Chapter 16: Ascendancy

“There are no extraordinary men ... just extraordinary circumstances that ordinary men are forced to deal with.” Admiral William Halsey

Coping with ordinary circumstances, until SHTF! Then forced to wrestle with extraordinary events. The unexpected, the overlooked, unprepared for, bites!

“Look, Baby! We can make babies. I’m unprepared. No competition till now, none wanted. Most recent problems were of my own making, fixing damaged relationships. Physical problems, like re-floating Eros, had simple solutions, we discovered. Life has been a breeze, a honeymoon, all my few days. Until now.

About a mile off, is EROS, listed over, a funeral pyre. My friends and lovers roasting alive. If any still live. My poor darlings, I’m powerless to rescue you.

The almost childish, demonic laughter coming from behind us, continues. Luz and Carlita, Devil’s spawn? That was my reaction, when they shape-shifted.

I raise my arm, threatening a backhanded swat at the taunting, leering, evil faces of my two nemesis-sters in crime. Jan Ube-Wary, Grand Dragon of the Duende clan, and Maggie the Magnificent, Queen of the Goblins.

Faced with a face-full of poisoned trident tines, I re-consider and lower my arm.

“SHUT UP! Stop laughing, my girls are dying horrible deaths out there! Have you no sense of decency?” My voice trembles from depth of emotion, not fear.

“We aren’t laughing at them. We’re laughing because you and Regina pissed yourselves. Hahaha. And now, you’re sitting in the puddle.” My legs collapsed beneath me from shock. Could I help it?

“Why? Why are you behaving like this? I thought we were friends, at least, on friendly terms? I can’t fathom why you two would commit these heinous acts!”

“OH, CAN’T YOU? Lucifer betrayed and cheated us, and look where he ended up. Shall we not revenge ourselves on you two motherfuckers? You and Lord Willie Ninny, not only scorned and insulted us, but cheated us of, we consider, the most precious commodity on earth. After you made legal, binding commitments to provide it.”

I’m scratching my head, destitute in memory, of anytime I was scornful, insulting, or welshed on a deal. Sorry, can’t recall. Shrugging at them, at my mystification. Well, at least they’re no longer laughing, anyway. Jan holds, turning over and over in her hand, a LAMP? No, an espresso pot. Can be converted into a lamp, though.

“I’m sorry, husband, but your business ethics and honor have proven unreliable.

More stringent means of forcing compliance of your conjugal obligations under the marriage contract with the Duende clan, requires an additional pledge of security. Your actual person. Mortgages or promissory notes, aren’t sufficient collateral, since you tend to simply disregard legal documents.”

“Return my teleport ring and Regina’s phone. Let me save the women on the EROS, including the Goblin women, and my Duende wife, Gina. I’ll do anything you ask, afterwards.”

I’m hoping there’s someone left to save. The entire ship is a huge conflagration, flames leaping into the sky.

“No! Don’t let him go, he’ll be killed.” Regina is kneeling in the piss beside me, clinging to me. She lifts my cock. Is this what you are desperate to save, Mom? Oh, she’s holding it up out of the piss puddle. Considerate of her son’s health and hygiene, a good Mom. Thanks.

“We keep the ring. You, aren’t to be trusted. Regina can have her phone back. We uploaded some very interesting videos on your phone, Regina. Take a look. We enjoyed the picture of Phil fucking you with his gigantic cock. Sybil told us, he has one and fucked her with it, when she shape-shifted into a pussy pillow for him. But we didn’t exactly believe her, until we saw your selfie. That convinced us.”

“Convinced you, that I do have a humongous penis?”

“Convinced us, the time was ripe for attack!”

“What’s the objective? Why destroy EROS? Nothing makes any sense?”

We have a concerted time co-ordinated attack on many fronts. Been planning this for many hundreds of years Preparations accruing in place bit by bit for many, many decades. We have been poised for this moment, many months. Today, is the day of Ascension. Wee Peoples arise! Seize Power! Government of the Wee People, by the Wee People, and for the Wee Peoples! Unite the clans! Viva la Revolution. Marsupials Yes, Forever we stand, and we’ll never fall!”

Marsupials Yes? Marseilles? Modeling after the French Revolution? Jan did say, they’ve been planning for hundreds of years. The Reign of Terror, re-enacted? Oh, gawd, please no!

“Does your revolution have a stirring anthem, to lift the hearts and spirits of your combined peoples?” If it’s a version of the French Anthem, gawd save us.

“Maggie the Magnificent calls her squad of Goblin Seals guards to attention. All the trident butts hit the floor at the same time with a solid clunk.

“Goblin Seals was an excellent idea, by the way. Shock troops hadn’t occurred to me before.” Maggies addresses her gratitude to me. Now I notice. On their paler green faces are warpaint markings in darker green. Jagged Lightning emblems! Oh, Gawd! “Sing!” Maggie commands. The words were no language I’ve ever heard, but the tune familiar. Blow the man down.

“Blow the man down?” I ask. Blow Mankind Up. We changed the words when we sing it in old Orchestra.

Orchestra, an assembly of musical instruments with many different voices. Also apparently an ancient Orc language for different clans of Wee magical kinfolks?

What the hell? Am I dreaming? In a nightmare? A joke? I pinch myself. Ouch!

“Look! You arrested the wrong man. Will married you Duende bitches, not me!”

“You and Will were one and the same, when you took the vows and signed the contract. Splitting yourself into two, doesn’t erase or alter your obligations.”

“But I’m not Will. I’m an entirely different personality, different consciousness, different morals and ethics. Trust me. Don’t penalize me for Will’s bad faith.”