Chapter 1

I am not sure why exactly I am writing this, but my therapist said it would help in my recovery. She told me I had to accept what I had done and the choices I had made, so here they are.

I was 13 the first time I kissed another boy. Mom had told me I could not date until I was 14, but that didn’t mean I could not see boys. I just had to keep it a secret from her. So going to the mall or the arcade became my code word for going out with friends and looking for boys.

Most times I went out with my two best friends, Julie and Kim. But both were much better looking than I was, already looking like young women, while I still looked like a girl. But sometimes a guy would take me behind some bushes at the Castle and we would do some kissing, no biggie and kinda fun. But I always moved their hands when they tried to touch me where they should not be touching me.

Julie was the one that I was with the first time I did anything else. We had met these two cute boys from one of the local Prep schools inside the arcade, and Julie started flirting with one of them, and I flirted with the other. Neither of us had much money, and had discovered that guys would pay for our games if we flirted with them a bit. And these two were both preppies, from somewhere South of Ventura, and even had their own mopeds. So we knew they had money.

The one I was with was Robbie, I forget who Julie was with. But when her guy suggested we go golfing, we both agreed. And somewhere in the back near the freeway, Robbie hit his ball off of the course. And the two of us went into the bushes to find it. Now I was not stupid, but I liked the idea of doing some kissing with him, he might even buy me dinner later and take me for a ride on his moped.

Well, we found the ball, then I found myself pushed against the little cottage as Robbie kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back, and he felt nice pushing against me and pressing me against the building. And I was feeling his thingie against my belly when we heard a noise and heard Julie and her guy come back there next to us.

Well, they both thought that looked like fun, and soon Julie was against the side of the building a few feet away and they were doing the same thing. So we were kissing them for about five minutes and Robbie was kissing my neck, which caused all kinds of shivers up and down my thigh. I could feel still his thingie pressed against my belly, and it sure felt hard. But a murmur next to me made me glance at Julie.

Her guy already had his hand on her breast, and she seemed to be doing nothing to stop him. Of course, she already had breasts, being a B cup as I was not even a full A yet then. And he was squeezing them through her sweater, and they both seemed to enjoy it a lot. Meanwhile, Robbie was now rubbing my hips and bottom, and it felt kinda nice.

A few minutes later he was still rubbing his thingie against me, as it was pressing up and down on my belly. I was only about 4’10” then, and as we were kissing he even whispered in my ear if I was really 15. I assured him I was, I was just small for my age. Of course, I was not, but having Julie as my friend helped me pretend I older, as she was bigger all over and did look like she was 15.

Robbie had finally moved one hand to my thigh and was starting to slide it up under my skirt when we heard other golfers at the hole we were supposed to be at. Julie looked over at me and it was obvious her guy had his hand full of her tit. And with nodding at each other we pushed them back and said we needed to go back out before somebody found us.

The guys agreed, and after finishing the round we sank our balls in the pit, and they said they would wait for us as we went potty. Inside the bathroom, we both admitted it had been hot, each of us with a cute boy from a Prep school. We were both Mid-Valley girls, loving this attention from South Valley boys. And after we finished and put on some more makeup we met them outside.

They both said they were hungry, and asked if we wanted to go to Carl’s. Of course, we did! I hopped on the moped behind Robbie and Julie sat behind her guy and it was only a five minute ride away. They bought us burgers, and soon we were all eating away. Robbie had his arm around me and held me against him, and Julie’s guy was doing the same with her. I know we were looking at each other, and telling them about how we were in 9th grade, and looking forward to going to Van Nuys Senior High next year.

It was getting dark when we finished, and after a few minutes of trying to decide where to go to next Julie suggested we go to the Oz. It’s gone now, but back then it was a play area at the Van Nuys Recreation Area. A bridge with a painting of Dorothy and the rest from the movie and a bunch of little wood and stucco buildings said to be a “Munchkin Village”. So we got back on the back of the Mopeds, and soon we were walking through the little village in the twilight.

Well, it was not much longer before we were all in one of them, and kissing the guys again. I even felt a little thrill as Robbie reached up and held my breast. I had guys try this before, but most did not try hard, seeing as I didn’t have much there. But what I did have was very sensitive, and I did not resist this time when Robbie started squeezing me through my top and bra. Julie and her guy were a few feet away, and I could see them doing the same thing. Except Julie was squeezing his butt, and his hand had moved up under her sweater.

I did the same and felt Robbie was even harder against my belly, hunching his hips up and down against me. It felt so naughty, his tight butt in my hands, his pecker against my belly, and my boobie in his hands. I had already decided that if this is what it took to get a nice dinner and some free games, I was all for it. It is not like a Latchkey Kid like me from a broken home and a little sister had much money to do things like that on my own.

I heard Julie murmuring how nice it felt, and when I looked over at them her sweater was up and her bra was open! Not only that, but he was also sucking on one of her nipples! And I was feeling even more shivers as Robbie had found how puffy I was and was squeezing mine through my shirt and bra. I felt him squirming around a bit and thought he was maybe going to do the same thing to mine.

And I was saying “Yes!” inside my mind as I felt him slide his hand under my shirt, then push my bra up over my boobies, and rub them. My breasts may have been small then, even when I was fully grown I was not even a full C before I got my implants. But my nipples and areola were huge, puffy, and sensitive. I mostly wore bras to keep them hidden and contained more than anything else. I had one hand in his hair and was trying to suck his tongue out of his head as my other was on his back. Then I felt his hand take my right hand from his back and move it in front of him.

And for the first time, I felt a cock! He had opened his jeans and taken it out, and put my hand right on it! I know now I should have reacted like any girl, pulling my hand away and pushing him back. But I shivered and felt myself get even wetter. Looking back it was not that big, maybe five inches long and somewhere between a roll of nickles and quarters around. But, it felt nice! And my hand instinctively wrapped my fingers around it and squeezed. My first penis!

I squeezed it, and it nicely filled my hand as he kept playing with my nipples. The fabric was starting to make them tingle uncomfortably, but I did not care. And when Robbie reached down and pulled up my shirt, I did not stop him. I looked over at Julie, and her guy had already moved to her other breast, the one closest to me now shining, her vacated nipple hard and wet.

Robbie used his hand to start moving mine up and down on his cock, and I knew what he was wanting. I may have been young, with a penis in my hand for the first time. But I still knew what a “handjob” was. So I started stroking him, from base to tip and letting my hand and fingers explore this hard yet soft thing in my hand as his head moved down to take my nipple into a mouth for the first time ever.

After a few minutes, my hand would get tired, so I would switch hands. I could not see much of what Julie was doing, but I think she was rubbing him through his jeans. I felt Robbie grow even harder, and start to move his hips. Then he grunted and rotated his hips to the side. And what happened next is still amazing to me and something I love, even after all these years. He kind of throbbed in my hand and got so hard, then I felt something wet as I moved my hand to the tip. He was cumming! And while the first spurts flew out somewhere into that little building, the second and third went right into my hand. It was wet, warm, and kinda slimy. And he pumped his hips for maybe fifteen seconds or so until he was finished. I had made him cum!

He was kissing me as he came, abandoning my nipple right before he started to shoot his stuff out. And he leaned back away from me breathing heavily as I stood there with a handful of his goo. I heard the guy Julie was with groan and saw she was rubbing him through his jeans and I think he came also. But he was the one with the mess, unlike me. Robbie reached into his pocket and pulled out a bunch of napkins he had grabbed as we were eating, and handed me some as he used the others to clean up his pecker. It took quite a few, it had even started to run down to my wrist, it was clingy and sticky and did not want to come off easily.

But we were finally both clean and I caught a glimpse of it as he tucked it back away. Julie’s guy was doing the same thing, his back towards us and his pants open and using napkin after napkin to clean up his pecker and underwear, and dropping the napkins on the ground afterwards.

They offered to take us home, but Julie and I did not live far away. And we did not want our parents to know we had met two boys while we were out. So we gave them more kisses, and we all said we would look for each other again. Either at the Castle or the Galleria.

As we walked home we talked about what had happened. We both admitted we had never gone that far before, but it had been so much fun! And of course, we both denied how far we had gone, and that we would never do it again. Even as we both admitted we had liked it a lot.

And after that, every few weeks I would see Robbie at the Castle or Galleria. And maybe once a month for the next three months or so we would find a place to sneak off for some more fun. Sometimes with Julie and her guy, sometimes just the two of us. But I drew the line when he tried to reach for my panties. No idea why. Maybe I was fooling myself in if I did it to them, and not them do it to me I was still a “good girl”.

But by then I had also found another boy, this time from my school. And we started to do the same thing, he would take me to a movie or the arcade, and at the end, I would hold his little pecker and stroke him off until he would give me his cum. And unlike Robbie, it was little pecker. Like a roll of pennies in length and thickness. But I still liked rubbing it, then he would walk me the block or so home.

Then after a few months of school starting, I started doing it with another guy, then another. Somehow word got around, all you had to do was take Linda out and show her a good time and she would show you a good time. Don’t try to get into her panties, but her little boobies were alright. And she would jack you off anywhere where others could not see. The Oz was a favorite place of mine to do this in. Maybe ten little buildings made for kids to play in. And I played a lot in them. I also enjoyed trying new things.

Art was the first one I had stand in front of me with his back to my front as I reached around and jacked him off. I was looking over his shoulder as I really saw a guy cum for the first time, his stuff shooting away several feet towards the center of the largest of the buildings at the Oz. On the last time I met Robbie we were at the Castle, once again against our favorite building in the back. He had his body turned to the side as I had my hand wrapped around him and stroking away. This time with what I called my “overhand stroke”, my thumb and index finger against his belly as I rubbed and rubbed and rubbed. I had allowed him to rub my butt under my skirt and through my panties by this time, but that was all. And when he came it was huge! Spurt after spurt, and I even let the last few spurts go into my hand, rubbing it along his cock which made it feel even slicker.

Well, that was the last time with Robbie. I saw him a few days later at the Galleria, and he was holding hands with Michelle, a 9th grader from my school. Now I had a bit of a rep, but it was nothing compared to the one she had. She had big boobs, and had a lovely head of long blonde hair, unlike my long mousy brown hair. And she was already sucking guys off and fucking them. I had heard she was caught fucking a guy in the band room the year before, but I was never sure if that was gossip or true. But seeing them together I avoided them and headed over to the Fashion Center instead.

But I had enough boys that I knew I would not miss Robbie. And being 14, and mom was letting me date. And it was like every weekend, one boy or another would pick me up and we would go out for the evening. Sometimes it was to the Castle, sometimes to a movie. One even had his big sister take us to this skating rink in Burbank near the airport. That was wicked! Punkers and Valley Girls, Preppies, and other cool kids. And this music they could not play on the radio. It was huge, and they even had a full cafe where we had dinner.

That was probably the closest I had to an actual “date” ever at that time. At the end of the skate his sister picked us up, and we just kissed as she took me home. He did not even try to feel me up, it was kinda nice. We agreed to meet the next day at the Castle. Ed, that’s his name, Ed!.

Anyways, Ed and I went out for almost a month together. My first boyfriend I guess. And it was the third date before I opened his jeans and fished out his cock. It was in the dugout at the Rec Center, and it was a nice one. The first uncut cock I had ever held, and it was thick if not real long. And he sure came buckets a few minutes later! I do not even think he lasted three minutes and his stuff was squirting everywhere! Then after a few more minutes of kissing, he was hard again! So I went back to work until he came a second time!

But a few weeks later I saw him with Michelle and knew that was over. Ed had a nice pecker, but she was welcome to him. And I knew she would not keep him long, as he could not hold back at all. But that did not stop me from getting with him a few weeks later after she dumped him. At least he was easy, McDonald’s and maybe $5 at the arcade, for maybe five minutes of work afterward. Once even in the theater, we were watching Superman II and I opened his fly and reached inside. As usual, he only lasted a few minutes, and thankfully I had thought ahead. I had put a napkin over the head of his cock and caught everything he squirted out. I managed to coax three cums out of him during the movie.

About this time, I went through my “Humiliate the Dweeb” phase. Now dweebs were not hard to spot, I knew quite a few of them. And it was fun to tease them, and get them to pay for me, then show them what I would do in return. But the difference was, these were dweebs. And dweebs really had no chance with me unless they were giving me something. And to show that, I would do things like have them lie on their back at the Oz, and make them cum on their belly. Which as they still had their shirt son caused them to cum on it. Or if we were at the castle, tug them over and over until I knew they were about to cum, then aim them down so they came on their shoes and even their pants sometimes. I would then ditch them as quickly as I could, then find Julie and we would then laugh at the dweeb with cum on his leg and shoes.

Once we were sharing a soda that the latest one had bought me, and we were giggling about how he was oblivious to the big milky blob on his lower leg. Michelle came up and asked what was so funny, and I giggled. “Oh, look at Jimmy there.” She looked, and shrugged. “No Michelle, look down at his leg, near his shoes.” And she then gasped and giggled, seeing the cum slowly seeping into his jeans. Then saying that Jimmy was a nasty little shit, and he had probably been jacking off in the bathroom before he came back out. Julie and I both agreed, but I saw her wink at me as she did so. So for the next month, and occasionally afterwards I would often grab somebody like Jimmy. And somehow, they seemed to be so happy I made them cum, they never seemed to mind I was making them messy when I did.

But then a few months later school ended, and I was thinking it was time for a change. My mom, my sister, and I all had this long brown hair. Mine was just past my shoulders, Amanda’s was halfway down her back, and the same with my mom. But all that yucky mousy brown that was so blah. And I kept seeing all these girls with really rad hair at the skating rink. So one day when my mom gave me money for a haircut, I went by myself. And I took some of my own money and I decided to do something radical.

One advantage of the guys I was seeing, sometimes mom would give me money, and then I would get lucky enough to find a boy. So instead I would save what she had given me, and I could still tell her what the movie had been like. Once she even gave me money so both Mandy and I could see something she really wanted to see. Maybe ET, I can’t remember anymore. But as she was in the arcade I met a guy I had been with before, and he actually offered to pay for both of us. So I had Mandy get a seat two rows behind us, and during most of the movie I played with his dick as we watched the movie. And only letting him cum finally at the end.

When I got to the beauty parlor, I told them I wanted something more Punk, and radical. The gal pulled out this book of hairstyles, and something called a “Pageboy” really caught my eye. Kinda like Chrissie Hynde or Joan Jett, but shorter with these cute bangs in the front. And I liked it their color, so told her I wanted it like that, but black! And about three hours later I left, my hair really short, and black as night.

And my mom had a fucking cow! She screamed at me, asking me what in the hell I had done, who in the hell did I think I was! It was a real screaming match, one of the few ever, my mom was not a screamer. And I was grounded for two weeks when I said if she did not like it, next time I would pick purple or pink for the dye.

The next week at school Julie and Kim were both shocked at my new look but admitted it looked bitching. But at least I was able to get some fun even while grounded, having guys walk me home and having some rubbing fun on the way. But this was more of a trial for them. With promises that in the future they would take me out, once I was no longer grounded.

And then mom started to chill out, right before school ended for the year. By this time even Julie and Kim were joining me at the Punk rink in Burbank, even though it took at least two buses to get there. Sometimes three if we did not want to walk the mile to Ventura. And it was after one session that I discovered something about myself. It was at a sleepover after skating at Julie’s house.

Now Julie a couple of times had suggested we see if we could get Kim to join us. Then maybe we could find three guys when we were out together, and all have some fun with them. I said it sounded like fun, but I was not sure if Kim had even kissed a boy yet. So Julie suggested we try and see if we could get her interested in trying some of the things we had done.

Julie had mentioned as we were chatting in her room in our PJs that she had never really kissed a boy, which I knew was bullshit. And Kim said the same thing, which I was pretty sure was true. Well, somehow we ended up kissing each other! First Julie and Kim, then Julie and me, then me and Kim. And I was surprised I liked it as much as I liked kissing boys! I think I even surprised Kim the second time we kissed, as I slid my tongue into her mouth! She let me do it during our two minute kiss, but when I tried it with Julie she pushed it back out and slammed her lips shut.

Well, that ended it, but a few weeks later I was sleeping at Kim’s, and we did it again. We kissed for a few minutes, with tongues the entire time. She was so cute, I think I even had a bit of a crush on her. But she got embarrassed, and after a few minutes ended it.

And again it happened when she slept over at my house a few weeks later. But this time we spent almost ten minutes kissing. I was feeling her breasts pressing against mine, and I was getting hot. But when I reached up to hold her breast in my hand, I felt this delicious shiver between my legs in my pussy, then she pushed me away. And for the first time, I had an idea of how a guy must feel. I was getting horny, and she stopped me.

We both said we did not want to get carried away, and sadly that ended the kissing games between us. But now I know that if I had been more patient, we could have continued. And for the next month or so my fantasies as I masturbated alternated between rubbing boys and feeling them squirt in my hand, and kissing and feeling up my cute Vietnamese friend.

I will never forget that night. It was midsummer and the “Three Musketeers” as we would get called later were at the skating rink in Burbank. We were all in our hottest outfits, and looking for some fun. And sometimes I had even managed to find some, letting a guy kiss me and feel me up a bit in exchange for something to eat at the snack bar. They were playing “Oh, Micky” as we were skating round and round, and a guy caught my eye.

Oh god, did he look funny! The Urban Cowboy look had already died out over a year before, come and gone, and buried under Punk Rock and New Wave. But here he was, maybe 16 or 17. I saw his jeans were flared, but not like they were bell bottoms. But still wider than they should have been at the cuffs. He told me later it was called “Boot Cut”, and they were somewhat snug, showing he had a tight ass. His hair was somewhat short, a little darker than mine was naturally and barely touching his collar.

And his shirt! Good god, he was wearing this black and white plaid shirt! With pearl snaps instead of buttons! I pointed him out to Julie, and she and then Kim both giggled. He was around 5’7”, but moved like he was on ice and not wheels. Taking these long sweeping turns at the ends, going almost to the center then out again. Almost like a figure 8, except swinging out in the center instead of crossing the rink. And I admit, I liked his butt, and Julie said she did also. Of course, I also had glanced at his front a few times as he skated on the other side, and he did seem like he had a nice package in there.

But fuck did he look out of place. Here we were, surrounded by Punkers, and Preppies, and other Vals and this guy looked like he stepped out of a John Travolta movie from two years before. “Maybe he could not get into the Palomino,” Julie joked, which was the local country bar. And that might be, as you had to be 21 to get in there as it was a real bar.

We watched him for about ten minutes, wondering what in the hell he was doing there. And we were not the only ones looking, he looked so out of place, but also looked like he did not give a fuck. Then I decided to have a little fun. I poked Julie and Kim on the sides, and said “Watch this!” And the next round when he was starting to do his turn back towards the outside, I sped up and ran into the back of him.

I was expecting to knock us both over, and that was exactly what I did. Something about how smug he seemed to look out there just irritated me. This outsider who just did not belong, trying to fit into our world. Well, knock him over I did. We went down in a tangle of arms and legs, and as I fell on top of him, he did not feel like any other boy I had been with before then.

Now I was still a virgin, of course! But sometimes I had laid on benches or the floor of the Oz and caressed boys all over. And they were soft, just other boys from the San Fernando Valley. Many were big, none really fat as I did not give handjobs to fat boys. But, I guess soft is the word. This guy, when I fell on top of him he felt, hard. His legs felt like iron, and his arms also. He laughed and apologized, and smoothly got onto his feet as I was rolling onto my back. Then he planted his toe brake and reached down to help me up.

And while his hand was gentle, I could feel he was strong. And his voice, there was just something about it as he apologized to me and helped me up. Not quite like Gary Cooper, more like Clint Eastwood. Soft, kinda deep, and also, gentle I guess. He apologized to me as he helped me to my feet, and I found myself burying the snarky comment I was going to make about cowboys watching where they go and apologizing back. He just sounded so sincere! And a slow song by The Pointer Sisters was just starting as they dimmed the lights. He said he owed me a skate for being so clumsy, and somehow I accepted. So hand in hand we started skating together. And I found myself wondering with the song if he had “slow hands”.

He told me his name was Pete, and laughed when I asked him about his clothes. Turns out he had just moved here from Idaho. “Yeah, I realized after I got here I was not quite dressed right. It was not like I was gonna drive home to change and come back. I was afraid I might not find my way back here again, I just found it as I was out wandering.” And he did have a bit of an accent. Not strong, but it was there. And then I was realizing he was not in a costume, this guy was a real cowboy! He admitted he grew up on a ranch, worked with cows to make money, and went to rodeos every year.

Well, we spent the entire session together! When not holding hands at the slow skates, we were skating side by side, sometimes with Julie and Kim with us. Then they called the last couple skate for the night, and I looked at my watch. “Sorry, but we gotta go. The next bus is in fifteen minutes, and if we miss it we will have to wait over an hour for the next one.”

I knew he had mentioned driving before, and he did exactly what I had hoped he would do. “Well that ain’t a problem, I can give y’all a ride home if ya wanna finish the session with me. That way you do not have to leave early, and I can enjoy skating with you a bit more.” I told Julie and Kim, and they both said that sounded fine. So hand in hand Pete and I kept skating. On the last one, I even saw Julie grin at me and lick her lips, miming her hand moving up and down. I grinned and nodded at her, licking my lips as I did so.

Well, the session ended, and as I got back into my shoes, I saw Pete was actually putting on these tan cowboy boots! Shit, he really was not kidding about being a cowboy. He guided us into the parking lot. And yeah, now I really knew he was telling the truth. There was this dark blue jeep kinda thing, not the Datsun I had expected. It had two doors, but two rows of seats and this liftback, kinda like a Bronco but smaller. And as I walked around the back I saw it did still have Idaho plates on it. And the front of the plate was weird, as on the left side it had this smaller number one, above a smaller B.

Thankfully, Kim and Julie both said they had to be home, so he took them and dropped them off first. And I admit, I was more than a little turned on by this cowboy transplanted to California. I remembered all the cowboys from earlier, but they had all been kids faking what they had seen in a movie. Pete was the real deal. This truck he had bought with his own money, money he made working ranches of all things! He did not say why he moved here, I figured his parents had gotten divorced at the time as he said he and his dad needed to go somewhere “new”, which is why they were here now.

After the last of my friends were dropped off, we did a little verbal dance I was already familiar with. Finally, I took the bull by the horns and told him to go over to the Rec Center. There behind the baseball field he parked and I slid into his lap. We started kissing, and boy could he kiss!

Now I was not surprised, he had already told me he was starting his Junior Year at Van Nuys High and was 16. And as we kissed his hands were so gentle, caressing my back and hips, but never anywhere I really wanted to feel. I could feel he had a boner, as it was poking into my butt, and I tried to wiggle on it. But my hip hit the horn, scaring both of us. Then giggling I slid off of his lap, and he suggested we might be more comfortable in the back.

I slipped into the back, making sure he had a nice shot of my butt as I did so and laid out on the back seat. And he joined me. This was better, as when we started kissing again I felt his hands moving up and down my sides. His hands were so strong, and it felt nice as it was not just a rub, but almost a massage. And now I was going from excited and damp to damned near wet!

His hands were just starting to rub the sides of my breasts, and he actually broke our kiss a bit and asked if I was OK. Was I OK? This guy was working me up and he was asking if I was OK with it. Oh hell yes, yes and more! Well, he rolled over onto his side against the back of the seat and pulled me in front of him. His strong hands held me against him so I would not fall off the seat and we went back to kissing.