Chapter 6

Then I got the visit that I most wanted to get. I had to talk to her. She showed up the day after Mister Paskin. I wondered how much she already knew. Not much I figured.

Like it was with Blake when he visited, the first minutes were just us staring at each other, but unlike with Blake her tears were flowing. Well, I could relate, mine would be too, sooner or later. I broke the silence this time.

“You okay?” I said.

“Hell no,” she said. “How could I be okay, knowing what you are doing for me, worthless me!”

“You are my life, Ava. I need you in my corner and doing what I say. I know we are going to be apart physically, but you will be with me in my heart one hundred percent of the time,” I said.

“And you in mine Mister, never doubt that, but I mean but never,” she said. I smiled. Her words made me feel better than I had felt in a long time even before what we were calling the “bad day.”

“I will visit you whenever I can,” she said. “I promise.”

“Honey, yes do visit me on occasion, but not every chance you get. There will be practicalities, and I don’t want you suffering and I know you are and will be. This is my chance to prove my love for you. Once I’m out no matter how long it takes; you can have your shot,” I said, and I smirked. “At least I got my virginity out of the way.” And now I was smirking even more than I had been.

“Honey, maybe they will let us have time together. I mean I’ve heard that that is possible. I mean you know,” she said. Suddenly I was surprised and thoughtful.

“I don’t know, but maybe,” I said. “I’ll ask my lawyer about it when I see him next time.” She smiled, and it was a hopeful smile.

“Yes, do so, Mister!” she said.

Because I had decided to plead out, and because of the strenuous efforts of Mister Jacob Paskin esquire; I caught me a couple of what I considered breaks, small ones, but breaks regardless. I got twenty to twenty-five with the possibility of parole after the minimum time served. The bad news was it would be in max. I was afraid of going to max, but at least I had a definite maximum release date 1997. I would be making a point of behaving myself and hoping for the best, maybe 1992.

Still, I worried, I worried about how my woman was going to be able to handle things. She was a looker. She was going to be hit on. Would she give in? I decided that I would not begrudge her that, just so long as she would be there for me in the long run. I had to believe that she would be.

The day after having pled out in court and having been sentenced as I had been. I got another visit from her. I’d gotten a negative response about the possibility of us having conjugal visits: it was never possible in a max unit, and only a few states allowed it anyway, and one of them was not Arizona. Kind of a downer, but it probably would have been a bad deal anyway—emotionally.

She looked pale and drawn, but she was holding it together, so I deduced. “Oh my God, Julian, and you are doing this for me!” she said, and she sobbed.

“I would do anything for you. You know that. Knowing that you will be there for me when I get out is all I need.

“Ava, my beautiful lady, it is going to be tough on you too. I know that. But don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’ll get out in the minimum, and maybe my rich brother and his fancy lawyers can figure a way to make my stay up state even shorter or at least easier. I have no doubt that he’s going to be trying,” I said. “But no matter what, you will be in my heart and in my prayers; you will be part of me the whole time.”

“You will be in my heart and soul the whole time too, my darling man. How could you not be?” she said.

“Just be there for me when I get out, my darling, that is all that is going to matter to me,” I said.

“That is a promise. A promise before God,” she said.

We talked a bit longer and then it was time for us to part. I would be seeing her in due course over the years. But mostly, I figured it would be less often than she might want, but it was the way it had to be. I did not want her to go crazy over any of it. Yes, it was my sacrifice, but her dwelling on it would not be good. I would need to be talking to Blake periodically reminding him to protect her from herself; that was going to be a must.

The ride up to Winslow State, was kinda long; we didn’t even stop to pee. Well, we were prisoners not tourists.

The gates swung open as we arrived at the institute of pain and suffering. We were unloaded, but chained together, as we were, it was a slow process.

A bevy of guards flanked the lineup of prisoners, and we got the no doubt well-rehearsed welcoming speech, and then we were marched into the receiving complex. Clothes, temporary cell block assignments, cavity searches, med checkups and the like. We did get dinner; it wasn’t too disgusting; I had feared that it would be.

I would eventually be housed in the Kaibab unit, max security. Minimum yard time, but we would get some of that. I’d use it to exercise, not because I wanted to get strong or anything, but more to keep my mind from focusing on the semi-eternity that I’d been sentenced to.

I had my own cell, located in the east wing, for the first week. I guess that was protocol for newbies. Mister Paskin had warned me to keep my mouth shut to the extent possible, and I determined to do just that. While in the yard I noted that there were ethnic and racial groups that hung together likely for protection though in point of fact I’d seen no indication of violence or trouble, well, at least so far.

And then week one was over and real prison life began.

“Ava? You called. I’m here. What’s wrong girl?” said Blake.

“Blake, I feel so bad for my man,” she said. He nodded.

“Yes, I know, and he knows. He told me to take care of you, but he also told me a few other things. One was that he didn’t want you to be constantly worrying about him. Ava, neither of us want that. Yes, he’s knows you care about him, that you are likely worrying about him; but Ava, he’s even more worried about you,” said Blake.

“Yeah, well like that’s even possible,” she said.

“Look, Ava, that’s why he told me to keep you working at the store. He doesn’t want you spending all of your time, every waking hour of your life, worrying. He wants you to be busy. Yes, I’m here to take care of any problems you may have and to support you over the long haul, but you have to help me out here. You have to live your life, and give him reason to worry less, not more. Really,” he said.