Chapter 30

Allen was unable to console Kate. He realized that what she was going through was beyond his scope. He took his wife to a mental health institute. Her doctor was a young woman in her late twenties, Dr. Lewis. She was petite and wore eyeglass frames that nearly covered her face. She assured Allen that Kate needed time to unpack childhood issues that caused trauma that Kate never addressed. That what Kate experienced was a nervous breakdown triggered by what was happening in their marriage.

The doctor left Allen alone with Kate. He looked at her as she lay in bed resting. He let out a deep sigh. She turned and saw him standing, one arm folded as the other held up his chin.

“Thanks for being here,” she said.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” He asked.

She sat up a little, “Well, it’s not the sort of thing a person wants to talk about. And for many years, I tried to convince myself that it didn’t happen.”

He nodded, “Why do you still defend him so.”

“He is my father. I knew he meant well.”

Allen shook his head, “No, no, no Kate. That’s not what meaning well looks like. You don’t hurt the people you love in hopes that it will make them well.”

Kate scoffed, “I get it. You don’t understand. He’s always been a good dad. He took care of us. He only wanted me—”

“To be normal,” Allen shook his head in disgust. “What he did wasn’t normal.”

Kate saw the look on Allen’s face. She knew he wanted to inflict harm on her father. “Promise me that you will not do or say anything to my father.”

Allen scoffed, “I can’t promise that.”

“Allen please.”

“I won’t hit him. Okay.”

Kate nodded, “Besides, we’re working on things, right? I’ll be better. Things will be fine.”

Allen wondered what that looked like for her, but he was too tired to even get into the conversation. For three nights he had been at the hospital by her side while she cried and revealed the most appalling things to him about her adolescence.

Mentally he was tired. “I think I’m going to head home tonight.”

Immediately she frowned, “Seriously?”

“Kate, I’ve been here for three days, I need a break. Just going to go home and check on things.”

“You mean to check on her.”

He sighed, “If we’re going to work on ourselves, you have to trust me. Trust. I wasn’t the one that cheated on you without your knowledge.”

“Touché.”

“Look,” he moved closer and ran his fingers through her hair, “I’m here with you just like I vowed. We will get through this. Trust me,” he said before he kissed her forehead and left.

After Kate watched Allen leave, her mind immediately went to a happy yet dark place. She was fourteen. She had a friend named April. April was fun and lively. Often wore bright colors and spoke her mind. She had the prettiest red hair and these bright green eyes. They liked to read books to each other while eating sandwiches and drinking sweet tea.

One day, April was at Kate’s house. They were in Kate’s bedroom talking. April happened to spot a stack of catalogs for women’s clothing on the side of Kate’s bed. She smiled, “I have a lot of these too,” she reached for one.

Kate felt a little embarrassed, she took the catalog from April, placed it with the others, and slid them under the bed. April smiled, “Don’t be embarrassed. I like those too. The women are pretty.”

“You don’t understand.”

April reached for Kate’s hand and smiled, “But I do. I’ve liked girls since I can remember.”

Kate smiled, “Really?”

April ran her fingers through Kate’s long hair. They shared a sweet look before April kissed her. They giggled at first but did it again. For weeks they snuck around until Kate’s father entered her room unannounced and saw them kissing and holding each other.

He immediately belted out, “Get out of my house. You’re nothing but the devil trying to corrupt my daughter! This will not happen.”

April scrambled to leave. Kate was too embarrassed to look at her father.

Kate looked around the room she was in alone. All those years she spent trying to be normal. All those years she hid from her two husbands her love for women. All those years. She sighed. She only hoped Allen would adhere to his word. She closed her eyes and went to sleep.

Bree was at a loss. She had called Allen a few times and even tried Kate, but neither had answered. She wondered if everything was fine because he had not seen them.