Chapter 5

Michelle and I just left the shower after cleaning from the butt sex when I heard my cell phone ring. I rushed to answer it, learning that it was Detective Phillips, Detective Kaplan’s partner. She hadn’t been as vocal as her partner, but she really stood out and struck me as very level-headed, if more detached.

“Detective Kenya Phillips here. I’m Detective Kaplan’s partner, as you recall. We’ve been handling your kidnapping case,” the woman on the other side reminded me.

I recalled her. Tall, ebony goddess, looked downright Nubian, in fact. The prettiest shade of brown eyes I have ever seen on a woman, aside from perhaps Dr. Habib or Danielle, for that matter. Kenya, that was the name of a country, no less, but I assumed that she already knew that.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” I inquired of the detective.

“Ramone has been caught. He led us a merry little chase, but we got him. And best news of all, he’s already singing like a canary. Of course, at first, he claimed that you hired him to kidnap you so that you could frame Danielle and get an easy divorce. That was a bit bizarre and convoluted, didn’t jive with the whole toxicology situation, either. Most folks aren’t gonna drug themselves in that kind of situation, not when they wish to have some measure of control,” the cop informed me now.

“Okay, so he started telling the truth, then?” I probed.

“Precisely. He more or less intimated that he was your cousin and he had long envied you your wife. Well, from what I saw, he dodged that bullet, in any case. He was lucky enough not to marry her in the first place. You weren’t so fortunate. Mind you, neither of them is exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, in case you missed that detail about them.

“Anyway, he didn’t hesitate to throw his lover under the bus once he was desperate enough to avoid hard prison time. Thanks for the tip on his location, by the way. That made him a lot easier to grab, even with the hot pursuit that he caused. He got a plea deal already from the ADA, who just wants to bury this case as quickly as she can, you see. Too much flack likely from feminists and God alone knows who else,” Detective Phillips informed me of the rapid pace of the case now that Ramone was in custody.

“I see. I decided against an annulment, which might disappoint my attorney, but can I have Danielle served the divorce papers in jail? I’m going for a clean, easy divorce relatively speaking. We have few shared assets, she’s in jail so she doesn’t need alimony, we have no kids together ... I just want to rip this one off like a bandage.

“I figure that, pardon the expression, but the bitch has already been burned by means of a major criminal prosecution. That’s enough payback for me. I just want to ... move on with my life. I might well have to seek trauma counseling as it is, and the lead weight of a messy annulment question or divorce fight, even if a relatively easy win, that’s ... more baggage than I wish to keep carrying. Obviously, marital counseling is out of the question,” I asked Detective Phillips for some odd reason.

“Well, that’s more a matter for your lawyer, but yes, you can have her served the divorce papers in jail. You can even serve them yourself, if you wish. I admire your ... approach. Very surgical. Lots of men in your boat wouldn’t be so kind. I don’t blame you, you know. Oh, and while you might not ... understandably ... wish to face her, it might be traumatic, there would be two possible upsides. Actually three,” Detective Phillips noted.

“Oh?” I inquired.

“One, you’d get to ask her why, if you really wanted to know that. Two, you could ... kinda gloat that she’s in jail where she belongs and you’re the one who has your freedom. That might bring you some satisfaction at least. Three, well, you might get her rattled enough to confess more than she intended, making her say more damning things that could lead to a tougher deal for her. If you ask me, I think that she’s a psychopath, judging from what I’ve seen and heard from her so far. She’s not easily shaken, that’s for sure,” the detective replied, making a great degree of sense.

“Excellent logic there, no doubt of that. You make some very ... reasonable points there,” I admitted, “well, if there’s nothing else, thank you for your call.”

“Oh, one other thing, but I understand if it’s a bit ... hasty. So maybe it can wait, especially since it’s personal and I’m on your wife’s case here. A bit of a ... conflict of interest, if you will. But if you’re willing to hear me out, perhaps we can ... make it a date. Also, when off the clock, maybe you can call me... ‘Kenya,’ sir. Or should I say ... Simon?” Kenya asked me hopefully.

“Well, let’s take that under advisement. The timing is a bit ... inappropriate, perhaps, given that you’re investigating my kidnapping, assault, etc. Still, I won’t lie. You’re an extremely attractive woman. I do have some ... aspects of my life, surfacing just today, in fact, that may or may not be deal breakers for you, anyway. Things that I didn’t even fully grasp about myself, but can no longer repress, due to recent events.”