’t huge, but was larger than it used to be. “—is down to beer and chocolate.”

“I have a stressful job.”

“Not for much longer. Pretty soon you’ll have a stress-relieving job.” She laughed. “But the point is, I think with a few subtle changes to your diet, a bit of work in the gym and a couple of supplements that the men in this business swear by, we can not only firm up those edges but also give you a bit more ... er... staying power and increase the volume of your ... er... money-shot.”

We had reached home by now. I pulled into the driveway and switched off the engine then looked at her. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

She nodded. “Absolutely. I’ll take care of your diet. Mel said she can help in the gym and get the supplements from the Internet. Dom and Amber will, how can I put this? They will assist with your general fitness and stamina.” She winked.

I shook my head and stared at my wife. My wife, the ex-porn star. The ex-porn star with whom I’d spent the morning planning her comeback into the industry and my début.