Chapter 45

We’d eaten. The food’d been good. Well, it usually was at the Blue Boar. We had our drinks in front of us. And silence momentarily reigned.

“So, we agree that marriage is off the table,” I said.

“Agree? No, but I accept that it is. But like I said earlier; I have a proposition to make that you really need to accept and live with,” said Marian. I sighed.

“And that would be?’ I said.

“Okay, there are several parts to this little proposal. So, do me the favor of hearing me out before you comment or whatever. Okay?” she said.

“Okay, I can go that far I guess,” I said.

“Good,” she said. “A couple of hours ago we were saving each other from going crazy with horniness. Right?”

“Yes, I would have to agree with that,” I said.

“Similarly, in the past except for the money thing, we got along very well, right?” she said.

“Again, yes, except for the money thing which was a very large biggee for me,” I said.

“Okay, good. Now, Blake did me a small favor, very small, and got me an apartment. It took some doing but he got it for me,” she said. “But to be clear, I paid for it. He just did the convincing of the owner to let me have it, rent it, move into it. Okay?”

“But he didn’t pay for anything is what you’re saying,” I said.

“He did use his influence, but that was it. I could have done it myself or maybe even had you help me out with it, but I wanted to get it done fast, so, well, Blake,” she said. I nodded, but my nodding was more or less negative. I waited for the punch line. I got it.

“Okay?” I said.

“It’s here, at the Dust Devil ... apartment 214,” she said, seeming to be squeezing her anal muscle very tightly.

“Apartment 214? That’s next door to mine?” I said, and it was a question.

“Yes,” she said. “It will enable us to be with each other, a lot, all of the time even. But, still kinda separate, single.” I sagged back into my seat.

“Huh?” I said.

“You need a woman. You need me. I need a man, you. Do not even think about turning me down, mister. The term ‘need’ is not a misnomer!” she said.

And then the back and forth was on. And, well, she won, eventually, sort of.

“Okay, like you say, there isn’t any clear downside to what you are proposing. So okay. I agree. But the marriage thing...” I said.

“There will not be any, unless you finally get your head outta your ass and propose to this girl,” she said. I was nodding. It really was an offer I couldn’t refuse. I’d need to be reenforcing my position with Blake to stay the hell outta my business. But, apart from that...

“Okay,” I said. “I agree.” She smiled, but she also seemed to not be done with her assault on my conscious mind. It turned out that she wasn’t, done that is.

“That’s not enough!” I said, pressing her.

“Well...” she said.

“Well what?’ I said.

“Blake would like to meet with you,” she said.

“Swords or pistols?” I said, and I wasn’t kidding. Well, I was, but I wasn’t.

“Words,” she said. I sighed.

“What about?” I said.

“You know what about,” she said. “About bringing peace to the valley and forgiveness for him and her.”

I could feel my eyes narrowing. “And if I can’t do it?” I said.

“Then you can’t. But I know you can. And yes, it’s all going to be on you. Because they are coming hats in hands begging,” she said.

“They or him?” I said. “You said Blake.”

“Well...” she said.

“Okay, but not they. Only him. If she or anyone else shows up with him; it’s over forever,” I said.

“Okay, I’ll tell him, them, they,” she said.

“Okay, then, set it up.” I said.

“Okay, I’ll go home now. But ... breakfast at my place tomorrow?” she said.

“Okay, it’s not that long a drive I guess,” I said, and I smiled and so did she.

“No, not that long a drive.” She said.

Breakfast was blueberry pancakes; I love pancakes. We’d just finished chomping down.

“You’re off today, right?” said Marian.

“Yes, it’s Sunday. That’s the one constant in my schedule anymore,” I said.

“Figured,” she said. “Blake will be coming over at lunch time. I’m cooking, and the two of you, are eating. Then I will be going shopping and the two of you will be talking; hopefully productively. Okay?”

“Yeah, well, hopefully, I guess,” I said.

And then it was half past noon. Lunch was over, and Marian was shopping.

I was sitting across from the man in my new neighbor’s apartment: the one he’d apparently and specially arranged for her to have next door to mine. I’d have to thank him for that. Well, there was no money involved this time.

“Before you say anything, let me,” he said. His request was good by me because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say anyway.

“Okay,” I said.

“I heard about what you and Ava talked about here recently, and Bea too before that,” said Blake.

“Yeah, so what?” I said.

“The ‘what’ is your belief that you cannot ever forget or get over your romantic attachment to Ava. I can allow, believe, that you actually think that that’s a true thing; but I am more than certain that it is not actually a true thing. You can get over her. Would be easy to do so? Maybe not, but it is possible and would not take very long if you wanted to make the effort. That’s the kicker. You’d need to want to. That’s why we’ve, the bunch of us, have been plotting and scheming to get you to do so; that is, want to make the effort,” he said.

I wanted to laugh. The man was nuts! But, was he? My indecisiveness per the issue was what was standing in the way of my laughter.

“Hmm,” I said.

“You didn’t tell Marian to forget it when she moved in next door,” he said, pressing me.

“Yeah, but not in with me,” I countered. “That would have been a bridge too far.”

“Absolutely, for the short run,” he said. “But for the long haul... ?”

“A long shot,” I said. He nodded.

“But a shot nevertheless,” he said.

“Hmm,” I said.

“You know, that in all of the conversation about you and Ava over these last years, I do not recall you ever saying what it was about Ava that made you commit to her the way you maintain that you did and still do,” he said.

“Love is hard to explain. I would think that you would understand that. Why do you love her?” I said. He smiled.

“She beautiful. She’s loyal. She protects my heart. And she is a good mother to the children. So, some total, she completes me,” he said.

“Pretty good explanation,” I said. “Looking at it now, I mean from your perspective; I’d have to say I’m kind of at a loss. She is beautiful, clearly. She was not loyal to me, clearly. She broke my heart into a million pieces, clearly. I can accept that she is and was a good mother, but she cut me out of that equation early on, clearly. And as for completing me? She completed you instead and abandoned me.”

He slowly shook his head. “I can see where you’re coming from, Julian. I can. She did break your heart, and we, not just she, did keep your fatherhood from you for a long time. Julian, I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am for that particular piece of selfishness on our part. You deserved better; my God you did and do. I hope, and so does she, that’ll you’ll let us be part of the healing process; and that’s what it is, Julian: a healing process. You’ve just got to let us be part of it, please,” he said.

“That’ll be a very difficult thing to for me to do,” I said. “Twenty-two years in prison. My manhood stolen from me by a bunch of very smelly bad guys. Having to live with a possibly deadly virus for which I have to take three different kinds of pills daily just to keep it at bay. All I can say Mister Willis, is that the abject humiliation of living with what I am is way, way, beyond your ability to understand.”

“I am sure your right, Julian. I mean about me, or anyone, being able to completely understand the pain you live with every day. But I do ‘realize’ the truth that you are living with horrible emotional and soul crushing mental anguish. I do know it, even if, as you say, I can never fully understand it all,” he said. “And that, sir, is the reason we, Ava and I, and Candace and Bea too, keep interfering in your private life, not just to make ourselves feel better. Really, sir,” he said. “We want to help, really. And, Julian, I do believe that we can, all of us, be of help to you if you will let us.”