Chapter 31: Early Wedding Night

Friday August 15, 2008, 3:00 PM

The Mansion - My Bedroom

Where We Are Coming From

I imagine that most wedding days start with the couple each getting dressed in their wedding clothes. Then they travel someplace where there is a ceremony while all manner of friendly folks watch them speak their lines and imagine their future together. This is followed by a reception/party where many people are allowed to put their hands on the bride in a greeting to the family, and her forthcoming loss of virginity. Finally they have the wedding night where the exhausted Bride and eager Groom consummate their union.

We were not going to do that.

For starters, on my wedding night I would be on a plane bound for Peru to deliver a nasty wakeup to the Five who threatened all my relatives with death or enslavement. We just could not have that.

Since I would not be in bed with Abril, she and I came up with another idea, of having the wedding night activities the night before the wedding. Actually, I think everybody should try it that way.

There was a second complication, since Li was my concubine and the first woman with my diamond I decided I need a special night with her before the wedding night with Abril. Li agreed and Abril was not asked.

I understand things might be different in other cultures and faiths, but for now we will confine ourselves to the Christian traditions of Europe, where many in LA trace their roots.

If we look to the Middle Ages and the canon laws for marriage set down and codified by the Church, one finds that really, for the highest royalty to the lowest of peasants, there were only two elements required for a binding marriage in the eyes of the governing authority at that time.

The first requirement listed was a willing declaration before an church-linked officiant by both the eligible bride and the groom that they wished to be married. People could not “marry” each other, the church had a part to play, guiding and witnessing the appropriate words. Without those blessed words, people acting like they were married committed a damnable sin and were knocking on the doors of Hell.

Second, the wedding had to be consummated. For this the church laws required no additional witnesses, but the act was a requirement.

In the Colony, which traces roots to one of the most severely Catholic realms outside of the Papal states, these strict requirements still exist, with the Patron standing as the successor to the church officiant until another appears. (One was appointed in Spain by the King and the Church. He completed 85% of his trip before he took an evening swim in the Amazon that led to his eternal reward. No others followed him.)

To commemorate the first mothers of the Colony the first Patron may choose create an honor, a link to the first maidens of the colony. He would honor a virgin bride with the “white scarf.” Then, like the first maiden, he would instruct the inexperienced bride in the marriage arts on the night after the ceremony but before the consummation. Note that this is a period when, according to strict canon law, the couple are not yet married. To be fair, an inexperienced groom also receives a night of instruction from the Patron’s wife or some other notable woman selected for the task.

In Europe things have changed since the Middle Ages, as rulers assumed more power over the lives of their charges. For instance, there are some civil jurisdictions that specifically do not recognize a officiant of any church, they require a authorized civil authority with the associated paperwork and fees. In these cases some may choose to have two weddings (civil and religious) to “cover all the bases,” in this world and the next. (For instance, in France even for the King a church wedding is considered “symbolic” but not “legally binding.”)

In the US, marriages are governed by state laws regarding such things as who, where, when, waiting periods, public notice, paperwork to record the marriage plus the pesky fees, and numerous other bothersome bureaucratic details. Perusing state laws on the subject, one might be surprised to find that a number of states, in this day and age, still explicitly include the requirement of consummation for a marriage to be valid. If, for example, one of the principals should die between the ceremony and the consummation, even if the words have been said, the fees have been paid and the papers have been filed, the wedding can be set aside as if in never took place. I have seen TV murder mysteries with matters of inheritance resting on resolving this question.

Well, pages of bureaucratic regulations are the natural result of allowing people elected for their charm and lack of common sense the power to make up rules simply for the joy of hearing themselves speak and the sense of accomplishment it gives them. (In Israel, at least up until 2022, wise judges acting in concert could set aside the gibbering posturing promulgations of elected idiots simply because they were “unreasonable.” In the US this has NEVER been allowed.)

Now, to a lawyer, one interesting question naturally implied by having two requirements mentioned relates to their order. In other words, under cannon law can a marriage stand if the consummation takes place BEFORE the declaration ceremony?

Only a lawyer, or a writer of fiction would think of such a thing. But it does give one a pause to think on the question.

The Maidenhead Tax

Going back to olden days, for important political weddings or those involving great wealth (this is the original “family values”), in order for a wedding to be binding the marriage contract stated that the required consummation had to be witnessed by various dirty old men. On the other hand, for those who were poor peasants, an attractive bride might spend her wedding night in the castle of a local warlord, learning things that would be useful to her future while also seeking to buttress the warlord’s attachment to defend the community. These themes been used in erotic fiction. The practice might be called “droit de seigneur,” or “jus primae noctis” or “prima nocta.” Some who speak plainly (meaning the do not speak Latin) use terms like the “right of the first night” or “the good old days.”

Despite the Latin terms, historians are, as is often the case, undecided on whether this practice actually existed. There is no film from the period on which to base a conclusion, and without film everybody knows there is no proof. Everybody but the French credits Thomas Edison with creating the concept of filming events and therefore creating true history around 1890.

In some historical legal writings there was technically a choice. The so-called ‘maidenhead tax’ could be paid in gold, or the bride could pay the tax with her body on the wedding night with her virgin blood. The amount of the tax and exactly who made the critical choice between the gold or blood varied based on the local ruler and his disposition towards the bride. It was especially good to be the King ... or the local ruling rapscallion.

The 1965 movie, “The War Lord” which played often on TV in the following decades, may well have contributed to spreading the belief that this was, in fact, a widespread legitimate practice. In this movie set in the 11th century, a girl was promised since childhood to wed the tiresome son of the village chief. However, the local war lord, played by dashing Charlton Heston, takes an interest in the girl and asserts his “warlord’s right” have her in his bed on her wedding night. Of course, the heroic Heston, who played icons like Moses, Michelangelo, El Cid, Major Dundee and Ben-Hur, cannot be seen forcing himself upon the girl, so she falls in love with him, making their act mutual and good. The blossom of their love lasts more than one night so the chief and his poor excuse for a son claim “insult” when she stays longer than they expect. Perhaps there is some fine print involving how long the right lasts. Rude noises are exchanged. Since the chief and his people are poor farmers with no power, they betray their oath and plead to some passing villains for justice. That never ends well, providing a lesson on “be careful what you ask for.”

In the case of weddings to a potential partner in Shunt, Huttle and Barnes, the lawyers gathered at a wedding might well imagine the bride willingly naked in their own bed for some night in the future, as part of the monthly wife-exchange socials David Barnes instituted. In the eyes of the partners, the sooner Abril and I married, the the sooner they could promote me to partner, and the sooner the lottery for their night with her pussy would commence.

For our fake wedding Abril and I had to make one change to that usual sequence, we planned our wedding night/consummation for Friday, 24 hours before the ceremony Saturday, instead of after as is usually done. I also planned on a third party witness/participant (Li) and a bit of added ritual. I was very sure his timing adjustment did not change the legitimacy of the wedding for anybody who counted.

While our wedding looked much like any other weddings, technically it qualified as a theatrical performance. Abril and I would stand in front of our guests as Bride and Groom, saying vows like a marriage ceremony that would look real and romantic and sexy and fun. All the right words would be said.

However, the ceremony would lack a qualified officiant, instead we would use an actor. An actor might be qualified for Governator of California, or Senator, or even President, but not as a wedding officiant. Go figure.

Also, the appropriate paperwork required by the state would be lost along the way due to an encounter with a waste paper bin. (Recycle, it’s to law in LA.) The show was inspired by the Jerry Hall/ Mick Jagger thing in Bali (look it up, have some sympathy for the clever old devil).

After the show those members of the law firm who witnessed the ceremony would tell all their friends. That way the horny old partners could dream of lovely, sexy Abril writhing naked under them, parting her legs and inviting the dry old peckers into the moist folds of paradise for a moment of paradise. More than a few partner’s wives would find their husbands unexpectedly frisky with hopes when they come to bed after the ceremony.

Once I was married and became a partner the law firm partners could feel okay about taking Abril to their bed at the firm’s monthly overnight social event, putting their slimy little cocks into Abril’s magnificent naked body, and doing the usual sex things to her in that bed while their own wife was doing the same for somebody else who was not as fortunate. Abril would smile as one lucky partner got their rocks off inside her (assuming they lasted that long) each month. It was similar to what so many normal lawyer’s in LA do with their partner’s wives on an a la carte basis.

The morning after every social the husbands would feel they had met one to those perceived unstated obligations every LA lawyer knew, to put his dick into strange pussy, like they dreamed they did in college. The difference was that the law firm partners could do it without the worries of nasty germs or a fear of blackmail, or the ultimate economic indignity of a divorce putting him at the mercy of another lawyer.

I was expected to do the same sorts of things with whatever favored wife I drew to service. Since I was younger than most of the husbands, the women would expect something extra special from me. No doubt they would be pleasantly surprised. However, it would be unkind if my performance spoiled my exchange guest for her husband, so I was resolved to try and hold back a bit from my usual outstanding performance.