Chapter 3

“You!” I snapped at him, making my cousin back off with the venom in my voice.

“Dude ... look ... I don’t want no beef with you! I just ... want Danielle, okay! That’s all this was about! I thought she’d just have a revenge affair for your cheating, not that she’d go nuclear like this! Damn, dude ... I just coveted your wife and wanted her for myself! I even ... lied to her about my sterility. I told her that I couldn’t have any kids. I can and likely made one with her last night. Be mad at me if you must, just remember that I never tied you up! That was all her!” Ramone assured me rather desperately.

“You know that she’s in jail now, right? She’s going to prison, Ramone, for what she did, and there’s a pretty good chance that so are you. If I were you, I’d stop harassing me and focus on getting a damn good lawyer, because without one, you’re gonna be fresh meat at some maximum security prison with a cellmate who wants you for his own bride. You’ll get plenty of butt sex then, but you might not enjoy it so much on the receiving end,” I observed, making Ramone cross himself now.

“Dude, what do I have to do ... to stay out of prison? Fuck Danielle ... she’s not worth being Bubba’s bitch! I ... I can’t ... I can’t do that. I’d never be able to sit down again. Please help me out here, cousin!” Ramone begged me now.

“Go to Hell, Ramone,” I chuckled and swam away.

“Damn you, cousin, how can you be so damn cold?” Ramone pleaded with me.

“I seem to recall how cold you were last night, showing no inclination to set me free, being far too busy fucking the hell out of Danielle. Well, guess what, bitch? That makes you an accessory, cousin! An accessory to kidnapping, which since that’s a federal crime, the accessory part is also a federal crime. That means no parole, moron.

“If I were you, I’d either get a really good lawyer, turn state’s evidence, or start training your cornhole for a lot more traffic in the near future. You’ll make one lovely bride for Bubba or Elroy or Jamal or Ruben or Xavier, princess! They say that being a prison wife changes a man. Like permanently. I guess that you’re about to find out if that’s true. Be a dear and put me on your visitors’ list so that you can tell me all about it,” I taunted Ramone more even as I got out of the pool, dried off a little, and called the cops.

“Hey, Detective, guess who decided to harass me at the motel swimming pool? Hey, cousin, want to take this call? I think that they really are looking for you. That’s right, Ramone ... you can run, but you can’t hide. Yes, I gave you the address. I think that you’ll find that Ramone is very distinct chap. He looks like a wannabe wiseguy. Yep, he’s fleeing on foot even now. Gee, I think that I scared him off. Just don’t forget to perp walk him,” I smirked while Ramone tried rather desperately to get away from the tipped-off location.

I swam a few more laps while picturing the arrest of Ramone Divoli, my own cousin, which was only a matter of time now. I got bored, though, and headed back to my room to change. I took a quick shower, cleansing off the chlorine from my skin and drying off just seconds before I heard a knock at my door. Who the devil found me next?

I opened the door and there was Michelle, for whatever reasons were not clear to me. What the fuck did she want? If she had kept her stupid trap shut, none of this would have happened. Then again, I would have stayed married to that crazy cunt, so there was that. Michelle had kept me at arm’s length after the fling, too, not that she was overly great in the sack, either.

“Michelle, to what do I owe the pleasure?” I asked Danielle’s friend, who gave me a witchy smile.

“Um ... Simon ... I think that we have unfinished business, you and I,” Michelle bit her lower lips in a surprisingly charming way.

“Sorry, I don’t follow you, but come inside, if you must. Please elaborate, Michelle,” I sat on the motel bed and she on the other one.

“Oh, I think that you know what I mean. I ... I meant to leave ... more to do later, but we never got the chance before you got engaged to Danielle and swore off everyone else. Now that your marriage is toast, though ... I can do justice to our little fling or whatever you wish to call it. I feel awful that I told her about us, too, but she got me a bit drunk and we were spilling out all of our secrets. That was when she told me about her own ... secret,” Michelle had the decency to blush now.

“Secret? Do tell me this. I wasn’t aware of any such secret,” I perked up a bit.

“She’s been ... sleeping with Ramone from the beginning. He’s her ... boyfriend. And she wanted to get me on side ... to make me ... help ... keep you in line. I was to keep seducing you, so that she could keep finding reasons to fuck him. I had to keep you at a distance until her first revenge affair, and then ... wait until you were nice and down ... and console you.

“Then you would get busted and etc. It was a really dumbass plan, even for her. She didn’t really think it through to the conclusion at all. She figured that I was no threat ... too dull in her bed by her lights. Too vanilla,” Michelle at least had the grace to feel embarrassment at Danielle’s absurd conceit.

“And yet you’re here, despite her arrest ... and revealing all to me now. You’re not still trying to carry out her plan, are you?” I confronted Michelle, who shook her head.

“Nope ... MY plan. I was a dead lay, I’m afraid, but I don’t wish to be anymore. I could tell that you were bored with me, but that doesn’t have to be so. Please ... please ... let me do this for you, honey. The first step, however, is this,” Michelle pulled out some handcuffs, making me frown in exasperated disbelief.