Chapter 10

“So you see, honey ... we’re both free to kick back and enjoy things much more, especially for you since you’ve been intimate with Lilith. How does it feel ... being drained by a succubus? I want to be one, I know that much. I don’t know how to become one for sure, but I’d love to be one at last. It’s been a secret fantasy of mine for years, ever since I watched ‘Lost Girl,’ though I doubt that it works like that. I’ve missed our wild, wanton love affair, Jack.

“Herb here means well, but he can’t keep up at all. Well, at least he couldn’t in the past. I gather now that he could, but I still want to be yours ... and his. Is that possible? I’d share you with all of these ladies. I’d just like you to share me with Herb,” Pamela urged me.

“You’d have to share Herb, too. He’s an incubus now. They’re not known as poster boys for fidelity, you know. Demons aren’t the marrying kind, not as a general rule of thumb. Are you ready for that?” Nicki interjected now.

“I just ... want to be in Jack’s arms ... without giving up Herb ... and it would be a nice bonus to become a succubus, I think,” Pamela confessed now.

“The pattern of your exes offering their souls to me continues. I don’t think that’s an accident. In spite of their alleged piety in some cases, your exes are all drawn to what Heaven and Jehovah would consider the dark side. Like calls out to like, I suppose, in spite of cliches of opposites and their mutual attractions. The good news for me and all of Hell is that it gives you an excuse to visit us ... often ... for all of eternity,” Nicki’s eyes flashed red with her diabolical smile and wicked laugh.

“So it does,” I agreed.

“So ... you want to make a deal with Satan, then?” the Devil asked Pamela.

“Why, yes, I guess that I do. How many wishes do I get?” my ex asked Lucifer.

“Three. Just three, okay? No wishing for other wishes or any other funny business, alright?” Satan insisted, “I haven’t been around for eternity just to be tricked by a mere mortal, even one as cute as you. Sorry, didn’t mean to be harsh. But you’ve never seen how many times humans have tried to dupe me. It gets old after all, all these primates insulting my intelligence.”

“Okay, first wish is already stated. To be a succubus. I’d make my second for Herb to be an incubus, but Lilith already covered that for me. Let me see ... second wish is for all remaining men on Earth who don’t already have them to have demon cocks.

“That should take care of any size insecurity, right? I don’t want to have to guess what’s between a man’s legs anymore. I want to know what he’s packing. No more small dicks and overcompensation, no more small dick energy, you know,” Pamela grinned at the likely impact of that wish.

“Well, that should certainly reduce some of the tensions in several marriages, too. I can imagine what’s going to happen when wives used to settling for small dick suddenly find their husbands a bit more endowed than before. Just bear in mind that any faithful husbands, per your wish, will no longer be capable of marital fidelity. They will stray, likely sooner rather than later.

“But I love it. It’s such a selfless wish in its own way, even if done with ulterior motives. Especially good news for trans men. One minute, they had no dick at all. Now, they not only have a dick, but a real monster of one. Quite the turnaround for them. Bear in mind that demon cock makes even Bull and porn star dick look puny by comparison, in case you missed that detail.

“But, anyway, what’s your third wish?” Satan asked her now.

“That all women would be bisexual nymphomaniacs. That should solve the other problem, including the issues that used to be in Jack’s past relationships, including mine back when I resisted and resented his primal sexual prowess. He was always a lusty guy, but now he’s even more so ... and now all womankind will yearn to service him and all other men ... and each other as well,” Pamela asserted, just before Michael, Gabriel, Jesus, and Jehovah all showed up.

“Okay ... we’re going to have to stop you right there. You can grant part of these two wishes, but not all of them until the Rapture. It’s just not cool to stick us with trying to Rapture people who are in the middle of some serious sin! I mean, we’re talking fire and brimstone, Sodom and Gomorrah levels of sin, alright! So, either grant only part of this wish or let us Rapture the saints before they can be corrupted. Otherwise, it’s a breach of contract, if you will,” Michael spoke up at last, the others deferring to the gigantic warrior angel.

Meanwhile, Nicki and Lilith looked at me and I nodded.

“Do the Rapture. Do it now. That way, we can keep our word to Pamela here and you can still get your incorruptible saints. I presume that the demon cocks will be replaced by something else instead. Or are you still planning to do the anatomically incorrect ‘Ken doll’ glorified bodies? The completely sexless body that you’ve spoken of and inspired the writers of the New Testament to mention?” Nicki confronted the emissaries of Heaven.

“The plan that we’ve settled on kinda contradicts what I told people on Earth, at least as recorded in the Gospels. Yeah, Jehovah overruled that. He pointed out that I didn’t recall the angels as well in my mortal body as I did when transcendent and exalted, that they weren’t sexless. We agreed on marriage for all who go to Heaven, and yes, it has to be heterosexual. Oh, well, it’s out of my hands.