Chapter 1

Author’s Note: Welcome to the third, and final, book of Traffic Girl! Please be forewarned, as the title might alert you, things are going to get darker -- at least for much of this book. Will Kat, Jess, and John find redemption? All of them? Any of them? We’ll answer those questions here and explore their characters even more. Thank you, as always, for the time you take to read and for the valuable feedback.

The beauty of flying private was that we could go anywhere on short notice. It was unfortunate that we had to leave Hawaii prematurely, but we decided to fly out that night so we could arrive in Houston the next morning. It was a dour flight home. Jess, in particular, was distraught to the point of being nearly inconsolable. Her body shook, and she sobbed constantly, giving her bloodshot eyes and a runny nose.

“He was such a mentor to me,” Jess said, when she finally calmed down enough to talk. Her voice was nasal and stuffy. “More than a mentor. But also more than just that big dick.”

“God, that dick,” Kat lamented. “He was a great guy. But what I wouldn’t give to have one more ride on that dick.”

“I’ve never cum like that before,” Jess said. “I mean.” She stopped. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, baby,” I said. I held her in my arms and gripped her hands firmly.

The wifi on board was working, and we were able to glean some details from Gloria, Alix, and Brittany, who kept us informed via text. The shocking thing was that, apparently, Marco Vivianno had been battling an aggressive cancer. He was beyond treatment in the final six months of life, kept it private, and simply decided to live hard.

“That’s the fucking heroes way to go out,” I said with genuine admiration. “You couldn’t even tell he was sick a week ago!”

“He fucked as great as ever,” Jess said and finally managed a smile. “God, we will have to find a dick that big again. Although I kind of feel like he was once-in-a-lifetime.”

We all laughed, and I offered, “That’ll make finding another baseball bat all the more fun!”

The girls took the chance to giggle, and shook off the funk a bit.

“I’m so sorry this spoiled what really is the happiest day of my life,” Jess said, extending her left hand and admiring her ring. “I’m so grateful for you, John. And I’m so in love with all three of us and our relationship.”

“These rings are exquisite,” Kat added. “You know us so well. They are absolutely perfect. I’m so grateful for you. For both of you.”

“Have either of you looked inside the band?” I asked. They shook their heads. “You should,” I said.

They complied at the same time. Kat put her hand on her heart and gasped. Jess’s eyes welled up again as tears burst forth. I had had engraved “JKJ” inside, next to an infinity symbol.

“I thought that was apropos,” I said.

They put the rings back on, and we embraced in a three-way hug. The melancholy turn the night took couldn’t undercut the fundamental joy that coursed through us. Despite the challenges that lay ahead upon our return, it would be good to get home.

As it turned out, the challenges were greater than I had anticipated. Primary among those was that I hadn’t been fully aware how deeply intimate Jess and Marco had become. That changed the evening after Marco’s funeral, which occurred the following Friday, a week after we had returned to Houston. Kat, Jess, and I had gone home and felt the emotional drain of the day. We popped a bottle of wine, and Jess started drinking quickly. The depressant nature of the alcohol gripped her, taking her down a dark but honest path. She broke down, and it all came gushing out.

Marco and Jess had been in a relationship. A meaningful one. More than just fucking. Frequently, they went to lunch together and simply didn’t come back to the office. Most of the time she claimed to have overnight appointments with clients, she was just spending the night with Marco. I didn’t need to ask her if she had fallen in love with him. It was obvious. At the same time, she didn’t know he had been sick. The other big surprise was that Jess treated Marco as a 50-50 partner in Infinity, her escort agency.

It was a lot to take in, and my mind wandered back to the angry reaction I had when I walked in on Jess fucking Johnny Burris, the quarterback. In retrospect, it had been the wrong reaction. I was mindful of that as Jess poured her heart out about Marco. I reminded myself to view my relationship with Jess on its honest terms: how she treated me, how we interacted, what our connection was. But I also reminded myself that I had known for a long time that Jess and Marco were fucking. I had watched them numerous times. How I responded to Jess being honest with me would have an outsized impact on our future together.

Kat had sat silent next to me as Jess spoke, holding my hand and gently stroking my leg. She could sense the tension inside me, but I knew she was waiting for me to take the lead on our response. When Jess finished, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. There was trepidation in Jess’s eyes.

“Thank you for being honest,” I told her and immediately stood up. I held my arms out, motioning her to come give me a hug. She did, and I embraced her. “I love you,” I said. “More importantly, I know you. I gave you that ring knowing exactly who you are. Of course, I knew what you and Marco had. You can’t hide things from me. I’m so sorry you’re grieving, and Kat and I will be here for you to help you work through it.”

“Yes, sweetie,” Kat said, joining into what became a group hug. Jess was crying again. “Let’s face it. You’re a size queen. Everyone knew you were an addict for that dick.” The girls laughed. “We’re all in this together. We’re here for you, okay? No question.”

“I am a size queen,” Jess said with a blubbering laugh. “I really just want to have a weekend to have the three of us together and focus on the future. And maybe party a little. Fuck, I want to party so bad.”

We all laughed. It cut through the tension and emotion of the situation. Kat enthusiastically jumped up and walked to the bar area, where she pulled out a large chunk of cocaine. I put my arms around Jess.

“Thank you,” she said, her stuffy nose still making her voice nasal. “Sometimes I just live in the moment. I don’t think about things beyond what feels good.”

“I know,” I said. I put a finger under her chin and lifted it up, looking deeply into the blue eyes that shimmered despite her tears. “Don’t forget how deeply I know you. I know all of you. And I’m here. I love you. You’re going to do things like that. How could I be mad that you had a boyfriend? I had a girlfriend, too.” She put her head on my chest.

“I get scared I can’t control myself,” she said.

“If you want more control, we can talk about how,” I said.

“What if it happens again?” she said.

“Then it happens again,” I said. “We march on. We deal with it.”

“Being with him didn’t change how I feel about you,” she said.

“I know,” I said.

“I feel like I love you even more,” she said.

“I love you more, too,” I said.

“But who loves these beautiful lines of cocaine?” Kat said, walking over with a mirror containing twelve perfectly cut lines that she had formed off a compact, shimmering, pearly white brick of fish scale coke. Rita’s dealer had given us access to his virtually uncut supply.

Kat set down the mirror and handed Jess a silver straw. I turned on, probably too loud, a hard rock station on Spotify. Jess kneeled in front of the coffee table and hungrily snorted two lines, closing her eyes and rubbing her nose with slow satisfaction. It was as if she had been medicated. She handed the straw to Kat, who took her lines with an even greater sense of need. The purity of the coke made it hit hard and fast. They started dancing as Guns n’ Roses blasted through the speakers.

“I can’t remember the last time I didn’t do coke for two weeks,” Jess shouted to Kat, as I took my turn at the mirror. We had all abstained in Hawaii and the week we had been home.

“I can’t either,” Kat agreed. “It’s way, way too long. We should be waking up with a line every day.”

“Let’s just make this weekend a whole fucking binge,” Jess said.

The coke hit intensely. This was the quality you got for $125 per gram. It was worth every fucking penny. It had been a long time since I kept away from coke for this long, too. With the girls and the regularity of their habits, I had been doing more. Now, with my tolerance lowered after our time in Hawaii, I felt hyperactive after only two lines. A little bit of buried anger about Jess’s admissions regarding Marco bubbled inside me, but I suppressed it. Feeling that anger also gave me a slight affinity for the degrading treatment Jonathan Summers had subjected Jess to at the party two weeks before. I reminded myself that, even fleetingly, to feel that way only underscored the depth of my love for Jess. The people we hold most dear are the ones we are capable of hurting the most. With Jess, I knew she was singular. If I wanted her to know I loved her, I had to accept her the way she was.

In that moment, buzzing on cocaine, despite all the adversity the Fates had thrown at us, I couldn’t imagine a more perfect life. I gazed at Jess and Kat dancing without coordination, rolicking their nubile bodies whichever way the high took them. Despite the jiggling movement, their eyes were locked on one another in adoration. Jess’s electric smile returned. Kat turned on her TV smile. They were mine, I told myself, and took comfort in seeing the sparkling diamonds on their ring fingers.