Chapter 41

Blake and I had had our little conversation in late April. It was now late June of 2000, a new millennium. Ant it was hot in the desert. He’d opined that the women would be bothering me. They hadn’t, yet. But now one of them was coming into the bar. It was a Wednesday. Oh, neither Ava nor Candace was the woman coming in. No, it was Bea.

“A tap,” she said. I went to get it. She paid.

“So?” I said. “It’s been a while.”

“Yes, and I know you’ve essentially been abandoned, well, sort of,” said Bea. “Ava actually sent me. She’s afraid to come herself.”

“Huh?” Why?” I said.

“She says her being around is kinda like rubbing your nose in it. Well, it’s what she thinks,” said Bea. I snorted.

“It is and it isn’t. Anything else?” I said.

“Candace will be by. She’s living the dream. Married, working, going to school, and well, busy.”

“All of them are shocked that you sent Marian packing. Me too,” she said.

“That’s not true. She and I decided to split up because we simply were just not in love. We were, and we still are, in ‘like’ but not love. She moved back to Phoenix. Well, that’s what she told me that she was going to do,” I said.

“Yes, well she did do that. I also hear she has a boyfriend, and no it’s not that Carton guy,” said Bea.

“Well, that’s good,” I said.

“You up for dinner tonight?” she said, “with me.”

“Huh?” I said.

“You wanna have dinner with me, tonight?” she repeated.

“Bea, no offense, but really, I’m not looking to hook up,” I said. “I ain’t got nothing a woman would want. I did once I think, but those days are long in the past.”

“I didn’t say I wanted to go to bed with you. I asked if you would like to have dinner with me. Sheesh!” she said.

“Oh, well okay, I guess,” I said. “I mean I just...”

“I know, you’re just depressed and down on yourself and believe, wrongly in my opinion, that you have nothing to offer a woman. You’re wrong. But tonight, is not about hooking up. You’ll have to be asking me some other time if you want to try your luck along those lines,” she said. I shrugged.

“Okay,” I said.

The Golden Nugget wasn’t overly crowded; well, it was Wednesday night. We got a booth and ordered.

“So, what should we talk about?” I said.

“Well, there are a hundred things. But, can I ask, and it is just a matter of curiosity; why did you turn down the money. I hear it was a lot more than the million you did accept,” she said.

“Basically, because I didn’t need it. I took the million for Marian’s sake. If she doesn’t hook up with that asshole ex of hers, she should be all right. I kept a little for me in case I ever have to cut country,” I said.

“Cut country? Why would you suppose you’d ever have to do that?” she said.

“Bea, if anything else bad happens to me, I’m the hell outta here, maybe out of the country. I’ve got nothing to hold me here, not really. With the possible exception of you, and maybe Candace, I’m just in the way. And even there, you and Candace are tied to the apron strings of the rich guy and that is a major drawback to me wanting to be around this place or even you. That said, as you noted earlier, they’ve been leaving me alone, so I don’t have much to gripe about there,” I said. “Hell, it’s been like three months since I’ve seen any of them.”

“Yes, but I’ve told you why,” she said. “They’re afraid to come around you. But they are about to. They’ve told me so.”

“Why would they be afraid to come around me. Okay, Ava did tell me she didn’t want to be rubbing my nose in her prosperity or her lovey-dovey relationship with the man. But even that...” I said.

“Yes, but Blake is tied up in the same knot that she is, and Candace really has been overwhelmed of late, and that’s not a dodge,” she said.

“Well, whatever, I don’t miss them, except Candace, and that is the truth. If they come around fine. If they don’t fine. If they invite me for this or that holiday, I’ll come. But more than any of that, well...” I said.

The food came and it was good. We both ordered salmon this time around; I liked salmon.

We’d come in separate cars. She gave me a kiss on the cheek when we went to leave, and it was nice.

“Be nice when they visit you, Julian. They do love you, and that more than you think,” she said. I waved her off. And then we were on our separate ways home.

I was well aware that Bea was the van guard, and that the main thrust of the western legions would be coming soon. But considering the lack of contact from any of the Laughlin Willis’ so far, I did not expect it to be this soon. Bea and I had left the Nugget at around 9:00 p.m. It was now 9:00 a.m. Thursday morning. I had swing today, so they for sure knew it and that I’d be home and likely not going anywhere this early. The buzzer was buzzing.

“Candace!” I said, genuinely surprised. I’d figured Ava or Blake.

“Hi Daddy,” she said. She passed by me and into the inner-sanctum.

“Hi to you too,” I said. “Bea, told me I might be getting some visitors.”

“Yes, and you likely will be getting visits, more of them, including from me. But this visit is an unscheduled one,” she said.

“Oh, well, okay?” I said.

“Dad no one else knows about this except Daniel. I’m pregnant. And no, I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl. But I’m almost three months along. So, the baby is due in maybe early December,” she said.

“Wow! Well congratulations,” I said.

“Dad if it’s a boy, I’m naming it after you. And yes, Daniel’s good with that. But if it’s a girl... ?” she said, and stopped in mid-sentence.

“Okay?” I said.

“Well, mom named the twins after you already. So...” she said.

“So?” I said.

“I’ll be naming her after mom. That okay with you?” she said. I kinda giggled.

“Of course, it is. One: it’s your baby and Daniel’s. Two: your mom did a good job raising you. She deserves the honor,” I said. It was clear to me that she was relieved.

“Thank God,” she said finally. “I was afraid, you know, that because you and mom are kinda at odds...”

“At odds? What? Did she tell you that?” I said.

“She said that you and her had some words a while back and that they were not too good. She’s worried about you, or, more accurately how you and she can relate and be good again,” said Candace. I nodded.

“I guess, she might have seen things that way. I didn’t. But, yes, we did have words. Put succinctly, I still love your mother, and yes, that way. And the truth that she does not feel the same way, and in fact kind holds me in contempt, and I’ve heard her say as much, stings real bad,” I said.

“She said that she knew you felt like that. But she says you’re wrong, that in spite of everything,” said Candace.

“Okay, maybe it’s not hardcore contempt she feels for me. But she doesn’t care very much about me or my feelings or needs, and those are true things. I’m kinda in the way is what she’s said and that more than once. So, I just stay out of the way. And, then there’s the fatherhood thing; and well, you know about that,” I said.

“Yes, but as you and I have talked, and that is no longer the case. You’re my beloved daddy, and my uncle Blake is also beloved if for different reasons,” she said.

“Hmm,” I said. “Okay, anyway, the naming thing is fine with me. When you tell your mom about all of this news, let her know my feelings on the matter. Okay?”

“Yes, for sure, okay,” she said. “I’ll be talking to her tonight.”

“Good,” I said.

“So, you talked to your father,” said Ava. “I thought you had planned to go over there in a few weeks, the next holiday.”

“I had, am,” said Candace. “But this was kind of a special visit, not scheduled so to speak.”

“Okay,” said Ava.