Chapter 19

Author’s Note: Thank you, as always, for reading, your votes, and your feedback. Major plot points don’t lead to any less fun. Things will keep ramping up because that’s how Kat and John are -- they constantly chase higher sexual highs. We’ve got a little way left on this part of the journey. This is really one you should avoid if you don’t like cheating!

I knew I wasn’t entitled to the emotions that coursed through me. I also knew my anger and surprise weren’t invalid. I wasn’t used to having these types of emotions when it came to relationships. I had distanced myself from getting too close to a woman on that level. I compartmentalized and dedicated myself to being a bachelor. It’s what I wanted. But I was also mad at myself and conflicted. This wasn’t at all what I was used to.

I didn’t respond to Kat that night. I went home, took the rare step of taking an Ambien, which I usually saved for international flights, and went to sleep. When I woke up Saturday morning, Kat had sent a few more messages.

“It was a surprise to me.” I shook my head in disbelief.

“It was the third anniversary of our first date, and I didn’t even realize it!”

“This doesn’t change anything between us, baby.”

Reflexively, I wanted to believe her. I had fucked plenty of married women before. Their status didn’t bother me. It was the opposite, in fact. It turned me on. I relished it. It was part of my attraction to Kat. In fact, the thought of keeping our dirty secret now that she was engaged was appealing. The delicious possibilities of being with her as she planned a wedding gave me some really naughty fantasies.

But that was secondary to my surprise. I couldn’t believe Kat was surprised. There’s no way she couldn’t have known it was coming, and why wouldn’t she tell me? Or at least hint at it? Part of me also, for the first time in many years, was truly jealous. If she was going to tell someone yes, it should have been me -- even if that wouldn’t have worked and wasn’t what I wanted. The emotion made me raw.

“Congratulations,” I typed back to Kat finally.

“We need to talk,” she responded. “Can I come over?”

“Yes,” I said.

Kat arrived very quickly. I opened the door and she bounced in, wearing yoga pants and a tight workout shirt. My anger softened when I saw her. She put her arms around my neck and kissed me hello, a move that felt to me forced and contrived. She knew I was upset and was trying to make me feel better. The emotional conflict raged inside me.

“Let me see it,” I said, trying to sound enthusiastic and friendly, but the words came out flat.

She stood back and extended her left hand. It was an impressive ring, with a very high quality diamond.

“It’s really gorgeous,” I said honestly.

We locked eyes.

“I should have told you I was expecting it,” Kat said.

“A heads up would have been nice,” I said. “I won’t lie. It surprised me, and I’m having a lot more emotions than I thought I would. It’s not like I didn’t know there was a chance this day would come.”

“I was thinking about it,” she said, “and I guess I always just figured this was one box on the checklist and doesn’t really affect us.”

“When I think about it objectively,” I said, “I couldn’t agree more. Then there’s part of me that, to be perfectly honest, is a little jealous.”

Kat could sense that I was vulnerable. She stood close to me and put her hand on my chest.

“I know, baby,” she said. “Do we need to reevaluate us? Do you need more?”

I was taken aback that she even suggested it. “We both know that won’t work,” I said, “but that you even make the offer is more than I ever expected.”