Chapter 23

It was getting to be 1:00 a.m. Julian would be coming to pick her up and take her to home as usual. She was shaking in her boots. She’d made the decision. She was going to tell him about the money and do it before they left the bar. It would be a mite less painful if he kicked her to the curb in the bar than at the apartment. She could always get a cab home or maybe a ride from Henry.

She was sipping a glass of water as Henry locked up the place. Her man came in right at that moment.

“Well,” I said. “Ready?”

“Uh, yes, but can we talk for a moment?” said Marian.

“Uh, sure,” I said, wondering at her tone.

“I have a confession to make,” she said. “Something I maybe should have mentioned before, but I was waiting for the right moment.” I nodded, with knitted brow, I nodded.

“I’m not going to like this am I?’ I said. It was clear to me that I was not.

“In the best of all possible worlds it will make no difference,” she said. I nodded, but did not respond verbally.

“A couple of months ago, your brother showed up here and asked to talk to me. He wanted my help in getting you to rejoin the family was the main reason for his visit,” she said.

“And, you say this meeting, if that’s what it was, occurred two months ago?” I said.

“Yes, in July,” she said.

“And you are just telling me now?” I said. “There’s more isn’t there, or you would have told me sooner. Right?” I said.

“He told me that he is very hurt that he can’t get you to even talk to them. He also said that he wanted to make sure I was safe, secure, in case anything happened to you. He knows you are HIV, and he knows that I am, so far, a cancer survivor,” she said, and paused.

“He offered you money, didn’t he?” I said. I was certain that he had.

“He gave me half a million dollars,” she said. I leaned back on the stool that I had taken. She was leaning against the bar but a foot from me. The smell of her was enticing, her words emotionally shattering.

“And you are not about to give it back. Is that what I’m to understand?” I said.

“His reasoning, about protecting me, really both of us was right on,” she said. I was nodding.

“I asked you a question,” I said.

“Julian, no I don’t want to give it back. It’s a no strings gift. You don’t have to join the family. We can get married and be completely separate from them; that would be your decision,” she said. “He understands that.”

“And it will be your decision to keep or not to keep the money, the bribe,” I said.

“He really wants to heal the family rift, Julian. I don’t think he’s all that far off base,” she said. “Julian, you killed a man. You did it to protect your fiancée, Ava. But...”

“I need to think about this. To say I am unhappy about this, well, all I can say is I am unhappy about this,” I said. “But I need to think. Let’s go.”

We drove slowly and wordlessly to her place. I didn’t even look at her while we drove. Arriving, I didn’t even try to kiss her, our usual wont. I just waited for her to get out and go up to her apartment. She opened the car’s door, but turned to me for a final word.

“Julian, I am not betraying you. I’m not,” she said. I turned to look at her. I nodded. She got out and went inside. I didn’t drive off, not immediately. But then, after a few minutes, I did.

I had to think. She was my woman. It was unlikely that if I broke it off with her that I would ever find another. Yes, I had to think and decide, and it was going to be tough doing so. What I was not going to do was be rash in making my decision. Over the next days I would be acting much the same as usual except for the intimacy part. But we’d get along, talk a little about things, but not those things. No, not those things.

She came to work a little early. She had the car as usual; I’d be taking it to go home. She ordered her usual “before work” coffee and sat watching me. I smiled at her, but we did not immediately say anything to each other.

She stopped me a few minutes later putting her cup down. Henry was just then coming in the door.

“So, how are we doing?” she said. I smiled and greeted Henry. She turned and saw him. I think she knew I was momentarily changing the subject. She didn’t press the issue.

“I talked to the two of them about the state of things in the bar. Leona had had the day off; well, it was Monday.

“So, you gonna pick me up tonight?” she said. She was serious.

“Yes, of course,” I said, and I smiled. I didn’t kiss her goodbye. She was getting the message. She’d finally figured out that I was still thinking about her betrayal, and she was certain, I knew she was certain, that that was exactly what I considered it was, a betrayal—another one, and this time by her.

It seemed to me like, whenever I had me a fiancée, I lost her. First there was Ava, lost to the money man. Next was Angel, lost to cancer. Now it was Marian, also lost to money, like Ava. I couldn’t win.

Henry came up to her just as she was slipping off of her stool and coming around the bar to put her apron on. She handed me the car keys.

“Looks like you and yours are having a bit of a tiff,” he said, his eyebrows were raised.

“Hmm, you could say that, but I’m hopeful,” she said.