Chapter 46

“A nice visit then?” said Marian. I half smiled.

“It was okay,” I said.

“Julian?” she said.

“Mister Coffee,” I said.

“Our coffee maker?” she said.

“No, my ancient nick name. Back in the day I drank more coffee than anybody. She called me that,” I said. Marian nodded.

“Yes, I remember, now you say it. So?” she said.

“Just brought back some memories of times that were, better than they got to be after the bad day,” I said. “Kind of a case of nostalgia. No biggee, really.” She nodded, but I knew she was thinking what I was thinking that it was going to be a real hard nut to get over the woman even though I was trying like the devil to do so.”

I was at work and Marian was shopping—again. But this time with Bea.

“Now to go home and put everything away,” said Bea, as the two of them were seated in a booth near a window at Denny’s.

“Yes, the only bad part. And, Julian’s working so he’ll be no help,” said Marian. Her friend snorted.

“At least you’ve got a man,” said Bea.

“Yes, well, I hope so,” said Marian.

“Problem?” said Bea.

“No, not really. But he keeps remembering stuff that I wish he’d forget,” said Marian.

“Inevitable,” said Bea. “You’ve got to help him create new memories to kind of overshadow the old stuff the bad stuff. It’s the woman’s job; I know you know that.”

“I guess, and I am trying. I’m thinking of pulling a ‘Bea’,” said Marian.

“Huh?” she said.

“You know proposing to the guy. Time’s gotta be right, but soon, hopefully,” said Marian. “You know for a guy who’s as strong as he is in so many ways, when it comes to her...”

“You best be right about the timing on any proposal unless he’s the one making it. But as to him being weak kneed when it comes to her; well, I know what you mean. He gave his heart to her and she stomped it in the dirt. She didn’t do it on purpose, but from his perspective, well, it was the worst thing that ever happened to him, almost anyway.” Marian nodded.

“It’s Julian-Blake’s first birthday party next Saturday. Candace called to invite us. I temporized. Said I had to ask Julian,” she said. “Ava will be there too for sure, and well, just another opportunity to be nostalgic if you get my drift.”

“What? No? The baby is named after our man,” said Bea. “You gotta go. I’ve been invited too. We can work together to keep the man on an even keel.”

“Okay, okay, but I am more than certain it will take the both of us.”

“So, you’re doing okay, then,” said Ava. “I mean even in bed.”

“Yes, well, he’s not the greatest lover in the world, but in other ways he is the greatest. He cares about me, loves me, I think,” said Marian.

“I am so glad, so hopeful, that what you say is a true thing,” said Ava. “He needs someone to love and be loved by.”

“Yes, I’m aware,” said Marian. “And I do love him; I think. Sometimes things get a little dicey when I see him ruminating on his past troubles, and his physical state. He gets kind of depressed which depresses me, but the good news is the depression usually doesn’t last too long.”

“All I ask is that you keep him focused on you. That’s what he needs. You’re what he needs. Blake and I are your back up, we are, and his too for damn sure; but we can only do so much. The rest is up to you, Marian. We, Blake and I, need you as much as he does,” said Ava.

“I’m trying, and I think he is too, not sure about that; but I think he is. And, I am doing my best to get him to focus on me. He does think about you sometimes. He’s even voiced your name in his sleep: kind of disconcerting actually. But I let it slide. I know the deal; he will never be completely over you. He sees as you betraying his trust and that for him is the biggee; Blake’s in the mix, but not to the same degree as you.

“Too damn many years in prison for him to ever really forget everything, way too many years,” said Marian. Her friend nodded, and it was a wistful nodding.

“We better get back inside. Time to cut the cake for Julian-Blake,” said Ava. “Candace will be hunting us down.”

“Yes, I expect she will be,” said Marian.

They hadn’t seen me. Nor had I actually seen them: I was relaxing for a few on pool couch near the fence. But I had heard everything they’d said. Food for thought, oh yes indeed, food for thought. I followed them in, but a full minute behind them, I didn’t need them to know I’d heard them talking, not at this point.

“It would only be a few days before I would learn, or them either, that I was not the only one who’d been hearing them talking, and seeing them and me as it would turn out.

The cake was cut; the song was sung; the baby was hugged and kissed by virtually everybody. It was a good birthday number one for Julian-Blake.

She looked up at the calendar. It was Tuesday December 18th 2001, and somebody was buzzing the buzzer. She went to answer the door.

“Candace, this is a surprise,” said Marian.

“Yes, I’d say I was in the neighborhood, but actually, I’m on a mission,” said Candace. The look from Marian was all question!

“Okay,” said Marian.

“The party, you and my mom talked. Julian heard it all, and, so did I,” she said.

“Huh?” said Marian.

“It wasn’t all that bad, what we heard. But it wasn’t all good either. I have to ask. Has Julian said anything to you? Asked any questions? I mean you, know?”

“Uh ... no, not that I can think of,” said Marian.

“I know I sound kinda paranoid, but when it comes to dad, well...” she said. Marian nodded and walked back into the apartment leaving her visitor to follow. They had been standing and talking in the doorway.

“He heard us talking? I mean listened in on what we were saying?” said Marian.

“Yes, you were out on the patio and he was in a recliner in the yard near the fence. I guess he was taking a breather. Sometimes I know he tires more easily than at other times: his meds I think,” said Candace.

“Yes, that is a true thing. But he usually shakes it off after a short time,” said Marian.

“I heard you say that you think you love him. You also said he wasn’t much of a lover. You need to figure out a way to reassure him about those two things, especially those two things,” said Candace. Marian nodded.

“Oh boy. Okay, thanks for the heads up,” she said.

“No problem, the good news is that there was no dissing of him by my mom; that would have been disastrous,” said Candace. “He still can’t get over what he heard that one time. I mean know you.”

“Yes, it’s been mentioned, and he did hurt bad for a long time afterwards. But, Jesus, as for what he heard at the party, I hope he didn’t take anything I said as holy writ! Sometimes things go so well for us, other times the both of us have our, what, negative moments. But truly, they are not that negative, really. I hope he realizes that,” said Marian.

“Yes, well me too. I think he does realize stuff as you say; but his heart is in a delicate state; probably will be forever at least to some degree. Anyway, I just needed to clue you in case,” said Candace.

“Yes, and thanks a million for doing so,” she said.

The two women talked for a good length of time about other stuff, and then Candace took her leave.

Ava closed the door gently behind her just having left guest, Marian Carton. Her visit had left her terrified. But should she be, terrified that is. Nothing so far had happened, been said, hinted at—nothing. There was just one thing to do: go on offense. Go at the man and in some manner or fashion reassure him of his place in the family, and for that matter Marian’s. Yes, attack-attack-attack!

It was Tuesday and I was working and I was about to have a visitor. I knew that because I saw her parking and she was too rich to be spending her time at a place like the Sand bar, so she had to have a reason for being here. There was not the slightest doubt that “I” was the reason.