Chapter 38

Author’s Note: This concludes Book One. Thank you for the incredible support and engagement. I look forward to continuing these great adventures in Book Two, which will follow immediately! Lots more fun ahead!

“Could it be yours?” Jess asked me in the Uber ride on the drive home.

I was amazed that we had been able to keep it together at dinner. I found it to be the most tedious two hours of my life. It was more painful than I wanted to admit. It also scared the shit out of me, precisely because of the question Jess just posed to me.

“I think you know that answer as well as I do,” I said. “Were they trying? Had she gone off her birth control?”

She shook her head. “Not that I know of,” she said. “And I really believe she would have told me.”

I stared out the window in disbelief. It had been a long time since I had felt like this. The air of inevitability crept in around me, like a rotting stench. Of course it was bound to end in some way like this, I thought. Things had been too good. There was no way it was going to end well. Jess put her hand on top of mine, a little touch to let me know she was there for me.

I remained stoic. The thought kept rolling around in my head. It could be mine. It definitely could be mine.

The next six weeks plodded by painfully. Kat cut off communication with me, which really took a mental toll on me. Initially, she said she needed some space. Then she needed time to figure things out. Work kept me busy. Jess kept me busy and entertained, although a deep part of our connection was linked to Kat. We were having to reinvent ourselves, as improbable as it sounded, as a couple instead of a trio.

The question of paternity nagged at me, which it should have. If what I believed was actually true, I had sex with Kat a lot more than her husband did. She maintained to Jess, who she kept as a friend, that she had been on the pill. That it was an accident. And then, in the blink of an eye, it didn’t matter.

“Kat had a miscarriage,” Jess told me, greeting me at the door and blurting it out as I came home from work.

“What?” I said, trying to process her words.

“A miscarriage,” she said. “She was ten weeks along.”

“Is she okay?” I asked.

“How okay do you think she could be?” Jess said acridly.

“You’re right,” I said and just let silence envelope us.

After a few minutes, I tried again. “Did you talk to her?” I asked.

Jess nodded. She hugged me. “I’m sorry,” she said. “She called to tell me.”

“Should I reach out to her?” I said.

“I don’t know,” Jess answered honestly.

I texted Kat. “Jess just told me. I’m so sorry. We’re here if you need anything,” I wrote.

I had learned over the past few weeks not to expect a response.

“I think we need a distraction,” Jess said. “Do you want to help me with these?”

She gestured to the pile of boxes in the living room. It shook me out of my self-pity and sadness. I smiled at her.

“Welcome home, baby,” I said. “You got a lot done today!”

“I had to do something to keep myself distracted,” she said. “I know you’re sad. I’m sad, too. But remember. We have to give her space. Kat isn’t going to just ghost and disappear from our lives.”

“My life,” I said, pathetically. “You still get to be friends with her.”

“This is not a pity party!” Jess said, bubbly. I admired that she wasn’t going to let unexpected news distract from a major milestone for us. Maybe in response to the earth-shaking announcement from Kat, or maybe also in a natural step in our rapidly evolving relationship, but we agreed Jess should move in as her apartment lease expired.

“You’re right,” I said. I kissed her. The warmth and adoration in her eyes brought me back to earth a bit.

“This isn’t time for making out,” she said. “These all go in the bedroom.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I said. “Which one is full of sex toys?”

“Get going!” she said.

The manual labor helped clear my head. The reality that I had a live-in girlfriend was a major milestone for me. I had done a lot of sordid things in my life, but cohabitating with a woman was a first. Jess and I, despite the turmoil and drama of Kat’s pregnancy, were in an exceptionally good place. And now we were playing house.

I took a moment to rest and have a glass of water. Out of habit, I checked my phone. There was a message notification from Kat. My stomach dropped. I took a couple deep breaths and opened it.