Chapter 6: Solace — May 1858

Once the last of his guests had been seen off or had gone upstairs to the guest rooms, Charles made a last round through the dinner hall, only to find Paulina there who was swaying gently whilst having her eyes closed. To Charles it seemed as if she was listening to music reverberating in her head. He watched her in silence, enjoying the sight. He had to admit that although she was still skinny to his eyes, she was an attractive woman all the same.

Finally, she came out of her trance-like state and squealed a little seeing Charles.

“Oh dear! You must think me a lunatic for dancing to the music playing in my head.”

“I trust the music was lively?” Charles asked with an indulgent smile, for he liked the woman. Ever since he’d brought her back with him to Stepley Hall, she had been a delight, with her appreciation of his help and with her honest desire to be of help.

“It was a marvellous night, Sir Charles. I cannot believe that it is really true. Every moment I fear to wake up from a cruel dream and to see myself in that dismal place again. Then I pinch myself and I realise that it is true — I was saved.” She looked at Charles. “Then I always feel the gratitude wash over me for the help you gave me. You cannot know how much it means to me that you bought my freedom and offered me your hospitality.”

“My dear Mrs Faulkes, you have given us so much delight in return. I can truly say that I consider it my good fortune to have found you. My granddaughter adores you and my daughter-in-law is happy to have her sister back. Even I who had not known you at all, am delighted by your presence.”

Paulina blushed deeply. “I don’t know what to say. Here I am, a beggar girl or worse, accepted in your household, and you make me feel worthwhile.”

Charles stepped close and took her hand in his, raising it to his lips.

“Mrs Faulkes, you are worthwhile. Take heart! Today you made it through your first soirée and you charmed everybody. You have a future.”

Paulina wagged her head. “I am not fooling myself, Sir Charles. I can never marry a decent man for fear that I might be recognised and shamed, ruining a husband in the process.”

“Mrs Faulkes, even I would not recognise you now,” Charles said soothingly.

“You are kind, Sir Charles, but I would never run that risk.”

Charles tried to lift the mood. “Then, Mrs Faulkes, you are welcome to stay as my house guest for as long as you wish. My life will be the better for it.”

Suddenly, Paulina’s posture changed from apprehension to relaxation, and even more. She even smiled when she stepped closer and looked up at Charles. Then she surprised him utterly by taking his head in both hands and pulling his face down for a kiss. The kiss lasted for quite a while, and he thought that he felt her lips crease in a smile before she released him.

“There! I may not be able to be a wife for a good man, but I can certainly be a loving and comforting mistress for a deserving gentleman.”

“M-Mrs Faulkes! My offer does not carry any obligations for you, especially not of...”

“Ssh! I know that you’d never make demands of me. I can tell though that you are lonely and I can alleviate that loneliness. I also hope to find tenderness and comfort in your arms. I gave you my reasons why I can never chance to hear a man’s courtship. You said that I bear no guilt over that situation, yet why must I be punished by having to lead a life devoid of love?”

“People would find out, Mrs Faulkes,” Charles said sadly.

“I expect they will,” Paulina said lightly. “Yet for as long as we can present a façade for it, they will be happy to ignore it.”

“Your sister will find out and she will be more than angry with me.”

Paulina shrugged. “She’ll see the reasoning, even if she never learns about my true living conditions. Do you find me unappealing or are you repelled by me?”

Charles sighed heavily. “You are as beautiful as your sister and I feel fondness for you. I find that I like to speak to you and that I enjoy your quick wit. I am just ... unprepared. I never considered taking a mistress.”

“That much is evident,” Paulina said wryly. “You should, you know?”

Charles shook his head. “This isn’t something that we should decide in the middle of the night. I know too little of you yet, and what you know of me is probably even less.”

“I believe that I know enough of you, but I have to acknowledge your reservations. Will you give it some thought? I shan’t be leaving anytime soon. In the meantime I shall make myself valuable to you.”

“Let us both consider the consequences and benefits of your proposal. Please understand that I feel protective of you, your sister and your niece. I could never hurt any of you willingly.”

“I know that. I shall go to bed now and leave you to your musings. Bonne nuit, Charles.”

She was gone before he realised that she had called him by his first name.

Breakfast was usually served early at Stepley Hall, but on the morning after the soirée, Suzanne and Paulina slept in, leaving Charles to entertain Little Alice. Not that he found this an onerous task. The girl had become the principal joy in his life and he patiently perused the newspaper with her, explaining what the news articles meant and why they were newsworthy. Alice would sometimes scrunch up her cute nose when she failed to see the significance of Sir John Whatsisname speaking to the Arcane Society, but on the whole, the girl understood the gist of what the news entailed.

In the meantime, the overnight guests were served breakfast in their rooms by the housemaids, helped by two temporary hires. This left the small private dining room free for Charles and his family. It was close to eleven o’clock when Suzanne made her appearance, smiling at her daughter and father-in-law.

“Good morning, Sir Charles. Has Alice kept you from your day’s work?”

“Since I had no plans for the morning, her presence was appreciated and delightful,” Charles answered with a smile at his granddaughter.

“Paulina was still sleeping when I looked in on her. I suppose the excitement of the evening took its toll on her,” Suzanne intimated.

“She too was delightful and she certainly charmed our visitors,” Charles answered, determined to keep the later events secret.

“Yes. I still cannot believe that I have her back. It is only now that I realise how much I missed her.”

“I too am delighted to have her living with us,” Charles rushed to say out of his ingrained politeness before realising how true his words were. “The same holds true for you of course, and I dread the day when you will decide to leave.”

Suzanne looked at him quizzically. “Is your invitation to live here only temporary?”

Charles turned beet-red realising how his words could be misconstrued.

“On the contrary, Madam! I was just surmising ... Well, you are a beautiful woman and in your prime. I am certain that more suitors will show up, now that you have shown to be an excellent hostess.”

“Is it your wish that I should hear suitors?” she asked in a low voice.

“Not my wish, Madam. I delight in your and your daughter’s presence.

There was a smile on Suzanne’s face now. “I am relieved. I assure you that I have no desire to exchange your hospitality for a marriage with a dowry-seeking country gentleman. I have my daughter’s interest to weigh as well.”

Charles was giving his daughter in law a smile. “I believe this settles our discussion. Please assure Mrs. Faulkes that the same applies to her. She is welcome to stay.”

“She will be pleased to hear that. She is somewhat opposed to meeting gentlemen, no doubt feeling that her previous marriage to that scoundrel makes her less than eligible.”

“She will be welcome to stay, but if she decides to leave, I shall provide her with a suitable annuity.”

“That is so generous of you!”

“Say nothing, my dear Mrs. Tolliver! I have more than I shall ever need.”

“What about you, Sir Charles? Have you ever considered finding a wife again?”

Charles felt his face heat. “I ... umh ... I fear that this ship has sailed. I have been living alone for too long.”

“I cannot see why. At the risk of sounding too forward, you would be a prize for any woman to claim. You are generous, caring, upright and rather handsome if you will permit me to be open. You are a flag officer, a landed gentleman and a baronet. Is there nobody who would catch your fancy?”

“I do not allow myself to think of women in that way,” he said in a low voice.

“I forgot to add loyalty to your virtues. You certainly lived for Adam’s mother. Did she love you as strongly?”

“I believe she did,” Charles answered a little defensively.

“Then she would have wanted you to get over her death. Adam loved me deeply. Yet, in his farewell letter written by that kind nurse, he implored me to seek happiness again. He implored me not to become a bitter widow.”

“Yet, you maintain that you do not plan to hear any suitors,” Charles reminded her.

She looked slightly flustered but rallied back.

“I am a woman, my dear Sir Charles. I am allowed to contradict myself. Besides, I must look after Alice’s interest.”

“That goes for me too,” Charles countered. “My granddaughter’s wellbeing and interest are of utmost importance to me. My son tasked me with this in his last letter. How can I fail him? How can I put my selfish interest before that?”

Suzanne gave him a warm smile. “It would seem then that we are stuck with each other. Perhaps, under these circumstance, you may agree to calling me by my given name? Mrs. Tolliver or Madam appear frightfully formal for two people destined to share a household.”

Charles weighed this and could not find fault with her reasoning.

“Certainly, Mad ... Suzanne, if that makes you feel more comfortable.”

She gave him a dazzling smile. “This being settled, will you allow me in turn to use your first name?”

Now this seemed to cross a line, but Charles could not find a valid excuse. Suddenly he realised the reason for his discomfort. The last person ever to address him by Charles and even more so by Charley had been Eileen, so many years ago. He cleared his throat.

“It appears only fair. I may just warn you however, that I shall take some time to become comfortable. You see — my wife was the last person ever to call me by my given name, in her...” he swallowed heavily, “in her last moments.”

Suzanne blushed deeply. “Oh, dear me! I did not intend to stir up sad memories.”

Seeing her embarrassment gave Charles his balance back.

“Perhaps it will do me some good. If you feel comfortable addressing me as Charles, then by all means do so. I shall offer the same familiarity to Mrs. Faulkes.”

“She may be too shy for that, but it is nice of you to make the offer.”

‘Too shy?’ Charles thought. ‘Hardly.’

“We shall see. She may surprise us.”

During the following days, Charles never had a chance to speak with Paulina privately. They saw each other during the meals of course and she always gave him smiles when their eyes met, but outside of the dining room they never met. As far as Charles was concerned that was not necessarily bad because he still had not made up his mind as to whether he wanted a dalliance with Suzanne’s sister.

He could not help however, to notice how perfectly Paulina fit in with them. She spent long hours with her niece, playing patiently with her whilst sitting on the floor boards of the child’s room. She kept her sister company in the evenings, tending to some needle work or reading a book from the vast collection in the house. She did not impose herself on Charles though as if waiting for him to make the first move.

Finally, two weeks after the soirée, Suzanne left the manor to visit with Siobhan Pryce. Paulina claimed that she rather wanted to finish a book she was reading and stayed behind whilst Alice was out riding with Paddy. Charles also happened to be in the study, for once hoping to peruse the newspapers in relative peace. He soon realised however that this was not to be.