Chapter 9

“So, how did it go?” said Blake.

“Not good, but things are better now,” said Jacob.

“Okay?” said Blake.

“He had been in a two-man cell and his cellmate had been abusing him sexually and had also beaten him up a number of times. But the last time was so bad that the cellmate, a Mister Brown, and yes that is actually the guy’s name, was sent to solitary and then relocated to a different block. Julian is in a one-man cell now. Safe most of the time, but the loneliness is going to be bad. I’ve had other clients in situations like your man’s in now, and it is not good, not good at all. I tell you, Blake, he is going to be climbing the walls and that in no time at all,” said Jacob.

“Jesus, is there anything we can do to get him out of there?” said Blake.

“No, but if you guys could visit a bit more often. I can tell you it will be at least a little better,” he said.

I was getting letters regularly from Ava, now. And I got a couple from my brother as well. That they were keeping me from going nuts was a great truth for sure. I needed those letters for two reasons, actually. One, they kept me from going nuts no question about it. Two, it was a matter of pride, prestige, status believe it or not. There was a deal of envy of inmates that had love letters from their women, kids, families. Long termers, like me, often got letters early on, as I discovered. But after a while the letters became fewer and fewer as the people in their previous lives moved on. I was sure that I would at least not be suffering that particular fate; I’d be proof against that. My situation was for sure unique, that by any standard. I actually felt good about being inside for my woman. Now all I had to do was survive for the next nineteen years.

I did get my visit from Blake in July ‘73. He seemed something. I guess he felt bad for me. Hell, I know for a fact that he felt bad for me. He told me about his business. He told me that Ava had indeed quit her job and while she was eternally sad about my situation, she was coping rather well. According to Blake, she even helped him out as an office assistant from time to time. She did mostly busy work, but useful for all of that. I felt good that my woman was not losing it as one might have said. That was important to me.

Blake did let me know that Ava would be visiting for Thanksgiving. I was glad; it was sooner than Christmas.

“So, Jacob said no way,” said Ava. Blake Willis looked down.

“Not exactly, but he did say it was unlikely. He had been able to get the dope on Julian’s now ex-cellmate. Some guy named Brown. A big guy, a black guy who hates white guys according to Jacob’s info.

“He, Jacob, said that he was the one causing Julian trouble. Jacob was able to find out that the bad guy had been transferred to a different cell block. Whether it will do any good was arguable, there are other bad guys in prison. But that Brown guy wouldn’t be hurting Julian anymore. I guess that’s a plus.” Ava nodded.

“Okay,” she said. She looked over at the man, she had been looking out the window, not wanting him to see her tears. She noticed that he seemed nervous; well, Julian was his brother. She was about to realize that she had totally misread the man.

“Blake?” she said.

“Ava, what I am about to say may offend you, surprise you, shock you, confuse you; but please, let me finish before you go off on me. Please, okay?” he said.

“Blake, you have been the literal savior of me and my daughter, your niece. Whatever you say is not likely to offend me, really,” she said. She was smiling, supportively smiling.

“Maybe,” he said. “Ava, I’ve ... I’ve ... I’ve fallen in love with you,” he said. The startled look in the woman’s eyes, her wide-open mouth, said it all.

“Huh?” she finally said.

“I am fully aware that on a dozen levels me saying what I just said is both indefensible and impossible to expect you to understand,” he said. “What is certain, however, is that it is absolutely true, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Oh my God!” she said, finally.

“Please, lovely lady, do not think that I expect you to reciprocate, or to betray your love for my brother. I just had to say it. It has been impossible for me to keep my feelings secret any longer,” he said. “Absolutely impossible.”

“Oh my God!” she repeated, and plopped down in a nearby chair. She looked down. She looked up, she looked over at the man across from her and stared.

“I need to think,” she said. “Would that be all right?”

“Of course, and absolutely expected,” he said. “At least you didn’t tell me to go to hell.”

“No, and I wouldn’t ever say that to you for obvious reasons. But I do have to think,” she said. He nodded. She rose and left the room. She would be talking to her less than year-old baby. She did that a lot.

She was pacing back and forth in her room, talking to herself and to the baby in the overly expensive crib across the spacious room, she was still asleep.

There was a man, the greatest man in the world, sitting in a prison cell. He was being abused, he was suffering, and doing so for her. He was taking her punishment, and she was actually considering, thinking about, betraying him, and that for the man’s brother. Could she do it and live with herself? The clear answer: not a chance. Would she do it anyway? She swallowed.

She had developed the same feelings for Blake Willis that he had apparently developed for her. Though she had at no time intended to divulge her feelings to him; she did harbor those feelings. Was there any way to justify, to make things right by the man in prison, to mitigate the predictable fallout if she were to give into her feelings? And what about the fact that she had given birth to her suffering man’s baby, and, kept that baby’s very existence from him. The short answer to all of those things was again absolutely not!